


Friends Forever

by catfishCaper



Series: something familiar, something lost [1]
Category: Brave (2012), Homestuck, How to Train Your Dragon (2010), Rise of the Guardians (2012), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Anxiety, Betrayal, Community: rotg_kink, F/M, Gen, Grimdark, Mentions of Infertility, Multi, OCs abound sorry about that, Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons, beheading in chapter 42, beheading now also in chapter 46!, complete and total disregard for the rules of Sprites, i don't want any spoilers here, i'll add more stuff as it comes, it says major character death but they immediately come back to life nbd, well at least the first time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-20
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-26 03:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 48
Words: 84,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/646257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catfishCaper/pseuds/catfishCaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fill for this prompt on the RotG kink meme: http://rotg-kink.dreamwidth.org/1511.html?thread=1404391#cmt1404391</p><p>In which Jack, Merida, Hiccup, and Rapunzel play a computer game that destroys the world. It's okay, though--they have the chance to make a new one. But that's only if they win.</p><p>(a Homestuck AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 21st of December, is this young man’s best friend’s birthday. Though it was thirteen and a half years ago he was given life, it is only today he—

Wait. _Best friend’s_ birthday?

Our mistake. _This_ boy doesn’t belong here, at least not now. It is his best friend that is the focus of _this_ chapter.

Sorry, other boy. You don’t matter—at least, not yet. In the future, though, you’ll have a _lot_ of potential to live up to.

Here’s the main character!

He too is standing in his bedroom. It is reflective of his various interests, the most apparent being WINTER SPORTS and THINGS FROM NEW ZEALAND. Especially SHEEP. Gosh, does he love sheep. You can even see his authentic SHEPHERD’S CROOK leaning against the wall behind him.

He quickly stores the CROOK away in his strife specibus. What was it even doing out?

He also has a PET BUNNY in a cage on his dresser, next to some TRADITIONAL MAORI DOLLS. At least the guy at the flea market _said_ they were Maori. Who cares?

This boy is the main character, and his name is JACK ~~FROST~~ BLACK.

Oh, how he wishes it were Frost...sadly, his dad won’t let him change it. _Does his dad know how many Kung Fu Panda and_ _School_ _of_ _Rock_ _jokes he suffers at the hands of his peers every day? Does he?_

Obviously not. Normally Jack would be up to something SUPER FUN, like playing with the neighbor kids Jamie and Sophie, or pranking his dad. And sure, he’s got lots of fun stuff like that planned, but it is his BIRTHDAY and he has PRESENTS to open!

Our present to him will be control of the narrative. Here you go, Jack, and happy birthday!

Jack wasn’t sure what just happened. One minute he was standing in his room, the next, he was…standing in his room. Nothing changed, but something still felt a little different?

He decided not to dwell on it. The mail had just come, and he saw three packages he _knew_ were for him. His dad wasn’t even home, so he could get them no problem!

He was just about to leave his room to go get the boxes when he saw one of his friends was pestering him.

\-- draconianBlacksmith [DB] began pestering snowBalling [SB]\--

DB: jack!  
DB: jack, you there?  
DB: i just wanted to know if you got my package  
DB: that's okay, just keep ignoring me  
DB: not like it doesn't happen all the time  
SB: dude calm down  
DB: oh there you are  
DB: i was starting to think you joined everyone else i know in the "just ignore him maybe he'll go away" group  
SB: well i was sent a facebook invite  
SB: but half the people there had names like snot and booger and i was like actually your name is kind of normal compared to this  
DB: i actually have a cousin named snotlout  
SB: no  
DB: that's the one who keeps hitting on astrid in front of me  
SB: that jerk  
DB: like dude i love you we're cousins i have to but that is my girlfriend  
DB: i'll set toothless on you  
SB: yeah thatll teach him  
DB: you're being sarcastic again, aren't you?  
SB: took you a lot less time than usual  
DB: i've been working on it  
SB: did you want to ask me something  
DB: oh yeah did you get my package?  
DB: it's in the green box  
SB: i was just about to  
DB: well don't let me keep you  
DB: tell me what you think later  
SB: yeah i will

\-- snowBalling [SB] ceased pestering draconianBlacksmith [DB]\--

Jack closed the chat and glanced out the window to see if his dad was still gone. The long, black car of his father was absent, but there was a yellow Mini Cooper on the street that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. A few seconds later, the doorbell rang.

Jack honestly didn’t know why that guy bothered. He had a key. He could just let himself in, but no, he was far too polite for that.

Jack ran out of his room, slid down the banister to the first floor, and opened the door for the man who had rung the doorbell. “Uncle Sandy, come on in.”

His uncle grinned and handed him a box wrapped in bright yellow paper. “Oh, thanks! You didn’t have to get me anything.” Sandy dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand. They were family! Family got each other gifts. “Well, I really do appreciate it, so thanks. Can you hold on? My friends sent me some stuff and I just need to go grab it.” Sandy nodded, and Jack stored the package away in his fetch modus before dashing outside to the mailbox, which had three packages of various colors sitting around it. He put them in his modus and checked the mail.

_Thebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetathebetawasthere!_

Best. Birthday. Ever.

He was about to put it in his fetch modus with the rest of his stuff when he saw his father’s sleek, black car turning the corner to their street.

No time to figure out his modus. Jack had to abscond _now._

He stuffed the beta copies in the pocket of his hoodie and ran back into the house. He accidentally bumped his Uncle Sandy on the way. “Sorry!” he called back to his slightly miffed uncle as he ran up the stairs to lock himself in his room. “Don’t tell my dad I’m here!” came Jack’s muffled cry.

Sandy rolled his eyes. Right. Oh what was that on the ground?

It looked like a CD sleeve. He picked it up. There was a sky blue spirograph on it with SBURB written beneath it. He raised an eyebrow at it, but he quickly stowed it away in the pocket of his jacket when he heard his brother coming into the house from the back door.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack was just about to retrieve his packages from his sylladex when all of a sudden

A young lady stands in her bedroom. Well, bed _chamber_ would be more accurate. Though it is relatively small compared to some of the other rooms in the HUGE SCOTTISH CASTLE she resides in, it is still very clearly hers, as shown by the VARIOUS MEDIEVAL WEAPONRY strewn about the floor, the HORSERIDING EQUIPMENT on the table by the door, and the BOOKS ON THE FAE hastily shoved under the bed. In addition, there are some CRUMPLED-UP LOVE NOTES sitting in the trash can that her mother continues to deliver though she has no interest in any of the boys they’re from. There is a RATHER EXPENSIVE LAPTOP sitting on the bed that, until just a few minutes ago, she was using to talk to her German friend.

What will she do?

Oh apparently steal the point of view there it goes she has it now.

Merida looked around her room suspiciously. Something wasn’t right before, and now all of a sudden…well, it didn’t matter.

She was feeling pretty pleased with herself at the moment. She had just been talking with one of her friends she’d sent a birthday present to, and apparently it had been well received.

She still hadn’t asked that other friend of hers what _he_ thought of his gift. He hadn’t been online all day. (In his defense, though, he did live six hours away. Still!)

Now would probably be a good time to ask him, actually. And to see if he had the beta. Everyone else had it except him, and they were all starting to get a little impatient.

She hopped onto her bed and pulled her laptop up to her lap. She plugged it in when she saw the 10% battery icon flashing. Oops. She’d been talking with the birthday girl longer than she’d thought.

She opened up Pesterchum. Aha! He was online.

\-- ridingArcher [RA] began pestering snowBalling [SB] \--  
RA: jack!  
RA: you there, jack?  
RA: if you're ignoring me, i swear  
RA: i'll tell everyone we know about the badger thing!  
SB: lets not be too hasty merida  
SB: no one needs to know about the badger thing  
SB: and if anyone finds out about that whos to say they wont hear of  
SB: what were their names  
SB: dingwall  
SB: macintosh  
SB: macguffin  
RA: haha, very funny jack  
SB: i aim to please  
RA: i were joking anyhow  
RA: happy birthday, jack  
SB: thanks  
SB: i just got your package  
RA: open it, ya scunner!  
SB: gimme a sec  
SB: ...  
RA: what do you think?  
SB: how  
SB: why  
RA: just read the note!  
SB: wow merida  
SB: thank you  
SB: i should thank the others now  
RA: wait!  
RA: did you get the beta?  
SB: oh yeah i did  
SB: guess we can play it now huh  
RA: you know  
RA: me and OA have already decided she'll be me server  
RA: and DB wants to be hers  
SB: yes  
SB: i accept your proposition to be your client player  
SB: just let me install it and well be good to go  
RA: aye  
RA: hurry up!  


Jack didn’t respond for a few minutes, but just as Merida was about to ask what was wrong, she got a new message.

SB: stupid old computer  
SB: sorry merida this is gonna take awhile  
SB: you might as well install yours now  
RA: you need a new computer  
SB: you think i dont know that  
SB: ive been asking my dad for months  
SB: oh yeah thats right my dad is home  
SB: hope he doesnt come up here he hates it when i have friends  
RA: jack  
SB: no see i was friends with these english kids  
SB: well one of them insisted she was scottish  
SB: whatever  
SB: their names were amy melody and rory i think  
SB: anyway things were going pretty great like i dont have many friends so i was pretty happy  
SB: then my dad hacked my account and told them to fuck off  
RA: i doubt that  
SB: im just pretty sure he hates joy  
RA: he hates joy  
SB: yeah just happiness in general  
SB: its weird  
SB: anyway i have to go  
SB: i think he wants to wish me a happy birthday  
SB: and simultaneously eat my soul  
RA: fathers dont do that  
SB: maybe yours doesnt  
SB: all mine does is sit in the dark  
SB: he plots my demise in there i just know it  
RA: right, well  
RA: enjoy your gift  
SB: thanks  
SB: talk to you soon  
\--snowBalling[SB] ceased pestering ridingArcher [RA]\--

That Jack. He was _convinced_ his father was out to get him. Merida was almost 100% sure that story about Amy, Rory, and Melody was false.

Merida sighed. She was so booooored. Her dad and brothers were on a hunting trip, and the only ones in the castle were her, her mother, and a handful of servants. And they were all too old or dull as rocks to do anything fun! Especially her mother. She’d probably insist on replying to all the love poems Young MacGuffin had been sending her. She couldn’t even read his handwriting, it was so _sloppy._

She glanced back at her computer screen. To her surprise, it no longer showed her desktop background (a photo of the Scottish highlands), but an unfamiliar house—someone’s bedroom, to be exact.

Wait. Was that her package to Jack sitting on the floor?

It _was._

She tentatively clicked on it and dragged.

It _moved._

A slow grin spread across Merida’s face. She’d have something to do after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Thankfully, Merida became too preoccupied with messing around in Jack’s room to hold onto the point of view any longer. She would probably agree that it should go to the one most in need of it.

All right. A young woman stands in her bedroom. This young woman—wait.

She isn’t there! Where is she, _she is supposed to be standing in her bedroom._

Probably celebrating her birthday with her loved ones. Weird.

Speaking of birthdays and loved ones…

A middle-aged man stands in his living room. Though it seems like it was only yesterday he found him, this man’s son is already turning eighteen today actually you know what this is stupid just give the point of view to Jack.

Jack slunk down the stairs to meet his father and uncle in their monochromatic living room. It would probably be best to just get this encounter over with.

His father was standing imperiously by the fireplace, holding a slim, black-wrapped box in one hand, gesturing at his older brother with the other. When he saw Jack coming down the stairs, he cleared his throat, straightened himself to appear taller, and strode over to his son.

“Jack,” he said.

“Dad,” Jack replied.

They stared at each other for a moment before Jack’s father finally murmured, “Happy eighteenth birthday,” and shoved the gift at his son.

“Wow Dad, I thought the H-word was outlawed in this household,” Jack muttered, taking the surprisingly heavy package.

“A birthday greeting is an exception, of course,” Jack’s dad replied with narrowed eyes.

“Of course,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.

He and his father, both having run out of things to say, stood awkwardly by the foot of the stairs a little while longer before Sandy walked up behind his brother and nudged his arm. “Oh. Yes.” Jack’s dad tentatively wrapped his arms around his so. “Congratulations, Jack. You’re officially a man now.”

Jack was surprised, to say the least. How long had it been since his father had hugged him? The last time he remembered was…when he was eight, and he’d almost drowned in the pond at the park.

He hadn’t been allowed to go ice skating since.

“Thanks, Dad. I, um.” He pulled out of the awkward embrace. “I’m just gonna go upstairs to open this. I’ll tell you what I think later. At dinner or something.”

His dad nodded stiffly. Jack absconded up the stairs.

When he opened the door of his bedroom, he had to duck to avoid a flying curling stone. “Whoa!”

The whole room was in disarray. His posters were ripped or on the floor, his bed was upside-down, and Bunny, his pet bunny, was nowhere to be seen. “What is going on?”

He checked his computer to see if it was okay. It seemed to be fine, and it looked like…the beta had installed? And Merida was pestering him.

\-- ridingArcher [RA] began pestering snowBalling [SB] \--

RA: first of all  
RA: i think i should apologize  
RA: i did not mean for that to happen to your bed  
RA: or to most of your other things  
RA: especially your rabbit  
RA: i don't even understand what i'm doing, i swear!  
SB: i  
SB: merida  
SB: i think  
SB: this is gonna sound crazy, but  
SB: i think this is the game  
SB: it  
SB: i mean i heard about stuff like this happening  
SB: like on gamefaqs, theres this weird old walkthrough by tentacletherapist or something  
SB: they talk about this kind of stuff happening in the game  
SB: i just didnt believe it  
RA: jack that is crazy  
SB: no just  
SB: trust me on this  
SB: lets just figure this out before you kill something  
RA: oh  
RA: well  
RA: about that


	4. Chapter 4

==> Chapter 4 

RA: i swear i didn't mean to  
SB: mean to what  
RA: i am so, /so/ sorry  
SB: for what  
SB: merida  
SB: merida what did you do

Things look pretty intense in there. Why don’t we leave Jack and the blood on his floor for a while?

A young woman stands in her bedroom. (She wasn’t there earlier like she was supposed to be, but now that she’s here we’re going to properly introduce her, gosh darnit!) She was named many years ago by her mother, and the name she was given was RAPUNZEL GOTHEL.

She was born with a full head of LUSCIOUS GOLDEN HAIR, which was pretty weird, but after a while it fell out and grew in BROWN. Her room is decorated with so much FUN STUFF we can only name a few things, like SCATTERED PAINTBRUSHES, stacks of NOVELS and COOKBOOKS, a SEWING KIT next to a KNITTING BAG in the corner, and who could forget her pet chameleon, PASCAL, or her TRUSTY FRYING PAN? Additionally, there is a PHOTO on the bedside table of a certain YOUNG MAN SHE LOVES VERY MUCH. There are CANVASES hanging on the wall that are all her own work, which has recently been based off the strange dreams she’s been having of a royal purple planet, black carapaces, and the whispers of many-tentacled creatures she has never seen but knows are out there, just beyond the inky blackness of the space around the violet planet. She doesn’t actually know if they have tentacles because she’s never seen them, but for some reason it seems like they should. That’s just what feels…right about them.

Today is her eighteenth birthday, which means she is now officially a woman. Of course, that doesn’t really mean anything in the eyes of her mother, who would prefer Rapunzel stay with her all her life.

You poor girl. You really deserve the POV, don’t you?

Rapunzel looked over at her chameleon. “Today’s the day, Pascal. Today I’m telling Mother I’m moving out.” She sighed. “I just hope she takes it well…”

She probably wouldn’t. Rapunzel’s mom was…attached, to put it lightly. She barely allowed _talking_ to Eugene, and moving in with him? She’d probably have a heart attack!

Oh, was moving out even a good idea? Sure, she loved him, and he loved her, but he was having trouble holding down a job what with his inability to listen to any kind of authority, and Rapunzel was still in school and was going to art college in the fall, and she was only 18, was it really wise?

It was move out and face the world and its horrors with Eugene, or stay at home with Mother…

Eugene. Any day.

And Mother would just have to deal with that.

At least her friends all supported her, in their own ways. Merida had told her she should just move out, no bargaining whatsoever, and to be strong. She’d even sent a sword as her birthday gift.

(How it had gotten through customs, Rapunzel really didn’t want to know.)

The boys hadn’t been so extreme in their support. Jack just told her to “stick it to the man,” whatever that meant. It was probably a joke that didn’t translate right to German. Her other friend told her to be careful. Pfft, that guy was way too cautious. What was her mom going to do, lock her in her room with no chance of escape forever?

But nothing was going to get done just standing around thinking about it. She’d put it off long enough—it was almost midnight. She was going to go tell her mom immediately and wouldn’t let any distractions get in the way oh someone was pestering her.

Well, she had to answer that. It would be rude not to, and she didn’t want to leave her friend hanging.

Oh, that wasn’t one of her friends. That was…someone else entirely.

 

\-- joyousMano [JM] began pestering ostentatiousArtist [OA] \--

JM: it won't work!!!!  
JM: hehehehe!!!!  
OA: What are you talking about?  
OA: And I thought I blocked you!  
JM: yoooou can't block meeee!!!!  
OA: Ugh.  
OA: What do you want, anyway?  
JM: you think she'll take it okay????  
JM: wrong!!!!  
OA: Way to be supportive!  
OA: Sheesh, what have I ever done to you?  
JM: nothing!!!!  
JM: yet....  
OA: What are you even talking about?  
OA: How did you even know I was going to tell my mom I was moving out?  
OA: I know I didn't tell you.  
JM: hahahaha!!!!  
JM: you'll find out soon!!!!

\-- joyousMano [JM] ceased pestering ostentatiousArtist [OA] \--

Those stupid trolls! They were always saying things to annoy her and her other friends too. Merida always got angry at them, she knew, one of them had told her. Jack said they didn’t really bother him, that they were just like little kids.

 _Rude_ little kids, Rapunzel thought.

He/she had no idea what he/she was talking about, anyway! Rapunzel’s mom would totally be fine with it, once she understood what it meant to her and how sure she was everything would be okay.

She could not have been more wrong.

“You want to move _out?”_ her mother asked, horrified.

“Well, that is kinda what I just said,” Rapunzel replied, looking everywhere but at her mother.

“But Rapunzel, you’re so young! That is a big decision.” Her mother put her hands on her hips.

“I have given this _so_ much thought, Mother—”

“Are you not happy here at home?” her mother asked worriedly.

“No, it’s just—“

“Haven’t I always given you _everything_ you’ve ever wanted?” she continued.

“Well, you have, but—“

Her eyes narrowed. “Did that _boy_ put you up to this? I knew he was trouble the moment I saw him—“

“Mom, I’m 18 now, I think I can make my own decisions—“

“Only 18! And _barely_ 18 at that—“

“Eugene is 26, though, Mother, and he already has his own apartment—“

“An _apartment?_ Well, _that_ changes everything!” Rapunzel’s mother said sarcastically, throwing her hands up in the air.

“Mother,” Rapunzel said, trying the calm approach, “I love Eugene, and I am an adult now. I am legally allowed to make this kind of decision.”

This only made her mother angrier. “Rapunzel, if you continue to try to push this nonsense onto me, I will have no choice but to—“

“To what? Lock me in my room?” Rapunzel asked.

“If that’s what you want!” Her mother’s arm shot out and grabbed Rapunzel’s wrist. “And you won’t come out until I say so, and you will certainly _never_ see that boy again!” She dragged her daughter up the stairs, ignoring her protests. “When you are ready to apologize for your insolence, feel free to let me know.” She threw open Rapunzel’s door, forced her in, then slammed it shut and locked it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: slight death in this chapter? Well it's not on-screen but it is an animal (mild spoilers sorry) and if that kind of thing disturbs you skip the second half of the second pesterlog! And you should be okay.

Rapunzel pounded on the door. “Mother! Let me out! Mother!” There was no answer. “Mother!”

It was no use. There was no way her mother was going to let her out until she apologized. and that was never going to happen.

It was a perfectly reasonable request! Mother’s response was the inappropriate one.

She needed to vent. She sat down in her spinny desk chair and opened her laptop.

\-- ostentatiousArtist [OA] began pestering snowBalling [SB] \--  
OA: Jack, I need to talk to you.  
SB: sorry punzel  
SB: cant talk now  
OA: Jack, it's important!  
SB: look  
SB: i would love to listen to you complain about your mom all day  
SB: but i am very busy right now  
SB: sorry  
\-- snowBalling [SB] ceased pestering ostentatiousArtist [OA] –

Whoa. What was his problem? Did he have a bad birthday or something?

Well, Merida was online. She’d listen.

\-- ostentatiousArtist [OA] began pestering ridingArcher [RA] \--  
OA: Merida, can I talk to you?  
RA: er  
RA: well i'm a bit busy but  
RA: go  
OA: You're busy too?  
OA: I was just talking to Jack, he seemed really...  
OA: Well he said he was busy too, but he was also being kind of rude.  
RA: there may be a reason behind that  
OA: What do you mean?  
RA: no, no, you go first  
RA: you wanted to tell me something?  
OA: Yeah, but...  
RA: just say it!  
OA: Well, I told my mom I was going to move out with Eugene.  
RA: how did that go?  
OA: Um...  
OA: Badly, to say the least!  
RA: did you use the sword i sent you?  
OA: I wasn't going to threaten my mother with a sword!  
RA: so that's a no  
OA: Yes!  
RA: so you did?  
OA: No!!  
RA: then why did you say you did?  
OA: I didn't  
OA: Okay, /anyway/, she took it really badly.  
RA: how badly?  
OA: I'm kind of locked in my room until further notice.  
OA: Or at least "until I'm ready to apologize for my insolence.  
RA: you should have used the sword!  
OA: I wasn't going to  
OA: Whatever.  
OA: Something happened with Jack?  
RA: er, yes  
RA: it started when we got the beta installed  
RA: i realized i could move things in his room  
OA: What?  
RA: just listen!  
RA: i got a little crazy  
RA: i flipped his bed upside down  
RA: i don't know how he didn't hear it, he was just downstairs  
RA: must have really thick floors  
RA: anyway his rabbit's cage was on the bedside table, but when the bed dropped it fell off  
RA: it landed sideways so i let the poor thing out so it could hop around  
OA: Okay, continue?  
RA: when i dropped the bed it knocked his lamp too  
RA: i wasn't paying attention and it fell off the table  
RA: landed on the rabbit  
OA: Oh, no.  
RA: broke his neck and shattered, cut him open  
OA: Merida.  
RA: i killed him  
RA: i killed his bunny  
OA: Merida, it wasn't your fault.  
OA: It was an accident!  
RA: he told me once that rabbit was his only friend besides us and his neighbors  
RA: i killed it!  
RA: i killed his friend  
OA: It was an accident, Merida!  
RA: i know that  
RA: but  
OA: And I'm sure Jack knows that too, and he's just upset Bunny is dead and you're the easiest person to blame.

Rapunzel wasn’t sure she believed what Merida was saying about the game letting her play around with Jack’s stuff, but she wasn’t the kind of girl to lie. Rapunzel needed proof.

She opened Hephaestus, her web browser, and googled “sburb.” There were a few reviews, mostly on obscure blogs, but the hit that looked the most promising was a playthrough on GameFAQs by someone with the username tentacletherapist. 

The weird thing was, the playthrough was from two and a half years ago, but Rapunzel focused less on that little time anomaly and more on the contents. 

God, it was dense, but Rapunzel pressed on and figured out the writer was in the same boat as Merida, able to manipulate her client player’s environment through her computer. 

The writing slowly became more troubling as tentacletherapist hypothesized playing the game summoned meteors that would land where the players lived, but that playing was also the only way to be safe from these collisions. 

OA: You're still playing the game, right?  
RA: what does that have to do with anything?  
OA: I'm reading this walkthrough, and...  
OA: I don't know.  
OA: I have a bad feeling about this, that's all.  
OA: Um, according to this, there should be stuff you can put in his room under a tab at the top of the screen.  
OA: You should hurry with that, if what this says is true.  
RA: what?  
OA: Just do it!  
OA: I'll send you a link, you can read it yourself.

She sent the walkthrough to Merida. Honestly, the whole thing sounded like nonsense, except there had been reports from around the world of small meteors crashing to Earth.

Better to be safe than sorry, right? Even if the whole situation was bonkers. 

She just hoped Jack would continue playing with Merida. If he didn’t… 

Best not to think about it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know those machines at the beginning of Homestuck that are supposed to get you into the game? They're here. Have fun remembering what they are!

The thing was, Jack didn’t _want_ to keep playing with Merida. He wanted to lay down on his bed and cry, or go snowboarding with Uncle Sandy, or something else to take his mind off what happened.

Bunny had been placed back on his cage, which was back on the nightstand. Jack had carefully picked the bigger shards of glass from the lamp out of his fur. He’d figure out what to do with him later.

Merida had been messaging him apologies every few minutes but he’d been ignoring her. This just…this wasn’t something you could apologize for. She didn’t understand. She’d never had someone close to her die before. Just because it was a pet this time didn’t make it any easier.

His packages, which he had taken out of his sylladex earlier, floated slowly to his spot in the corner and dropped to the ground gently. Orange, green, lavender, yellow, black. The orange one was already open, but the others were still sealed. He grabbed the lavender one and tore it open.

Inside was a painting of him and his three internet friends in the snow, having a snowball fight. He and Rapunzel on one side, their other friends on the other. It came with a letter written in purple ink.

_Dear Jack, _

_First of all, happy birthday! It’s the big eighteen! Woo! We’re both adults now, isn’t it great? And what a weird coincidence it’s on the same day, huh? Second: I hope you like your birthday present. It took forever to get the show right. Also, this s why I wanted your picture, so I could paint you right. Mystery solved! I hope I did your handsome face justice. I can’t believe you actually dyed your hair white, though! _

_Well, I hope you’ve been having a good birthday. Don’t let your dad’s doom and gloom get you down. (Like anything could upset you. Except badgers, what is that about?) _

_Love, _

_Rapunzel_

_PS: The painting’s title is “Friends Forever.” Because we will be! I just know it._

It really was a beautiful painting. She’d gotten the reflections on the snow perfect. There was some amazing background scenery, too—royal purple towers on his and Rapunzel’s side, golden towers behind the opposition.

But that title, “Friends Forever,” it was…well, could it even hold up any more?

He put the painting and letter back in the box and pushed it to the side. He pulled the gift from his uncle over and opened it.

Oh man it was that awesome hoodie he’d been wanting! Uncle Sandy always pulled through for stuff like presents. He took off his brown sweatshirt and put the new azure one on in its place. Oh, it was perfect.

He placed the yellow box aside and reached for his father’s black package when something large and heavy landed where his bed had been only seconds ago.

Jack scrambled to his feet. What was that huge thing?

It was a big square machine with tiny screens on the sides and a big tube with a hatch on top sticking out of the middle. He ran to his computer.

SB: what the hell merida  
SB: what is that thing  
SB: where is my bed  
SB: what are you doing to my house  
RA: jack on thank god  
RA: you're back  
SB: yeah and im still mad  
SB: and answer my questions  
RA: jack  
SB: MERIDA  
RA: okay fine  
RA: that is a cruxtruder  
RA: i don't know what it does yet but we probably shouldn't touch it  
RA: your bed's outside  
SB: outside?!?!  
RA: where else was i supposed to put it  
SB: not outside?!  
RA: look it's not like this is easy!  
RA: rapunzel told me i should put it all in your living room but your dad's still in there  
RA: i have to make do!  
SB: well stop throwing away my stuff  
RA: here  
RA: i'll put the...totem lathe in your bathroom

First Jack heard a crash around the top of his stairs, then another in the bathroom. He opened his bedroom door and looked out into the hallway.

Well, there was his bathtub, blocking the stairs. He checked the bathroom.

There was a weird machine with a sharp bit and some wheels. It was long and strangely shaped and Jack was not amused.

RA: i'll put the alchimeter...  
RA: in the guest room?  
RA: no there's stuff in there is it your uncle's?  
RA: how about  
RA: uh  
RA: jack why is your house so small!  
SB: sorry  
SB: not all of us live in castles  
SB: ugh just put it in the guest room  
RA: no there's an empty room here!  
RA: well there's some boxes but i can move them  
SB: NO  
SB: THE GUEST ROOM  
RA: fine!  
RA: jeez  
RA: i'll move your uncle's stuff to the other room  
SB: good  
RA: i don't have to do this, y'know!  
RA: i could just let you get hit by a meteor  
SB: what are you talking about  
RA: never mind!  
RA: okay i deployed the alchimeter  
SB: okay  
SB: thats nice  
RA: look  
RA: i'm sorry your bunny is dead  
RA: okay?  
RA: i didn't mean for it to happen!  
SB: oh my god  
SB: i do not want to talk about this right now  
SB: at least not with you

Stupid Merida. She had _no_ tact! Maybe he was being a little rude, _maybe_ , but could she blame him? Friggin’ Merida!

He kicked the big square machine, the cruxtruder, Merida called it. The hatch opened up and a glowing circle flew out, along with an navy blue cylinder. The screens on the sides started a countdown from 12:21. Though he didn’t know it yet, these things were all very bad.

\---

(Also, Jack’s foot hurt like a _bitch_. That was bad too.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's kind of boring sorry  
> there is important stuff though so it can't really be skipped!

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…” Okay so maybe he shouldn’t have kicked the cruxtruder. That was a stupid decision in every on what was that glowy floaty circle thing next to the tube?

It bobbed up and down at him. It also appeared that the hatch was open, oh, and there was a countdown, at about 12 minutes. And what was that blue thing on the ground?

Merida would know, he thought, but he ignored himself.

The glowy circle floated over to Bunny’s cage. “What are you doing?” Jack wondered.

Merida was urgently messaging him. Jack still didn’t want to talk to her but…

RA: jack!  
RA: jack jack jack!  
RA: this is actually important!  
RA: i can't explain why now but a meteor is going to hit your house in eleven minutes  
RA: well, give or take  
RA: unless you do exactly as i say  
SB: but if i do what you say you might end up killing me  
RA: shut up  
RA: look, see that blue thing by the cruxtruder?  
RA: pick it up

Jack rolled his eyes but captchalogued the strange blue thing.

RA: i'm going to drop a prepunched card for you by your computer too  
RA: take it with the cruxite dowel  
RA: the blue thing  
RA: to the totem lathe in your bathroom  
RA: i'm going to throw something in the kernelsprite  
RA: which is the floating circle, by the way

A prepunched captcha card landed gently on the table beside him. It had holes in it, but it looked like…some kind of tube? He picked it up and headed to the bathroom. At least he wouldn’t be able to hear his computer going off from there. Meanwhile, Merida was looking around Jack’s room for something to throw into the kernelsprite. But there wasn’t really anything interesting, just bobsledding posters and Maori dolls. Or were they Australian? Whatever.

Her eyes were drawn to the cage on the table with Jack’s dead pet in it. The poor thing. Maybe she could…

Well, it was worth a shot!

She pulled the rabbit out of the cage and chucked it into the kernelsprite.

Jack picked up the carved cruxite dowel and carried it down to the guest room. It was weirdly heavy. He kicked open the door, pointedly ignoring the room with the locked door across the hall.

The alchimeter had a pedestal on its side the perfect size for the cruxite dowel Jack was carrying. He slid it on, trying to position it perfectly in the middle. A robotic arm came out and scanned it, and in a puff of smoke, a little blue tube appeared in the center of the alchimeter.

He picked it up. It was cool and light, and there was a little screw on its side that blended in so well it was barely noticeable.

What was he supposed to do with it?

“Open it!”

Jack spun around at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. There, now right in front of him, was strange floating creature, as blue as the tube in his hand. But the weirdest thing about it was its face.

It looked just like Bunny.

(Meanwhile, the countdown on the cruxtruder patiently ticked on. Four minutes and counting.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> verah important chapta! (there is stuff that is also heavily implied in this chapter and i welcome you to read into it--really i do!)

“Bunny!” Jack shouted.

“Yes?” Bunnysprite replied.

“Why-why are you alive?” Jack asked. “You died, and you were in the cage, what-what happened?”

“The game is much more powerful and mysterious than you think, Jack! Resurrection is practically nothing.” Bunny pawed at his ears. “You have to hurry and open that, Jack, or you’ll die. And Uncle Sandy and Dad too,” Bunny continued sadly.

Jack examined the little blue tube. “Is there something inside?”

“The most important thing of _all_ , Jack.”

“What is it?” He looked back up, but Bunny had disappeared.

Jack rubbed his thumb over the rivet in the screw. He would need a screwdriver to open it, but the tub was blocking the stairs, and all the hardware stuff was in the garage.

Wait. No. His dad had decided to change the light switch covers in the room across the hall. There was a screwdriver in there. But going in there was out of the question. It would be a…trying experience. Plus the door was locked, so how would he even get in?

He went back to his room to explain the situation to Merida. So they’d lost the game. No big deal, right?

Something in his bedroom window caught his eye. He looked outside. Was that…a _meteor_ heading toward his house? _Straight_ toward his house?

SB: unlock the room with the boxes

He refused to die. Of all days, not to _day_. Even if it meant going in that room.

RA: got it

\---

Merida, after the mishap with Bunny, had moved her laptop to the large desk under the window, moving aside her bow that she’d been preparing to restring to make room. She’d since figured out how to better use the controls; unlocking the door Jack asked for was no problem.

The problem was Jack. He wouldn’t open the door. His hand was on the handle, but he wasn’t turning it, and they only had a minute and a half left. He needed to man up and open the damn door! Or she would do it for him.

What was so scary about it, anyway? It was a room full of dusty boxes. The walls were pink and the curtains were a bit on the frilly side, yes, but that wasn’t _frightening_.

One minute. That was it, she was opening the door…and Jack was already inside, holding the blue tube and a screwdriver. The kernelsprite was nowhere to be seen. Strange little animal. She’d always preferred bears, personally, like the big stuffed black bear in the great hall her dad called Mor’du. 

Twenty seconds. Jack was struggling with the screwdriver and Merida was about to bash her head in. How hard was it to unscrew a stupid tube?

Ten seconds. The screw was out and Jack was prying the side off the tube.

Five seconds. He almost had it…

With but a second to spare, Jack pulled the plastic plate off the side of the tube. A bright light shone from within, engulfing Jack, then the room, then the whole house, pulling them out of the meteor’s path and dropping them somewhere new entirely.

Jack was in the game.

\---

Inside the tube was a small capsule, and inside the capsule was a tiny photograph of four people—a family. Jack’s family.

He captchalogued it for safety. It was something he didn’t want to lose at any cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also when Jack says "of all days not today" that is connected with the heavy implications I was making earlier c:


	9. Chapter 9

The bathtub being dropped at the top of the stairs was what alerted Jack’s father to the fact that something strange was going on in his house, but it wasn’t until he was temporarily blinded and found himself somewhere that was most certainly _not_ Burgess, Pennsylvania that he grew properly worried. After all, that bathtub was practically nothing compared to the famous badger incident. Why should he be concerned about that?

But when it was suddenly storming outside where it had been sunny (albeit snowy) only seconds ago, well, that was something completely different.

His brother was confused as well and suggested they go outside to see what was going on.

He threw open his back door to see that his house and land had been ripped from the ground and deposited in the middle of a lake. Waves lapped on the edge of the backyard as rain fell in sheets. He quickly closed the door, but not before a little black creature with bunny ears was able to scurry in.

Sandy picked up the broom leaning on the wall and whacked the creature with it. It disappeared and in its place a blue Gusher-like item appeared.

“This doesn’t appear to be one of Jack’s usual pranks,” Jack’s father said. Sandy nodded in agreement. “Perhaps we should go check on him.”

Unfortunately, not only was the tub blocking the stairs, the living room was full of the little black imps.

Jack’s father and uncle immediately covered each other’s backs. “I’ll take the ones on the left, you take the ones on the right?”

\---

Jack found Bunny back in his room. “Hey.”

“Hi Jack! You got in the game! Nice job!”

“Uh, thanks, I guess.”

“There’s still more you have to do before you start exploring your land, though!”

“Like what?”

“Like—”

Suddenly Bunny broke into three copies of himself—one white, one blue, one black. The white and black copies flew out the window to who-knew-where.

“—my second prototyping!” Bunny finished happily without skipping a beat.

Jack blinked, trying not to focus on what just happened. “What?”

“When your friend threw me into the kernelsprite, she did my first prototyping, but I need two to be complete,” explained Bunny.

“I just throw something in you?” Jack clarified.

“Uh-huh! Anything you want.”

Jack knew immediately what he wanted to add. After all, if he could bring Bunny back, couldn’t he reanimate someone else too?

And then his family would be whole again. Him, his father, Uncle Sandy, and…

“Let’s go downstairs. The thing I wanna use is down there.” In a pretty little urn on the mantle, right next to all the stuff Uncle Sandy brought back from his travels.

Bunny followed him down the hall and lifted the bathtub to unblock the stairs. The living room was full of blue and purple…Gushers?...and black drops that disappeared when Jack touched them.

“Those are grist,” Bunny supplied. “You need it to build. Build build build!”

“Where’d it come from?”

“Someone’s been killing imps! You should be the one to do that so you can level up, but don’t look an Easter Bunny in the basket.”

“Someone…my dad? Uncle Sandy?”

“I have no idea! I’ve been with you, remember?”

“Where are they now, I wonder?” muttered Jack. Well, he could worry about that later. Right now he had to, uh, desecrate some remains.

As long as nothing screwed it up.

He plucked the urn off the mantle and screwed the top off. Or, _tried_ to screw the top off. Stupid Dad, getting the lid welded on so the ashes wouldn’t dump out accidentally. He banged it angrily on the mantle, shaking its display.

“What’s in there?” Bunny asked, floating up next to Jack to peer at the urn.

“Emma Black,” Jack replied. He banged the urn on the mantle again, more halfheartedly this time. The other things on the mantle trembled again, including a boomerang which had been balanced far too precariously.

“Who?”

“My sister. And I can’t get this stupid thing open!” Jack exclaimed. He hit the mantle for the third time.

The boomerang, which had been on the verge of falling before, finally tumbled off the mantle and into Bunnysprite.

There was a flash of light, and when Jack looked over at Bunny, he was suddenly taller, covered in strange swirling markings, and was wearing a leather sash with a boomerang hanging off the back.

“Bunny, you’re…”

Bunny twitched. “That’s Bunnymund to you, Jack. E. Aster Bunnymund.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo who caught that rotg reference I made in here  
> (not counting the obvious, of course)  
> (also there is a reason I am referring to Jack's dad as such and not as Pitch-I mean, what kind of name is Pitch? He has a real name, but saying it is spoilers :))  
> (betcha can't guess Jack's land's name)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sort of disappointed with this chapter, for some reason. :( It seems kind of boring to me? I bet you guys will like it though, for one very obvious and specific reason.

Bunny was Australian.

_Bunny_ was _Australian._

_Bunny was Australian?!_

The ensuing shock and horror at Bunny’s ethnic transformation was powerful enough to take the point of view not only away from Jack, but from his entire planet, the Land of Lakes and Storms. It took the point of view and tossed it away not only through space but also back in time a few hours to a remote village in Norway, a village known as Berk. 

A young man stands in his bedroom. We’ve seen him here before, but only briefly, when he was caught sneakily stealing the point of view away from his best friend. Finally, though, his turn has properly come. 

The young man’s bedroom is not very big, partly because his father thinks a tiny room builds CHARACTER, but mostly because he lives in a PRETTY SMALL HOUSE. There’s a BED shoved into the corner along with a CHEST OF DRAWERS, and a WORKTABLE and WORKBENCH where he does all sorts of WORK, mostly of the ENGINEERING variety. There’s a LAPTOP that’s A FEW YEARS OLD but STILL WORKS WELL ENOUGH, except for when it randomly STOPS WORKING (which is actually sort of OFTEN) sitting on the table. The walls are covered in DESIGNS for all sorts of COOL although MAYBE A LITTLE ECCENTRIC MACHINES. There are two CHAIRS at the table, but one of them seems A BIT OUT OF PLACE, like it belongs in a DINING ROOM and not a BEDROOM. The young man certainly does have some eccentricities, and his name is just one of them. That name is HICCUP (THE HORRENDOUS) HADDOCK III, even though he is the first HICCUP HADDOCK that anyone can remember. Also, he was KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING when we came by, so it would probably be polite to give him back his free will. Hiccup, after a brief interlude where he felt he suddenly couldn’t control his thoughts or actions, went back to pacing around his room. Astrid was coming over in like, an hour, and he still didn’t now what to do. He’d already agreed to play that game with his internet friends; maybe they could do that together? 

Was this supposed to be a date? Like, they were dating, at least Hiccup _thought_ they were dating. She was always kissing him and stuff. 

Was she going to kiss him today? Or—oh no—was he going to have to kiss _her_? He really didn‘t want to kiss her if she didn’t want to be kissed. He was very respective of boundaries. 

But what if she _wanted_ him to kiss her and he didn’t? That would also be bad. 

Did all 13-year-olds deal with this? When he asked his friends, they all said no. Jack apparently had “droves of admirers” (yeah right) as a 13-year-old, but he was only interested in his rabbit ( completely non-sexually, of course! he always tacked on like he could hear Hiccup snickering all the way in Norway) and winter sports. He told Hiccup to try asexuality some time. Hiccup didn’t comment. 

Merida just complained about how when _she_ was 13 her mom kept setting suitors on her. She told him very firmly to make sure it wasn’t a date set up by their parents before trying anything, because unwanted attention from gross and sweaty teen boys was the worst. Not that he was gross or sweaty, of course! 

And Rapunzel…well, 13-year-old Rapunzel’s romantic issues were all about waiting until it was _legal_ for her boyfriend to be her boyfriend. But Eugene was always fine with waiting, she said happily. Probably so he could escape being called a pedophile, but the love was there! 

Hiccup’s friends weren’t always the best role models. 

And of course, Toothless couldn’t even talk. Though the fact he was a dragon and immortal meant he was wise beyond measure, all that wisdom meant nothing if he couldn’t communicate it. 

He couldn’t even be bothered to come out and met his friends or family. So he was a big, scary, white dragon. That hadn’t stopped him befriending Hiccup! 

Hiccup couldn’t even get him to come in the room when he was videochatting with his internet friends. If only he would, maybe they’d believe he was real. Oh, they _said_ they believed, but he knew they just thought the same as everyone else in Berk—that he was a nice kid, but wasn’t he getting a little _old_ for imaginary friends? 

He’d never tell a soul he thought this, it was too embarrassing. Not even Toothless, because all that would do would get him the cutest little dragon eyes ever that would melt his insides and make him forget there was even an issue in the first place. 

What people—people being his dad, Toothless, and basically everyone else—didn’t get was that even though he was the mayor’s kid—really _because_ he was the mayor’s kid in some respects—,growing up was hard. It was hard and they didn’t understand. 

Well, Astrid and his friends understood. Their reasons—always being the new girl, overprotective parents—might have been different, but they still got it. Maybe that was why they got along so well, why he treasured their friendships so much. 

Which was why he never ignored his friends, no matter how obnoxious (Jack), insensitive (Merida), or excitable (Rapunzel) they could be. 

OA: Hiccup, I need your help.

_Especially_ if they needed him. 

DB: what’s wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _how do I characterize Hiccup why is he the hardest character_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> __sobs


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: very anticlimactic
> 
> (this chapter was a BITCH dear god)  
> (everyone thank GemmaRose because without them this chapter wouldn't be here until like September because I was planning to ignore it all summer until they left me a nice comment)

OA: Okay so Mother wants to know what I want for my birthday.  
DB: and?  
OA: What am I supposed to tell her?  
DB: i think that all really depends on what you want  
OA: What I /want/ is to move out with Eugene.  
OA: I’m 18 now, it’s legal.  
DB: and…?  
OA: Okay, do you really think my mother would let me do that?  
OA: No.  
OA: So what am I supposed to tell her?  
DB: something else?  
OA: Brilliant idea.  
DB: i don’t know!  
DB: what does your mother want to get you?  
OA: I ask for art supplies and stuff usually.  
OA: I guess I’ve had my eye on that pretty velvet underglaze for a while…  
DB: then ask for that!  
OA: But how can I tell her that when it’s not what I really want?  
DB: then tell her you want to move out  
OA: I can’t tell her that!  
DB: so let me get this straight  
DB: you want to move out but she won’t let you, even though you haven’t asked, and you’re not going to ask because you know what she’ll say even though you haven’t asked  
OA: Yes.  
DB: okay  
DB: think about what i just said  
OA: >:(  
OA: Yeah, I get it.  
DB: just  
DB: be careful, okay?  
OA: Pfft, you’re too cautious!  
OA: What’s my mom going to do, lock me in my room with no chance of escape forever?  
DB: i don’t know but “Hiccup!”  
DB: crap  
DB: i gotta go  
DB: astrid’s here early “Are you in your room?”  
OA: Ooh, you got a date?  
DB: no  
DB: yes “I’m coming up!”  
DB: shut up  
“Hiccup?”

Hiccup jumped in surprise. “Astrid!” His arms flailed, knocking several papers off his desk. “Oh! Uh! I’ll just, I’ll just get those…” He reached to the ground to grab the papers, but slipped and fell to the floor.

There was a hand in front of his face. “Done?” Astrid asked.

“You would think so, but you know me,” he replied, taking her hand and pulling himself up, “full of surprises.”

“Not much of a surprise you were on the computer,” she teased.

“I was just talking to Rapunzel! She wants to tell her mom she wants to move out, but she _doesn’t_ want to tell her at the same time, and I forgot to tell her to have a happy birthday, crap.”

“It’s her birthday?”

“Big eighteen. Jack’s too, but he’s not online.”

“We could just both tell her now.” Astrid took a seat next to where Hiccup had been and reopened the chat window. “We can even use the same conversation you were just in, look…”

Hiccup blanched. He didn’t usually care if she looked at his conversations, but the end of the last one was, well, private! (Private meaning about her, obviously.) “No, no no no no, we can, we should open a new one!”

“Too late,” she replied. “Let’s see…oh, what’s this?”

“It’s nothing!” Hiccup waved his hands in front of the screen.

“I…what?” Astrid looked confused.

“Sorry! Sorry, I’m, I’m an idiot, and…” Crap. There went everything.

She frowned. “Are you embarrassed of me?”

It took him a second to register her words. “Wait, _me?_ Embarrassed of _you?_ ”

“Yeah! I mean, if you don’t like me, you can just say so. I don’t want to bother you.”

Hiccup stared at her. “I honestly can’t tell if you’re being serious right now.”

She scowled. “Of course I’m being serious! I mean, I like you, but I guess I can just leave, if that’s what you really want.” She stood and made for the door.

“No! No, wait, you’ve got it all wrong, Astrid. You literally have the opposite of what is going on.”

“Oh?” She crossed her arms. “Explain what’s going on, then.”

“Okay. Um…well, see the thing is, I’ve kind of had a crush on you since you first moved here. So when you kissed me? That was a huge deal. And I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“Well, I just, I thought it wasn’t going to last, I thought you’d get bored, I mean, look at this.” He gestured to himself. “Not exactly prime boyfriend material.”

“You just gestured to all of you.”

“Exactly!” he replied, exasperated.

Astrid rolled her eyes. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“How am I being ridiculous, I’m just telling the truth-!”

“It isn’t the truth, though!” Astrid protested. “The fact is, if anyone in this town is ‘prime boyfriend material,’” she explained, using air quotes and everything, “it’s you. You are one of the nicest, smartest people in this town, and when you talk about yourself like you’re crap—which you do _all the time,_ by the way—it makes me so mad!” She slammed her fist onto Hiccup’s desk and he jumped.

“But—”

“No! I’m not finished! You are a great guy, Hiccup, and you’re only thirteen. And so what if you’re, uh, a little scrawny, it’s not like it’s the eleventh century and we’re all supposed to be _Vikings._ ” She threw her hands in the air. “And who cares if your best friend is a dragon no one else sees or three people you met on the internet? They sound a lot better than most of the people here in Berk.”

Hiccup, for once, didn’t know what to say. Those were pretty much the nicest things anyone had said to him since he was three years old and he had gone to the hospital in Oslo for the last time.

He had to fill the silence, though. He had to say something, _anything!_

“You wanna sleep over?”

Astrid blushed. “What?”

“I mean! Um! I could get a sleeping bag, and you could spend the night here! Do you, is that a thing you would want to do?”

“S-Sure, if your dad and my parents are okay with it, I mean, I don’t see a problem...”

“Great! Yeah! I’ll just, I’ll go ask my dad and you call your parents and we’ll be good! Okay, leaving to do that now.” He slipped out of the room.

This was a great idea. Girls loved sleepovers. Hiccup had never been to one, of course, not even Snotlout’s birthday sleepovers as a kid (they always made him go home in one way or another), but this would be fun.

A few hours later, as he desperately tried to fix his computer after it blue-screened in the middle of his server session with Rapunzel, he realized it was going to turn out to be not very much fun at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate writing Hiccup and Astrid it's so hard  
> from now on no more of either of them  
> this story will only be about Jack, Merida, and Rapunzel  
> there will be no fourth player
> 
>  
> 
> Also that was the most romance you're going to get until something very big and sad which is in the far future, unless Eugene decides to be sappy with Rapunzel, but that doesn't seem very like him
> 
> *insert picture of woman eating salad and laughing here*


	12. Chapter 12

But that is the future. Let us now travel back to the present and the danger our Maid will soon realize she is in.

She watched idly as Jack scurried around his house with his rabbit, searching in vain for his family. If he would only go back to his computer, she would tell him they had left already, but why would he ever cooperate?

She recalled the bunny mentioning something about building. She zoomed out of Jack’s house until she saw an navy blue spirograph in the sky. She figured it might be a portal of some sort. Was that what they were building to?

Merida had never really been about building games. They bored her. Hiccup and Jack were welcome to their Minecraft, she just wasn’t interested. She had always been more of an Assassin’s Creed kind of girl.

But if she didn’t build, what would happen to Jack? She decided to just bear with it until she got into the game herself.

Speaking of which…

RA: hey rapunzel   
RA: i got jack in the game safe and sound   
RA: it was a close call but we did it   
OA: Oh thank goodness!   
OA: I was getting worried, he’s not answering no matter how much I message him.   
RA: he’s too busy to talk to his friends right now, it seems   
RA: at the moment, he’s…hitting strange black imps with a shepherd’s crook   
OA: I…see.   
RA: oh hold on a minute, i need to help him

One carefully dropped sofa later…

RA: back   
OA: What was it you wanted to talk about?   
RA: well, how that jack’s in the game, i figured, it’s my turn, right?   
OA: Yes, and?   
RA: uh   
RA: well you’re supposed to be my server player, right?   
OA: Right, your point?

Merida rolled her eyes.

RA: so, bring me into the game!   
OA: Oh, duh! Of course, yeah, I’ll totally

It had been several minutes since Rapunzel had sent that last message. Merida, bored of waiting, had begun building up Jack’s house while he screwed around with alchemy. Thankfully he remembered to alchemize a smartphone so he could talk on the go.

They’d also started killing bigger and bigger imps. Jack flew through the levels and gladly reaped the spoils, but even as he climbed his echeladder and the new additions to his house, he still could not find his father or uncle on the rainy, gusty planet he’d been sent to. It was all a little disheartening for Jack, but like a god little Knight he refused to give up.

While Jack persevered, though, Merida grew impatient. She wanted to go to a planet that was just for her too! Rapunzel still wasn’t answering her messages. She decided to go get a snack while Jack puzzled out a way to fly to his first gate.

Merida’s room was on the third floor, and the kitchen was all the way in the basement. Why they had to live in such a huge castle was a mystery, as the only answer she’d even gotten were exasperated glares from her parents.

At least the walk there was quiet. Her father and brothers were on a hunting trip and going by the time of night, the servants had all probably left too. (Her mother didn’t believe in live-in servants.) Knowing her mother, she was probably still up weaving, and Merida thanked all the deities she could name when she made it to the kitchen and back with her food unmolested.

There was even a message waiting for her from Rapunzel. She absentmindedly shoved Doritos into her mouth as she read.

OA: Sorry about that   
OA: Eugene snuck in through my window while I was typing and I had to explain the situation   
OA: I have the server disc installed, though, have you got the client disc in yet?   
OA: Merida?   
RA: sorry   
RA: i left to get a snack   
RA: i’ll get right on that client disc

She licked the cheese dust off her fingers and searched around her desk for the disc. She found it, she popped it into the CD tray of her laptop and fired off a quick message to Rapunzel.

RA: it’s in   
RA: i think it’s establishing a connection   
RA: you roighhgkdlhg   
OA: What?   
RA: WHAT WAS THAT   
OA: Uh, I don’t know?   
OA: I live in Germany, you live in Scotland…   
RA: IT SOUNDED LIKE A CRASH AND THEN AN EXPLOSION OR SOMETHING   
OA: I bet something crashed and then proceeded to explode   
RA: shut up   
RA: i’m going to go check it out   
OA: Wait! What about the game?

Merida was unable to read this last message as she had already left her room to investigate. The crash had sounded like it had come from the southernmost tower. She ran there, stopping only to check what the strange red glow she’d glimpsed out a window was.

The south tower was on fire. And caved in? Something must have hit it. Something like…

Apparently the game was more important after all.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance this chapter is short and not very good also not much happens
> 
> It mostly serves to make something that's going to happen in the future much worse ;)

Rapunzel knew she had to keep a level head about this. Yes, meteors were hitting parts of her friend’s home and she had to save her, but she could do it! So what if Eugene was four feet away and getting….bored?

“Blondiiiie. What’s so important about this stupid game anyhow?”

Rapunzel carefully positioned the totem lathe in the room across the hall from Merida’s and ignored her boyfriend. She would explain later.

“Is it that SBURB game you were telling me about?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Uh, I’m a little busy, can’t talk well right now…” There went the alchimeter, into a room with a triple bunk bed. Probably Merida’s brothers’ room.

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll just…read this book,” he answered. “What’s it called…’Diary?’ Is this your diary? I didn’t know you kept one.”

Okay the game could wait.

“Don’t read my diary!” She jumped up out of her computer chair and charged at her boyfriend, who was reading an older entry aloud.

“Dear diary, today I was talking to Merida and she let it slip that she isn’t the aromantic ice queen she tries to pretend to be! She’s got a passion burning in her, and not just for anyone! Yes, diary, she likes—“

“That’s not even what I wrote!” She snatched the book out of his hands. “Don’t ad lib.”

“We both know my way is better than what’s actually there.” Eugene grinned.

“No. It isn’t. That was private! Merida entrusted me with that secret and you broke that trust! In half!” Rapunzel crossed her arms. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Eugene rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sorry. But! IT wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t been playing a computer game.”

Rapunzel gasped. “The game! I still have to deploy the cruxtruder and the prepunched card!” She ran back to her computer.

Eugene groaned and fell back onto the bed.

OA: Everything is deployed, but don’t start the countdown until you absolutely need to!  
OA: Maybe we should plan what we’re putting in your kernelsprite?  
OA: There seems to be a giant model bear in your…  
OA: Great hall…  
OA: Maybe that?  
OA: But how would we make it nice?  
RA: first off  
RA: that is a real stuffed bear carcass  
OA: OH MY GOD  
RA: second  
RA: can we cross that bridge later?  
RA: my house is a bit  
RA: on fire  
RA: at the moment  
RA: i’m going to go ahead and get the cruxtruder open  
OA: Wait there’s more I have to tell you!  
RA: well  
RA: make it quick!  
OA: Um  
OA: Eugene found out :(  
RA: found out?  
OA: About you and…your personal feelings toward a certain someone we know?  
RA: i  
RA: how?!  
OA: He stole my diary!  
OA: He was so fast, like you don’t even know  
OA: Cheetah fast  
RA: okay  
RA: shit  
RA: another meteor hit my house  
RA: i’ll kick your ass later  
OA: Can’t wait to see you either! :)

Now all Rapunzel could do was wait.

She was perfectly confident Merida could get herself into the game, of course. Merida was pretty much the strongest person she knew. Her or Jack. Hiccup…had some growing to do before he was strong.

Yes, Merida would be safe, but what about her? There definitely wasn’t space enough in her room for Hiccup to put all those big machines, and what if her mother found out?

“Blondie, what are you stressing about now?”

She whirled around. She had completely forgotten about Eugene! “Oh!”

“You were doing the thing where you pull at your hair again,” he explained, gesturing to her hands, which she realized were clenched into tight fists in the roots of her soft brown hair.

She dropped her hands to her sides. “I, uh, hadn’t noticed…”

“Come on. What’s wrong?” he asked.

She sighed, got up, and plopped down next to him on her bed. “The game we’re playing…I’m afraid.”

“Afraid? Blondie, it’s a computer game—“”

“That’s killing people all over the world! There’s meteors hitting everywhere!” she cried. “And if I can’t play this game right, one’ll hit us too.”

“But you _can_ do it.” Eugene put a hand on her head and ruffled her hair. “And if you can’t, well, that’s what I’m here for, huh?”

She smiled at him. “Yeah.

“You’ll always be here for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay that's twice I've given hints to Hiccup's god tier title and I hope someone picks up on it this time
> 
> short chapter was short but what are you going to do
> 
> any guesses to who Merida likes? It shouldn't be _that_ hard
> 
> PS my tumblr is [right here](http://www.tsubasaandou.tumblr.com) if you want to talk to me about this story because I would love it if you did I have so much crap planned out for it


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the f word this fic is no longer family-friendly
> 
> Sorry

Merida knew not to waste time like Jack had after opening the cruxtruder. He’d made it in, yes, but only barely! One more second and he would have been ash. Merida refused to come even close.

She checked the positions of all the devices-Rapunzel had put them blessedly close together-and when she felt she was ready, turned the wheel to open the hatch on the cruxtruder.

First came the kernelsprite, red and blinking. It bobbed up and down next to Merida, seeming almost happy to see her. It was followed by a red cruxite dowel, which Merida quickly captchalogued.

Rapunzel had left the prepunched card on the side of the cruxtruder. Merida took it and looked it over, trying to guess what it was for. But the holes blocked too much, and she only had eleven and a half minutes, so she decided to figure out what it was after it was already made.

Next was the totem lathe, where the cruxite dowel was turned from a plain cylinder to a much more stylish cylinder. She recaptchalogued the dowel and went to the alchimeter.

She passed the cruxtruder on the way. Nine minutes. Not bad. 

She fit the modified dowel onto the platform and watched the machine scan it and use it to produce…

Merida wasn’t usually one for swearing---she never knew when her mother might pop out of nowhere and nag at her. But this was an appropriate situation, she thought.

“Fucking—seriously?!”

-

While Merida dashed about, trying to get into the game in a timely manner, Jack was getting ready to go through his first gate. Merida had stopped building and responding to his messages about five minutes before, but Rapunzel reassured him that she was just getting ready to enter herself.

Bunny had disappeared as well, muttering about there being things he needed to take care of on the battlefield. Whatever that meant.

It was just him on top of a now much taller house. Him and a rocket-crook he’d alchemized, which was hovering close to the ground next to him. He hopped on, thanking his freakish balance—he should have gone into gymnastics but apparently that was too social a sport for his father’s tastes, and so that was how he got into winter sports, through snowboarding—and flew off through the navy blue spirograph.

When he was through he found himself on what seemed to be another part of his planet. He was on a sandy lakeshore. In front of him as a relatively small, black lake, but behind him was what seemed to be some kind of village. Apparently he wasn’t alone on his planet. He decided to check it out.

When he saw its inhabitants he was delighted. They were cute little yellow salamanders! They seemed to be very interested in him as well, and it appeared they could talk, though they mostly talked about the land.

“The storms!” they gibbered. “The ancient, never-ceasing storms! We wait for our Knight to banish them with the winds of winter as the prophecy states! And we wait for our Knight to slay the storm-brewer deep beneath the Earth!”

They didn’t exactly say it that coherently or directly to Jack, but he was able to piece it together from their conversation and strange carved stones scattered around the village.

“A Knight, huh?” Sounded nice. And winds of winter? Was he going to have wind powers?

He was being pestered.

\-- gratefulBrownie [GB] began caroling at snowBalling [SB]\--

GB: we’re al11ke, you and 11! :)  
SB: uh  
SB: first of all who are you  
GB: oh!  
GB: th11s must me our f11rst conversat11on on your end  
SB: yeah?  
GB: well jack, let me f11ll you 11n!  
GB: my name 11s Latke and 11 am a hero of Breath just l11ke you!  
SB: hero of breath?  
GB: Breath, not breath  
GB: you are the Kn11ght of the11r Legends, the Kn11ght of Breath  
GB: 11 myself am the Sylph of Breath ;)  
SB: okaaaay  
SB: what did you mean “first conversation on your end?”  
GB: oh! that would be fdasv tgrhb   
SB: ?  
GB: sorry  
GB: my fr11end has 11nformed me that you are not supposed to know that yet   
GB: and that 11 wasn’t supposed to tell you about our god t11ers  
GB: whoops! haha  
SB: wait a second  
GB: ?  
SB: youre one of those trolls, aren’t you?  
GB: 11’m not a troll!  
SB: i didnt realize it at first because you actually seemed nice  
GB: 11 am n11ce!  
GB: 11s th11s because of my blue? :(  
SB: what  
SB: no  
SB: its because of all this time crap  
SB: all the trolls are into that, we all know that  
GB: 11’m not a troll!!!!!!!!!!! XO  
SB: suuuuure

He blocked the troll. He did not have time for their time games now. He had a game to play!

In a distant Veil, a girl in a blue pointy hat sniffled at her computer screen. Jack was such a jerk this early in his timeline! Maybe she should message him about it a little later on, when they were friends…

“You okay, Latke?” 

She wiped her nose and looked at the person at the computer next to hers, a burly girl in a pointy yellow hat who had a look of concern on her face. “Fine, Shamash!”

“You don’t have to talk to the humans, y’know. Just because those three—”

“It’s okay! I just went a little too far back on Jack’s timeline is all.” She smiled. Her friend’s worried look did not diminish. “Shamash! I. Am. Fine!”

“If you say so.” Shamash turned back to her computer

Latke chirped a “Thank you!” and kissed Shamash’s cheek. “Good Shamash, best girlfriend,” she teased.

Shamash’s face went red. “Yeah, well, I have to go, you know, make sure you’re happy, because, you know…”

Latke giggled, her conversation with Jack forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who was an idiot and decided to make twelve sort of OCs? (hint it's me)  
> (don't worry they're not all Chanukah-related though if it were up to me they would be because Jewish)
> 
> No one has guessed Merida's title yet hahaha


	15. Chapter 15

Sitting on the alchimeter were two pieces of shiny red fabric and a red needle threaded with red thread. Quite a bit of red, Merida noticed. But oh god did this mean she had to sew?

No. It couldn’t be. But that was what it looked like.

Of all the things, of course it was this.

She gathered up the materials in her hands and took them all back to the cruxtruder, where her kernelsprite was patiently waiting. “Okay, Merida, you can do this. You know how to sew, god knows you got enough lessons…” She placed the two pieces of fabric on top of each other and started pulling the needle through quickly. She didn’t want to waste time, after all. But it got caught after a few stitches and she had to start over. Frustrated, she ripped it apart and pulled the thread out. 

Five minutes. She started again, slower this time, pulling all the thread through so she would be able to get the two pieces together. 

But she hadn’t knotted the end and the stitches fell apart again.

Two minutes. She carefully knotted the ends of the thread together twice so they would stay and tried for the third time. She went slower this time, being much more careful and patient than she had the previous two tries. She just had to concentrate and be careful and not rush so much…

There! She made it to the end of the fabric with plenty of thread left to tie off into a knot. With only one minute to spare, she waited to be taken into the game.

But there was nothing.

Was she supposed to make a knot at the end too? “Argh! I don’t have _time_ for this!” she seethed. Fabric in hand, she dashed back to her room to find a pair of scissors, her kernelsprite bobbing loyally behind her.

She rummaged through her drawers. Scissors, scissors…only thirty seconds left _where was a pair of scissors?_

There it was! At the bottom of the last drawer she checked, a pair of orange scissors she used to use to cut bowstring. They were a little dull but they would do. She plopped down next to her desk with them.

Twenty seconds. She cut the thread free from the needle and knotted it up. It was done!

Her kernelsprite floated closer to take a look. That was annoying. “Shoo!” she told it, motioning with her hands for it to go away. But it did not budge. She picked up the first thing she could get her hands on and tossed it at the kernelsprite.

There was a bright flash of light and the red floating spirograph became a red floating…piece of crumpled up paper. And then it started talking.

“Merida, with your hair so red and your eyes so blue, there is so much about you that is so beautiful to me.”

_“Oh god no.”_

And then there was light and heat all around her, and then there wasn’t.

She was in.

\--

Rapunzel breathed a sigh of relief when Merida and her home appeared unharmed on a new planet after the meteor struck. She zoomed out to take a look around.

Well, it wasn’t the same planet Jack was on, going by what she had been told about it. For one thing, it wasn’t raining. And there were no lakes, just…trees.

Trees everywhere. Around Merida’s castle, mostly tall pines and other evergreens, but as she zoomed out they phased into different species and different forests as far as the eye could see. She sent a few messages to Merida about what she saw and then started putting out new items that had appeared.

“You beat that game yet?” Eugene yawned from the bed.

“No, I just got Merida in…now it’s my turn,” replied Rapunzel.

“Your turn? What do you have to do, input a cheat code or something?”

“Not quite.” She turned around. “Hiccup’s going to install his server disc—I already installed my client disc while I was waiting on Merida—and then he’s going to put these big machines around the house and I have to use them to make a thing that I have to do something with to transport the house with me in it to another world.”

Eugene stared for a minute. “Okay that didn’t make any sense but whatever floats your boat. All I’m wondering is how are you supposed to get to these machines if they’re all over the house and your mom locked your door?”

Ah. She…hadn’t thought about that. “Good question.”

“See, I’m useful for something.”

\--

It was much quieter without the sound of meteors falling around the grounds and onto the castle. There was no rain, so she probably wasn’t where Jack was. There was just…silence. Aside from the kernelsprite, that was.

“When you ride and your dress flaps behind you like the wings of a gentle dove, when you shoot your arrows and they hit the bulls eye of the target, they also hit the bulls eye…of my heart.”

“Please _shut up.”_

So love letters were not something she should have thrown at it. It wasn’t her fault! She didn’t know it was going to end up annoying like that!

“But dear Merida, my love for you is immeasurable! Surely you must understand—”

“Okay if you love me so much you should tell me where I am.”

The floating ball of paper brightened up, even though it was just a ball of crumpled up paper and had no face. “This is your designated land! A beautiful land for a beautiful girl, eh?” Merida groaned. “Ah, anyway, it’s called the Land of Forests and Jubilee.”

“Forests and Jubilee?”

“Yes! If you just look out the window you’ll see forest and if you listen closely…”

The paper ball trailed off. “Well I shouldn’t give too much away. It’s the rules and all. Even though my love for you knows no bounds sadly I myself am bound by—”

“I really don’t care,” Merida replied, already at the window.

There certainly were a lot of trees. She opened the window and stuck her head out to listen like the sprite told her. Though she could barely hear it, there was the sound of…giggling? It was quite a ways away though. She’d go after it as soon as she could.

“Ah, Merida, pardon my interruption, but it seems we have some uninvited guests.”

“Guests?” She whirled around. Little black imps, some with bunny ears, some that honestly just looked like crumpled up bits of paper, were coming into her room through her open door. On instinct she grabbed a bow and a quiver of arrows off her desk (she really had them stashed around her room because you could never be too careful, what with suitors and mothers always running around) and fired at one. It disintegrated into grist.

She grinned. Yes, she quite liked this style of game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some minor edits on previous chapters. Last chapter I just added Latke's username, and in others I just changed the color of all of Jack's SBURB stuff from light blue to navy blue! Which will be important later on I guess
> 
> Originally Merida was going to have to go to her mother and have ~bonding time~ over sewing but then I was like "nah" because I feel like SBURB is much more oriented to helping kids grow up and become independent? and while going to her mother would fit more with the theme of the movie there should be plenty of time for them to get closer in the rest of the story even though it isn't...explicitly...planned.......like some other things with parents. but i mean she did sew something even if it wasn't a bond torn by pride or whatever
> 
> and if you can't guess Merida's god tier by now i s2g


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one a little differently, but it works

Far off from where anyone was dying or living by a hair’s breadth or traversing strange gusty planets, there was a quiet jail cell.

It was far off because the cell was on Derse which is the furthest thing from Skaia or Prospit or the planets LOLAS, LOFAJ, LOMAS, or LODAF. It was even on the far end of the planet, as though someone was deliberately making sure that anyone in the cell would have the hardest time possible getting to somewhere they could be of use.

The cell had two occupants, a tall, dark, moody man who was slumped in the corner with his arms crossed and a look of disdain on his face, and his older brother, much shorter and brighter, who was fiddling with something in the pocket of his yellow coat.

Neither man spoke, the taller out of shame, the shorter for much more complicated reasons.

Every once in a while someone would pass by the barred door of the cell, someone wearing ridiculous rabbit ears and, recently, a very rumpled white shirt with intelligible scrawling sometimes visible. The first few times the taller man would run up to them, clawing at them through the bars, yelling to take him back to his home his Jack could be in danger, but no one would let him through. Eventually he stopped trying, and started coming up with a better plan.

He hadn’t made much headway.

Then suddenly, someone who seemed different than any of the others they had seen appeared with a key. He told them the queen wanted to see him. Said she had something to…discuss with them. The diamond on his lapel gleamed.

The tall man asked him why they would ever want to speak with his queen, and what was in it for them. The one at the door just shrugged and told him that if he wanted out of the cell this was really the only way.

The shorter man in the cells gestured at the taller to get up and just see what the queen wanted. He did, standing up straight, rolling his shoulders, and holding his head high. He marched out of the cell, the shorter man in tow, following the dignitary.

\--

OA: I got Merida into the game!  
OA: *cheers*  
DB: oh good  
DB: does that mean it’s my turn to help you in?  
OA: Whenever you’re ready! :D  
OA: Oh one request  
OA: Is there any way you could…break down my door while you’re doing it?  
DB: uh i guess  
DB: oh yeah you’re locked in there aren’t you?  
OA: Yeah  
OA: Luckily I have Eugene here to keep me company <3  
DB: yeah astrid’s here too it’s pretty great  
DB: oh she wanted to say happy birthday i almost forgot  
DB: so do i i didn’t actually get a chance to do that did i  
DB: well  
DB: happy birthday, rapunzel  
OA: Thank you, Hiccup :)  
DB: Happy birthday from me, too (this is Astrid btw)  
OA: Thank you Astrid!  
OA: So  
OA: The game?  
DB: oh yeah hold on lemme install that  
DB: this is gonna be so great i bet with my help you’ll get in there in record time  
OA: I sure hope so!  
\--

“Aren’t you supposed to prototype twice?” Merida asked her sprite as she nocked another arrow.

“Well, yes, I am. But I wanted to wait to do that so I could find out, well….”

“What?” she asked, firing at another imp.

“I wanted to know what you’d like me to prototype with, after all I don’t want to be something you don’t like.” If she didn’t know any better, Merida would think that red floating ball of crumpled up paper was blushing.

“I really don’t care.” She swung her bow into an imp and it flew across the room, disintegrating when it hit a wall.

“Are you sure? You see I’m feeling very insecure about this, so—“

“There’s a bear in the great hall! Just use that,” she yelled, distractedly remembering Rapunzel’s suggestion from earlier. “Argh, get off!” she cried, stomping on an imp that was trying to crawl up her leg.

“Are you sure?” the sprite repeated. “I feel like that isn’t the best idea.”

“Okay well I don’t care just do it!”

The sprite sighed dejectedly and floated off.

\--

\--reverentHob  [RH]  began caroling at snowBalling  [SB] \--

RH: Hey  
RH: Y0u  
RH: What the he11 is wr0ng with y0u?  
SB: what are you talking about  
RH: She just wanted t0 be y0ur friend  
RH: Y0u didn’t have t0 be such a dick  
SB: okay i still don’t understand  
RH: 1atke!  
RH: My gir1friend  
RH: She messages y0u   
RH: He1ps y0u figure s0me stuff 0ut  
RH: Genera11y is a rea11y nice pers0n t0 y0u  
RH: And y0u just act 1ike an assh01e  
SB: are you talking about the troll that messaged me a few minutes ago  
RH: WE  
RH: ARE  
RH: N0T  
RH: TR011S  
RH: That is very 0ffensive h0w w0uld y0u fee1 if I ca11ed y0u an earth d0g  
RH: It’s 1ike the same thing t0 us  
SB: earth dog  
RH: That is what they’re ca11ed right  
SB: suuuure  
RH: We11 I mean except the earth d0gs have never attempted t0 wipe 0ut y0ur entire race 1eaving 0nly a sma11 am0unt 0f y0u scattered ar0und the p1anet  
SB: uh  
RH: Destr0ying any remnant 0f y0ur cu1ture and 1eaving 0n1y ruins for p00r P0pe t0 excavate t0 death  
SB: im lost again  
RH: 10rds a 1eaping just  
RH: 100k  
RH: M0ra1 0f the st0ry is st0p being an assh01e t0 my 1atke  
RH: A1s0 um  
RH: P1ease d0n’t te11 her we had this c0nversati0n  
SB: no promises  
RH: Cunt  
\--reverentHob [RH] has blocked snowBalling [SB]\--

“Weird trolls…” muttered Jack, stowing away his phone. He looked back up at the blue spirograph in the sky. He wondered where this one would lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shamash needs to watch her language or she's going to drive up the rating
> 
> Stuff is starting to happeeeeeeeeen
> 
> (the only thing that hasn't happened is someone guessing Merida's god tier ba bam)


	17. Chapter 17

The dignitary took them to a spacious throne room where a black carapace woman lounged in a regal chair. There was a pair of unsuitably adorable white ears on her head and she donned a rumpled white shirt that seemed to be made of paper.

She smiled at the two men, a smile full of teeth.

“I need a favor.”

\--

The blue spirograph in the sky turned slowly as Jack gazed up at it. Where would this one take him? To yet another spot on his planet? Or somewhere else? Hopefully somewhere more fun.

It wouldn’t be hard to get more fun than a rainy lake planet. This was the dreariest place he had ever been. And he lived with his dad, of all people.

He hopped up onto his crook, and shot off straight up into the spirograph…

...only to find himself racing toward the ground when he was through.

He threw his arms in front of his head to brace for impact, not even bothering to glance at his surroundings.

The impact never came.

Instead there was just a jerking on the hood of his sweatshirt and the feeling of being choked. He scrambled in the air and watched helplessly as his beloved rocket crook rocketed into the ground and broke into several pieces.

“Oi, stop movin’!” A hand came under one armpit, and the hand on his hood quickly moved to the other. He was hoisted through a window into a small room that looked a little worse for wear.

He breathed heavily. That was more intense than he thought it would be. And the choking didn’t really help. He twisted around so he might see the face of his savior.

“Stop gawking at me!” she yelled.

But he couldn’t help it. This had to be some kind of miracle. Or just a very convenient video game. For, standing before him, in a ripped dress, panting a bit, was the one, the only…

“Merida!”

\--

DB: so, uh, slight problem  
OA: What? What’s wrong?  
DB: i got the game installed and everything, right  
DB: got the cruxtruder placed, you don’t have to worry about that  
DB: but uh...everything else is going…  
DB: not so great  
OA: What do you mean “not so great?”  
DB: i mean my computer is blue screening???  
OA: WHAT  
OA: LISTEN HERE  
OA: OKAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY KNOW THIS IS EUGENE  
OA: FROM WHAT I HAVE HEARD SHE WILL LITERALLY DIE IF THIS DOENS’T GO RIGHT  
OA: ALSO I WILL DIE  
OA: SO FIGURE THIS OUT  
OA: Sorry about that!  
DB: haha it’s not like i’m shaking in fear or anything  
DB: He totally is (Astrid)  
OA: Well  
OA: I mean at least you got the cruxtruder out?  
OA: And you got my door down, thank you  
OA: Wait if you’re blue screening how are you talking to me?  
DB: astrid’s phone  
OA: I see  
DB: based on what i’ve heard from the others, as long as you don’t touch the cruxtruder, or let the countdown thing start, you should have some time to wait  
OA: Okay  
OA: I’ll definitely follow that advice to the letter!  
OA: Starting…  
OA: Now!  
DB: you already started it didn’t you  
OA: I have like twelve hours I think we’ll be fine.  
DB: okay  
DB: you just work with what you have for now  
DB: i’ll work on my computer  
DB: i’ll message you when it’s working again, okay?  
OA: Gotcha!

\--

A middle-aged woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, well, yesterday technically, is, or rather was, her daughter’s birthday. Though she loves her daughter very much, sometimes that child is just so ungrateful! She knows she didn’t raise her to be the kind of harlot that runs off with the first boy she sees when she comes of age, and that is why she needs to be punished.

Luckily, there is a lock on her daughter’s door, and a deadbolt from the outside, and there is absolutely no way she could get out unless she were to jump out the window.

Suddenly, she hears a loud noise from the direction of her daughter’s room. Oh no! Whatever could have happened?

She manages to steal the point of view to go check it out.

“Rapunzel?” Rapunzel’s mother cried, leaving her room to check on her daughter.

To her surprise and horror, the sturdy oak door that was keeping Rapunzel safe in her room was laying flat on the ground, and Rapunzel was not in her room. “Rapunzel, where are you?” 

A strange contraption in the guest room across the hall from Rapunzel’s gave her pause, but she decided she had more important things to worry about, like finding her daughter.

\--

Rapunzel, meanwhile, was hiding in her closet, pressed up close to Eugene.

“Is she gone?” he hissed when they heard her mother tearing through the house farther from where they were.

“I think so. We should be able to get out now.”

They burst out of the closet, Eugene far more dramatically than Rapunzel. She held a light pink cruxite dowel in her hands. “Now we just have to wait for Hiccup to give us the stuff we need to deal with this, while still trying to avoid my mom…”

“I mean, no one said life was easy,” joked Eugene.

“Not funny!”

\--

“Did you try hitting it.”

“I’m not going to hit my computer!”

“I’m just saying, it might work.”

Hiccup threw his hands into the air. “Okay, except it won’t? Hallie here is a delicate instrument, you can’t just hit her and expect her to work.”

“Hallie?” Astrid quirked an eyebrow.

“Shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be doing my Grendel homework, but I got this laptop (it doesn't actually belong to me haha) and I was like I SHOULD MAYBE UPDATE MY FANFICTION
> 
> ten points to you if you can guess why Hiccup calls his computer Hallie <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> or, a step-by-step guide to avoiding writing your college essays

“You see, I know your secret, Mr. Black. I know you’re not entirely human. I would like to use that.”

\--

Jack threw his arms around his Scottish friend. “I can’t believe this! It’s you, in the flesh!” He leaned back to take her in.

“..Yeah, who else would it be?” she replied. She shoved him off her. “How did you get here?”

“I just went through another spirograph portal thing. Thanks for saving me, by the way. I probably would’ve died if you hadn’t saved me.” Jack couldn’t stop grinning down at Merida. It was starting to make her a little uncomfortable.

“You’re just lucky I was looking out the window.”

“Yeah! I am!” He looked around the room. “It looks like a hurricane came through here--trust me, I’d know. What happened?”

“Imps,” she explained. “They swarmed. I just finished killin’ ‘em.” 

“Where’s your sprite?” he asked. “I want to see what weird creation you came up with.”

She frowned. “Not here. Too clingy. I sent him to find the bear in the great hall to combine with it.”

“Bear?”

“Yeah, there’s a stuffed bear in the great hall. I hope it finds it okay.” She paused. “I hope it doesn’t run into my mother.”

Jack laughed. “I don’t think she’d like to see...whatever it is floating around.”

“Floating around spouting flowery romantic nonsense…” Merida muttered. “And I don’t think she’d like to see you either! She doesn’t like you, you know that.”

“Well, I’m light on my feet. I think I can escape your castle without her seeing me. Gimme a bedsheet and I’ll rappel out the window.”

“I just pulled you in the window! I’m not letting you jump back out it.” She crossed her arms. “I’ll let you out through the cellar, we can explore this place together.”

“Sounds great, but we should alchemize some stuff together first. I need a new crook, you could upgrade your weapons, we could make matching outfits. It’ll be fun!” He smiled.

“...As long as my mother doesn’t see you.”

An outraged voice from the door broke in. “As long as your mother doesn’t see _who_?” 

\--

“Okay, maybe if I try unplugging it and plugging it back in again…”

“Hiccup, didn’t you try that ten minutes ago?” asked Astrid, bored and sitting on the bed.

“Did I?” he replied absentmindedly, fiddling with the charger.

“What does the charger even have to do with the operating system, or whatever’s broken?”

“Oh, you’d be surprised--”

“Everything going all right in here?”

Hiccup’s dad had poked his head through the door. Hiccup liked to think it was to check to make sure they weren’t doing anything...inappropriate, but he and his dad and Astrid all knew that nothing like that would happen for a long time.

“Hiccup’s computer is broken and he doesn’t want to hit it to make it work,” explained Astrid. 

“Not true! I would be perfectly willing to use violent techniques if I thought they had any possibility of working. But, since they don’t, I--”

Hiccup’s dad rolled his eyes. “He’s just embarrassed he can’t hit it hard enough.”

“N-No!” Hiccup spluttered. “I just--”

His dad sauntered over to the machine and flicked it between the touchpad and keyboard. The computer screen flickered and suddenly Rapunzel’s house was back on the screen.

“There. Fixed. If you need me to do it again, just call.

“...Thanks, Dad…”

Hiccup stared at his feet until his dad left the room. Astrid broke the silence. “Wow.”

\--

DB: okay we’re back  
DB: i’ll deploy the rest of the stuff  
OA: Really? Thank goodness!  
OA: Oh I have a favor to ask  
DB: what  
OA: Can you message me when my mother comes near me or Eugene?  
DB: are you serious  
OA: You know how she is! I don’t want her finding a new room to lock me up in  
DB: i could just knock down all the doors?  
OA: No! Deploy the rest of the machines and the punchcard first  
OA: And message me when you see her  
DB: okay, i guess i can see what i can do  
OA: Thank you :)  
\--

After sending her last message, Rapunzel saw a card float down onto the table she was standing next to. She picked it up and tried to figure out what exactly it was it would make.

“Okay, that looks like something, papery? Maybe? But what is...that…”

She fell into a dead faint.

\--

In a violet kingdom outside the Veil, a brunette in a lavender bedroom opened her eyes. She blinked, took a moment to take in her surroundings, then sat up.

“Why am I on Derse…” she wondered aloud. “I should only be here when I’m sleeping. Does that mean back at my house I’m..?”

She shook her head. No time to worry about that now. She had to figure out what woke her up here, and why.

The bedroom was empty, and the door to the staircase that would take her out of the tower was locked, which left the window. She climbed up onto the ledge and looked around.

There was nothing out of the ordinary--the kingdom was bustling as always, or as bustling as Derse could be. The eldritch gods in the blackness of paradox space were whispering no louder than they usually did. There was a fire in the other tower, but that was completely normal.

Wait, no it wasn’t!

She jumped out of the window and coasted over to the other tower. She climbed in through the window to a room painted icy blue. There, in the bed, was her friend. She’d visited him a few times since she’d woken up, but he still hadn’t. She decided to wait patiently for his time to come, but she thought maybe the possibility of dying in a fire was a good reason to wake someone up.

“Jack!” she shouted, moving toward the bed, and toward the source of the fire. Someone had been in here recently, she noticed absentmindedly, and it looked like they had accidentally knocked over a lamp or something. That was what started the fire. “Jack, wake up!” She was starting to cough. She got on her knees to crawl over to the bed.

Jack wasn’t waking up. She wrapped her arms around his waist and dragged him out of the bed and toward the window. She stood up and leapt out, holding her friend in her arms.

She flew back to her own room and laid Jack down on her bed. He looked oddly peaceful for someone that almost died in a fire. She brushed his white hair out of his eyes and, exhausted, slumped to the floor against the bed and fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as for the reason Hiccup calls his computer Hallie: it's much sadder than a sci-fi reference, if you think about it a bit
> 
> at least, I think so


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i edited something in chapter 17 just now because i am too stupid to realize that two people shouldn't have the same color stuff when it comes to what they make in SBURB
> 
> so rapunzel's dowels and shit are pink, not red, that's merida's

“And how would you know something like that?” Jack’s father asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Your son shows signs of your...abnormalities as well. As for your daughter, she has not shown any signs as of yet, but it’s obvious she takes after her mother more.”

“My son is adopted, we have no biological connection-”

“Or so you think.”

\---

“And who might this be, Merida?”

Standing in the doorway, shoulders back, with perfect posture and perfectly flared nostrils, was Merida’s mother. Merida paled.

“A proper young lady does not stay with a boy in her room unattended! Especially not without my permission.”

“This is all just a big misunderstanding!” said Jack, slowly backing away from Merida. “See, what happened was, I was actually, uh--”

“Mother, this is Jack. The friend I was telling you about?” Merida interrupted. “He’s come by for a surprise visit.”

“From Pennsylvania.” Merida’s mother did not seem to believe her.

“Yes! His father is here on business, and he took a detour from him for a few days to visit me. He wanted to surprise me so he snuck in.” Jack was dumbfounded, staring at Merida until she kicked him, and he nodded encouragingly.

“That’s what’s going on. Obviously. Nothing weird or mystical. Ow! Stop kicking me!” he hissed at his friend. Luckily for her, her mother was no longer listening.

“I will allow this this one time since this is someone you don’t exactly get to see every day, and I know how hard it is to have friends that live far away. But he is leaving when the first opportunity arises, do you understand, Merida?”

“Yes Mother! Trust me, he’s leaving soon enough.”

“Yeah, my dad will show up soon, I’ll be out of your hair like I wasn’t even here. Don’t worry about it, Mrs. DunBroch.” Jack smiled encouragingly.

And that was almost it, they almost got away with it.

Almost.

\--

Just as Rapunzel was falling asleep on Derse, she was waking up on Earth. The prepunched card was still, amazingly, clutched in her hand, but she had been moved to her bed. Sitting next to it, fiddling boredly with his phone, was Eugene.

“What happened?” she wondered aloud. He looked up.

“You fell asleep standing up. Lucky I was there to catch you, huh?”

“Yeah, thanks…” She sat up slowly. “How long was I out?”

“About an hour. So not too long, Princess Aurora.” He grinned.

“Aurora?”

“Sleeping Beauty? Wait, it’s Briar Rose, isn’t it. Well, whatever.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t seen your mom since you passed out. I’m thinking Hiccup probably took care of her.”

Rapunzel smiled. “That’s one thing off my chest. How much time do we have left?”

“About ten hours? I haven’t checked in a while.”

“We should still hurry. I don’t know what this,” She showed him the prepunched card, “is going to make, but it might take some time to figure out what to do with it.”

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. “Let’s go.”

\---

A man stands in his girlfriend’s bedroom. Though they have been dating for quite a long time, it was only recently that they decided to make plans to move in together. This is partly because until today she was still a minor, but mostly because her mother is a psychopath.

What will this man’s name be?

Well, he already has a name, and that name is EUGENE “FLYNN RIDER” FITZHERBERT. “FLYNN RIDER” because when he was younger he was in a STREET GANG and his birth name was SO NOT COOL ENOUGH for a STREET GANG.

Currently, he is WORRIED. His GIRLFRIEND totally just PASSED THE HELL OUT for NO GOOD REASON and he isn’t sure why. After all, she has never had NARCOLEPTIC EPISODES before, so why now? 

He just hopes it DOESN’T HAPPEN AGAIN. 

A few minutes ago, though, she WOKE UP, so that’s good. Now all he really has to worry about is the PSYCHOPATHIC MOTHER and NOT GETTING HIT BY A METEOR AND DYING VIOLENTLY. 

He’s a pretty smart guy. Giving him control over his own actions can’t have that many negative consequences.

Eugene followed after his girlfriend as she strode purposefully around her slightly wrecked house, studying the machines, sometimes checking her phone to answer messages from her friends. 

“What do these do, anyway?” he asked her as they passed a machine that was mostly a huge platform.

“Well, the cruxtruder, the one with the countdown on it, releases cruxite dowels.” She showed him the bright pink cylinder stored in her sylladex. “Then you take the dowel to the totem lathe, which is the thin machine, and it uses the card to carve the dowel. Then you take the carved dowel to the alchimeter and it makes whatever it is that’s on the card. There’s other stuff too, but Hiccup can’t deploy it until I’m in the game, like the punch designix and such.” 

“Why don’t we just do those things.” They had ten hours, sure, but she was the one that said they needed to hurry.

“Great idea!” She smiled. God, she was so pretty when she smiled. She was pretty all the time.

They took the card and cruxite dowel to the totem lathe and had it carved. Then it was off to the alchimeter, which was the machine with the platform Eugene had seen minutes before. The machine scanned the dowel and suddenly, on the platform, there was…

...a single blank piece of light pink paper.

\---

Hiccup wouldn’t look at Astrid, and it was starting to annoy her. 

“Are you seriously this upset that your dad can fix your computer and you can’t.”

Was he seriously this upset that his dad could fix his computer and he couldn’t.

And _brooding?_ Hiccup was such a girl, she thought. Well, based on the rest of Berk and its trends, he was really such a _boy._ The girls would never sulk like this, she knew, and she had only lived there a few years.

“I just don’t like him touching my computer,” he muttered.

“Don’t be such a baby,” she teased. “He fixed it, didn’t he? Just be happy Rapunzel isn’t still stuck without any of her stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He still wouldn’t look at her. “Uh, I have to go to the bathroom. Be right back.” He stood up suddenly and ran out of the room.

\---

It is worth noting that Mayor Stoick Haddock, known to most as Stoick the Vast, was a proud supporter of renewable energy, especially the vast amounts of geothermal energy his native country of Norway's volcanoes could provide. It is also worth noting that Stoick feared absolutely nothing, and had no qualms about building his house right at the foot of a dormant volcano.

While some might have chosen other locations for a home, Stoick thought the volcano was the perfect place, not only because of the energy opportunities, but because it was where he had first met his since deceased wife, Valhallarama(Hallie for short). She spent quite a large amount of time there, though he never knew why.

Hiccup knew why, and it was the same reason he ran from his girlfriend.

But, all that boring history is not what is important right now. What is important is that Hiccup was not longer at his computer and therefore no longer looking out for Rapunzel's mother.

And that meant there was no one to tell the two of them that she was much closer and much less trapped than they were comfortable with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you would be surprised how many negative consequences there are to giving someone control over their actions ;)
> 
> At some point I'm going to write a whole chapter just about Hiccup's mom and her past and stuff because she's important to certain things


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like there should be a warning for this chapter...uh...murder? murder warning...also there's a bit about anxiety that I incorporated and I drew it mostly from my own experiences which are in no way the same as others' experiences and I apologize if they somehow offend you

"Why should I do this favor for you at all?"

"The son of Derse is sleeping peacefully in his tower. Though, should you refuse, his slumber may be... interrupted."

"I don't even know who the son of Derse is. Why should I care for his wellbeing?"

"Yes, I forgot. You’re just a human, you know nothing of our superior society. The son of Derse, to put it simply, is our Knight, our boy we must not harm until certain things come to pass, and his name is Jack.”

\---

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. Now, this little girl's mother had died when she was very young, leaving her with just her father to watch over her.

Her father doted on her, treating her like a princess, giving her whatever she wanted. Well, he tried to keep everything within reason, but just one look at her big, pleading eyes melted his inhibitions every time. Thus, the little girl grew up rather spoiled.

But, the one thing the child wanted most was the one thing her beloved father could not give her: a mother. 

She felt resentful and betrayed at every birthday party, furious that her father had denied her her one wish time and time again. So on her eighteenth birthday, she took one of the beautiful daggers she had been gifted and stabbed him in the heart. 

She decided, as she was fleeing the country, that she no longer wanted a mother of her own, that she would instead become a mother herself to a beautiful baby girl. Or boy, but girls were so much cuter. 

She escaped to Germany and settled down in Munich, changing her name and dying her hair so as to fool the Romanian police on her tail. The girl lost her outdated last name and changed it to something she liked a little better: Gothel.

The moment she felt financially sound, she located a fertility clinic and sperm bank. By this point, of course, she had grown a bit, and was about twenty-three. She thought she was at her prime for raising a child. She found the perfect donor: a man who looked a bit like her named...something...Black? She didn't care much about the name. 

Unfortunately, the girl, now a woman, was unable to conceive. Distraught, she threw herself into her work, accumulating quite a sum of money in the German mob.

Two years later, at the age of 25, after finishing a job, she decided to go for lunch at a nice Italian place she knew. When she got there, however...

The restaurant was a crater, and in the crater was a beautiful blonde baby girl.

She snatched up the child and stole her away to a small town in the north of Germany. She called the girl Rapunzel, and decided she would never let her daughter, brought to her by fate, ever leave her.

Which was why she needed to remove any obstacle in the way of her dream, aka, the boyfriend.

She gripped a dagger in her hand as she prowled through her house after freeing herself from the downstairs bathroom. She would get rid of that boy and ensure her happiness.

She would.

\---

Merida's mother had not yet taken a step out of her daughter's bedroom when a resounding roar came from a lower level of the castle.

Jack jumped. "What was that?"

"It sounded like...a bear," Elinor murmured. 

Merida grimaced. That would be her sprite, wouldn't it.

"Kids, stay in here. I'll go see what's going on," Elinor commanded, leaving the room and closing the door behind her. "Don't leave until I tell you it's safe!"

They waited until the sound of her footsteps disappeared, then Jack said, "Your sprite?"

"Ah, yep."

\---

Rapunzel reached out and touched the paper very carefully.

Nothing happened.

She picked it up. "What is this supposed to be?" she wondered aloud. 

"It's an apartment lease," replied Eugene.

"And how would you know that?" she asked.

"That's what it says," he said, pointing at the top. Written in hot pink ink were the words 'APARTMENT LEASE.' 

"Oh."

More words appeared under the title. "Wait, this is for the apartment I was looking at!" cried Eugene.

"You didn't tell me you were looking at an apartment," Rapunzel said.

"It-It was supposed to be a surprise," he muttered, "so when you moved out you'd have a new place to decorate that wasn't in the crappiest part of town."

Rapunzel's grip on the paper tightened. "You'd do all that for me? What about where you live now?"

"Well, the lease is almost up on that one anyway, so..."

Rapunzel threw her arms around her boyfriend. "You have no idea how much this means to me!"

There was a strange tugging on Rapunzel's back. She looked down. "Pascal! Where have you been?" She picked him up and placed him on her shoulder.

He rolled his eyes. He had been there the whole time. It wasn't like he stopped being a thing or anything.

"What are we supposed to do with this?" asked Eugene, gesturing to the lease form.

Then, from the door, "Why don't you give it to Mother so she can rip it up and we can end all this nonsense about moving out? Go on, Rapunzel, be a dear."

The lovers turned simultaneously, and watched in horror as Rapunzel's mother idly twirled a thin knife in her fingers. "Or do we have to make this messy?"

\---

Hiccup Haddock, though he seemed very composed on the outside, was having an anxiety attack.

His dad knew he wasn’t supposed to touch his computer! And with Astrid in the room! Oh god, Astrid, what was she thinking about all of this? It couldn’t be good. His chest felt tight.

He ran down the stairs, slipped past his dad who was watching a hockey game on TV in their living room, and escaped his home, not even bothering to take a coat to combat the wintry air.

Where he was going he wouldn’t need one anyway, and the freezing climate somehow calmed him down a little.

He dashed around the side of his house, panting heavily as he climbed the foot of the mountain. There was one surefire way of stopping this from happening, and he needed him now.

“Toothless!” he shouted when he thought he was far enough from his home that Astrid and his father wouldn’t hear him. _“Toothless!”_

Running really hadn’t been a good idea with how he already was. He felt a migraine coming on, and tried again. _“TOOTHLESS!”_

There was the sound of flapping, and he was enveloped in white, leathery wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really like the Gothel section but it's...really...important.........
> 
> because magic hair just doesn't really make sense in context (yet)
> 
> (let's just pretend it would be easy for an eighteen-year-old murderess to escape Romania in the eighties with all the Communism going on)


	21. Chapter 21

"I don't believe you."

"Believe it or not, it is the truth. Would you like to take a glimpse of him? He should be sleeping peacefully in his tower."

"Do you take me for a fool? I’ll accept none of this without proof.”

The queen snapped her fingers and a humongous man with a heart on his lapel entered, carrying what looked like a large window, though it was completely on its own and instead of panes of glass there were screens. A tiny man with clubs on his collar plugged it into the wall and it flickered to life. On the screen was Jack, sleeping peacefully in purple pajamas and a bright blue room that mirrored the room he had back at home. His father’s breath caught in his throat.

“See? Perfectly fine, now--”

Jack’s uncle tugged on his father’s sleeve and pointed to the bottom of the screen. “That time stamp is from two hours ago,” he realized. He looked at the queen. “Show me the room currently.”

“Brute,” she said to the huge man with the heart on his lapel. He smacked the fenestrated wall and the image flickered to the same room, but all black as though a fire had raged through. Everything was burnt, and Jack was nowhere in sight.

\---

“You know, I should really get going…”

“Oh, no. You are staying here, Jack, to sort out my mother if nothing else!” said Merida angrily.

“What, you don’t even care about making matching outfits? I’m hurt, I really am.” He faked a shocked face at his friend.

“I don’t want to make matching outfits with you! Orange and blue clash, don’t you know color theory?” She rolled her eyes. Honestly.

“If that’s the case I guess we were just never meant to be together.” He swooned dramatically, bringing a hand to his forehead. “Now my dreams of becoming a DunBroch will never be realized and I will live as Jack Black forever. The horror…”

“Oh, don’t be such a baby,” muttered Merida.

Jack paused and put his hand down. “Wait, what’s up with you?”

“What do you mean?” she retorted. “There’s nothing wrong with me!”

“You didn’t laugh at my stupid joke about us getting married. You’re like, one of my best friends, I know you, and it’s weird that you didn’t laugh.”

“You said it yourself, it was a stupid joke, why would I laugh at something that wasn’t even funny?” she asked him.

“I don’t know, but you’ve laughed before at stuff like that when we’ve Skyped and stuff! What’s going on with you today?”

“Nothing! Leave it! Go fix your staff, or whatever it is you wanted to do.” She waved him toward the door. 

Jack looked hurt. “It’s not that big of a deal, you know, it was just weird. I don’t care. C’mon, let’s make stuff together.”

Merida let out a long, laborious sigh. “Fine. But no matching outfits!”

Jack grinned. “Agreed, no matching outfits. Right now.”

“Not ever!”

\---

Meanwhile, as her daughter was trying to pick up a conversation she’d accidentally made awkward, Elinor DunBroch was creeping through her castle holding a candlestick she’d taken from a wall as a weapon. It wasn’t much of a weapon, sure, but it would allow her some time and maybe even make her lucky enough to get to the kitchen where the phone was to call animal control, or the police, or something.

She slowly moved down the stairs to the great hall, keeping a sharp eye out for any large, vicious woodland creatures. However, the hall seemed empty. Empty except for the strange glow coming from where Mor’du used to be.

“Who’s there?” she cried, brandishing her candlestick.

The glow moved closer. “I’m armed!” she warned.

The glow turned out to be a red, floating bit of paper crumpled up in just a way a bear took shape. “What…?” she breathed.

“Ah! Forgive my intrusion in your home, Lady DunBroch. Allow me to introduce myself! I am Paperbearsprite, your daughter’s personal glowing guide to the game which we have all been transported into, and I am the combination of a love letter she crumpled up and threw in her trash can and also the stuffed bear that previously resided in this hall, Mor’du. As such, I am prone to bits of roaring and biting things, so if I were you I would keep my distance.”

Elinor started backing up the stairs again. “Stay away from me, and stay away from my daughter. And her friend Jack,” she mentioned as an after-thought.

“No, no, you have it all wrong! I am meant to be with your daughter, she made me who I am now! Without her I would be simply a floating ball of light and I would have nothing, she is like a mother to me!”

“And I am a mother to her, and as her mother, I can say that she does not have permission to be around...whatever you are!”

The paper around Paperbearsprite’s forehead crinkled up. “You can’t keep me from her! I’ll warn you one more time, since you are her mother, if you make me angry, I don’t know what I’ll do!”

“That is a risk I am willing to take for my daughter!”

Paperbearsprite roared, and flew at Elinor.

\---

“Mother!” Rapunzel gasped. “What-how did you-”

“I leave you for two minutes by yourself, and you let that boy into my house to take you away from me! I see I have not raised you as well as I should have. You know you have to be punished now, don’t you, Rapunzel?” Her mother gave a simpering smile.

“What do you mean, Mother? What are you going to do with, with that?” She gestured to the knife with the hand that was holding the paper, the other being preoccupied with squeezing Eugene’s in fear.

“I’m just going to show you what happens to people that try to keep what is mine from me. Don’t worry, it will all be over soon, and we can go back to the way things are supposed to be.” She twisted the knife around into her palm.

“Put the knife down, Mother!” cried Rapunzel. 

“Put it down? Why yes of course dear, I will, there’s just one thing I need to do first.” She smiled, brought the hand with the knife back behind her head, and threw, aiming directly for Eugene’s heart.

\---

The feeling of being wrapped in Toothless’s wings, the fore- and hind legs of his best friend scratching at him, his nose snuffling in his hair, these things made Hiccup calm. They made him feel better, just as they had his mother.

“Okay, okay, okay, bud, I’m good, you can get off’a me.” He squirmed around in Toothless’s hold until the dragon unfolded his wings and let him roll out onto the snow. “Sorry to make you come out in the middle of the night like this. I’m thinking you were probably sleeping, huh?”

Toothless did not nod, nor did he shake his head, not because he didn’t know what those things meant, but because he did not believe he should stoop so low to use human signals. And his face didn’t betray what he was thinking, though that was mostly because he didn’t have a face. Which was a little weird in the beginning, but Hiccup had gotten used to it.

“Okay well you’re obviously not going to answer me in any way so I’m just going to ask--can I stay out here with you for a few minutes?”  
Toothless looked down at him (at least that was how it seemed--the whole lack of eyes thing made it a little confusing) carefully before melting the snow in the area with his fire breath and lying down, leaving a perfectly sized area for Hiccup to lean against  
his stomach.

This was why Hiccup did not need a coat--when he cuddled with Toothless he would be lying right on top of the dragon’s fiery belly, which would always keep him toasty warm. And so what if the ground was wet from the snow, he could put on different pants once he went back inside.

Except Astrid was in his room. And she thought he was in the bathroom.

She would think he was coming back to the bathroom with soaking wet pants.

He sighed. Well, she already thought he was weird enough. Not much he could do at this point.

Toothless’s ears pricked up when he sighed, and he nudged Hiccup with where his nose should have been as a question. “Remember how I was telling you about Astrid?” Toothless snorted. There wasn’t much else he talked about. “Well, we’re kind of on  
a date...right now.”

He could feel the judgement pouring off Toothless in waves.

“I couldn’t help coming out here! Dad touched Hall--my computer!” He almost forgot, he wasn’t allowed to say that name in front of Toothless. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice. “You know how I get when he does that… And she saw, she probably  
thinks I’m such a loser.” He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

Toothless didn’t say anything. Obviously. But he did bat at Hiccup’s arm until he was scratching part of his exposed tummy.

Although if Toothless could talk, Hiccup imagined he would say something like this: Look Hiccup, I know it’s not my place to tell you what you should and should not do in relationships, I mean, look at me, I’m a dragon that’s been around since the dawn  
of time, it’s not like I’ve had that many girls chasing my admittedly very sexy tail. But I have enough common sense to know that if this girl is really worth it, she probably won’t care if you look like a loser, and she won’t care if you have social anxiety.  
Well she will, but she won’t let it define your relationship. I mean based on what you’ve told me she sounds like a great girl. Do you really think she’d judge you for stuff you can’t control?

“You’re right, bud. Thanks.” He stood up, futilely tried to dust himself off, and started back down the mountain.

Toothless followed him.

“What, you want to come with this time? You want to meet my dad and Astrid?” Toothless drew back. “Just my dad?” He made a growling sound low in his throat. “Just...Astrid?” 

He didn’t react to that so Hiccup assumed that was what he meant. “Okay but how are we going to get you through the house? Unless you want to go in through the window?” Toothless bounced up and down. “Oh, no. You are not tracking all that snow  
through my window! Toothless!”

Toothless wasn’t listening, and had in fact already taken off down the mountain. “Oh come on!” Hiccup yelled as he followed. “At least let me ride on your back!”

Toothless paused, waited for Hiccup to catch up, and let him clamber up on his back before leaping into the air and gliding down to where the house was.

Hiccup pointed out his window and Toothless flew them up to it. Hiccup knocked and a few seconds later Astrid came and opened it. “I thought you were in the bathroom--how are you floating?”

“First things first, help me in.” He reached out his arms. Astrid, thankfully, was much stronger than Hiccup, and she pulled him in easily. “Second, this window is not as big as I thought it was…”

“What does that have to do with anything? Why are your pants all wet? Were you sitting in the snow?” Astrid looked concerned. “You could get sick!”

“It’s okay, it’s okay! I was with Toothless, he’s right here, see?” He gestured out the window.

There was nothing there.

He frowned. 

“You sure you’re okay?” Astrid asked.

“I’m fine.” He went, dejected, back to his computer.

There was a message.

\--wretchedSire [WS] began caroling at draconianBlacksmith [DB]!--  
WS: i k9ow we are9’t exactly friends yet but i also k9ow that is really o9ly in your li9ear timeli9e  
DB: wow  
DB: i really do not need this right now  
DB: also your text color is really annoying? i have to highlight everything  
DB: you should fix that  
WS: quiet, hiccup  
WS: i just wa9ted to let you k9ow, because we are frie9ds, but mostly because you told me i told you this would happe9 and o9e of my best frie9ds is a huge stickler for time stuff and if i do9’t make sure everythi9g that’s supposed to fall i9to place does time will u9ravel or somethi9g  
WS: that you and you girlfrie9d should duck

\--- 

Astrid closed the window after Hiccup had walked away from it, just as Toothless was about to soar in. As a result, when he did leap up to where the window was, he ended up crashing right through it, scattering glass all over the floor and making a general mess of things.

“Toothless! What are you doing?” cried Hiccup when he saw his best friend on the floor surrounded by what used to be his window.

By all rights he should have been furious, but it was the happiest Astrid had ever seen him.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pbbbbbbt
> 
> you can highlight his stuff or not i don't know how your stuff's formatted
> 
> (he isn't some weird doc scratch just bee tee dubs)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is literally what i procrastinate with of course it's going to update often in college app season

\--celebratorySprite [CS] began caroling at ridingArcher [RA]\--  
CS: your mom is in trouble  
CS: also I hate you   
RA: the feeling is mutual  
RA: whoever you are  
CS: ugh   
CS: i'm only doing this because yeshua told me 2  
CS: no wonder everyone hates you when i'm from

"Jack, trouble. I'll be right back." Merida strapped her new and improved quiver to her back and picked up her also new and improved bow, then strode out of the room to find her mother.

She ran once out of Jack's sight, tearing down the hall, then the stairs, stopping when she saw her mother and sprite conversing. She nocked an arrow, just in case anything happened.

When the sprite roared and rushed at her mother, she did not hesitate to release the arrow, which hit it the paper bear square between the eyes.

It didn’t seem to do much damage, unfortunately, but it spooked the bear out of its rage. It looked past Merida’s mother to the girl herself, who was already nocking another arrow. “Merida!” it cried, and flew past her mother up to her, waving its tail like a dog. “I did as you said, see?”

“Yeah, I see...good job, I suppose.” She put the arrow back in her quiver. 

“Merida! What is this...creature?” her slightly frazzled mother asked from a few stairs down.

“This is my sprite. It’s supposed to guide me through this game I’m in.”

“What game? You’ve both mentioned a game, what do you mean?”

“Well, me and Jack and Rapunzel and Hiccup are all playing this online game which turned out to be a little different than we originally expected. Uh, for one thing, we aren’t on Earth anymore. We’re on, what is it again?” she asked the sprite.

“Land of Forests and Jubilee.”

“Right. That. And Jack just came over from his planet, Land of Lakes and Storms. Hiccup’s working on getting Rapunzel in, and then Jack’s got to get him in. And I don’t know what we’re supposed to do after that, but we’ll figure it out.”

“We’re not on Earth anymore?”

“Nope, meteor transported us here somehow. Speaking of meteors, they’re bombarding the whole planet by now. Not this planet, I mean Earth,” she added quickly.

“Life on Earth will go extinct,” Paperbearsprite supplied.

They both looked at the sprite. “What do you mean, extinct?”

“Well by the end of all of this, only the people taken into the game will be left. Everyone else will have died.” It smiled, thinking it was being helpful.

“Everyone dead?” Elinor whispered. “My god…Fergus, the boys, they’ll all be dead?”

“Oh, yes, certainly. Meteors and their consequences will surely wipe them--”

“I think that’s enough on that. Come on, sprite, Jack’s waiting for us back upstairs. Let’s leave Mum alone for now.” She gestured for the sprite to follow her up the stairs back to her room.

Elinor slumped down onto a stair and didn’t pay attention as her child left. Merida, likewise, ignored Jack and went right to her bed.

She didn’t know everyone would die…

\---

Jack, meanwhile, was happy as a clam. He’d made himself a new staff, as well as a new hoodie combined with his old hoodie and the laptop his dad had gotten him for his birthday, that would show a computer screen when the hood was up and create a  
holographic keyboard for him to type on. He’d also made quite a bit of useless crap, like a sheep made of pillow with the bit of wool Hiccup had sent him from that sheep, the one from New Zealand that was stuck in the cave for all those years. The skates he made with the fluff were nice, though. Very soft.

He didn’t even notice Merida coming back upstairs and to her room, though to be fair, he was distracted at the time.

GB: hello!  
GB: th11s 11s the f11rst t11me we have spoken on my end, so 11 f11gure 11 m11ght as well 11ntroduce myself!  
GB: my name 11s Latke  
GB: 11t’s very n11ce to meet you!  
SB: yeah we talked before  
GB: we have? :O  
SB: a few hours ago for me  
SB: i was kind of a jerk  
SB: sorry about that  
SB: though i don’t think you’ll remember me saying that  
SB: your girlfriend messaged me right after i talked to you to chew me out  
GB: sorry about her  
GB: she can be really overprotect11ve  
GB: are we the only ones you’ve talked to?  
SB: i think so  
SB: some of my friends have talked to some of your friends i think  
SB: merida just did actually  
SB: (she left her phone here i’m going to see who it was)  
SB: (some guy named celebratorySprite)  
GB: oh! that must be 11vy  
SB: ivy?  
GB: that’s what 11 sa11d! XO  
GB: he’s k11nd of a jerk  
GB: what d11d he say?  
SB: i feel like looking at this any longer would be an invasion of privacy  
GB: pr11vacy shm11vacy  
GB: you guys are gonna do stuff a lot more personal than that 11n the future, let me tell you  
GB: okay tell me  
GB: 11 can’t actually  
GB: pope says 11 can’t and s11nce she 11s our T11me player what she says k11nd of goes on th11ngs l11ke th1s!  
SB: i get it  
SB: you dont like me so you dont want to tell me  
GB: but 11 do l11ke you!  
GB: you seem pretty n11ce, even though 11’ve only been talk11ng to you for a few m11nutes  
SB: give me a hint at least  
GB: well 11 won’t say too much but  
GB: you totally k11ss  
SB: you just told me everything that isn’t even a hint  
GB: but you don’t know when or why!  
SB: i guess  
SB: i’ll be bracing myself for it until it happens now though thanks  
GB: you wanted to know!  
GB: 11f you d11dn’t want to know you shouldn’t have asked :P  
SB: point taken  
SB: well shes been gone a while im gonna see if anything happened to her  
GB: kay  
GB: talk to you soon!  
SB: yup

He disconnected from Latke and padded out of the room, his new stuff stored away in his sylladex. “Merida?” he called out to the hall. He almost headed off to the downstairs where he knew she’d gone, but he caught a glance of her lying on her bed.  
“Merida?” he repeated. “That you in there?”

“Go ‘way,” he heard her mumble. He sighed.

“What’s wrong with you? You were fine a minute ago.” He gently shook her shoulder.

“Go ‘way!” she repeated.

“Just talk to me! I thought we were friends.”

She rolled over and looked up at him. “I just found out everyone not going into the game is going to die. My dad and my brothers and everyone I know is going to die, Jack.”

Jack was at a loss for what to say. Everyone he cared about was safe, aside from the Bennett kids next door. And that hurt, knowing they were gone, but it couldn't have been the same as if his dad or uncle had died.

He was so glad they had been home.

But what could he tell Merida? "Half your family is gone and it's your fault but everything will be okay so don't feel bad about it?" Uh, no.

"There, there," he said, patting her awkwardly on the shoulder.

She rolled back onto her stomach. "Can you just...leave. I just want to be by myself for now. Go explore or something, I don't care, I'll meet up with you later."

"Yeah, I'll uh, see you soon. I'll message you in a bit, okay?" He smiled weakly at her in a last ditch attempt to cheer her up.

"Okay." She rolled back over.

And that was really all that needed to be said. Jack quietly left the room, then flew out a window on his new crook.

He had a planet to explore, didn't he? 

\---

A young chameleon sits on his beloved owner's shoulder. It just so happens that today is the anniversary of the day the two met, but more importantly, it is- 

Okay you know what these billions of character intros are getting ridiculous. I mean, really? We’re introducing Pascal just to give him the point of view? My god. Let's just cut to the chase. 

This brave, heroic chameleon cannot just sit by and watch as his beloved owner's boyfriend dies! What will this courageous lizard do? 

After some thought, he chooses to launch himself off of his beloved owner’s shoulder, throwing himself into the path of the knife speeding toward the beloved owner’s boyfriend!

The knife catches this gutsy chameleon right in the chest! It pierces the heart and the chameleon is dead in seconds.

Luckily for the chameleon, a certain kernelsprite is there to catch its dead body as it flies through the air. The chameleon enters the kernelsprite and is born anew!

“Pascal!” the beloved owner cries as the owner of the knife that killed the creature growls in rage. Lots of things are happening there, it’s crazy, but for now, our chameleon is dead, and dwelling too long on this tragedy is depressing. Perhaps it is time for a scene change.

\---

Hiccup ran to Toothless, disregarding the broken glass surrounding him, and threw his arms around him. “Bud! I thought you left after you dropped me off!”

Toothless snorted. Astrid found it very strange considering the dragon’s lack of a nose, or face in general. Also because Toothless was a dragon, and dragons weren’t real.

“So this is Toothless!” she said, trying not to flip out. Which was hard. After all, a huge dragon just flew through her boyfriend’s window on their first date and said boyfriend was freaking out, not because there was a dragon, but because he thought the dragon lied to her. This can be a lot to take in, especially for a thirteen-year-old. “Wow, he sure is…something, Hiccup.”

Hiccup looked back at her and smiled. “Isn’t he?”

It suddenly occurred to Astrid that she’d never seen Hiccup smile so widely before. It made her happy he was happy, but also sad that she was not the cause of it.

“Um, so what are we going to do about your window?” she asked, trying to take her mind off of those admittedly really depressing thoughts (for a thirteen-year-old). “We can’t just leave it like this, it’s the middle of winter.”

“Uh…” Hiccup stepped back from Toothless and looked around the room. “Here!” He picked up a large sheet of blue drafting paper. “We can just tack this to it for now, should block some of the wind.” He found a handful of thumbtacks in a jar on his desk and started sticking the paper up.

“Okay, so that’s one problem sort of solved. What about the dragon? What are we going to do with him?”

“Dunno. Toothless, what do you want to do?”

A part of her wanted to scream, Really? You’re asking the dragon what it wants to do? It can’t even talk, Hiccup!

A much larger part of her calmly said, Well the dragon probably knows what it wants to do better than either of us. 

Toothless, after being posed the question, hopped up onto Hiccup’s bed, curled up in a ball, and went to sleep.

“Oh, real nice, bud,” grumbled Hiccup. “Not even going to help clean up the mess you made, I see. Well, fine, I’ll go find a broom.” He went to the door. “Astrid, I’m going to clean this up, you don’t have to do anything, you’re the guest, so just, uh…”

“Stay put?” she offered.

“Yeah! Do that.” He nodded and left to find a broom and dustpan.

Toothless was in her face in seconds, growling. “What do you want from me?” she asked him. He growled some more. “Okay, I don’t speak whatever language you’re trying to communicate with me in, so you’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

Toothless sat back with a nasty look on his nonexistent face, flicked his ears first toward the door, then toward Astrid, then started growling again. “Oh, I get it. You want to make sure I don’t hurt Hiccup or anything?” She scowled at the dragon. “I’m the last person you should be telling that to. I like Hiccup, and I want him to be happy.” She crossed her arms and got in Toothless’s face as he had in hers. “Who’s the one who’s been beating up anyone who tries to mess with him, huh? Who’s the one that makes him tell adults when someone tries to hurt him? Oh right, me. Because as I recall, you haven’t been there for him when he’s in trouble, ever?”

The dragon snarled at her. “No, let me finish! You know, one of the biggest reasons people pick on him is because he tells them his best friend is a dragon. Now okay, it’s partly his fault, of course people are going to make fun of him if he says his best friend is a dragon, that’s common sense, but there’s only four people who believe him, and that’s me and three kids on the internet he’s never even met. No one in town thinks you’re real, and it’s because you never even show your face to defend him.”

She sat down on the chair next to Hiccup’s at his desk and pulled out her phone, checking Pesterchum for messages. “Some best friend you are,” she muttered.

Toothless crawled back up onto the bed, never taking his missing eyes off her.

\--soaringHurricane [SH] began pestering ostentatiousArtist [OA]\--  
SH: Everything okay over on your end  
SH: Looks fine where I am right now  
OA: No, everything is not okay!  
OA: My mother just tried to kill Eugene!  
SH: Whoa  
SH: I thought me and Hiccup locked her up  
SH: ?  
SH: Oh see the room I’m looking at is where she was  
SH: Whoops  
SH: Sorry about that it has been crazy  
SH: There is a literal dragon in this room right now  
SH: I don’t think he likes me  
OA: Okay that’s cool and all, but my beloved pet just died, and my mother is still trying to murder my boyfriend, so if you and Hiccup could help out?  
SH: Hiccup went to get stuff to clean some glass  
SH: I’ll see what I can do

She quickly zeroed in on where Rapunzel, Eugene, a floating pink chameleon, and Rapunzel’s deranged mother were. She picked up the first thing she saw, a toilet. Why Hiccup put the alchimeter in the bathroom, she would never know. She carefully positioned the toilet between Rapunzel and her mother, then dropped it from as high as she could.

It crashed into the tiled floor, creating a hole. The space around the hole crumbled off a bit with it, and Rapunzel’s entire half of the bathroom caved in, alchimeter and all.

Rapunzel, Eugene, and the pink chameleon all fell into the chasm, landing in the kitchen below.

Astrid made quick work of building a makeshift wall around the group of her friends and one floating pink chameleon, which was unhurt in the entire matter, and building another wall around the hole. You could never be too protective.

All in all, she didn’t do a bad job of that, she decided. 

Eugene would have to disagree. Though they’d all come out of it without injury, Rapunzel had fainted, partially from the shock, partially from hitting her head on a falling floor tile.

She was unconscious again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think to be fair everyone is going to kiss at some point
> 
> everyone
> 
> even the ones that are related are going to kiss because that is the only way it will be fair
> 
> i'll have to tag it incest or something haha whatever
> 
> also no more jack's dad or sandy for a while you will all have to suffer not knowing what happens
> 
> (man i put all this stupid subtle stuff in here and no one ever calls me out on it  
> even if it's just a naming theme for the not-trolls  
> i'm always like "wonder if they'll catch that" so far no one has told me they have  
> no one is like "omg i finally figured out merida's god tier" that's still a thing guys  
> or "why do you only refer to him as jack's dad" there is a reason for that  
> whatever rant over)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to post this earlier to celebrate working on this story for over a year (though it hasn't yet been a year since i published it) but my mom's computer has been having problems soooo yeah

Elinor had moved to the long table in the great hall where she and her family would dine together every day. She remembered as she sat down that that would never happen again.

She could almost see her boys whispering to each other, some plot to scare the maids. She could nearly hear her husband, regaling them all with tales they'd heard a thousand times that never really got old of bears and battles.

She pulled her cellphone out of her pocket to see if she could call them, hear their voices one last time.

No signal.

She thought of her daughter, just up the stairs, who was very likely blaming herself. Elinor didn't blame her for it at all. How could she have known the strange game she'd purchased from an old lady with all the carvings on the street who said she was a representative of Skaia Industries would destroy the world?

And there was no use dwelling on anything. The best course of action for the moment would be to find out where they were, memorize the terrain, etc.

She glanced out a window. Where they were certainly looked a bit like Scotland, but there was an eerie feeling in the air, and she thought she could hear a faint giggling.

She started to look away, but she noticed something blue and brown, with a smidge of white, flying away from the castle. Odd. Was that Jack? 

Whatever it was, it was falling, plummeting through the air. If it was Jack, there was nothing she could do but help him.

She put on some hiking boots and headed to the crash site.

\---

Jack, as he flew out of Merida’s castle, felt his eyes slowly closing as he became drowsier and drowsier. He struggled to stay awake, but…

Funny. He woke up immediately.

But this was not the Land of Forests and Jubilee, he realized, looking around. This place was quite a bit more purple, and he wasn’t on his staff, and Rapunzel was waking up next to him.

“Rapunzel!” What was she doing here? Wasn’t she still trying to get into the game?

“Jack!” she exclaimed. “Oh, thank goodness you’re finally awake, I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t gotten you out of that fire-”

“Fire? What fire?”

“While you were asleep there was a fire in your tower, I just barely rescued you. We’re in my tower now, but I think we should leave this place too, I’m not sure how safe it is. I’m afraid someone might try to start a fire here too.”

Jack held his hands up. “Okay back up. Tower? Where are we, anyway?”

She looked a little desperate. “Have you never been on Derse before?”

“Derse?”

She sighed. “Can I explain this all later? I’m afraid right now. And I need to wake back up on Earth, I don’t know what’s going on with Eugene and Mother but it can’t be good.”

“Yeah, last I remember I was crashing to the ground on Merida’s planet.”

“Then we need to get to a safe place. How’s your planet right now?” she asked. 

“Wet,” he deadpanned.

“What?”

“Just, I don’t want to go there right now. I feel like if I do I might see my dad and he would just--”

Red, vine-like ropes shot through the room, narrowly missing the two of them. Jack peered through one of the holes they had created in the tower. They looked like they could go on for miles, maybe. Red miles.

“Yeah I think we should move.”

\---

\-- flynnRider [FR]  began pestering  soaringHurricane [SH]\--

FR: WHAT THE HELL MAN   
SH: What   
FR: my girlfriend is unconscious AGAIN thanks to you   
SH: Sorry   
FR: also her mom is still on a rampage   
FR: can’t you do anything about that while i try to wake up blondie here   
SH: Yeah I guess I can try   
SH: Sorry I knocked her out   
FR: whatever   
SH: Hiccup will be back soon do you just want him to take over   
FR: i mean he can’t do worse than you   
SH: Gee, thanks   
SH: I just trapped her in a bathroom   
FR: because that worked so well last time   
SH: Fine I’ll just let her out of there   
FR: shut up

\---

Rapunzel twisted carefully around the Miles toward the door, which had miraculously been unharmed in the initial attack. She opened it for Jack and he passed through, still a little drowsy, and they headed down the winding staircase to the purple streets below. It was chaos in the city, black chess people running amok, Miles twisting through the air. “We have to figure a way to get to Skaia or something,” Rapunzel said to Jack.

“Skaia?”

“Seriously? You don’t even know what Skaia is?”

“Of course I don’t know what that is! How do you know what it is?”

“I’ve been waking up here since I was little! I mean I’ve never been there, but I know a lot about this. I didn’t realize it had anything to do with the game.”

“We should just find an Authority Regulator or something, they can take us where we need to go.”

“A what?”

Rapunzel ignored her ectobiological twin. She looked around for someone who was keeping at least some semblance of calm, because that person was bound to be important, or at least trained. She spotted someone down the street setting up police tape. “Found one.” She grabbed Jack’s arm and dragged him down to the black carapace.

“Excuse me! Are you an Authority Regulator?”

He stopped taping up buildings and looked up at them. When he saw who they were, he started muttering about how “incredibly illegal” it was they were out of their towers. 

“Leaving a tower isn’t even close to the most illegal thing I’ve done, man. You should see what I can do with a badger.” Jack grinned. 

“Jack shut up, they hate it when people break rules,” muttered Rapunzel, elbowing him in the arm. “Do you have a vehicle or something? We need to get somewhere safer. Would it be too much to ask for a ride to Skaia or something?”

He stammered out an indignant reply, how could they even think of asking to go that far, what was he supposed to be a transportalizer or something, things like that.

Rapunzel perked up at the mention of a transportalizer. “Can you take us to one?”

He asked for clarification.

“You know! A transportalizer! Please?”

He grumbled something intelligible and motioned for them to follow him.

He led them down a side street and into an official-looking building. When they entered they saw it was completely empty aside from a single purple pad in the middle of the room. “Thank you!” said Rapunzel to the Authority Regulator, though she could tell Jack was still confused about the whole situation. “They’re teleport pads, I guess you could say.”

“Like, ‘beam me up Scotty’ teleport pads?”

She gave him a blank look. 

“Never mind. We just stand on it?” 

“Yep! I mean, I’ve never used one myself, but that seems to be the gist of it! Let’s try it.” She took his hand and stood on the transportalizer pad. The two of them dematerialized within seconds and reappeared on an identical pad in a laboratory.

Rapunzel frowned. “From what I’ve heard of Skaia, this doesn’t seem to be it, I’ve only heard of castles and battles...try and find a window, can you do that?”

“No, I physically cannot move from this spot, and also I’m blind, so I can’t see windows.”

“Shut up.” She hopped off the transportalizer pad and headed down a hall. She could hear Jack following behind her for lack of any other way to go.

She found herself in another gray room, this one with a large machine with four tubes and a platform and a computer terminal shaped like the SBURB symbol, each screen set on a slightly different time in 1994. The screens seemed to follow four people--a tall, dark man sitting next to a shorter man in a tiny yellow car, a brunette woman riding a horse through a forest behind a large ginger man, also on horseback, a burly man with a great orange beard penning a letter, and a woman sitting in a bar, sipping a glass of something, who Rapunzel realized with a jolt was a much younger version of her mother. She leaned on the console, and accidentally pressed the large button there.

The other machine in the room with the tubes started up. A green mess of goo that for a second was in the shape of the tall man in the car appeared, then was siphoned into a tube. Rapunzel paused. What did that just do?

There didn’t seem to be any change on the screens. She pressed the button again. This time, the pile of green goo took the shape of her mother, and was sucked into the tube next to the one already filled.

She repeated this process twice more, until all four tubes were filled. The green slime filtered into two green machines below the tubes, and four babies suddenly appeared, and then four more.

“Babies!” Jack exclaimed. “Oh man, what are we going to do with you little guys?”

“Jack, I don’t know if you should play with those babies-”

“No way!” He was already down on the floor, letting the blonde baby girl grab his fingers. One of the brunet boys was climbing on top of him, trying to grab at his hair. “They’re babies, Rapunzel, what’s the worse they could do?”

She hesitated for just another second, then conceded. “They are pretty cute, aren’t they.” She walked over and picked up the redheaded girl, who drooled all over her. “Except for this one.”

\---

Hiccup came back into the room with a dustpan and a broom. “Anything interesting happen in the minute I was gone?”

Astrid turned around. “Ah, not much. I mean, Rapunzel’s mom got out and almost killed Eugene, and Rapunzel passed out or something, but that’s pretty much how it usually is.” She smiled.

Hiccup blinked. “Well as long as you have everything under control.”

“Oh, I do. I’ll tell you if anything else comes up.” She twisted back around and resumed barricading Rapunzel’s mother into a bathroom.

Hiccup loitered awkwardly in his doorway for a few more seconds, then went to sweep up the glass on his floor. Toothless assisted with a flick of his tail, and the larger shards were swept up into the dustpan. “Thanks, bud.” He used the broom to get the rest. “I’m going to go throw this out downstairs,” he told Astrid. “So, uh, as long as everything is fine on your end with one of my best friends and her boyfriend…”

“It’s all peaches and cream, Hiccup. Don’t worry about a thing.”

Hiccup left, carefully balancing the dustpan so glas would not spill out. Obviously he knew everything was not “peaches and cream,” but what would Astrid say if he tried to suggest it wasn’t? ‘What, so you don’t trust me with the lives of people you care about? Am I not responsible enough for you, Hiccup? Maybe we shouldn’t be together if you don’t think I can handle a simple task like ensuring the lives of your friends continue!’

So he was still a little stressed from his earlier episode. He’d get over it. He always got over it eventually.

“What have you got there, son?”

“AAAAahh oh it’s you, Dad.” He’d nearly dropped the dustpan full of broken glass.

“Why exactly do you have all that broken glass? What did you break this time?” his father sighed.

“N-Nothing, it was an accident! I closed the window, and then--”

“It’s below freezing out, why did you have the window open?”

“Did I say window? Haha, I meant, um, chindoor. Yes. Chindoor.”

“And what exactly is a chindoor?” His father crossed his arms.

“Well that is a funny story, see chindoor is the American way of saying drinking glass, because your chin opens like a door. Jack taught it to me. He was all, ‘What? You guys don’t have chindoor in Norway? That is so, totally, bogus?’”

His father looked at him for a long moment. “Don’t use words that boy teaches you. He’s a bad influence.”

“Good idea. You know, I think he might have been lying anyway, that’s the kind of thing he would do. Spawn of Loki, or whatever.” It was always a good idea to throw in some references to the old Norse ways when trying to talk to his dad. His dad loved that stuff.

Thankfully, his father nodded. “I know exactly what you mean, son.”

“So I’m just going to go throw out this glass now.”

“Yes! Right. Go do that.” His father stepped out of the way, and Hiccup rushed past him.

It looked like his dad was going back to watch his hockey game. It was Norway vs. Sweden, he was surprised he even got up at all. But as long as his dad didn’t go upstairs to check on them any time soon, Hiccup would be golden. He hurried outside, threw the glass in the bin, then ran back in to escape the cold. He looked into the living room quickly just to see if his dad was there.

He wasn’t. Where could someone as big as his dad have gone in such a short amount of time?

“What in Thor’s name is that on the bed?”

Oh. That was where.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOO MUCH TO SAY
> 
> kay
> 
> rapunzel and jack are silly...you cannot escape the miles
> 
> also chindoor is not a real word, for those of you who might be wondering...at least it isn't a word i use
> 
> for future ref, hiccup and his dad and astrid all speak norwegian to each other in person and english online  
> they were speaking norwegian when hiccup insinuated chindoor sounded like window  
> even though chindoor was in english and window was in norwegian  
> i don't know if the norwegian word for window sounds like chindoor  
> i honestly don't care
> 
> it's so hard to find text colors under the homestuck skin i haven't already used/plan to use like all the greens and reds are gone otherwise astrid would have been blue and eugene a darker green  
> but instead we have eridan and terezi having conversations and i think that is just fine  
> whereas most of our beta kids have alpha kid colors except for of course the rose/roxy switch that i'm now going to pretend was intentional for future plot reasons
> 
> haha well this note is getting far too long
> 
> goodnight


	24. Chapter 24

Rapunzel set the ginger baby down. “Jack, it’s been fun telling each other our various secrets and fears and other things an unbiased bystander would have no interest in and also playing with these babies with you for these past few hours--”

“We’ve been doing this for hours?”

“--but I’m waking up back on Earth. That means I’m falling asleep now. Can you make sure nothing weird happens to my body while I’m asleep?”

“Yeah, of course, but how do you know how long we’ve been doing this? I mean, I know time flies when you’re having fun or whatever, but hours?”

An odd look came over her face. “I’m not sure how I know. I just do? Weird.” 

She passed out.

\---

Elinor found Jack in the forest about an hour after she left. She was angry with herself for taking so long--on her own land it wouldn’t have taken long at all, but in this unfamiliar terrain she was helpless.

She was grateful to finally find him and see that he was perfectly fine, aside from some minor scratches and bruises. The branches of the trees must have broken his fall, she thought. She just wondered why exactly he fell in the first place.

She hoisted him, with some difficulty, over her shoulder, and prepared to make her way home, but she realized she had no idea which way home was. The trees blocked her view completely. There were some footprints from where she had been, but a lot of where she had stepped had been covered in pine needles and her steps had barely stirred them.

She was lost in the forest without any way of getting home, with an unconscious teenage boy on her back.

She decided to light a fire, and hope Merida would find her. It was, after all, getting dark, and establishing camp was her first priority.

However, after hearing the first rustling just beyond the trees and seeing a pair of bright white eyes, she mentally changed camp to second. Defending herself from these unfamiliar creatures would have to be first. 

She set Jack down and put up her fists in a defensive position. She fought with fists because, after all, weapons were unladylike. But self defense was necessary, and besides, kung fu was an extremely elegant art.

It was time to make her teachers proud.

\---

Eugene had broken out of the little hideaway Astrid had built around him and the unconscious Rapunzel, and took her back to her room, carrying her through the half-destroyed house. He passed the door to the downstairs bathroom at one point, though it was blocked off by a dresser and an upturned bed. Astrid messaged him smugly asking if he liked her handiwork. He ignored her.

After laying her down on her bed, he pulled the pink apartment lease out of his pocket and read it over. There was nothing weird about it at all, aside from the color. It was identical to the lease for the apartment he had back in his current place, even. How was this supposed to get them into a mystical game?

He passed the time filling out all of the necessary information, signing for himself and dating for the both of them. All that was needed was Rapunzel’s signature, which he supposed he’d get when she woke up.

He checked the cruxtruder when he was finished. Well, they would probably still finish with time to spare, but there was a significant difference from twelve hours and twenty-one minutes.

He woke up her computer while she slept and messaged Merida, who didn’t respond for a long time. Finally, though, she dragged herself out of bed and back to her laptop. He knew this because he could see it.

RA: what do you want  
FR: my girlfriend is asleep  
RA: so you decide to bother me  
RA: i’m a little busy at the moment  
FR: you’re just lying in bed i can see you  
RA: creepy  
FR: look i want us to get into this game asap, okay?  
FR: i just narrowly escaped death by crazy mother-in-law  
RA: you guys aren’t married  
FR: crazy future mother-in-law  
FR: happy?  
RA: so why are you messaging me  
FR: is there anything else i’m supposed to do while i wait for her to wake up  
RA: you could try to figure out what she needs to do with whatever she alchemized  
RA: what did she alchemize  
FR: it’s the lease for an apartment i wanted us to get together  
FR: pretty sure all we need to do now is get her signature on it  
RA: did you prototype the sprite twice?  
FR: i don’t even know what half those words mean  
RA: uuuugh  
RA: the glowy floaty ball  
RA: did you stick stuff in it at all  
FR: i  
FR: not sure  
FR: i mean there is a dead pink chameleon floating around behind me  
FR: is that it  
RA: oh no pascal died?  
FR: that’s what we’re focusing on here  
RA: i liked pascal  
FR: well i think this is him floating after me  
FR: should i stick something else in him is that what you were getting at  
RA: i guess so  
RA: make sure it’s something rapunzel likes it’s supposed to be her spiritual guide through the game or whatever  
RA: except all mine has done is tell me and mum in detail how everyone we love is going to die  
FR: is that why you were moping  
RA: i wasn’t moping!  
RA: i was dealing with my grief thank you very much  
FR: whatever you want to call it  
RA: excuse me for being a little upset i’ll never see my family again  
FR: okay whatever  
FR: look take it from someone who never knew their parents  
FR: you have to make your own family  
FR: don’t forget about who you’ve lost but it’s okay to move on  
RA: it’s not that easy!  
FR: let’s look at it this way, ginge  
FR: rapunzel is my family, you know  
FR: i love her  
FR: if something happened to her it would probably kill me because she’s the family i made for myself  
FR: but we’ve talked about it and she said if that happened she would want me to move on and be happy  
FR: wouldn’t your family want the same thing

She didn’t message him back after that, but that was okay, because Rapunzel woke up a few minutes later.

She sat up in bed. “How much time do we have left?” was the first thing she asked.

Eugene spun around in her desk chair. “Really? No hello? You’ve been out for hours.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Three or four hours, give or take. I haven’t checked in a while,” he conceded. “But listen. I think I figured out what we need to do.”

“What?” She hopped off the bed.

“First, I have a very important question to ask you. Please, take a seat.” He stood and offered her the desk chair.

She took it. “I’m confused. Why can’t you just tell me?”

“Just wait.” He got down on one knee. “Rapunzel.”

“Oh, my god.” She put her hands over her mouth.

\---

“Oh, my god! Are you seeing this, Astrid?” Hiccup asked his girlfriend, a little far ahead in the future from where his main narrative is in the story at the moment. 

“He needs to work on his timing,” she said. This was in no way a subtle jab at the author who also needs to work on timing.

Hiccup ignored her. “What’s that he’s pulling out of his pocket? That’s not a box…”

\---

“So we’ve been together for a long time, and we’ve been through a lot together. Everything that has happened today alone is enough for a lifetime. So what I wanted to ask was this.” He pulled the apartment lease out of his back pocket and unfolded it. “Will you get an apartment with me?”

She stared at him for a second. “That’s not what I thought you were going to ask.”

“But?” He grinned winningly at her.

“But yes. I will.” She hugged him.

“Okay please sign this then.” He handed her the pink slip of paper. She laid it flat on the desk and signed it with a flourish. Rapunzel Gothel

There was a bright flash as a meteor hit the house and took them away.

\---

“Dad I can explain--”

“Is this snow on the bed? And what’s that on the window frame? What’s going on, Hiccup?” Hiccup’s father demanded when his son had entered the room.

“Um…”

“Someone threw a rock through the window and it broke. The snow blew in later. Hiccup put the paper over it to try and stop the draft,” Astrid said quickly. Hiccup gave her a grateful look when Stock turned around to look at her.

“Who would throw a rock through Hiccup’s window at this time of night?”

“Any number of people, sir. But I’m guessing it was probably Snotlout. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s gone out of his way to bully Hiccup.”

Where’s Toothless? Hiccup mouthed at her.

She glanced up for a fraction of a second. Hiccup followed her eyes.

Toothless was perched on the ceiling, his claws digging into the wood. His wings were folded close to his back. Hiccup was suddenly very thankful for the abnormally high ceilings in his house.

“Snotlout...I’ll have a word with his father.” Stoick nodded to himself and went to the door. “Sorry to bother you kids. Next time something like this happens, just tell me, Hiccup. I can help.”

“You got it, Dad.”

Stock left, closing the door behind him. Hiccup breathed a heavy sigh of relief and staggered to the bed, where Toothless had already dropped to. “That was close.”

“Yeah it was! What would you have said if I wasn’t here?” Astrid asked.

“Dunno..but I’m glad you were. Thanks, Astrid.” He smiled at her.

“Hmph.”

“So what’s going on with Rapunzel?” He got up and came back to his computer chair.

“It’s kind of a long story…”

END ACT 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and there is the end of act 1! calling it that was kind of a spur of the moment decision but whatever
> 
> don't consider this your christmas present because that will be a short (maybe?) intermission coming on christmas itself because what it entails is very christmas-themed! ironic because i'm jewish
> 
> anyway relating to that you know how my least favorite part of this is formatting pesterlogs? i thought to myself, why don't i write an intermission that is completely pesterlog? :D
> 
> actually it's a memo which is even bitchier to do because you have to introduce every person and when in the time stream they're coming in
> 
> yeah that's not going to be fun for me
> 
> especially with twelve different colors...!


	25. INTERMISSION

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry christmas! here's something a little festive for you all  
> and it's the twenty-fifth chapter and everything!

PAST despairingSpirit [PDS] 730 HOURS AGO opened public transtimeline bulletin board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PDS 730 HOURS AGO opened memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.

PDS: WELL FRIEND5, AFTER THROUGHLY PERU5ING THE5E PUBLIC LOG5 I FOUND 5HORTLY AFTER ENTERING OUR 5E55ION, I HAVE FOUND THAT IT I5 TIME TO PROPERLY BEGIN PO5TING THEM.  
PDS: DO NOT WORRY, FOR I HAVE CAREFULLY GONE THROUGH THE LOG5 AND I KNOW JU5T WHAT WILL HAPPEN  
PDS: FOR THE MO5T PART  
PDS: ANYWAY I AM 5URE THE ONE5 I HAD TO 5KIP FOR THE 5AKE OF TIME ARE NOTHING IMPORTANT  
PDS: THEY 5EEMED RATHER 5HORT WHEN I GLANCED OVER THEM  
PDS: AND THEY WERE AL5O MO5TLY ME TALKING ALONE  
PDS: THANK5 IN ADVANCE, GUY5  
PAST praisingPixie [PPP] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PPP: omg pope shut upppppp  
PPP: you talk so muuuuuuch  
PDS: WOW THANK5 GIFT LOVE THE 5UPPORT I’M GETTING HERE  
PPP: no one cares pope  
PAST merrySilm [PMS] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PMS: oh be nice Gift Pope is trying his best  
PMS: he’s just a little t8 long-winded sometimes  
PMS: try to understand  
PPP: whatever  
PAST joyousMano [PJM] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PJM: what are you talking about evergreen  
PJM: i 4 one agree with gift  
PJM: i find her to be an excellent judge in these matters!!!!  
PMS: because your judgement is so g8d Yule  
PJM: excuse me????  
PAST happyFae [PHF] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PHF: hey 7here  
PHF: how abou7 everyone jus7 calms down  
PHF: 7ha7 sounds reasonable  
PPP: ugh here’s the pushover  
PHF: i’m no7 a pushover!!!!!!!  
PAST celebratorySprite [PCS] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PCS: well you are kind of a pushover  
PHF: hey!!!!!!!  
PHF: wha7 gives ivy :(  
PCS: let me finish solst  
PCS: gosh  
PCS: look solst is kind of a pushover i think we can all agree on that  
PCS: but if you want 2 get 2 him you have to go through me 2  
PAST jubilantNymph [PJN] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PJN: awww look, a knight in shining armor  
PJN: how adooorabl3  
PJN: a littl3 ironic b3caus3 according to th3s3 animals i’m th3 knight but  
PJN: i can hand ov3r th3 titl3 for th3 sak3 of your looov3 ;)  
PHF: EW  
PCS: ALSO EW  
PDS: I THINK WE MIGHT BE GOING A LITTLE OFF TOPIC  
PPP: oh great  
PDS: DOE5 ANYONE KNOW WHERE YE5HUA AND PADRE ARE, I THINK THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP REIN THI5 IN  
PAST happyDjinn [PHD] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PHD: hey yall  
PHD: cant help you on the yeshua front, unfortunately  
PHD: but i do know where padre 12, if you know what i mean ;)  
PDS: EXCELLENT  
PDS: WHERE  
PHD: um were together now  
PHD: if you know what i mean ;)  
PDS: COULD YOU PUT HIM ON  
PHD: oh my god  
PDS: IT I5 A 5IMPLE REQUE5T, FRO5T  
PAST wretchedSire [PWS] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PWS: pope sometimes you ca9 be very oblivious about thi9gs  
PWS: ahem  
PWS: a9yway  
PDS: WAIT WHAT AM I OBLIVIOU5 ABOUT  
PDS: WA5 THERE 5OMETHING EXTRA TO BE INFERRED IN FRO5T’5 5EEMINGLY 5TRAIGHTFORWARD COMMENT ABOUT HOW THE TWO OF YOU WERE TOGETHER  
PDS: BECAU5E I COULD DETECT NO HINT OF ANYTHING UNU5UAL WHAT5OEVER  
PDS: PERHAP5 YOU 5HOULD MAKE YOUR HINT5 MORE OBVIOU5 NEXT TIME, FRO5T  
PHD: it was obvious to everyone but you  
PDS: I 5ERIOU5LY DOUBT THAT  
PAST gratefulBrownie [PGB] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PGB: well 11 mean me and shemash got 11t and we were barely pay11ng attent11on  
PGB: 11f you know what 11 mean ;)  
PGB: as our fr11end frost would say  
PHD: haha yeeeeeeeeeeeeah  
PAST reverentHob [PRH] 730 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PRH: 1atke!!!!!!!!!!  
PPP: oh great who invited the mutants  
PGB: :(  
PDS: WHOA THERE THI5 CHATROOM I5 A NO HATING CHATROOM  
PDS: WE ARE ELVE5 NOT BARBARIAN5  
PPP: whateverrrrrr  
PWS: well it look like everyo9e is here except for yeshua  
PDS: WE 5HOULD WAIT FOR HER  
PJM: no oh god lets just start already  
PJM: shes even worse than pope  
PPP: lmao truuuuuu  
PDS: WHAT DID I JU5T 5AY  
PWS: well pope why do9t you tell us what you have lear9ed looking through our memos  
PDS: BUT WHAT ABOUT YE5HUA  
PWS: ill tell yeshua everythi9g later whe9 i see her  
PWS: it seems she has already started o9 her frogs or somethi9g  
PWS: shes very dilige9t  
PDS: HAHA YEAH  
PDS: 5HE’5 5O GREAT  
PJM: ….  
PJN: whoa n3v3r mind  
PJN: sorry solst and ivy, pop3 and y3shua hav3 you b3at on cut3st coupl3  
PJN: not counting shamash and latk3, ultimat3 r3r3igning champions for 3t3rnity, of cours3  
PGB: :D  
PDS: THAT I5 NOT EVEN A THING  
PDS: 5HUT UP  
PCS: come on pope just take the title  
PCS: please  
PCS: for our sake  
PHF: for our sake  
PDS: NO OH MY GOD  
PDS: I THOUGHT YE5HUA HAD A THING WITH FRO5T?????  
PDS: WA5NT THAT A THING THAT WA5 HAPPENING  
PDS: IT WA5 I KNOW  
PHD: yeah like months ago????????????  
PHD: she totally broke my heart dood :(  
PDS: OH  
PDS: I DID NOT KNOW THAT I  
PDS: I AM 5ORRY  
PDS: EXCU5E ME

PDS banned himself from responding to the memo.

PPP: what a spaz  
PPP: lmaoooooo

\---

PAST wretchedSire [WS] 700 hours ago opened memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.

PWS: does a9yo9e k9ow where holly is right 9ow  
PWS: yeshua says she 9eeds her to help with frogs  
PAST jubilantNymph [PJN] 700 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PJN: if y3shua wants m3 sh3 can talk to m3 h3rs3lf privat3ly!!!  
PWS: except she ca9’t  
PJN: oh???  
PWS: she broke her computer a9d she wo9’t go alchemize a 9ew o9e  
PJN: why th3 h3ck not???  
PWS: do9’t expect me to u9dersta9d how her mi9d works  
PJN: w3ll why does she need me?  
PWS: she said her sprite told her she 9eeded your help because you're a k9ight or something  
PJN: how ar3 my rag3 pow3rs suppos3d to h3lp in frog br33ding though  
PWS: how should I k9ow  
PWS: seer of void here  
PJN: wouldn't pop3 b3 more us3ful???  
PJN: b3caus3 h3's th3 tim3 play3r  
PWS: pope makes her uncomfortable really easily  
PWS: you k9ow they used to be close but  
PWS: she would be better at explai9ing this tha9 me  
PJN: fin3 I'll com3  
PJN: but only b3caus3 I want to h3ar mor3 about th3 lov3birds!!!  
PWS: word of advice do9't call them that i9 fro9t of her she really hates it  
PJN: haha if you say so

PWS closed memo.

\---

PAST hopefulDjinn [PHD] 469 hours ago opened memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.

PHD: so guys I found this weird bed on my planet  
PHD: and I haven't been doing much exploring of my own planet mostly just skaia yknow so like does anyone know what this is is it normal to have a weird stone brown and green bed  
PHD: okay no one is answering thanks everyone thought we were friends  
PHD: apparently not!  
PHD: oh hey it's yeshua  
PHD: well this is a little awkward  
PHD: update guys she just stabbed me and left me for dead  
PHD: as if breaking my heart figuratively wasn't bad enough  
PAST hopefulDjinn [PHD] 2 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PHD: relax man  
PHD: whoa  
PHD: she just did what she had to do, know  
PHD: destroy your life and all  
PHD: you'll be fine  
PHD: even get some sweet new threads  
PHD: grow like three feet  
PHD: pretty good bargain if you ask me  
PHD: haha well that does sound cool but right now I'm just bleeding to death so  
PHD: oh yeah that'll be over soon  
PHD: judging by the lack of response you're dead now  
PHD: yes it appears so  
PHD: this is padre  
PHD: oh yeah I almost forgot about that whole thing with us  
PHD: take good care of past me okay

PHD closed memo.

\---

PAST despairingSpirit [PDS] 420 hours ago opened memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.  
PDS: IMPORTANT QUE5TION  
PDS: HA5 ANYONE EL5E GOTTEN A PRIVATE ME55AGE FROM A GUY WHO ALTERNATE5 THE HOLY COLOR5  
PDS: BY LINE, HE DOE5 IT BY LINE  
PDS: HE KNOW5 WEIRDLY A LOT ABOUT U5 AND I JU5T WANTED TO KNOW IF ANYONE WA5 TELLING HIM THIS 5TUFF  
PAST praisingPixie [PPP] 12 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PPP: do not trust him  
PPP: I know we aren't on the 6est of terms  
PDS: I GUE55 THAT'5 ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT  
PDS: WHY 5HOULDN'T I TRU5T HIM  
PPP: I can't tell you  
PPP: future you won't let me  
PPP: future you is a jerk  
PDS: 5URE  
PDS: THERE'5 NO WAY YOU'RE JU5T TRYING TO ME55 WITH ME LIKE U5UAL  
PDS: YOU KNOW WHAT  
PDS: I BET THI5 GUY I5 ACTUALLY REALLY GREAT AND YOU'RE JU5T TRYING TO 5CREW ME UP  
PPP: no oh my god why would I even do that  
PDS: TO LAUGH AT ME  
PDS: WHAT OTHER REA5ON DO YOU NEED  
PDS: YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK I’LL JU5T KEEP TALKING TO HIM  
PDS: IF HE’5 5OMEONE YOU DON’T LIKE WE’LL PROBABLY MAKE GREAT FRIEND5  
PPP: look  
PPP: i’m sorry the me from when you are is such a 6itch  
PPP: i really am!  
PPP: when i’m from we’re actually good friends  
PPP: please trust me  
PDS: LET ME 5EE  
PDS: NO  
PDS banned PPP from responding to the memo. 

PDS closed memo.

\---

PAST merrySilm [PMS] 256 hours ago opened a memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.

PMS: so guys has  
PMS: has anyone visited padre in a while  
PMS: because  
PMS: and i don’t want to freak anyone out here but  
PMS: he’s dead  
PAST joyousMano [PJM] 257 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PJM: lmaoooo  
PJM: good one evergreen  
PMS: i’m not joking?  
PMS: i’m standing on geysers and darkness in front of his blue bed and he is dead here  
PJM: okay joke is getting old  
PMS: it isn’t a joke!!!!!!!!  
PMS: it l8ks like he was stabbed to death but i don’t know who by  
PAST wretchedSire [PWS] 250 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PWS: relax evergree9  
PMS: oh thank god you’re okay!  
PMS: you l8k dead six hours before when you are  
PWS: that’s because whe9 you are i am dead  
PMS: what????????  
PWS: it’s okay  
PWS: yeshua did tech9ically kill me but it’s okay  
PMS: yeshua did this????????  
PJM: always knew she was up to no good  
PJM: hehehehe look who was right  
PMS: for once maybe  
PJM: 4 once maybe  
PJM: i am always right you guys just have a different idea of wrong  
PWS: i asked her to  
PMS: why would you ask her to do something like that?  
PWS: i 9eeded her to do it so i could go god tier  
PMS: god tier????????  
PWS: whe9 i am 9ow i ca9 see i9to the void  
PWS: it is frighte9i9g a9d awful  
PWS: but someo9e 9eeds to do it  
PMS: that sounds c8l and all but i do not want to die  
PJM: same!!!!  
PMS: shut up  
PMS: can you just tell her to leave us alone?  
PWS: i suppose  
PWS: it is a shame  
PWS: you would have made such a good maid of hope  
PWS: a9d yule, you would have excelled as bard of doom  
PWS: i’m sure you would have loved the codpiece  
PJM: codpiece????

PWS closed memo.

\---

PAST celebratorySprite [PCS] 134 HOURS AGO opened a memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 5ENT TO ME.

PCS: so er  
PCS: i was looking at old memos and i noticed a theme of us mysteriously dying thanks 2 yeshua on beds?  
PCS: and then later on i would see those guys and they would have new pajamas  
PCS: anyway what i am trying 2 say here is i think pope is going 2 be getting some new pajamas  
PCS: also does anyone spend time with yeshua?  
PCS: at all?  
PCS: i feel like if we did she might stop doing this  
PCS: killing us i mean  
PCS: well it seems everyone else is 2 busy to respond to their good friend ivy  
PCS: fuck you guys

PCS closed memo.

\---

PAST happyFae [PHF] 47 HOURS AGO opened a memo on board TEAM MY TRUE LOVE 53NT TO ME.

PHF: okay look guys i know i7’s been fun running around on all 7hese plane7s and ge77ing new pajamas and s7uff  
PHF: bu7 i 7hink we’re forge77ing 7ha7 7here is an ac7ual purpose 7o 7his game  
PHF: i7 feels like me and yeshua are 7he only ones who have been ac7ively 7rying 7o win  
PHF: plus holly i guess she’s been helping ou7 wi7h 7he frog breeding  
PHF: wha7 i’m saying is we’ve been doing 7his for almost a mon7h and we s7ill haven’7 gone to confron7 7he black king!  
PHF: how are we supposed 7o earn our ul7ima7e reward if all we do is laze around?  
PHF: and less 7han half of us are god 7iers 7oo i7’s jus7 pope and padre and fros7 and yeshua and me  
PHF: we need 7o s7ep up our game!  
PAST celebratorySprite [PCS] 49 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PCS: wait you went god tier?  
PCS: when did that happen??  
PHF: oh my god ge7 wi7h 7he program ivy i was 7he firs7 one  
PHF: yeshua helped me ascend a few days in  
PHF: af7er some level grinding  
PHF: i have friends besides you you know  
PHF: anyway 7hen we wen7 7o my plane7 and she killed me  
PHF: and 7hen i did her  
PCS: whoa what  
PHF: shu7 up ivy!!!!!!!  
PCS: i didn’t say anything  
PHF: after that we jus7 wore differen7 clo7hes and she made us magic hats to look shorter  
PHF: 7ha7 is a 7hing 7ha7 can be done  
PHF: back 7o 7he poin7!  
PHF: we need 7o s7op ac7ing like i7’s chris7mas morning forever and jus7 ge7 s7uff done!  
PCS: calm down nothing bad will happen if we relax a little  
PHF: ivy!!!!!!! >:(  
PHF: why won’7 you guys jus7 ge7 off your bu77s and do some7hing!?  
PCS: because i mean  
PCS: what’s the point?  
PCS: who knows if this prize is even anything 2 write home about?  
PHF: why else would you play a game?  
PCS: 2 just do it?  
PCS: i don’t know!  
PAST praisingPixie [PPS] 46 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PPP: she does have a point  
PPP: i want this prize!  
PHF: 7ha7’s 7he spiri7!  
PPP: 6ut i also don’t want to work for something if our so-called leader won’t even talk to us for a month  
PPP: why is yeshua the leader anyway who decided that  
PPP: was there a vote when i was 6usy or something?  
PPP: ugh  
PCS: true  
PCS: if yeshua wants us 2 do something she should tell us herself  
PCS: no offense solst  
PHF: >:(  
PAST mournfulChild [PMC] 47 HOURS AGO responded to memo.  
PMC: No, Solst.  
PMC: Ivy is right.  
PMC: I should have come earlier if I wanted things to get done.  
PPP: oh god when i said i wanted to see you i didn’t actually mean it  
PMC: Lovely to see you too, Gift.  
PMC: Anyway, I do think it’s high time we claimed that reward.  
PMC: I’ll be where you all are in a few minutes.  
PPP: what is that supposed to mean  
PMC: Well, I am the Heir of Space.  
PMC: Teleportation is child’s play.

PMC closed memo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first off i would like to say that YES all of them have different colors no matter how similar some of the greens look i did figure out twelve different colors for these motherfuckers
> 
> so i did say what they were, they are elves, and they represent the twelve days of christmas! and a few of them are other things, i mean latke and shamash are technically jewish but whatever. and yeshua and padre and pope are supposed to be the son, the father, and the holy spirit, even though i know literally nothing about catholicism welp
> 
> oh man but guys also i saw frozen yesterday and i suddenly really want those guys all in this  
> is that even possible  
> maybe ;)  
> denmark is after all very close to norway, and there's that whole theory that they're rapunzel's cousins  
> though perhaps elsa and anna would be better friends with a different norwegian kid who wasn't hiccup, but was close, and it's a bit late for this rapunzel anyhow
> 
> that's all i can really say on the matter without giving away long term plans, haha


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you really want to get a good effect play Grieg's "Morning Mood" in the Rapunzel section :)

==>BEGIN ACT 2

The world was violet.

The world was violet, and it stunk of blood and fear and ash and death.

The smells disgusted and pleased him. They also made him angry.

Underneath the stench of fright and the sweet fragrance of dark death was not what he was looking for.

And all he could see was violet, and black, and red, both the red he had created with his own two hands and the red created by that red, the red of the lifeblood of the creatures (his citizens, she whispered from behind and above him) but what he was not looking for was not violet or black or red.

What he was looking for was blue and white and there was nothing of the sort here.

He took in one long breath through his nose, letting the scents wash over him.

The blue and white scent was gone too. Or perhaps it had never been here on this dark place of bright violet and deepest black and wettest crimson.

He heard the word, “where,” though he did not know where it was coming from. He realized belatedly it was coming from his own mouth. He realized belatedly his thoughts were his words were his commands.

There was a distinct gray metal smell in front of him, but through the metal he could smell blue and white but not the blue and white he wanted.

There was something wet on his cheek and he noticed that it was coming from whomever or whatever he had just killed, the thing behind him.

He didn’t really notice people anymore.

Except the person who was blue and white.

And the person who was yellow who was locked away safely to never be seen again.

But mostly the person who was blue and white who he would find and have at all costs because if he did not find and have him there would be nothing left.

There would be nothing left.

\---

Jack woke up in the middle of a forest, covered in pine needles, next to the remains of a fire. He sat up quickly. “Where am I?” he said aloud before taking more time to actually check his surroundings. There were piles and piles of grist nearby, and the area was clear, suggesting someone else had been there. Probably the person that killed the imps. Was it Merida? He didn’t actually know where she was.

His phone had been blowing up while he was asleep though, from basically everyone on his contact list. Merida, Rapunzel, Hiccup, a bunch of trolls, even his uncle Sandy. Well, those could wait. He had to figure out where he was and get out before he answered any of their “urgent” messages.

There was a rustling a few feet from him, back behind the trees, and he braced himself for attack, though he wasn’t actually sure where his weapons were. A few seconds later, a person emerged. It was...Merida’s mom?

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

She looked relieved. “Oh good, you’re awake. Here, help me clean up this fire, don’t want to burn the place down, do we? And then we’ll see about getting home.”

“Um.”

“Well don’t just sit there! You have to do all you can to prevent forest fires, you know.” She crossed her arms. Jack could really see the resemblance between her and her daughter.

“All right, all right, I’m doing it, see?” He gestured at himself, then at the pile of smouldering sticks with a wave of his hand. A sudden, harsh gust of wind blew away the smoke that was still rising from the sticks.

They both stared. “That was a little weird,” Jack said. “But whatever it was made the fire okay to leave, I think?”

“Then let’s try to head back to the castle. The only problem is I don’t know which direction it’s in. I was waiting for you to wake up so you could climb a tree and find out,” Merida’s mom told Jack.

“Why would I climb a tree when I could just fly up and look?” he replied with a grin. He pulled a plastic tube out of his hoodie packet and shook it. It snapped open into yet another rocket crook. “As I always say, always have no less than five flying devices on you at all times. It’s what any sensible person would do.”

“I don’t care how you do it, just do it,” Merida’s mother said.

“You guys are so alike,” Jack remarked, before shooting off into the sky.

Perched above the trees, he could see everything. The castle was the south, which meant he had originally been traveling north when he left the night before. To the east was a stretch of pine forest all the way to the horizon, but to the west the pines thinned out and made way for more tropical trees, and what looked like a beach along the horizon. He’d have to check that out.

Above Merida’s castle was a red spirograph that he realized should have been his goal when he first set out but like an idiot he had completely forgotten about that. He made a note to Rapunzel to build up when she had the chance. Wait, was she even in the game yet? Probably. He decided not to worry too much about that.

To the north, though, where he had been going originally, was a perfectly logical explanation for not going the normal route.

There was a mountain, a huge mountain, snow-topped and everything. The slopes looked jagged and treacherous and he wanted to snowboard down it so badly it hurt.

But, shredding down that wicked hill would have to wait, he knew. He had to get Merida’s mom back home so she could do mom stuff or whatever. What did moms do? He’d never really had one and he wasn’t quite sure. Was it baking? It was probably baking. And...cleaning? 

Though Merida said they had servants so Jack was drawing a blank on what it was Merida’s mom actually did. But it wasn’t really important, was it? It was going to bother him unless he asked. He’d probably ask on the way back.

But in the meantime he actually had to tell her the way back which meant going back down to the dark forest full of strange laughter that was always just barely in earshot.

He descended quickly. “Well?” Merida’s mother said.

“Due south should take you straight home. If you see Merida still there, tell her to head up. Just straight up. She’ll know what I mean.”

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“I was going to go snowboarding on the mountain, but I guess that can wait. I'll just fly up ahead, there's a place I need to go up there."

"If you fall again I won't be there to patch you up this time," she told him.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for that, by the way," he said, walking through the clearing, picking up the grist.

"Well. Good luck, then." 

"You too, Merida's mom." He waved behind himself in her general direction before blasting off again.

\---

Merida had seen the smoke signal her mother had set up,once she had managed to drag herself out of bed. And like a good daughter who had been camping in the woods surrounding her home many times, she knew it meant someone was in trouble. And since Jack was supposed to have flown far away by then, there was really only one person it could be.

She knew she was supposed to go through the portals over her house or whatever, but screw the game! It had already killed her father and brothers, she wouldn't let it keep her from helping her mom too! 

She messed around with alchemizing tons of useless stuff until she found some good codes for things like orange computer sunglasses, an automatic reloading bow and quiver, and a rocket board, because flying on a thin stick of metal like Jack did was just stupid. What if he fell asleep? He would fall. If she fell asleep while airborne, she would have a rocket board to sleep on peacefully instead of falling to her death.

She was about to take off toward the smoke when her absolute favorite creature appeared. "Wait! Before you go, there's something I need to give you," said Paperbearsprite, its words a bit muffled from the item in its mouth. It was a red necklace with a spirograph design. "Take this. I must leave you now for Skaia, but should you ever think of me-and I hope you will think of me, and think of me fondly-then you can use that to summon me and I will appear before you. Now, I must bid you farewell. The battlefield awaits." It vanished.

Merida took one long look at the gift from the sprite. Then, she climbed aboard her new ride, checked the straps on her weapons, and set off. 

She flew as high as she dared (which was very high indeed) and threw the sprite's gift as far as she could.

She turned the rocket board around and headed for the smoke signal, but a few minutes before she would have arrived she noticed a small clearing in the darkening forest. The clearing was full of huts, and when she flew over it the giggling grew slightly louder. She wanted to help her mother, but...the curiosity was killing her.

She headed down.

\---

After a brilliant flash of light, Eugene and Rapunzel found themselves exactly where they were, but with bright sunlight filtering through the window to Rapunzel’s room. Rapunzel eagerly opened the window and stuck her head out.

There were fields as far as her eye could see, punctuated frequently by small stone structures. There were wildflowers in the fields, of every variety Rapunzel could think of. “Eugene, let’s go out!” she exclaimed. She took his hand and led him through the destroyed house, to the front door. Rapunzel, with her free hand, opened it.

The two of them stepped out into the sunlight, trodding on the fresh green grass. “Where are we?” wondered Eugene aloud.

“I don’t know, but it’s beautiful,” Rapunzel replied, drinking in the open space and the beauty of her planet.

“It’s called the Land of Meadows and Sundials,” came a voice from behind them. They turned in unison.

“Pascal?” Rapunzel asked.

“Yeah!” He was lavender, floating, and had a dagger stuck in his chest, but he was still Pascal. Rapunzel grinned.

“You’re alive! Just like Jack’s rabbit!”

Pascal nodded. “And I’ve only been prototyped once. I need to be completed, Rapunzel,” he said. “But...that can wait. Enjoy this place while you can. You’ve earned it.”

“I--thanks, Pascal!” She hugged him with one arm, as the other was still holding Eugene’s hand. “Let’s go look around,” she said to him. 

Pascal contentedly watched them run off into the morning light. He knew the peace would not last, and that they should make the most of what time they had.

Though considering who Rapunzel was, maybe they would have more time than they thought.

\---

“So...what now?” Astrid asked.

And honestly, it was a good question. Now that Rapunzel and Eugene were safely in the game, on whatever planet it was, they had nothing to do. They’d deployed the machines that became available once they’d entered, and installed their client disc. There was nothing really they could do.

“We could message Jack, I guess. But I think he went MIA at some point recently so I don’t know how we’re going to be able to do anything.”

“So we’re supposed to just sit here and wait around for something to happen?” Astrid replied. “That sounds stupid. Message Jack.”

So he did.

DB: hey so i’m sure whatever you’re doing is important  
DB: but you’re supposed to be my server player  
DB: and i would like to get into this game before i get destroyed by a meteor  
DB: really you could start serving any time now  
DB: hello?  
DB: jack seriously this is not funny  
DB: i don’t want to die

No answer.

“This isn’t reassuring,” Hiccup muttered.

“Message someone else then! Find out where he is.”

DB: hey  
DB: you know where jack is?  
RA: no idea  
RA: he might be with my mom but i took a detour from rescuing them  
DB: could you  
DB: take a detour from your detour  
RA: can’t exactly do that right now  
DB: okay well this is kind of important  
RA: so is what i’m doing  
RA: i’m learning the lore of this land  
RA: normally that kind of thing bores me but this stuff is about me  
RA: prophecies and the like  
RA: they’re calling me the maid of rage is that a wicked name or what  
DB: okay well me and astrid are going to die   
DB: but as long as you’re having fun  
RA: look i’ll message him  
DB: we already tried that  
DB: but who knows maybe he’ll listen to you  
RA: i’ll try okay  
RA: don’t die   
DB: we’ll do our best

“Merida’s a dead end too,” Hiccup told Astrid. She made an annoyed noise before pointing at the screen. 

“Who’s that?”

HD: hey hiccup  
HD: it’s me  
HD: your best friend in the world  
DB: who are you  
HD: harsh  
HD: 12 th12 the first time we’ve ever talked?  
DB: uh  
DB: yes?  
HD: wow th12 12 going to be hard, then  
DB: who are you  
HD: name’s frost  
HD: when i am we’ve already sort of become friends and stuff  
HD: we tell each other everything that kind of thing  
HD: you know things about me even i don’t  
DB: okay that is really not creepy in any way whatsoever  
HD: thank claus  
DB: what  
HD: that’s just a really relaxed way of saying thank god where i’m from  
HD: like “thank jesus” for you guys or something  
DB: okaaaay  
HD: anyway  
HD: what was i even going to talk about  
HD: oh yeah  
HD: don’t worry about getting into the game that’s going to happen just fine  
HD: well the way 12 a little  
HD: unorthodox but you’ll be okay  
HD: you should be getting a message in a few minutes about it  
DB: um  
HD: no need to thank me  
DB: thanks man  
HD: :)  
HD: no problemo friendo

The--troll?--closed the chat window on their end. Hiccup frowned at it.

“What was that about?”

“He said not to worry about it,” said Astrid, frowning along with her boyfriend.

And as if on cue, yet another window popped up on Hiccup’s screen.

\--sleepyMaestro [SM] began pestering draconianBlacksmith [DB]\--

SM: :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's just ignore the fact that it's been two months  
> i had to reuse colors sobs but i doubt shamash and sandy will ever talk so  
> we know merida's god tier (finally) so technically some of you know all four kids  
> but you don't know all the elves and i doubt those will ever come up, not all of them  
> and of course there are some other people you don't even know about yet haha  
> this is like 2400 words alone i hope it makes up for the radio silence  
> i've been supes busy sorry y'all  
> if you want to talk to me about this my tumblr is thelydiacatfishcaper! come visit!


	27. Chapter 27

Away from Merida’s mom, away from the earth itself and the trees and the problems, up in the wind, it was...right.

The openness of the sky as he flew up and up, higher and higher, drew him in. He wondered vaguely if this was what being high felt like. They he laughed, because, what a stupid pun.

The air was thinner, colder, but he liked that. It was like being on a mountain, but without having to feel the earth under his feet.

He’d never really liked feeling grounded.

And the cold never bothered him, anyway.

He inhaled, taking in one long, lung-bursting breath of air. The cold stung his throat but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

He could probably stay up above the clouds, just breathing, for hours, but good things never did last, did they? 

His phone went off. The ringtone he’d picked earlier, half as a joke, Ice Ice Baby, was now invading his quiet cold freedom and he just about threw the darn thing before he saw who it was that was trying to pester him.

SM: D:

\---

Merida had completely forgotten her mother in her long night of exploration. She flew all over the planet, though not high in the troposphere as Jack did. She stuck to the trees, racing just above the ground through the unfamiliar forests, and she loved every minute of it. Every few hours she would happen upon a little town and its residents would tell her the same thing--they waited for she who would calm their god, she who would help his anger simmer out harmlessly, she who would stop the nearly ceaseless rumbling of the earth. They were waiting, they explained, for their Maid of Rage.

And didn’t a title like that just get to a girl’s head!

In one village, the residents were different. Where the animals of the previous towns had seemed scared but secure, these creatures seemed to be in a perpetual state of fright. She did, finally, get one to explain.

There wa a red spirograph portal at the edge of town, and through it they could hear...things. 

“What sorts of things?” Merida demanded of the creature, but it scampered away in fear.

Well then! She would just have to go and investigate, wouldn’t she?

She approached the small portal with some caution, but ultimately decided to go through it. She was supposed to explore this land and protect its people! Er, animals. Whatever.

What she did not know were the perils of entering the seventh gate too early, and of the dangerous creatures that laid in wait on the other side.

\---

Rapunzel kicked off her shoes and socks a few minutes after stepping out onto her planet. The grass was warm and the dirt was cool, and she relished ni squishing the fresh earth between her toes. Eugene refused to do any such thing, no matter how much Rapunzel wheedled him.

She didn’t really care, though. As long as she could run to her heart’s content, and feel the breeze on her face, and tuck numerous flowers into her hair, she was happy.

There were so many flowers, too! Daisies, where she was, but she could see wild roses to the south and to the east there was a large sundial up on a hill next to a cluster of lilies that looked as though they’d originated from drops of sunlight. She was enchanted by them and made Eugene fetch her one.

He came trotting back from the top of the hill saying, “This better have been worth it, I cut my hand on a rock.” He held up his hand, and there was indeed a shallow gash on his palm.

“Sorry about that!” she said, wincing.

“Why did you want this so bad anyway?” he asked.

“It reminds me of...a song Mother used to sing to me. Would you like to hear it?”

Eugene handed her the flower and held her free hand with his uninjured one. “Sure.”

Rapunzel took a deep breath. “Flower, gleam and glow, let your power shine, make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine, what once was mine.”

As she sang, a strange golden light originating at the flower’s center traveled across her body to Eugene’s across their linked hands, then passed to his other hand where it lingered above his cut until the wound was gone.

What Eugene noticed, however, was not this, but her hair. “Look!” he said, running his fingers through it. “It’s longer! And blonde!”

“Look at your hand!” She dropped the flower and bragged the hand she healed. “Did-did I do that?”

Their eyes met for a moment before they glanced down at the flower in unison. Whatever that mysterious power hand been, it had come from that flower.

\---

DB: okay so  
DB: who are you, exactly?  
SM: ;)  
DB: so that isn’t an answer  
DB: can you use real words  
SM: :(  
DB: okaaaaaay  
DB: wait  
DB: are you supposed to be my server planer?  
SM: (^O^)  
DB: okay we need some kind of code  
DB: :) for yes :( for no  
DB: are you my server player or not?  
SM: :)  
DB: great so could you, uh  
DB: serve me  
DB: please  
SM: :) :) :)  
DB: you’re breaking code

“Who is it?” asked Astrid, looking over Hiccup’s shoulder.

“Some guy who can only speak in smilies, apparently.”

DB: there’s some devices that need deployed can you do that  
SM: :)  
DB: thanks  
SM: :D

“He says he’ll put the machines out now. But I don’t know where, exactly, because he won’t speak in real words.”

SM: ;) x3  
DB: what does that mean  
SM: >:(  
DB: you deployed them all already?  
SM: :)  
DB: where?

“Is that a poop emoji?” wondered Astrid aloud.

DB: so, bathroom  
SM: :)  
DB: and...my dad’s room?  
SM: :)  
DB: he’s going to kill me  
DB: what’s the last place?  
SM: ^^^^  
DB: what?  
SM: ^^^^^^^^^^^  
DB: i don’t understand  
DB: the roof?  
SM: :)  
DB: you’ve got to be kidding me

“Let’s go check out the bathroom and my dad’s room, I guess,” he sighed. He and Astrid stood, and Toothless hopped up off the bed.

SM: :O  
DB: what  
SM: X(  
DB: is there something weird  
SM: :)  
SM: :)!!!!!!   
SM: ?????  
DB: so you’re asking a question  
SM: :)  
DB: is it...something about me?  
SM: :)(  
DB: yeah i don’t know what that means  
SM: :) & :(  
DB: yes and no  
DB: is it something near me?  
SM: :))))!!!!!  
DB: what   
DB: oh  
DB: is it the dragon in the room  
SM: :) !!!!!!  
DB: that’s just toothless don’t worry about him  
DB: he’s pretty much harmless  
SM: *~*

After a quick check, it looked like the cruxtruder was in the bathroom, the prepunched card lying neatly on top. Hiccup was going to stay as far from it as possible, until Toothless accidentally smacked the side of it with his wing, starting the countdown. He, unlike Rapunzel, had only twelve minutes and twenty-one seconds.

“Crap!” Hiccup picked up the bright green cruxite dowel and the prepunched card and ran to his dad’s room, Astrid following close behind him. Luckily, the machine there was the totem lathe, and he was able to quickly get it carved.

“Now we just have to go to the roof,” Astrid said. Hiccup nodded, his mouth going dry. What if they didn’t make it? What if he caused the death of not only himself, but Astrid and his dad and Toothless? Of the whole village? He shivered. Astrid put a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s going to be okay,” she said. He nodded.

“To the roof.”

“To the roof,” she agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> favorite line from this chapter: you're breaking code  
> also wrote another section but it'll go at the beginning of the next chapter haha  
> short chapter but important stuff is about to happen (and is happening) we're actually almost to the part where there's basically a large chasm in my brain of where the plot is going to go. i can see the other side, vaguely, but i need to find a bridge. i'm indiana jones in the search for the holy grail and i need to have faith or whatever. yeah. anyway when that happens there will probably be another hiatus as i figure out where the fuck this is going  
> some of you (cough) are insisting on giving me fanart or something, which is ridiculous because this is the last story that would ever need nice people to give it fanart, but if guess if you want to shoot for a specific date the sixteenth is my brithday so there's that


	28. Chapter 28

Apparently he had quite frightened the black smells around him. People, he had to remember that they were people. Well, not exactly people, but she insisted they were, and no matter how he raged he could not get her to leave him alone.

_“Just because you killed me does not mean I will disappear.”_

shut up shut up shut up shUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP _SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!_

One of the “people” wet themselves in fear.

Now that was a smell he enjoyed. Fear, that was, not piss. The fear was so much sharper than the black dullness of his new citizens or the constant purple haze around him. It was the only smell he could get that was even close to the blue and white he craved.

How he wished for the blue and white to return to him!

“...lead……...king……….blue and white…..”

He felt a hard shell in his palm, and a heartbeat underneath an exoskeleton.

tAK _E **N OW**_

He followed the heartbeat, for he could still hear it faintly after he relinquished it, to another room and onto an elevated step.

Suddenly the blue and white smell was all around him.

But so were _they._

And the smell was WRONG!

\---

SB: whats up  
SM: DDD:  
SB: crap where are you  
SM: IIIIIII  
SB: how are you in prison  
SB: like what the heck did you do  
SM: :’(  
SB: okay but we are talking about this later  
SB: wheres the prison  
SM: :/  
SB: what do you mean you dont know  
SB: never mind  
SB: who put you in prison anyway i might be able to use that as a clue  
SM: >:(  
SB: you have got to be kidding me  
SB: why would dad put you in jail?  
SM: >:( -> ?? IIIIIIII  
SB: i have an idea about where you might be  
SB: is it purple  
SM: :)!!!!!!!  
SB: crap  
SM: ????  
SB: i literally just left there  
SB: but dont worry im coming  
SM: :))))  
SB: dont mention it  
SB: just gotta find a safe place to sleep

That was the end of his fun, then. Well, it was for a good cause. His dad had put his uncle in jail for some reason. But his dad had changed somehow, too? He wondered if that had anything to do with the red stuff back on Derse.

He really hoped his dad didn’t have anything to do with that.

But Derse was probably where his uncle was, though how he got there was a mystery. Jack would just have to go back there. Hopefully the transportalizer worked in both directions.

Hopefully Rapunzel and the babies would be okay.

He’d go back to Merida’s castle and find a bed there to sleep on. He adjusted his position on the crook and prepared to head down.

His phone went off.

“What now?”

MC: I would head in a slightly different direction if I were you, Jack.  
MC: You know, just in case.  
MC: I wouldn’t want my friend to die.  
MC: Would you?

\---

There were no trees on the other side of the portal, meaning she was either on another planet or underground, or both, judging by how dark it was and how earthy it smelled.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and turned on the flashlight. She shone it directly forward, then all around the room. Cavern was really more accurate, though. The ceiling was at least a hundred feet up and the light didn’t even hit the back wall.

Though, that wasn’t because the place was so wide. It was more because of the humongous creature in front of the wall.

The creature was gigantic. It looked like a white worm with an orange tail.

It also looked very awake, and very angry.

“Uh-oh,” said Merida.

“YOU ARE EARLY, LITTLE MAID!” it roared.

Merida prepared her bow and nocked an arrow. “I’m armed!”

Its tail shot out and hit her, and she was launched into the back wall. “Uuugh…”

“IF YOU CANNOT EVEN TAKE THAT THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT THE CHOICE IS STILL OUT OF REACH FOR YOU.”

Merida’s whole body felt broken. There was blood pouring out of the back of her head. Was she dying? There was still so much she had to do!

She couldn’t move, though, at least not voluntarily. She was sliding down the wall slowly, achingly slowly, but the pain was distracting her from thinking too much about that.

The monster was saying something else, but she wasn’t awake much longer to hear it. Blessedly, she finally passed out.

\---

“You know, when I was younger, I always wanted a place of my own. Then that place, it turned into a castle. Then an island. As long as I was alone and had boatloads of money, I was set.”

Rapunzel raised an eyebrow.

“I think a planet will just about do it.”

She smacked his arm with her free hand, the other clutching his. They were walking through the endless meadow, farther and farther from the house. Rapunzel did have the foresight to alchemize a new and improved frying pan along with some outfits and miscellaneous crap before they left, and check to see if her mother was still locked up, which she was, before they set out.

“You can have _some_ of it. It’s my planet.”

“I did just as much work as you to get here!”

“But it’s _my_ game and _my_ friends,” Rapunzel pointed out. “And all those weird tablets we’ve been finding are about a ‘she.’ So, me. Unless there’s something big you’ve been hiding from me?”

Eugene laughed. “I mean, if you want to be ‘she who will nurse temporality back to health with bloody hands.’ What is that supposed to mean?”

Rapunzel shrugged. “I wonder. Maybe it has something to do with that Sylph stuff? They said I was the Sylph of Time. What even is a Sylph?”

“Don’t look at me, your English is better than mine.”

“I’ll ask Merida later,” she mused. “I’m just wondering why my hands will be bloody.”

“You’re going to kill everyone,” Eugene said, completely deadpan.

“No!” Rapunzel protested. “Maybe they were like that from trying to help someone. Doctors get their hands dirty trying to heal people. I’ll be the Time Doctor.”

“Isn’t there a TV show about that?”

“Yeah, Merida watches it. She’ll get a kick out this.”

They walked in silence for a few more minutes, before Rapunzel spotted something in the distance. “What is that?” she cried. She released Eugene’s hand and ran forward.

She stopped at the top of a hill. Below was a sundial as big as a house, perfectly solid and flat. There were red crocodiles standing on it, saying “nak nak nak.” Rapunzel was charmed. She pulled out her phone to take a photo.

Having run straight ahead, she failed to notice yet another stone tablet lying on the ground. Eugene saw it, though, and examined it.

_A Knight who could not protect_  
 _But could help only himself_  
 _A Maid who could not serve_  
 _But could follow a Lord_  
 _A Sylph who could not heal_  
 _But could kill with nary a thought_  
 _A Page who could not obey_  
 _But could Forge ahead too slowly_

_Meet your doubles_  
 _The Seer, the Rogue, the Witch, the Prince,_  
 _And your origins,_  
 _The Heir, the Seer, the Knight, the Witch,_  
 _And your Doom,_  
 _The Bard and his Lord_  
 _Unravel to Fame_  
 _Or die in Infamy_

A chill went down his spine. He captchalogued it. Rapunzel didn’t need to see it.

\---

The house curved into the mountain and as such, Hiccup and Astrid were able to climb out a window, take a few steps up the mountain, and walk on the roof with relative ease. The alchimeter was on the very opposite edge, the edge that had the actual dangerous drop. “Thank you for nothing, server player,” muttered Hiccup, carefully picking his way across the slick roof. He did finally make it, but not before slipping and falling right onto his butt several times. Luckily he had Astrid there to help him up. When he made it to the alchimeter itself, though, Toothless suddenly appeared and whisked her away.

“Bud!” But there was no answer. He had to get back to the task at hand.

The alchimeter created…

A saddle.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” he murmured to himself.

“Hiccup!”

Hiccup spun around. Oh crap. There was his dad. Up on the roof. With him. And the weird machinery. It could have only been worse if Toothless had been there too.

“Get off the roof, son! You could fall!”

“S-So could you,” Hiccup replied. Wow, it was cold out. That was 100% of the reason for his stutter.

His father rolled his eyes. “What are you doing up here, son? What is that machine?”

“...What machine?”

“Don’t joke around with me, Hiccup!” Stoick yelled, coming closer. Hiccup backed up automatically, his back hitting the alchimeter.

“I’ll…” Wait. What if this saddle thing was some sort of test? Oh no, what if he failed? Would he die? He shivered unconsciously.

“You’ll freeze to death! Get inside!” shouted Stoick, coming even closer. Hiccup scrambled over the alchimeter. He was now standing on the very edge of the roof.

“Please, Hiccup, just listen to me.”

His dad was pleading, and his expression was genuine. But…

The fact of the matter was, Hiccup was tired of doing whatever his dad told him. He was tired of being scared of his dad and he was tired of being helpless without him.

“I’m not going back in!” he shouted.

“What? Hiccup!” His father was enraged now.

Hiccup winced. He had to be strong. “I’m-I’m staying out here for now, Dad! You go back in, I’ll be there soon. There’s something I have to do here by myself.”

But his dad wouldn’t listen. The man had a tendency to make his conversations one-sided in his favor, after all. By now he was at the alchimeter and he lunged across it, trying to grab Hiccup. 

“Son, please.”

Hiccup’s hands tightened around the saddle in his hands. Wait. Saddle. And it was just the right size for…

“Catch!” he shouted to the sky, and threw it as high as he could. The bright green saddle suddenly disappeared in a flash of green light. His father was temporarily frozen in confusion.

“Now or never, Hiccup,” he muttered to himself. He spun around, and before his father could react, jumped off the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOO I got a lovely birthday present and it was art of this fic and here it is (on my blog): http://thelydiacatfishcaper.tumblr.com/post/79829582736/ask-innocence-happy-birthday-to-lydia-author
> 
> the poem was not originally going to be there but doesn't it just provide some delicious foreshadowing? what does it mean, i wonder (i actually know, that was just me pretending to be in the dark about the future of the story to be nice to those of you who are clueless)
> 
> i'm going to need to add the major character death tag soon oops


	29. Chapter 29

SB: what do you mean die  
MC: I’m afraid Merida has done some things a little...ahead of schedule.  
MC: Not to worry; she can still be saved.  
SB: okay i need more than the minimal explanation  
MC: The fact of the matter is you don’t have time for anything more.  
MC: She went where she wasn’t supposed to, and therefore was not ready for what she found there.  
MC: Currently, she is dead. That is all there is to it.  
SB: what the fuck why are you telling me this  
MC: Because I can also tell you how to save her.   
MC: You must find her quickly, though, or it will be too late.  
MC: I’m sending you a map. Follow it, and you will find Merida.  
MC: I’ll tell you what to do next when you have her in a secure location.  
\-- mournfulChild [MC] sent snowBalling [SB] the file MeridaLocation.fla --

Jack really had no choice but to listen to this troll. Elf. Whatever. He opened the file, which was just a pretty straightforward map, and followed where it said to go.

He had to fly much closer to the ground, which was kind of a bummer, but for his friend he would do anything.

He found himself in front of a smaller, red spirograph. The map ended at it. Cautiously, he made his way through.

He found himself in a dark cavern. When he let his phone light shine in front of him, he saw a huge white and orange worm, one that did not look too happy.

“MORE INTRUDERS?” it hissed, and whipped its tail at Jack.

“Whoa!” He swerved on the crook out of the way, but he could feel the wind whistle past him. If that had hit him he would have been a goner. “I just want to know where Merida is and then I’ll leave, I promise!”

“THERE IS NOT MUCH LEFT OF HER TO FIND,” growled the creature, “BUT IF YOU INSIST, LOOK BEHIND YOU.”

Jack slowly turned, being careful in case the beast tried anything. There was something on the wall of the cavern a bit higher up than he was that looked out of place. Something…with bright red hair.

He swooped up to her. “Oh no,” he breathed. He sent one hateful look toward the creature, but it had slithered away. He looked back at his friend. What could he possibly do in this situation? He decided to take her out of this place, at least. He gathered her up in his arms and flew slowly back to where he had come from.

When he was back on the surface of LOFAJ, his phone went off again.

MC: This next part is going to be kind of weird.  
MC: You have to kiss her.

\---

The golden princess opened her eyes.

The last thing she could remember was pain and darkness, but now she was fine, everything was bright, and while her body had the unstretched feeling bodies tended to get after sleeping for a long time, it didn’t hurt.

She sat up, stretched a bit, and checked her surroundings.

She seemed to be in a replica of her bedroom, but somehow...off. It was a little bigger, and the whole thing was yellow, and also some kind of four letter code was writing all over the wall. ERBARBREAABRAEBBRRAEAEBEARARBERREAERBARBBERREAREAABRAEBBRRAEEABEARARBRAEEARBREAB and so on. That definitely wasn’t in her room back home.

There was also a large window, through which she could see a golden city and a tower that probably matched the one she presumed she was in. Further back was…

A planet. 

Blue and white, and humongous, it couldn’t have been Earth, not with the random flashes of red she could barely see. There were also clouds everywhere, and in the clouds she could see images.

A tall man in dark clothes standing in a crater while a short man in yellow cried on his knees in front of it…

Jack, pulling away from a kiss with what looked like her body…

Jack’s body slowly sinking to the bottom of a lake…

A sick woman in a hospital bed, imparting her last words on her three-year-old son…

Hiccup, looking panicked, poised to kiss a dying Rapunzel…

Rapunzel in strange red clothes, holding her hands before some kind of array that had frozen Jack in space, her eyes brimming with tears…

Hiccup, all in black, shouting at her, as they rode a golden battleship through the cosmos…

Hiccup riding a snow-white dragon, Astrid behind him with her arms wrapped around his torso, over a desert, further and further from an erupting volcano…

The images chilled her to the bone.

\---

SB: so update on everything thats happened since we last talked  
SB: merida is dead  
OA: Okay, very funny.  
SB: um nope she is actually dead and also pretty mangled  
SB: i am trying very hard to hold it together rn tbh  
SB: a troll elf whatever told me to kiss her but nothing happened so now i just feel gross and i’m kind of freaking out  
OA: You kissed a dead Merida.  
SB: yeah  
OA: Wait  
OA: Merida is dead????  
SB: yeah :(

Rapunzel choked out a sob. “Whoa, what is it?” asked Eugene, skidding down the hill to meet her.

“J-Jack says that Merida is dead,” she murmured. “And, and I don’t think he’s lying. He wouldn’t lie about this!”

Eugene grimaced and gently took the phone from her hand, switched to a conversation with Merida, and sent a short message

OA: you dead or what

He patted his girlfriend on the back. God, this sucked. What kind of sick game were they playing? 

RA: shockingly, no  
RA: but i am...somewhere else  
OA: Jack says you’re dead!  
RA: probably because i died  
RA: but then i woke up in this yellow tower  
RA: there are clouds everywhere  
RA: they are creepy  
OA: But if you died…  
OA: Oh!  
OA: You must be on Prospit!  
RA: i don’t know what that is  
OA: When we go to sleep, we wake up on these planets called Prospit and Derse.  
OA: Well, Jack and I are from Derse. You and Hiccup must be from Prospit.  
OA: We all have two bodies, I guess? It’s confusing.  
OA: I guess your day body died but when Jack kissed it you woke up in your dreamer body.  
RA: jack did what  
OA: Oh, yeah, he’s worried about you. You should probably let him know you’re okay.  
RA: good idea  
RA: i’ll see where i can get from here and then (hopefully) i’ll see you later  
OA: It’s a date! :)

“False alarm! She is alive. Her consciousness is just in an exact copy of her original body on a tiny planet she goes to when she sleeps.” 

And Eugene didn’t really know how to respond to that. 

\--- 

Toothless, best friend to Hiccup that he was, caught Hiccup almost immediately when he leaped off the house in a show of independence to his father. 

Hiccup had never ridden Toothless with a real saddle before. It was much better than the desperate bareback clinging he’d done several times before. Toothless didn’t even seem to mind the saddle. 

They soared up, back over the house, and right above Stoick’s head. Stoick’s face turned chalky white in the early morning sunlight. 

“Hiccup!” he shouted. 

Hiccup was a little distracted by something else in the sky. 

There was the meteor, right on schedule. 

“Dad! Get back in the house!he cried, pointing at the hurtling ball of space rock. 

Toothless had evidently noticed as well and wanted to pull away from where it would inevitably land. 

“No, bud! We’re not leaving without Dad!” He directed the dragon toward the bane of its existence, the widower and rather to the only two people who it could remember showing it affection. 

They landed on the roof before Stoick.”Get on,” Hiccup urged him. Stoick stood for a second, deciding. “Dad, c’mon!” His son’s voice spurred on his decision. He scrambled onto Toothless’s back. “Go, son!” 

Toothless did not need to be told twice. He launched them off the roof, but instead of doing any kinds of turns, he teleported the three of them. In a flash of green lightning they were safe in the living room of the house, where Astrid had been waiting. 

And they were just in time, too--a second later and they would have been crushed by the meteor, which collided with the house in a flash of bright, white light. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i put so much shit in the last chapter and no one took the bait  
> no one
> 
> there's plenty here too though so have at it if you want  
> (still haven't talked about sandy and jack's dad's backstory but there's a hint here)


	30. Chapter 30

SB: so what am i supposed to do with the body

was not a question Jack “Frost” Black had ever anticipated sending to anyone, especially not someone who claimed to be an elf from another dimension.

MC: In my culture it is customary to burn the body after death and use its ashes to help the gardens flourish.   
SB: yeah we dont   
SB: do that   
MC: What do you do, then?   
SB: usually we bury people but   
SB: not exactly plausible right now   
MC: You could always just...hide the body away?   
SB: right for animals to find and eat   
MC: I’m afraid I don’t know what to tell you.

Yeshua switched conversation windows.

MC: I’m having a little trouble with human cultural customs and procedures right now.   
MC: Would you be able to help me?   
WS: i doubt i would be of much help   
WS: i suppose there is 9o harm i9 tryi9g   
MC: Jack’s with Merida’s dead body and he doesn’t know what to do with it.   
WS: did you suggest bur9i9g it   
MC: Yes.   
WS: a9d hidi9g it?   
MC: Of course.   
WS: well that is all i ca9 thi9k of   
MC: Drat.

Jack heard a noise, a noise that sounded suspiciously like a middle-aged Scottish woman.

SB: FUCK HER MOM IS HERE   
MC: Is that bad?   
SB: YES

Yeshua gave this some thought, and sent off the new information to Padre.

MC: Apparently Merida’s “mom” has arrived on the scene.   
MC: Do you know what that means?   
WS: i believe a mom is similar to a yeti   
MC: Oh dear, he really is in trouble, then.

She decided to relay her best advice to her new friend.

MC: Remain calm.   
SB: false alarm it wasnt her mom   
SB: how do you not know what parents are   
MC: Where I am from we are raised by large beasts called yeti, one per elf.   
MC: They are responsible for assisting us in filling our daily sugar intake (something mine did a horrendous job at, though in retrospect I thank him for that) and just generally raising us.   
SB: sounds a lot like my dad minus the sugar   
SB: he did not like anything that might have made me happy   
MC: That sounds terrible.   
SB: he was a good guy though   
SB: just   
SB: yeah

Jack’s phone buzzed. There was a new message in another conversation waiting for him.

RA: hello   
SB: YOURE ALIVE   
RA: and kicking   
SB: thank god   
SB: what do i do with your corpse   
RA: excellent question   
RA: i’m sure you’ll figure it out

\---

Well, Merida was half dead, and that sucked. But at least now she could float! That was a good trade. Well, no, it wasn’t, but it was nice she at least got something out of it.

After messaging everyone she knew to assure them that she was still alive, she was at a loss for what to do. Where should she go? Should she visit the golden tower over yonder and draw on Hiccup’s face? It was just a time-waster, though it was fun for the few minutes she was doing it. She looked at the clouds a little more, but then were just confusing. Rapunzel’s hair was 70 feet long and she lived in a tower? Jack was best friends with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny? Hiccup lived in a town of actual Vikings? Ridiculous.

JN: if you’r3 bor3d you could always go god ti3r   
RA: who are you   
JN: that’s th3 spirit!   
JN: just list3n v3ry car3fully to m3   
JN: i AM your patron, aft3r all   
JN: soon you will b3 th3 most pow3rful of all your fri3nds!   
RA: and i’ll be able to kill that thing that killed me?   
JN: you’ll b3 immortal, so you can hav3 as many tri3s as you lik3, too!   
RA: why are you telling me this   
JN: w3ll asp3cts gotta stick tog3th3r   
JN: w3’r3 Rag3 girls   
JN: holly, nic3 to m33t you   
RA: merida   
RA: pleasure’s all mine   
JN: :)

God tier, eh? Whatever that was, it sounded interesting. And if she was powerful, all the better. With power she could protect her friends and stop those awful-looking futures from happening. Jack wouldn’t have to drown, Rapunzel wouldn’t have to die, no one would have to get hurt. She could prevent it all.

(However there was a single fatal flaw in her plan, one she was not yet aware of, one she could not stop. That flaw was her. Though she thought her will was her own, it was not. All decisions made by the pawn came through the king, after all.

Or, in this case, the Lord.) 

\---

Rapunzel, who had been deep in conversation with a group of crocodiles for the past half hour, suddenly broke away from the group and ran to Eugene, who had been playing Candy Crush on his phone.

“What’s up?”

“We forgot Pascal.”

“And?”

“We have to go get him!” she replied exasperatedly. “He’s alone in that house with my mother.”

“You want to go back to that house that has your mother?”

“Well, not exactly, but--”

“He’s a smart chameleon, he’ll be fine,” Eugene said flippantly.

Rapunzel frowned. “What are you going to do when your phone dies?” she asked.

Her boyfriend shrugged. “Can’t use wifi anyway. And I doubt there’s a signal out here.” He exited the app and held his phone up as a joke to try and catch a signal on the strange planet.

The phone was knocked out of his hands as something--or someone--rocketed into it and crashed into the grass, skidding thirty or so feet away from the couple.

Eugene ran after his phone, which he found smashed up. “I still had sixty percent battery left!” he wailed.

Rapunzel ignored him and ran to the site of the crash. “Are you okay?” she yelled into the crater.

There was a moan, and someone crawled out. “I need to work on landings.”

Rapunzel’s face lit up. “Jack!”

\---

When the light dissipated, the world was a little...different.

For one, the sun was shining brightly through the broken windows. It was also suddenly hotter. Hiccup had the sudden urge to go change into a T-shirt and shorts.

“What in Thor’s name is this? Where are we, son?”

His dad was standing at the window, peering through what was left of it. Hiccup joined him.

Berk had disappeared, and had been replaced by sand as far as the eye could see. Oddly enough, they were still on the volcano, which seemed to have been transported with them.

“And what happened to Toothless?”

Hiccup turned around sharply at Astrid’s words. “What?”

“He brought the two of you in and right before the meteor hit he jumped into that thing that was following us around, the floating circle?”

The kernelsprite.

Toothless didn’t really look different. He was tinted light green, and the bottom half of his body had been replaced with a wispy tail. When he saw what had happened to his beautiful tail, Toothless snapped at it and it morphed back to normal. He sat on his haunches and grinned.

“Wow, this is yet another headache from today I didn’t need.”

His laptop beeped cheerily from the other room. “Let me guess.”

He went to it and checked his messages.

HD: *sharp inhale*   
HD: wow you fucked up real bad dude   
DB: i really don’t need this right now

Hiccup chucked his laptop out the window.

He looked at his father, whose face showed anger and confusion and helplessness. He turned to Astrid, who was worried but also seemed excited. And then there was Toothless, who was constantly roaring at his own tail.

There was a pause in Hiccup’s mind. This was the moment of truth. Whatever he said now would echo through the rest of his life--heck, through this whole game. This moment was a turning point and if he did not choose what to do wisely he would most certainly regret it in the future.

“Why did I throw my computer away?” he said to himself. “I need that.” He calmly turned away from his father, friend, and loyal dragon and walked straight out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man guess who has a full time job AND no notes because their phone got lost AND little motivation to write this anymore
> 
> I just don't have the time...I'm still going to of course but it will be very sporadic haha sorry  
> but feel free to talk about what's going on here or on tumblr! i'm still thelydiacatfishcaper.tumblr.com if you'd like to ask me questions about the story. i'll tell pretty much anything you want to know


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote most of this at one in the morning enjoy

Two men sat in a small, yellow car together. The shorter of the two drove while the taller, dressed in all black, sulked and stared out the window.

“I just don’t see why I have to come, Sanderson.”

“I’ve told you a thousand times, you and Ana barely know each other, and now that we’re engaged, I think it would be good for the two of you to spend some time together!”

The shorter, Sanderson, grinned. “I want my brother and my fiancee to be friends. Wouldn’t anyone?”

The taller did not answer.

“We’re just going to pick her up from her office for lunch for an _hour_ , N-”

“What the hell was that?!”

\---

Jack, using his crook as a cane, stood up shakily. “Hey guys.” He took a step forward. “Nice place you got here. Dry. Warm. I like it.”

“I can’t believe you’re here!” cried Rapunzel. She ran up to her friend and threw her arms around him. “This is incredible, Jack! You’re really here! In person!”

“Well you reacted much better than Merida,” he replied. “It’s nice to finally meet you too. And you, Eugene...what is he doing?”

“You knocked his phone out of his hand when you...landed.” She let go of Jack. “But who cares? I’m...I’m so happy! This is great! I never thought I’d ever get to meet you in real life, and here you are!”

“Well I mean we met on Derse--”

“That doesn’t count, that was a dream,” she said, waving her hand. “We’re both properly awake now.”

“Actually speaking of Derse, my uncle is kind of in prison there and I need to go there. To let him out.”

“In prison? Why?”

Jack shrugged. “Apparently my dad did it but heck if I know why. He messaged me a while ago asking me for help but then I had to go deal with the Merida situation and then I found my way here...can we go back to your house so I can go to sleep?”

“Um...I don’t know if my house would be the best place. My mother is there, and, last we saw her, she was trying to murder Eugene, so…”

“Understandable.”

“What, trying to murder me?” asked Eugene from the pit where he was searching for his phone.

“What? No! Not wanting to go back.”

Eugene made the “I’m watching you” gesture at Jack and went back to digging through the dirt.

“Maybe I should just find the gate that’ll take me to Hiccup’s planet and I can sleep there?”

“No!” said Rapunzel. “I mean, can’t it wait? I want to spend more time with you. You’re one of my best friends, and also sort of my brother, I think?”

“What?”

“I mean that’s what all that goo in that lab was about, right? The genetic material of our parents resulted in us, I think we’re twins.”

Jack looked a little confused. Eugene looked dirty and suspicious. “Um, okay.”

“Which means Merida and Hiccup are too?”

“They’re not even the same--”

“Well they were _born_ at the same time. That’s not the point! The point is I want to spend some quality time with you while not in purple pajamas. You can help me explore my planet!” she said. “It’ll be fun, come on.”

“Well, I dunno…” He grinned. “Purple pajamas are pretty comfy.”

She smiled. “So you’ll spend some time with us?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Miss Gothel, but I accept. I’m sure my uncle will manage a few more hours in prison.”

\---

Sandy was actually no longer in prison, amazingly. At the time of Rapunzel and Jack’s conversation, he was actually sitting in a very comfortable, if high, chair.

It was the throne of Derse.

The carapace people explained to him that, as the next of kin of their new great and powerful ruler, he was regent while the new ruler was off doing...whatever it was he was doing. He hadn’t given much of an explanation besides causing a lot of pain and yelling about the colors blue and white, they said. Sandy nodded sagely. It wasn’t as if he talked, after all.

The carapace people were actually quite nice, for the most part. There were a few with playing card suits on their lapels who looked a little stabby but he was sure he could handle them!

He asked one to bring him his computer from his cell. He had things to do for his nephew’s friend. Of course he said none of this, but sign language was surprisingly universal when it came to “bring computer from prison cell.” He wondered if they would also understand “please don’t kill me/let my brother kill me when he comes back from wherever he has gone presumably to look for his son but heck if I know amirite.” 

He was quite worried about his brother, too. The look on his face when he’d seen the burnt shell of where Jack had supposedly been...Sandy had been taken away after that so he wasn’t sure what had happened, but the fact that their queen was apparently no longer in power was very disconcerting. Had his brother…? No, he wouldn’t do that. Would he?

He kicked his legs off the chair absentmindedly. He could ask one of these people to tell him, but would they even tell the truth? Would they even be able to understand what he was trying to ask?

Suddenly, his computer was before him, resting on the back of some poor servant. He took it and put it on his own lap, and waved for the servant to leave and go spend some quality time with their family, maybe take them to a baseball game, if they had those on Derse. Or wait, was it even baseball season? Regardless. Take them to some kind of ball game that would be in-season, if such a ball game existed on this planet.

He booted up the laptop and was soon happily back at work on Hiccup’s planet.

And he thought he might as well send something to Jack to let him know he was okay, too.

\---

RA: wait what do you mean i have to kill myself?!  
JN: r3laaax m3rida  
JN: it’s T3MPORARY  
JN: plus you’r3 a god aft3r you’r3 don3 lik3 i think th3 pros outw3igh th3 cons!  
RA: you make some good points but consider this  
RA: i do not want to kill myself  
JN: party poop3r :(((  
JN: h3 will b3 so disappoint3d  
RA: wait what  
RA: who  
RA: who will be disappointed  
JN: :(((  
JN: wait  
JN: i gu3ss it do3sn’t matt3r!  
JN: you’r3 not suppos3d to go god ti3r now anyway haha my bad  
RA: uh  
JN: th3 man who typ3s in th3 holy colors told m3 to b3 pati3nt and 3v3rything would b3 okay so i will l3av3 you alon3 for now  
JN: :)))  
RA: what  
JN: good day to you m3rida!

What.

\---

As Jack and Rapunzel quite literally frolicked through the flowers (well, Jack wasn’t doing so much _frolicking_ as he was chasing Rapunzel, blowing her hair into her face with his budding wind powers), Eugene took a moment to think about his life up to that moment.

He had had a pretty good life for the past few years. Sure, he hadn’t been able to keep a job for longer than six months, but that just meant more references for his resume, right? And sure, people looked at him funny when they found out there was an eight year age difference between him and Rapunzel, but, fuck the haters, right? No, actually, that was a pretty legitimate concern. But, they were both consenting adults, so it was a little more okay. It wasn’t like some kind of Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask thing. Rapunzel had made him watch all 200 episodes of that show with her a few years back. He had begged her to skip the fillers, but nooooo. 

Where was he?

Oh yes, his life. The last day or so had been pretty turbulent too, what with trying to escape certain death by meteor and also certain death by hopeful-future-mother-in-law’s admittedly impressive knife throwing skills. But everything was worth it if he was able to spend time with her like this, just relaxed, no immediate danger in sight (aside from the occasional imp that she quickly dispatched with a few good whacks with a frying pan). It was nice. Her smile, her laugh, what was a little pain if he got to see those?

One of the guys he had worked with before he started dating Rapunzel was all about true love, and finally, Eugene could see where he was coming from. There was nothing like loving a person, especially a person as incredible as Rapunzel.

When he was younger, all he wanted, all he dreamed of, was climbing out of the hole of poverty he’d been born into. And financial stability had its perks, like regular meals and a roof to sleep under, but...being with her, ever since he had met her, had been his new dream. 

And god, maybe it was grotesquely optimistic, but maybe, on this new planet, whatever it was, he’d be able to really achieve it.

\---

Holy crap.

_Holy crap._

_Holy crap what was even happening. Was this what it felt like to have your life fall apart._

Well Hiccup _thought_ he already knew what that felt like, he felt like he himself was coming apart at the seams almost every day, sometimes from just talking to people face to face. God knew he’d skipped class enough times just to avoid having to answer a question. Because, what if he got it wrong? Or stuttered when he said it? Or, got it wrong _and_ stuttered--nope, not thinking about that right now, he was stressing himself out for no reason.

But really, why had he thrown his computer out the window?

When he went to retrieve it it was full of sand. Great. Even _more_ unusable.

He realized he had Astrid’s phone in his pocket when it started to go off with messages.

HD: alchemize a new one!  
HD: god do i have to tell you everything  
DB: excuse me  
DB: i think i have everything perfectly under control in this situation  
HD: haha wow if you say so  
HD: but seriously just make a new one  
HD: ask your server to deploy the rest of your stuff so you can alchemize a better one  
HD: or else things will get super difficult for you in the future  
DB: look i don’t even know who you are  
HD: i told you already! i think! past conversations mix together in my head sometimes it’s hard to remember when i said stuff to you  
HD: i’m frost  
HD: hot ex-boyfriend to some very fine people  
HD: not currently seeing anyone but hey, i don’t need another elf to feel whole, y’know?  
DB: um well i don’t care, so  
HD: harsh  
HD: just take my advice about alchemy, k?  
HD: if you need any help i’m here  
HD: not like i have a significant other to take up all my time anymore! hahaha  
DB: okaaaay  
HD: ttyl  
HD: ;)

Hiccup took his computer back inside to face his girlfriend, father, and faithful companion dragon.

“I think I just got hit on by an elf from another dimension.”

“So everything’s back to normal, huh?” Astrid replied sarcastically.

Hiccup shrugged. “Depends on your definition of normal. This is yours, by the way.” He handed her her phone.

“Thanks.”

His dad looked very confused, even more so than he had before Hiccup left to retrieve his computer. “Hiccup…”

“Dad, trust me, it’s a _long_ story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> colleeeeeeeege  
> a few notes: the first section was originally much longer but i like the way it is now better :)  
> why can't i stop writing sap about eugene and rapunzel you are all going to hate me so much if this continues  
> (i found my phone w/notes)  
> (two days after i lost it at work)  
> (it was on my desk)  
> (i'm a fucking idiot)  
> um what else  
> ask questions if you have them i guess!  
> lydiacatfish.tumblr.com ;)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for: mentions of infertility, violence, death of a major character
> 
> (sorry)

“Fergus, it’s just...ever since I was a _girl_ I wanted to be a mother, and now with this--”

The table in the great hall was long, long enough for a huge family, but at the moment it was just husband and wife sitting at it in the middle where they could easily touch. The husband grabbed the teary wife’s hands.

“You can still _be_ a mother, Elinor. Just because you can’t have it yourself does not mean you can’t adopt a child and raise it as your own as its mother.”

“I know that, Fergus. But you know I was adopted as well, and there was always a part of me that felt like…”

She paused.

“That felt like what?” her husband supplied gently.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “What matters is, what matters is there are thousands of children out there without mothers, and one of them--”

A large explosion from outside rudely interrupted her.

\---

The three on LOMAS wandered a bit until they found a shady area to rest. In a planet of mostly meadow, these places were few and far between, but with Jack’s pale skin he needed somewhere he could stay out of the sun, or else he would burn and it would be “really gross, like do you guys really want to see my skin peeling off? Didn’t think so.”

The sundials got larger the further they traveled from Rapunzel’s house, until they found one larger than the house itself in a lake that filled the valley between two humongous hills. There were small, half-grown trees by the side of the lake that they took shelter under. Rapunzel took the opportunity to dip her toes in the water.

There was a group of red crocodiles a ways away from them that came over to inform them that the large sundial was called Tap Valley and that it was the legendary site of a hypothetical future happening, should that thing happen at all. Because it wasn't certain at this point, because after all the crocodiles couldn't travel in time to look at the future, there was only one person who could do that and they still hadn't met her!

"Wait," Jack began. "Is that-"

"Yes!" replied Rapunzel. She turned to the crocodiles and gave an extravagant bow. “I am the one that you seek.”

The crocodiles went into a frenzy and demanded that she time travel.

“Oh! Time travel? Well I don’t really...know about that…” she said.

Then it was obvious that she was not the Sylph, if she could not time travel. That was the Sylph’s job, after all, as the Time player!

“I can do other things! I can heal wounds. Jack?”

He looked up from his phone. He had just received some very strange messages and was trying to figure out what they meant. “Nope, not doin’ it.”

NS: Not much longer now, my boy.  
NS: She has spent much time awake on Derse, has she not?  
NS: You should hope she has not listened in too carefully to what those in the depths of space have to say.

“Eugene?”

Eugene, sitting against the same tree as Jack with a slightly different phone Jack had on him that was given to him out of pity and not without teasing, said, “I’m gonna have to sit this one out too. Can’t let anything happen to all of this perfection.” He gestured to himself.

“Oh no, we _couldn’t_ have that!”

Rapunzel whirled around, her eyes fixed on the top of the hill. “Mother?” she whispered fearfully.

Jack looked suddenly very guilty.

“Did you do something?” asked Eugene.

“Not directly!” He shifted uncomfortably. “I mean, the portal to this planet was above the house, and I may have bumped into it a few times the way through--I’m still getting used to flying on this thing--and then I flew off away from it and she...must have followed me.”

“We have to get out of here,” Rapunzel told them. “Jack, can you carry all three of us on your thing?”

“It’s a _crook_ \--”

“Can you?”

He stood up and pulled it out of his modus and weighed it in his hand. “Two at the most.”

“Take Rapunzel.” “Take Eugene.”

They glared at each other. “No!” they shouted in unison. Eugene stood. Both had their backs turned to Rapunzel’s mother.

NS: If I were you I would not wait for them to decide.  
NS: She is a Time player out of time.  
NS: Run while you still can, Jack!

“If you stay she’ll try to kidnap you again and who knows what she’ll do this time? I can’t let that happen.”

“But if _you_ stay she will _literally kill you_ , Eugene! You think I can let that happen? At least if I’m locked up I can try and escape! Or, time travel, apparently?”

“Look, someone just sit on this thing, okay?” Jack interjected impatiently. “Or else something bad will happen to all three of us.”

Rapunzel glanced back up the hill. “Wait, where did she go?”

NS: Very soon, my boy, very soon!

\---

After that long series of cryptic and upsetting messages, Merida decided it was time to get the hell off of Prospit. It was a lovely place, with strange and frightening clouds, but she had had enough. 

But where could she go? How was she supposed to get back to her home planet? As far as she knew there was no way to get back to LOFAJ. There were probably battleships heading for Skaia, though. She could maybe hitch a ride on one of those?

She flew to the space battleship docks. White carapace people stared in awe at her soaring through the air in her bright yellow pajamas. Everything in the city was yellow, and it made her eyes hurt a bit, although quite a few of the carapace people were sporting bunny ears. There were stands on every street corner selling them.

Though they loved her flying, they did their very best to prevent her boarding any of the ships. Two burly Prospitians finally emerged and restrained her, though gently, because she was, after all, their princess, and they would never wish her any harm.

She was bundled into a carriage that took her far from the docks, though not back to her tower. She was instead taken to an inordinately fancy building and brought before a woman in a golden chair.

The White Queen.

\---

“Wait. Where did she go?”

The answer came in the form of a grunt of pain by one Eugene Fitzherbert, followed by a swear from Jack and a gust of wind he sent at the woman who had just stabbed Eugene in the side. His attack did nothing but make her stagger back a few steps, then step back forward to pull her knife from his flesh.

“Eugene!” Rapunzel cried in horror as her boyfriend fell to the ground. She wanted to go to him, but her mother had placed herself between the two of them. “Mother, how could you do this?”

Jack was at a loss for what to do. His attacks were still feeble and would only delay Rapunzel’s mother. Perhaps he could distract her, but with what?

“You’ve had enough fun for today, Rapunzel. It’s time to come back home to Mother.”

Rapunzel’s face was streaked with tears. “No…”

Jack sent another gust of wind at Rapunzel’s mother but she did not even move that time. He was completely useless in this fight. What kind of Knight couldn’t even protect the ones he cared for?

“What was that, dear? You know not to defy me. Come, Rapunzel. It’s time to go back to your room.”

“No!” Rapunzel shouted. She began to glow red. “I will not follow your orders any longer! How _dare_ you stab Eugene! You...you…!”

“Language, Rapunzel!”

“You evil _witch!_ ” The red blow around her intensified with her anger and grew in a sphere around her, encompassing the earth and finally her mother. Jack carefully ran out of its way.

And then everything in Rapunzel’s bubble of Time power turned to dust.

The flowers and grass crumbled first, and then slowly but surely, Rapunzel’s mother dissolved from the bottom up. When the last fragment of hair fell to the ground the bubble around Rapunzel disappeared and she collapsed.

Jack ran to her side, careful of slipping, and held her up. “Rapunzel!”

“Did I just…did I just kill my mother?”

She looked stricken. Jack was at a loss for words.

“I didn’t...I didn’t mean to do that. I didn’t want this to happen. I never wanted an of this to happen.” Her tears started to fall again. “Eugene…”

“What you just did, can you do that in reverse? You said you can heal wounds, right? Maybe-maybe you can heal Eugene!”

He hoisted her up and carried her to just outside the radius of destruction, to where Eugene was bleeding out onto the grass. “You can fix him, Rapunzel, I know you can.”

She wiggled out of his grasp and put her hand over his wound and concentrated.

Nothing happened.

Her face scrunched up as she intensified her focus.

Still nothing.

“Bring me the bag!” she shouted to Jack.

“What? Why?”

“There’s a flower in it, I need it to heal him! Hurry!”

Jack dashed back to where they had been sitting, picked up Eugene’s satchel, and tossed it to Rapunzel. She caught it with the hand not covering Eugene’s wound and dug through it, finally pulling out a crumpled lily.

“Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine, make the clocks reverse, bring back what once was mine!” She and the flower both glowed weakly but there was no visible change. “Uh...Heal what has been hurt, change the fates’ design, save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine, _what once was mine!_ ” she finished.

The flower glowed brilliantly for a second after she finished, and Jack could have sworn her hair grew a whole inch, but Eugene did not stop bleeding.

He coughed. “It’s okay, Rapunzel. I’m just happy you’re here with me.”

“No, no, it has to work! I can’t lose you!” she sobbed.

“I love you, Rapunzel.”

He smiled. And then he just...stopped.

Rapunzel buried her face in his chest and started to wail. Jack took a few steps back. This was obviously something private, and really he was being very rude by just standing there, and...the Time bubble was back around Rapunzel.

Eugene was protected, but it grew more rapidly than it had minutes before. Jack ran back and hopped onto his crook, then sped off, for his own protection.

He watched from the sky as the bubble encompassed the group of crocodiles, how the lake dried up within it, how Tap Valley started to fall apart. Then the sphere of destruction flickered once, once more, and then finally disappeared.

Jack was taking no chances, though. He flew off as quickly as he could for the navy portal that he knew would take him to Hiccup’s world in the distance.

\---

Hiccup started to explain everything that had happened over the past few hours to his father while Sandy happily deployed the various machines he would need to really start himself in the game. He even kindly provided a CD called GrisTorrent, which allowed him to share grist between himself and his three friends. Jack and Merida had accumulated quite a lot, though Rapunzel didn’t have much, and he hardly had any, though it slowly went up as Astrid destroyed imp after imp and brought their droppings to him. Apparently it calmed her nerves. Hiccup was okay with anything that calmed Astrid’s nerves at that point.

“So right now what I think is supposed to happen is my server player, who is not Jack, I don’t know who he is, exactly, is supposed to build the house up so I can go through the portal up there.” He pointed at the light green spirograph in the sky above their house. “And then, I guess I’m just supposed to explore? I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do besides that.”

His phone that he had alchemized as he spoke with his father chimed merrily. “Excuse me,” he said.

MC: Hello Hiccup.  
MC: My name is Yeshua, and I have a few things to tell you about your role in this session.

“It’s one of those trolls I was telling you about,” Hiccup said to his father, who just looked confused and upset.

MC: There are some general things you should know but I will get to the “tacks of brass” as our holy figure says in the scripture.  
MC: You, like me, are a Space player, meaning that as you level up in the game, you will gain powers related to Space and the world around you in general.  
MC: Now, I am the Heir of Space, and you are the Page; thus, our responsibilities are slightly different.  
MC: However, we do have the same general objective, or rather, I did have this objective until I completed it with the assistance of some of my peers.   
MC: We are frog breeders, Hiccup. As Space players, it’s what we do.  
MC: Any questions so far?

“Oh, this is new!” Hiccup showed the phone to his father. “So far he or she or they are not trying to hit on me or make fun of me, they’re just insisting I...breed frogs, which is not what I expected but you know, I’ve gotten worse in the past.”

MC: There are several devices you will need to do so, most importantly the Ectobiology Apparatus, which Jack can tell you more about when he arrives.  
MC: You’ll use this to create what is known as the Genesis Frog.  
MC: Do you understand everything so far?  
MC: I’ll go into what the Genesis Frog is in greater detail later.   
MC: Oh, and speaking of Jack arriving, that should be in about three…  
MC: Two…

Hiccup looked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do i EVEN say  
> "haha i totally planned that"  
> that's all i think i'll say for now
> 
> (as always you can send me questions or comments at lydiacatfish.tumblr.com ! thanks for reading!)


	33. Chapter 33

As he flew through the highly convenient portal above Tap Valley, Jack contemplated his life up to that instance.

Was this seriously how things were going to go from now on.

He’d get in five good minutes with one of his friends and then they would die? Or whatever happened to Rapunzel, he wasn’t sure, but it looked scary as all heck so he got himself out of there.

“Why is it that everything I touch dies?” he cried, putting his hands on the sides of his head, after carefully landing and dismounting in what seemed to be an endless desert punctuated by a volcano with a house on the side.

“I mean, I was expecting ‘hello,’ but I guess that works too,” someone behind him said.

He whirled around, brandishing his crook like it was his weaponized crook, though it was actually his travel crook. “Hiccup!” he yelled, going in for a hug when he realized it was his friend that stood before him. Then he pulled back. “Wait. No.”

“Wait, you meant that ‘everything I touch dies’ thing literally? That doesn’t sound like a real thing to me.”

Hiccup, despite his sarcastic, casual, early-teen exterior, was coming off as rather stressed. Which was nothing new for him, but Jack figured he’d ask. He couldn’t hug his best friend but that didn’t mean he couldn’t provide emotional support.

“You okay?” he asked.

‘I mean, other than you telling me that if you touch me I will surely perish, I’m--”

“Sucky?” Jack raised an eyebrow.

Hiccup sighed. “Well, I got hit on by an alien, and my house is trashed, and I think Astrid is probably mad at me for acting like an idiot. Oh, and my dad is here, so, you know.”

Jack nodded. “Right, right...listen. You talked to my uncle recently? Because he hasn’t been answering my texts, but it looks like he’s really gone to town on your house.” He gestured to the stark white walls and stairs that seemed to have sprouted from the top of Hiccup’s home.

“Aw, what is that.” He paused. “Also, what about your uncle?”

“My uncle Sandy is your server player. Did he not tell you?” Jack chuckled. “Classic Uncle Sandy.”

“Yeah, communicating in emojis, classic!” Hiccup rolled his eyes.

“Sorry about that. He took a ‘vow of silence’ or something around the time my dad adopted me, ‘cause his fiancee was killed by a...meteor…” Jack frowned as pieces started to come together in his head. He probably had something to do with that meteor, didn’t he. Of frickin’ course he did.

“And that extends to typing,” Hiccup replied dryly.

“Yeah, of course it does, it--look that isn’t important right now. You know what is? Aliens hitting on you. What’s that all about?”

Hiccup groaned. “Of all the things to focus on--”

“Oh, wait, actually, have you explored your planet any? You should do that. We can walk and talk. Bring Astrid too, I wanna meet her.”

“And Toothless,” Hiccup grumbled, already turning to walk back inside to find his girlfriend.

“Sure.”

The thing was, Jack was not quite sure his best friend’s dragon friend was...real. And he felt really bad about it, because it was excruciatingly clear Hiccup did. He had never mentioned it because, well, he was a decent human being and he didn’t actually think they were ever going to meet in real life. But now they had, and Hiccup wanted to take Toothless with them…

He was rudely interrupted in his musings by an enormous white dragon knocking him to the ground and pinning him.

\---

Merida was no stranger to standing up to older women who believed they knew what was best for her. She was more than adequately prepared to give this “White Queen” a piece of her mind.

She was greeted with a few deviations on the usual pleasantries: nice to see you’re finally awake, after all you’ve slept the day away every day for 18 years, etc.

Which confused the heck out of Merida, considering she was only 16! She took a surreptitious look in the floor, which was so clean it was actually reflective. She did look a few years older. Weird.

The White Queen also mentioned her “dear brother” who had been waking up regularly for quite some time. She inferred from a few quick messages to Jack this must have meant Hiccup. She wondered what he looked like at 18. Probably just taller and skinnier. She snickered to herself.

Finally, after what felt like forever, the Queen got around to what she wanted to say.

And it wasn’t “go back to your room” or “don’t touch those weapons, Merida, you’ll hurt yourself.” No, the Queen had a mission for her.

Just a delivery, but it was still something. Normally the Parcel Mistress would do such a thing, but apparently she had come down with a nasty cold and Merida was the only one they could count on.

“And what will I be delivering?”

The Queen rose from her throne, strode up to Merida, and handed her the ring from her finger.

Apparently the Queen had a theory about the rings in this session. After all, the father of the son of Derse had been able to wear the Black Queen’s, so why not another human?

As the Queen explained some of the finer details of her theory, she was rudely interrupted by a Red Mile to the chest.

\---

There was a voice in the blackness, and it soothed her in a way her own mother’s never had.

It was a voice she had heart many times before, in her dreams, and although the words it said made no sense, the meaning behind them was clear as...night.

Yes, she replied, and then she woke up.

\---

MC: Jack is with you. Good.  
MC: Say hello to him for me, would you?  
MC: And call your dragon off.  
MC: For him.

“Call your..” Hiccup looked over his shoulder. Oh, Toothless was trying to crush Jack to death like he was Giles Corey or something. “Toothless!” His best friend was at his side immediately with just a crackle of green lightning over Jack’s chest as evidence that he had ever been there.

MC: Now you can get to work on the frog breeding.  
MC: I will warn you, it is an arduous process  
DB: okay this has gotta be the third time you’ve told me i have to breed frogs  
DB: is that a euphemism for something, or…  
MC: No.  
MC: You’re going to use futuristic cloning technology to create…  
MC: Well, basically a perfect frog.  
DB: why

“You’re seriously gonna ignore me for your phone, man? Cold.”

MC: I’ll tell you later.  
MC: Actually, Frost probably will.  
DB: what no why him  
MC: He assigned himself to you.  
MC: Technically I’m paired with Jack, Holly with Merida, and my good friend Padre is with Rapunzel.  
MC: He’s the Seer of Void.  
MC: It is frightening and awful, but someone has to do it.  
MC: Or so he says.  
MC: Anyway, for now, just focus on leveling up.  
MC: We (or rather you and Frost) will talk amphibians later.

“Leveling up?”

“Hiccup, get your face out of your phone!” Astrid. Wasn’t she supposed to be inside? He got his face out of his phone and saw that they were surrounded by imps.

One imp-immolating, grist-grabbing, level-leveling montage later, Hiccup remembered to introduce Astrid and Jack.

“Jack, Astrid. Astrid, Jack.”

“I figured,” Astrid replied sarcastically.

“Actually I was thinking the dragon might have been Astrid, but this really makes more sense.”

Speaking of dragons.

Toothless was having the time of his life chasing down leftover imps and incinerating them. It was cute, in a morbid way. And useful. Jack ran after him to pick up all the grist.

He turned to Astrid. “Wanna explore this place?”

She stared at him. “Hiccup.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you all right? You’ve been acting really weird ever since all this stuff started happening. Just really...hyper? You change the subject every five minutes, you threw your phone out a window, that’s not normal stuff. Is something going on?” she asked carefully.

Hiccup paused for a long moment. Finally, “That was not an answer to my question,” he said.

Astrid went “Ugh!” and threw her hands in the air. “There you go again! What’s going on, Hiccup?”

“Astrid, nothing is--”

“Don’t lie to me!” she snapped.

“I…” He stopped. He took in his house, his volcano, his two best friends chasing each other around a barren desert. “I really want to explore. And if you come with, I promise I’ll tell you what’s wrong.” He offered her his hand. “Do you trust me?”

She frowned, but took his hand. He smiled.

“Jack, we’re going!” he shouted. “Which way?” he asked Astrid.

“How do you expect to travel properly in this desert? Fighting those things was hard enough. There’s no ground, just sand.”

“Toothless can take us.” And then Toothless was under him, and Astrid behind him. “See?”

Astrid retched a little at the teleportation and then waved him off when he offered assistance. Jack glided over on his crook. “We leaving or what?”

“Yeah.” 

They took to the skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiccup's weapon is a shield ofc  
> guess who lost their notes again this time thanks to phone breaking thanks for that phone. thanks for that. now how am i supposed to remember which elves are prospit and which are derse. (luckily i remember everything about...everyone else who hasn't shown up yet.)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finals are over have some update

There was something kind of weird to Jack about the desert. He had never seen one before, having grown up in Pennsylvania. It seemed neither Hiccup nor Astrid had either. The desert planet was different than the others as well, in a strange and subtle way. Lakes and Storms was covered in lakes, yes, but there were still many clear pieces of land where salamanders could live. Forests and Jubilee at least had some clearings where the sky could be seen without obstruction. Meadows and Sundials had its sundials and interesting rock formations. This land was void of anything but sand. There were no landmarks aside from Hiccup’s volcano. There weren’t even any villages for the animals to live in. It made Jack nervous… he felt oddly like there was something huge that would happen on the planet that just had not quite yet, something dangerous.

At least he got to fly. And it wasn’t even to escape certain death. Leisure flying, with friends, with the wind in his face and the unsettling sand hundreds of feet below.

MC: Enjoying yourself? :)  
SB: uh yeah  
SB: i am actually  
MC: I’m glad!  
SB: why  
MC: Is it strange for me to be happy along with my friend?  
SB: literally the only other times weve spoken were when merida was dead and when you gave me tips on what to do with the body  
MC: That can’t be right.  
SB: those are the only times that comes to mind  
MC: I see.  
MC: Then I suppose you have many future conversations to look forward to.  
SB: woo  
SB: so whats up  
MC: I hate to ask this of you.  
MC: Especially since you’re apparently having such a good time.  
SB: but  
MC: I need you to make that volcano erupt.  
SB: what  
MC: Given your track record it shouldn’t be too difficult.  
SB: what track record  
SB: of messing stuff up you mean   
MC: Well.  
MC: Yes.  
SB: rude  
MC: Hiccup can’t even begin his quest unless you do this.  
SB: then why cant he do it  
MC: He has a conflict of interest.  
MC: Namely, the house and its occupant.  
SB: wait  
SB: is someone in there  
MC: His father.  
SB: whoa  
SB: i am NOT killing his dad  
SB: i wanna do right by hiccup  
SB: since i did so bad with merida and rapunzel  
MC: I’m sorry, Jack.  
MC: But this is just how it’s going to go for you. :(  
MC: At least until you go god tier.  
SB: until i what  
MC: I can’t say anymore, I’m sorry.  
MC: Good luck.

Ominous.

But they were flying away from the volcano, so as long as they didn’t turn around, that elf’s prophecy wouldn’t come try and everybody would be fine. 

His phone went off.

DB: jack  
SB: yes  
DB: first of all  
DB: don’t text and drive  
SB: yes father  
DB: second  
DB: i gotta pee we have to go back  
SB: seriously  
SB: just land and pee in the desert  
DB: but what about astrid  
SB: i can cover her eyes if it bothers you that much  
DB: i don’t want to pee in the desert jack  
DB: plus it isn’t just  
DB: um  
DB: just pee  
SB: why are you telling me this  
SB: seriously why did you think that would ever be something id want to hear  
SB: you have been demoted from best friend to worst friend  
DB: i’m going to tell astrid i forgot something and we’re going back  
DB: i guess you can keep going by yourself if you want

God damn it, Hiccup.

\---

JN: sh3 says sh3 do3sn’t want to go god ti3r :(

The golden floor, walls, and ceiling of the throne room of the palace of Prospit had all been ruthlessly penetrated by the Miles, making the place a veritable minefield. Merida quickly stumbled back from the Queen’s body, then had to dodge the multiple protrusions as she made her way toward the door.

JN: what now?

The rest of the palace was mostly the same, and she wondered if the whole planet had been taken over by...whatever this stuff was. Was Hiccup okay? She had to check.

The Miles filled the streets but she flew through them easily. The sky above the planet was clear although it seemed they had made their way to the moon where she came from. She flew to it as fast as she could, ignoring the clouds over Skaia that showed the bloody bottom half of a leg in yellow pajamas.

NS: Be patient, my dear!

The moon itself, as she got a closer look, seemed to be crumbling in on itself and as she made her way to Hiccup’s tower she had to dodge not only the Miles but also falling rubble.

NS: It will not happen now but /will/ happen.

Her safest path, distressingly, did not end up taking her to the tower she sought, but rather further and further into the moon until she was in what seemed to be the core. It was dark and cavernous and it reminded her of her denizen’s lair. She shivered at the memory. There were chains everywhere, and in the center, two slabs of rock, one black with a white spiral, the other purple with a grim face.

NS: Much sooner than I think you are thinking!

She sat on the purple slab to ponder her next move.

\---

She opened her eyes to a dark, thick cloud of strange miasma. Her hands were gray and her purple dress had turned black. Her hair, now down to her feet, was pure white.

And she was different inside, too. Her stomach felt like she had swallowed shadows which chilled her in the same way hot broth might warm a person.

And she was angry--oh, was she angry. For her Eugene, for herself--angry at her mother, angry at her brother for his uselessness--she would obtain revenge. Her mother was already dead, accidentally and fortuitously.

But Jack...he would know the error of his ways.

Now to find him.

\--- 

Neither Astrid nor Jack were pleased with having to turn around so Hiccup could use the bathroom. Astrid was also upset because he still hadn’t told her what was wrong.

He was going to. Really. He just didn’t know how.

It was a difficult topic, especially at that stage in their relationship! He had talked to Jack and Merida and Rapunzel about it plenty, considering he doubted they would ever meet but if they did they would understand. But Astrid was so real, so there, it was much different.

So that made the ride back uncomfortable. That, and the sand that had somehow made its way into places sand was probably never supposed to go.

They had really left far too quickly. He had barely had a chance to change or alchemize or anything. Really, even if he didn’t have to answer the call of nature in his own frickin’ bathroom, they would have had to head back sooner or later.

Unfortunately, his girlfriend and human best friend didn’t understand. It’s hard, he thought, not wanting to pee in the desert. It’s hard and nobody understands.

Landing was easier than taking off, even if they did sink a bit into the sand.

“I’ll just be a minute,” he said, disappearing into the house.

Disappearing into the house fast enough to conveniently miss Rapunzel’s arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm already working on the next chapter so expect that...some time next week? i'm heading home tomorrow so after then probably


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god translating eldritch speech is the worst  
> don't ever write a grimdark character, even if just for a few chapters

Hiccup straight up bolted into the house when he and Astrid and Toothless landed. Jack took a second longer, touching down with a burst of hot air that blew sand in every direction. Astrid shot him a glare. Wow. Someone wasn’t in a good mood.

He whistled innocently, looking to the sky. The whistles died on his lips.

“What is that?”

There was something coming through the portal above Hiccup’s house and volcano, slowly but surely. An oily black cloud that seemed to have tendrils coming out of it, grasping at the air hungrily. At the tip, so dark she would have been impossible to see were it not for her exceedingly long, shockingly white hair, was a girl holding a frying pan.

And boy, did she look angry.

“Hiccup,” Astrid muttered to herself. She took off for the house.

“Chtenn.” The word was presumably spoken by the girl in the black cloud, but Jack heard it not in his ears but in his bones. She was approaching quickly and the dread in his stomach grew by the second.

“Rapunzel?”

She pointed the frying pan at him. “Stell’basna gnaiih.”

“Okay, those aren’t words…”

This only seemed to make her angrier. And the angrier she became, the larger the cloud of pure emptiness grew. Jack nervously gripped his staff. “I don’t know what is making you like this, but we can fix it, all right? If it’s something I did I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it!”

She snarled, “Ya tharanak ftaghu fm’latgh!” And she charged him.

Jack quickly stumbled out of the way to where the black tentacles could not immediately reach him. “Rapunzel, please!” He twirled his staff to where he could get on it and took off away from her.

Straight toward the volcano.

\---

The inside of the center of the moon was surprisingly calm. There were faint rumbles around her that seemed to be the moon crumbling to pieces, but none of it hit her where she was. She pondered her next move.

No matter what, she had to get Hiccup safe. He was the only brother she had left, and she had to keep at least part of him safe. It was the least she could do. And she had done so little for her brothers.

But if she went outside she’d probably get badly hurt. It was safe inside, at least for the moment.

A moment that would soon be over.

The moment she began to relax to plan what she would do next, the Miles were everywhere, breaking through every inch of the place. A few smacked into the slabs of stone, but for some reason these did not break.

But the bed was not all that was hit.

Merida coughed. Something dribbled down her chin and slowly dripped down to the red stake in her chest.

Not again, she thought to herself, and then she died.

\---

“Brother,” she said to him. He replied with her name, phrased like a question. “Pray for your father,” she hissed.

Because she had learned so many interesting things in the time that was almost now. Now was warm, sweet darkness. The time was not now was every other time that ever was and ever would be. The time that was almost now was a different part of the now, and it was the time when she had just begun to grow big enough to blot out the whole sky on her green planet.

She told him to pray for his father, because soon he would be a ghost, and his father was the only one who could help him or even talk to him then.

He said something else, apparently he couldn’t understand her language. And then he started apologizing, asking what was wrong. As if he didn’t know. She grew angry. What a fool! He of all people should have been aware of what he had done. He was shouting now, nervously. She leveled her weapon at him.

“I will burn you!” She shot off like a bullet toward him.

He avoided her, though, and managed to take to the sky.

No matter. The sky was hers now, completely gone behind her essence. She would catch him.

She chased him across the hot sands. She did not know where exactly they were but it did not matter because soon she would have her revenge for his inaction.

She followed him up and up a slope until there was no more slope to follow him up. He stood on what looked like the top of the mountain, stock still. She glowed black with anticipation. Finally.

He pleaded with her, begged her not to do whatever it was she was planning on doing. Implored her to calm down. Claimed he was sorry. She frowned.

“There’s nothing you can say now,” she told him, and like lightning she shot herself at him.

He leaped into the air at the last moment, and she could not stop her momentum. As she flew past where he had been, she twisted to the side to see where he had gone and inadvertently looked down.

That was not rock. That was lava.

Oh dear.

She felt something strong at her back, a huge gust of wind, and her trajectory changed. Where it had been across the volcano, it was now straight down into it.

When the lava touched the skin of her arm she screamed. And she could not stop.

The darkness that had been inside her seeped out nervously down into the volcano, which gained the its ire. She, meanwhile, was left defenseless, and was suddenly just human again.

“Rapunzel!” her brother cried. Oh no. She had really done a number on him, huh? Well, no. She hadn’t been able to. Much too fast, her brother.

He was flying toward her. No, she wanted to say. You’ll hurt yourself.

I’m sorry.

He tugged her hand, which she hadn’t realized was reaching for the sky, and pulled what hadn’t burned immediately out. The air stung her skin, but not as bad as the burning. He quickly summoned a small wind to put out the fire on her body, then took her into his arms.

“I’m gonna make him save you. I’m so sorry, Rapunzel.”

Was he crying? 

She thought she felt tears through the haze of pain. She wasn’t sure.

She died.

\---

Hiccup was leaving the bathroom when he felt it. The whole house shook. An earthquake? 

Astrid appeared at the end of the hall, her face white. “Hiccup!”

“What’s--”

“Rapunzel is outside, and something’s wrong. Jack is holding her off but I don’t know for how long. And your volcano is erupting!” she shouted. “We have to get out of here.”

“The volcano is erupting?” Cold fear gripped Hiccup. Would they be able to make it out in time? What about his father? What about Jack and Rapunzel, what was going on there?

“Come on, Hiccup!” She darted forward, grabbed his wrist, and started pulling him toward the door.

“What about my dad?” he asked quickly.

“I couldn’t find him,” she replied after a pause. “He’s not in the house.”

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Hiccup asked anxiously. Nothing could happen to his dad, could it? His dad was pretty much the strongest person he had ever met. The man had broken a rock in half with his head as a baby. Hiccup wouldn’t have believed him but the rock was on their mantle. Also, once his dad got really drunk and broke another rock, also with his head. Then he and Gobber took him to the hospital. (Not the one in Oslo.)

“I don’t know, but right now, I’m a little more concerned for the two of us,” she said tersely. They made it out the door and Hiccup yanked his hand out of her grasp and turned around. He could see bright red coming off the edges of the volcano.

And something else, bright blue, coming down.

“Is that Jack?” he wondered.

“Does it matter?”

“What is he carrying?” Hiccup wanted to get a closer look, but it seemed Jack was approaching quickly enough that he wouldn’t have to.

“Hiccup! Come on!” She grabbed his arm again and started tugging him over to where Toothless was chasing his tail in the sand.

Jack swooped down next to them and jumped off his crook surprisingly smoothly, considering there were tears in his eyes, and in his arms was... 

“Is that Rapunzel?” he whispered, horrified.

“Please,” Jack said, “you have to kiss her.”

“What happened to her?” Astrid asked. She looked a little bit like she was going to throw up.

“I don’t…” Jack stopped. “Please just kiss her, Hiccup. That way she’ll wake up on Derse.”

“I…” Hiccup glanced back at Astrid, up at Jack, down at Rapunzel, back at Astrid again. This was the wrong decision for a thirteen-year-old boy with anxiety problems in a new and kind of strained relationship with the girl of his dreams to make.

“Hiccup!” Jack yelled.

Hiccup kissed Rapunzel, very quickly, right on her mouth.

Jack let out a sigh of relief. “I’ve touched way too many dead bodies today,” he muttered to himself. He looked back at the volcano. “You two should get going. I think...I’m going to go back to my planet.” He looked back at Hiccup and stared him intensely in the eyes. “I’m sorry about your house, and your dad, if something happens to him...I didn’t mean it.”

Before Hiccup could respond to this, Jack was already flying away, Rapunzel in his arms, toward a navy blue portal far off in the distance in the sky.

“He didn’t mean it?” Hiccup said to himself.

“We’ll figure that out later. Come on. Let’s get out of here before it gets really dangerous,” Astrid said. She whistled at Toothless, who did not look happy at her summons, but answered it anyway.

They took to the sky, away from the erupting volcano, away from the dark clouds gathering above it, away from Hiccup’s soon to be destroyed home, away from his probably soon to die father.

Hiccup let out a long, shuddering breath. He hadn’t felt this scared since the hospital in Oslo when he was three. And this time he didn’t even get to say goodbye.

At least this time he had Astrid and Toothless. Back then he only had his dad and Gobber, and his dad would barely look at him. Now he had friends, people who cared about him. He hoped it would be enough.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Astrid murmured. “I’m here for you. And I’m sure whatever Jack meant was nothing bad. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you.”

“I know.”

But “I didn’t mean it” was hard to twist positively. And Jack had left so fast…

Was Jack the one responsible for the destruction of his home, the probable death of his father?

Had Jack caused the eruption?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the intermission was almost a year ago and i've posted nine whole chapters since then  
> a slight drop from 25 in the first year  
> i'll try to do better  
> (has it really been two years?!)
> 
> real notes: I just rewatched tangled so expect a sudden jump in the accuracy of rapunzel's characterization next chapter  
> and i know my brother got me httyd2 for christmas so i'll be watching that soon too (finally)  
> i'm a little disappointed with how rapunzel going grimdark went but...i mean it's been going to happen since her intro. one of those few planned things, like eugene's death.  
> i'm not doing another elf intermission...probably. i may do one that will give you a sneak peek of something i have planned for the not-so-distant future. that or a look at some side characters! a little more about various pasts, including ones you don't know about? i'm so excited about something that's going to happen soon i just can't wait to get to it.  
> also. i wanted everyone to know. in an earlier chapter when merida is looking up at the clouds it says she sees herself kissing rapunzel. that was from when the story was taking a slightly different direction. i have changed it so that she now sees hiccup kissing rapunzel. maybe she and rapunzel will still kiss, though, i just haven't planned for it.  
> (i actually haven't planned for any more kissing haha...ha...)  
> i'm not giving up on friends forever! i'm really going to try to see this out to the end it's just much more difficult now that i am in college. i'll do my best over this break to do a little more work on this. and there's a lot left to go! stay tuned
> 
> as always you can reach me @ lydiacatfish.tumblr.com


	36. INTERMISSION 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at the lives of those who are not our main characters, but are still familiar and beloved to us. Well, most of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays, to those of you that celebrate them!
> 
> (warnings for lots of character death from various perspectives, Elinor briefly mentioning her infertility again, pedophilia (in the form of a romantic relationship between a 16 year old and an adult))

A father must do what is best for his son.

No matter if what is best is the murder of a dark monarch and the usurpation of her throne, no matter if what is best is a rule of fear over an unfamiliar race of carapace people, no matter if what is best is causing the deaths of thousands of strangers in a preemptive strike. No matter if what is best is succumbing to the darkness in his own heart to use its power as his own so as to just be able to hold and protect his son from all harm at all costs someday.

A father must do what is best for his son.

\---

An older brother must do what is best for his little brother.

At one point while working on Hiccup’s planet Sandy realized he could probably ask these nice men and women in purple clothes for another one of those weird windows that could show him where his little brother was. They were happy to comply. The fist he ruled with was much softer than the iron one of the previous rulers and they served him out of gratitude for his kindness. Sandy was just happy he didn’t have to pull out the big guns to get something to happen! He could be fierce when he wanted to, as those tigers he’d met in Thailand probably told all their tiger friends after he was done with them.

It looked like his dear younger sibling was mostly strutting around some blue and white planet looking scary while not actually doing anything, and Sandy found himself reminiscing. Mostly about his travels. This mysterious violet planet was probably the furthest from home he had ever been, and he had covered the world pretty thoroughly after Ana died!

There were times, when he was really down on himself, that he still felt sick with grief over her. He would probably never be truly over her. They were going to be married, after all. And there was a small part of him that resented Jack ever so slightly even to this day. The meteor he had mysteriously appeared on was the one that killed her, after all, and he couldn’t help but blame the innocent infant for her death for a little while.

But it was silly to blame him, he knew, and Ana would have told him so, had she still been alive. She also would have told him he went to far too many tourist-y places, at least while in India, though he had managed to find her family in the small village where her parents grew up, to tell them of what had happened. They were not too happy to see him, especially looking as he did. But that was to be expected.

Most of her family didn’t like him, but she did, and that was what mattered to him, all those years ago. They were a bit of a strange match, it was true. A dentist and a sculptor? How silly! And they were rather different physically, as well. He, a short, chubby, white man with bright yellow hair; she, a tall, slender, Indian woman with hair she had spent hours bleaching and meticulously dying pink and blue and green and yellow. He had to stand on the tips of his toes to kiss her, which made her giggle sometimes, but not cruelly.

He loved her so much. If anyone was worth giving up all speech ever for the rest of his days for, it was her.

It was a shame his brother never got to meet her. But his brother did get Jack, which was more along the lines of what he needed. A child, someone he could care for, someone who could really force him to care for himself. Not another reminder that his brother was happier than he.

And Sandy pushed aside his depression over Ana’s death, traveled the world, and came back to his brother, to help him, to help Jack, to help little Emma for the short time she had been alive before the accident.

An older brother must do what is best for his little brother.

\---

A little sister must do what is best for her older brother.

The year was 2002, and Emma Black and her brother were skating at the park. It was bound to be a fun day! As long as they remembered to not skate too far into the pond, that was. It had been warming up a little lately, a degree or so every few days, but enough that she was nervous that the ice in the middle might not hold them.

Jack, bless him, was very likely to forget. She really was the smarter of the two of them, despite the fact that she was only seven, a full year younger than him. So she had to be sure to look out for them since their father had not accompanied them to the park that day. He had important adult things to do, or something. What kind of stupid dad didn’t take his two kids, both under ten, to the park?

Their kind of stupid dad, Emma guessed.

Maybe it was for the best for now. Jack and their dad were constantly at war with each other over the smallest things. Jack would leave one lego piece out after playing and it would spark a fight that could last for days if Emma didn’t step in at the right time. Honestly. They were both little kids sometimes, and only one of them was supposed to be.

Skating with Jack by himself was good, she decided. They didn’t need their dad there to keep them safe. Emma could do that herself, no problem, even if she was only seven.

She could steer Jack away from the thin ice at the center of the pond. If it came to it, she could even take the fall for him, if it would keep him safe.

It did.

A little sister must do what is best for her older brother.

\---

A penpal must do what is best for their pen pal.

Elinor and Stoick had been writing since they were children, as they were assigned each other as pen pals in school through some kind of program. Over the years they had kept contact, though none of their classmates had, because, to face facts, they were both pretty lonely. Neither had many friends, especially after Elinor was pulled out of school for private tutoring and Stoick had started being groomed to lead his town.

Letters had progressed to the occasional phone call, and email, when the technology was finally available. It was through email that Stoick told Elinor,

She’s dying.

Elinor apologized to Fergus and six-year-old Merida and told them that she was going to have to go away for a little while to help a friend. Fergus, who knew all about her relationship with Stoick, told her to go, no questions asked. Merida, the little devil, had insisted on coming along. She wanted to travel! See the world! She wasn’t getting any younger, don’t you know, Mum? Elinor remembered that Stoick had a son just a few years younger than her and supposed she could spend her time with him while the adults talked.

Elinor met Stoick and his family for the first time when his wife was literally on her deathbed in a hospital in Oslo. Merida made one of her first friends soon after, when they went to Stoick’s house with him to meet Gobber and little Hiccup, who Gobber was watching.

Hiccup was a charming child but Elinor was not there for him. She was there to help Stoick. She bought groceries and cooked meals to store in the freezer that would be enough for at least two weeks if he paid attention. She also did some cleaning and laundry, and tried to keep Stoick cheery, something that was nearly impossible considering his wife was dying of cancer in a city over an hour’s drive away.

In the meantime Hiccup and Merida went outside to play almost every day with Hiccup’s imaginary dragon friend. Elinor thought it charming that the boy had an imaginary dragon friend. She remembered Stoick mentioning in one of his earlier letters that Valhallarama had a similar imaginary friend who she said didn’t like him, something that had made her laugh when she read it for the first time.

She did not remind him of this when Hiccup brought it up in front of them. She wasn’t sure it would make him happy at all.

And it wasn’t as though Stoick never did anything for her. Years later, when she emailed him to let him know that the surrogate (after all, she couldn’t have her own children) had delivered triplets, he had come to Scotland immediately to occupy Merida and do what he could for her and Fergus. He told her it was the least he could do, after she took care of him and his son during the worst period of his life.

A pen pal must do what is best for their pen pal.

\---

A husband must do what is best for his wife.

When Elinor couldn’t conceive, when it was discovered that she would never be able to, it just wasn’t possible, Fergus offered other options. Adoption, he said, but there was something about that that made her uncomfortable. And led to the discovery that his beautiful wife had also been adopted, and there was a part of her, though small, that always felt like she never really belonged, and that she was unwanted. Who left their child on the doorstep of a church? Someone who didn’t want their child.

The whole point was null when the meteor crashed into their land. The two of them went out to investigate it. The forest certainly wasn’t happy, the tips of the trees smoking, the ground torn in an angry line leading up to the crater. They could hear the crying of a child inside.

So Fergus, against his better judgement, ventured into the burning hole to see if there really was a child.

What a beautiful child she was.

His leg was burned beyond repair after a tree fell on it, but he managed to hand the babe off to Elinor before forcing the tree off of himself. Later the doctors had to cut his foot off, but deep inside, he knew that it had been worth it. He’d gotten them a child, a beautiful girl named Merida. She even looked like her mother. They would never have to tell her she was adopted, and Elinor’s worries were gone.

A husband must do what is best for his wife.

\---

Little brothers must do what is best for their older sister.

Merida had been excited about this game for weeks. Ever since she had bought it off the weird old lady off the street with all the bear carvings and found out her friends wanted to play it too she would not stop talking about it. She looked up trivia about it--”Did you know this is actually SkaiaNet’s first game? But it’s got amazing reviews!”and “SkaiaNet is actually a very mysterious company. It’s been around so long, no one there even seems to know when it was founded. And they never release any products, this is the first one. Weird, huh?”--and it was all she would talk to her friends about. Apparently Jack was waiting for his birthday for it to arrive, but everything else was already set up between the three that already had their copies.

And the boys, Harris, Hubert, and Hamish, knew she would want as few distractions as possible. So when Merida started getting antsy about a week before Jack was supposed to get his copy, they asked their father if he would mind taking them winter camping on the 21st.

Merida knew immediately what was up, but she didn’t say anything. All she did was corner them, hug them, and thank them.

It was really no problem. They had never been winter camping and they knew Dad had been itching to go, but Mum was never going to let him take them unless they brought it up first. She didn’t even have to give them any dessert. It wasn’t like it was a bribe or anything like that. 

She still pushed them some cookies under their door every day for the next week as thanks.

Little brothers must do what is best for their older sister.

\---

A guy’s gotta do what’s best for the girl he likes.

When Eugene Fitzherbert was 20 years old he moved to Germany from the US, maybe a little bit to escape from the law. Well, Germany was a bad choice of a place to go--they had an extradition treaty with the US. It wasn’t like Eugene knew that! He’d just assumed since Mexico was fair game, everywhere else (but Canada, freakin’ mapleheads) must be too, right?

Well, as long as he didn’t caught, he was fine.

And it wasn’t even that big of a crime he committed. They probably wouldn’t even have people out looking for him. He just did lower level stuff for this gang, sometimes stole stuff, guns and stuff, from army bases…

Okay so it was pretty bad. But he was a changed man! He wouldn’t do that crap again. Especially not in Germany, those people were crazy.

Eugene, luckily, was very good at charming middle-aged women. He found a house being rented out to university students by one Helga Strucker, and she was not a cheap landlady. However, after one look at Eugene’s Smoulder™ she cut the rent to a fraction of what it had originally been. Also, she slapped his butt when she left the house he was now the proud sort of owner of. That definitely was gross but not unexpected. He was not happy with that.

The next day, his doorbell rang, which was weird, considering he knew absolutely no one. It was probably the Feds! But, against his better judgement, he opened it.

There was an adorable 12-year-old girl standing on his doorstep. So probably not the Feds. She was holding a pie. “Hi, I’m Rapunzel Gothel, and you’re my new neighbor! What’s your name, stranger?”

She said all of this in German. Eugene just smiled, took the pie, and said, “Look, sweetheart, I appreciate the sentiment, but I’m kind of a lone wolf kind of guy, you know? So thanks for the pie, but we probably won’t be seeing much of each other in the future.” 

He said all of this in English. She frowned at him. “I speak English,” she said. Oh. “A lot of Europeans do,” she informed him. “So let me reiterate all of that since apparently you were stupid enough to move to a foreign country and not even learn the language spoken there. How arrogantly American.” She then repeated her self-introduction in accented English.

Eugene did not pay much attention after he told her his name--”Eugene Fitzherbert, at your service, blondie.” She talked his ear off, though. Mostly he just stared at her, kind of impressed.

Most kids didn’t have what it took to stand up to a guy like him. He was pretty tough, if he did say so himself. But apparently this kid was different. He could tell that he and Rapunzel (weird name) were going to have an interesting relationship.

When Rapunzel was sixteen she confessed to Eugene that she liked him, a lot, definitely more than a friend was supposed to, and she had for a really long time. Basically since they met. And she thought he liked her like that too! And initially he was really weirded out by the concept of dating a girl eight years younger than him, who was a minor, for obvious reasons! But he couldn’t lose his only friend (It was really sad that she was his only friend but she was. For some reason people didn’t really like him that much, it was strange) and so he very reluctantly agreed to try going on one date with her. One date!

One date turned into a lot of dates. A lot of fun, great, morally grey dates. Rapunzel was so happy, though. And he couldn’t say he didn’t feel the same way. 

She turned 18, became a real adult, legally, and he rejoiced. Finally, finally, his girlfriend was an adult. And they could move in together at the sweet apartment in Munich he had been looking at and no one would think it was weird at all. She was even going to school in Munich! It was convenient for both of them.

Also, Eugene was definitely super in love with Rapunzel. Romantic styles. This was something he wasn’t sure he had ever said out loud, but...Rapunzel knew. She was smart. Too smart for her own good, sometimes, but smart. She was smart, and he loved her, and they were going to move in together and be romantic and cute and in love in the big city, damn it.

Things...got slightly off course from there. Very hectic, for a few hours. 

And in the end, he died. Which was okay! He was never really meant for big things, not really. Rapunzel, though, she was a shining star. She could do anything she wanted. And he just hoped he had helped her a little bit along the way, even if it was by being her meat shield for five seconds.

A guy’s gotta do what’s best for the girl he loves.

\---

A man must do what is best for his daughter.

They didn’t have much money, the two of them. He worked long hours for his baby girl--she was insatiable, with the “I want this” and the “I want that” all hours of the day--and she never seemed to appreciate that. Every time she finally got what she wanted she would discard it, asking for something else.

Every so often, she would ask him for a mother.

“Now, darling,” he would say, stroking her cheek, “it isn’t that simple. I can’t just kidnap a woman off the street and tell her to be my little girl’s mother! Any reasonable woman would run away screaming, probably to the police, you know.” His little girl made it obvious she didn’t care if the woman was reasonable or not. “But you know, she can’t just be our mother, she will be my wife, too. Do you want Daddy to marry someone he doesn’t love?”

She looked ashamed at this point, at least for the first few years, but by the time she was a teenager, she had become more brash.

“Just give me a mother!” she demanded. “You don’t have to love her, she doesn’t have to be sane, she just has to love me!”

“That isn’t how mothers work,” he repeated wearily, for years, but did she listen? Of course not.

She stopped speaking to him for extended periods of time several times over the years. It wasn’t like he was often home to speak to, though. As she grew older, her demands grew larger, and he had to spend more time at work just to come up with the money to meet her desires. Because if he couldn’t provide her with what she truly wanted, the least he could do was provide her with everything else.

He could never say no to her, his little girl. Even when she asked for weapons for her eighteenth birthday.

Even when she killed him with those weapons on her eighteenth birthday.

A man must do what is best for his daughter.

\---

A girl must do what’s best for her boyfriend.

They hadn’t even been dating for very long. She had only moved to Berk three years ago, for pete’s sake. But Hiccup had stood out to her immediately, though she would probably never tell him that. Not because she was embarrassed, but because he would never believe her, or if he did, he would say something stupid and self-deprecating to explain it.

She had noticed him immediately because he was the only person she met who hadn’t acted like an idiot when she met him.

All the other kids said things like, “Wow! You’re from Oslo? I’ve never been there but I’ve heard it’s huge! Do you have an iPod? My older cousin went to the city once and bought one. D’you want me to show you around? I can tell we’re going to be the best of friends!” And all the adults treated her like an idiot kid. Which she was not.

Hiccup did neither of those things. He introduced himself during school, at a short break designed to give the teacher time to prepare the next lesson. She was reading Harry Potter, and he walked up to her.

“Hello. I’m Hiccup.”

“Astrid Hofferson,” she said, not looking up from her book. She had been in a bad mood that day. Dad had called that morning just before she left for school, and that always left her upset.

“Cool. So...you’re new.” It was a statement, not a question. Berk was a small town, everyone knew each other, and he didn’t know her, so she was new.

“Moved here last week. From Oslo.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, nice to meet you.” And he looked down at her book. “Oh, which one is that?”

She sighed. “Order of the Phoenix.”

“Have you read it before?”

“No.”

“Have you seen the movie?”

“No!”

“Oh, okay. Then I won’t spoil it for you.” He peeked at where she was. “This is a good part! I’ll leave you alone then so you can concentrate. See you later.” And then he walked away.

It was...nice.

The next day she found him during recess, sketching a dragon. “I finished the book.”

He grinned. “What did you think?”

“Dumbledore is a huge jerk!” she said. “Why did he keep all that stuff from Harry?”

“Because he’s a jerk?” Hiccup replied. “Do you have the next one?”

She shook her head. “Mom bought me the first five before we left because she thought it would take me a long time to finish them. But it’s been a week and I’m already done.”

“I have the last two, if you wanna borrow them,” he offered. “I wrote in them a little, but mostly just underlining stuff I thought was good.”

“You’d really let me borrow them?” she asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll bring book six tomorrow, and I’ll give you book seven once you finish it.”

“Thank you!” She hugged him.

When she released him from her hug, he was blushing, but smiling incredibly widely. “Don’t mention it!” he replied enthusiastically.

She didn’t actually realize she had a crush on him until they were twelve and Snotlout was picking on Hiccup again, and she punched him in the face. “Don’t talk to my friend like that!” she yelled at him. “If you do that again there’s more where that came from!” she threatened.

She was just so angry. Why was she so angry? Well, how dare Snotlout treat Hiccup like that, Hiccup was…

Hiccup was…

Did she have a crush on Hiccup?

But he was her best friend! Best friends weren’t supposed to like their best friends, not that way! It would ruin them being best friends!

The day she realized she had a crush on Hiccup was kind of the worst day of her life.

But she worked through it. She knew she just didn’t have to tell him, or show her feelings at all, and everything would be fine. She would get over him. How hard could it be?

The only thing was, once she noticed that she liked him, she couldn’t stop noticing things about him that she liked. Like, when he was in a good mood, and he told jokes, he was so funny, it was awful. And the way he talked about things he liked, like that dragon or art or computers, he looked like he could conquer the world or something. She hated having a crush on him!

Finally, one day, soon after they turned 13, she just lost it and kissed him.

He stared at her for a moment after it happened. “What?” he asked stupidly.

“I like you, stupid,” she replied.

“Oh.” He considered this. “I like you too.”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” she asked.

“Yeah. I do want to be your boyfriend.”

“Good, ‘cause we’re dating now.”

“Okay.”

And that was that.

It was not much later that Hiccup started playing SBURB with his internet friends, older kids who he had never met and probably never would. Sometimes he said Jack was his best friend. Before, this made her really mad--she was supposed to be his best friend! But now, she just felt smug satisfaction. Jack might be his best friend, but she was his girlfriend. He’d never have that.

And as his girlfriend, it was her job to protect him from harm, especially when that harm was actually life-threatening, like a freaking volcano!

It was for his own good that she made him abandon him home. He had her, and he had Toothless, and they were all he really needed, right? His dad was probably fine, and besides, even if he wasn’t, he would agree that it was a good idea to get him out of there.

A girl must do what’s best for her boyfriend.

\---

A loyal pet must do what is best for their best friend.

He was born at the beginning of all of time. He had watched the universe form, watched the planet later known as Earth boil and burn until life began, from one single cell, to spawn billions of creatures, all over billions of years. He saw the one later known as man take its first steps on the rocks in the place that would later be called Africa. He saw man grow and spread over the planet like a disease. He saw man destroy itself over trivial things, like the contents of the earth or a difference in skin color.

He lived in a volcano in the northern part of the world. It was where his future would begin.

No one knew he was there.

No one, until a child, a female human, accidentally stumbled upon him while he was sleeping.

No matter how he bared his teeth, no matter how he showed off his clearly superior size and wings, no matter how he flew her over the inactive volcano in his talons, she would not fear him. In fact, she seemed to like him.

“Your teeth are so white, just like the rest of you, it looks like they aren’t even there. I’m going to call you Toothless,” she told him.

Toothless was a stupid name but it wasn’t like he could reply.

She spent hours with him every day. In the mornings she went off to sit with the other children, but as soon as that was done, she came to him to talk and make her scribbles on her paper and beg him to take her flying again.

He took a shine to this girl. No one had ever bothered with him before. Actually, no one had ever really met him before. Even animals unconsciously avoided the places he usually was. It was as though she was meant to meet him.

One day she brought her friend, and he knew she was meant to meet him.

He did not like her friend. Her friend did not like him either. He implored her to leave this friend. He was a total tool. The girl did not seem to understand. She started spending more time with her friend as she got older.

She told him, one day, that the two of them had gotten married, and that her new husband was planning on building their home at the foot of the volcano where Toothless lived. Toothless was not a fan of this idea and tried to tell her. But she would not understand!

Several years later, a meteor landed on the edge of town. Toothless was the first to investigate, but his girl’s husband came soon after, and claimed the babe inside as his son. Which meant he was, by extension, his girl’s son. As it was always going to be.

When the boy was still very, very small, his girl brought him to meet Toothless. The boy cried nonstop while his mother told Toothless that she was getting very sick, in a way that could not be cured, and that when she was gone she wanted Toothless to look after her boy, just as he had looked after her for all those years.

How could he disagree?

She died in the boy’s third year, and Toothless immediately went to the boy, who brought his sister around several times after his mother’s death, to comfort him. They became fast friends, as Toothless always knew they were going to.

A loyal pet must do what is best for their best friend.

\---

A boy must do what is best for his foster family.

It had rained all night long, but just as the sun was supposed to start peeking over the horizon it had stopped, and though some of the clouds were still there they were spread thin enough that there was light, however grey. The boy, at this point ten years old, looked out his window. There was that teenager again, probably waiting for him to come outside so he could talk his ear off all the way to school.

The boy really didn’t like that teenager, and not just because whenever he tried to complain about him to people they told him that the strange boy in blue didn’t exist.

His foster dad was the worst about it. “For God’s sake, stop making up stories! The whole neighborhood thinks we’re a family of lunatics now!” His foster mom would quickly try to appease her husband, but the damage was done. Ever since he moved in with them, he always felt like a freak.

Why did his real dad have to go and die anyway?

The stupid teenager saw him looking and waved. He frowned and pulled the curtains closed. He knew that wouldn’t stop the guy from following him everywhere, though. Probably just encourage him.

He’d asked him multiple times to just leave him alone. “If I keep talking to you no one’s going to want to be my friend,” he informed the teenager, “because they all think I’m crazy because you’re invisible to everyone but me.”

The teenager laughed every time this happened. “Then stop trying to make friends with jerks in your town and look other places.”

“Like where?”

“I met all my best friends on the internet. Try joining a forum or something.” And then he would fly away, presumably to tell all his ghost internet friends about the loser kid he was stalking some more.

He still hadn’t made any friends on the internet, even though it was easier to talk to people there. He tried joining forums about movies he liked, but at some point all the regulars started calling him a “casual.” What did that even mean? He was considering changing his screen name. The one he currently had had his real name in it, something the cyberbullying videos they showed at school said was a bad idea.

There was one guy who defended him, though. He even sounded like he was about the boy’s age, but that guy was also kind of weird, and the boy didn’t really consider them that great of friends. Oh well.

The boy looked at his clock. It was seven. He’d have to get ready to go soon or he’d be late for school. He then looked at the photo beside his clock, the one of him and his dad at the waterpark. 

The boy missed his father a lot. His father was always ready to have some fun or cheer up his son when something didn’t seem right. His foster family was the opposite--his dad just yelled at him, his mom didn’t care, and his sister was always someplace else so she wouldn’t have to deal with him.

But he behaved, or they’d get in trouble with the state, and he’d get sent somewhere even worse. Somewhere far, far away from his father’s grave, a place he visited at least once a week.

He did his chores, he got good grades in school, he told CPS he was happy, even if he wasn’t, really. Things could be a lot worse, he reminded himself.

A boy must do what is best for his foster family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the circle of stupidity is complete
> 
>  
> 
> act 2 will be ending soon. by the end of next year, hopefully, depending on how much i can write, haha...and then you'll find out exactly who that last one is! he's so close i can taste him. not literally that would be gross and he would be grossed out.
> 
> (ps: reread the first and last lines of the eugene section ;) )


	37. Chapter 37

Holding Rapunzel’s body made Jack feel sick.

Part of it was definitely the condition of her--Merida had been mangled, and that was awful, but Rapunzel had been in a volcano. Parts of her were just not there because they had melted off and that was so gross. And part of it was that she was his sister, his actual flesh and blood sister, according to weird...ectobiology. And part of it was that she was a dead body that he was carrying in his arms.

At least he’d gotten Hiccup to kiss her. Mission accomplished. But how what was he supposed to do?

If MC tried to have a repeat of that horribly awkward conversation about Merida’s body, he was probably going to kill something.

Not actually. Because then he would have to deal with the body again.

Would it be wrong of him to just leave Rapunzel’s body on his planet? Now that he was back flying over LOLAS he could easily drop her in a lake. Or should he take her back to hers? He honestly didn’t know the state of her planet at the moment, though, as he’d left before the end of her strange bubble of destruction. Was there anything left there?

“What’s that ya got there, Jackie?” came a voice from right him, making him flinch.

“Bunny?”

“The one and only. Forgot about me?” his former pet asked, crossing his surprisingly muscular rabbit arms.

“No, of course not, I’ve just been…”

“Not important. What is, is who ya’ve got there.” Bunny gestured to Rapunzel, and Jack felt sick again.

“It’s Rapunzel.” At that Bunny’s face fell. “A lot has happened. Long story short, she got all dark and crazy and then...fell into a volcano. And then the dark stuff made the volcano erupt. And she died, and now I have her.”

“Went grimdark, eh? Bad way to go.” Bunny shook his head.

“What am I supposed to... do with her?”

“She’s dead, ain’t she? And ya kissed her so she’ll wake up on her planet, right?”

Jack nodded. “I got Hiccup to.”

“Then I say leave ‘er somewhere. Y’can’t carry around a dead girl forever,” Bunny told Jack sensibly.

“But...she’s my sister! I can’t just--”

“Look, sometimes, you have to make hard decisions--”

“What would you know about hard decisions? Until yesterday your hardest decision was which piece of lettuce to eat first--”

“--and in this kind of environment sometimes no matter what happens your choice might turn out bad--”

“--this is very helpful advice, thank you, Bun--”

“--but ya can’t stagnate. Choose. Look at ‘er, she look like the kind of girl who’d want you luggin’ her around through the whole game?” Bunny gestured to Rapunzel’s half-burned face.

“Mostly she just looks burned, Bunny.”

“Then put her in the water! Plenty of it around here.”

“I...yeah. Okay.”

Jack slowly directed his rocket crook to the shore of the nearest lake. He began gathering pieces of driftwood to bind together to form some sort of platform to lay Rapunzel on so he wouldn’t just be dumping her in. Bunny floated down next to him.

“Before you send her off, I think you should find a different place to do it,” he said to Jack. 

“What?” Jack’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What’s wrong with this one?”

“This lake’s a bit...different from the others. By its contents.”

“What’s in it?” Jack looked out over the lake. Sure, it was a little smaller than some of the rest, and the water was darker, which probably just meant it went deeper. That was how water worked, right?

“I really shouldn’t be telling you this…” Bunny sighed. “What’s down there at the bottom of that lake is your Quest Bed. The game glitched a bit. It really should be on dry land, but for some reason it’s down there.”

“What’s a Quest Bed?” asked Jack.

“If you die on it, or you die and are put on it, you become a god tier.”

“A what?”

“Your power gets a huge boost and you can’t die. It’s a sweet deal, except you have to die to get it.”

“Huh…” He remembered his previous conversation with MC. She had told him, once he went god tier, things would stop going so bad for him about his friends. He’d probably stop killing them and stuff, was how he chose to interpret that. All in all, dying pretty quick to get that kind of benefit didn’t sound bad. “I want to do it.”

“What? Did you hear a word I just said--”

“Yeah,” replied Jack stubbornly, “and I want to do it now.”

Bunny looked shocked and kind of upset. Jack was, after all, still his beloved best friend from when he had been just a bunny. To see him die would be awful. But letting him know that would be embarrassing, so he just shrugged and said, “Your funeral.”

“Literally,” muttered Jack in response.

\---

It is said every man, woman, and child on Skaia that day saw the lights. Lights so bright they broke through the ropes of red in the sky, lights so bright they nearly woke the sleeping Page in his bed, lights so bright their new monarch temporarily went blind from glaring at them too long.

They were of every color, flashing, spinning, dripping into space. After a little while they faded into a purple dot in the middle of destroyed Prospit, but for the short time they were there the fighting stopped.

It was not every day there were fireworks on the battlefield.

\---

When Merida woke up she was confused. What was that all about? She had definitely just died, and then immediately had resurrected. And in new clothes, clothes that clashed horribly with her bright red hair. A dark purple hood concealed most of her hair, and she had changed into a lighter long sleeved shirt that flared out into two points behind her and fell below her pelvis in front. She wore shorts in yet another purple shade that bunched up at her knees that met bandages wrapped around her calves until they met light purple shoes. There was a bright purple symbol on her chest, a face in a grimace--it matched the bed she had died on.

She considered messaging someone, probably one of the elves, to ask what had happened, but she found she had nothing on her. Her sylladex was empty, she didn’t even have any weapons.

Suddenly her mission came back to her. Right! Rescue Hiccup!

It seemed she could fly, and she did so, much faster than she had before she died. She felt stronger altogether, like whatever had happened to her had reborn her better than she had been at death. She decided to figure all that out later. Hiccup was more important.

Her hood came off as she flew through the wreckage of Prospit’s moon to the miraculously still standing towers. She checked the closest one--there was Hiccup! She grabbed him quickly and got the hell out of Dodge.

She glanced up at the clouds as she figured her way out of the destroyed planet where she had spent so little time. There was a glowing person rising there--her? No, they had a cape…

It didn’t matter. Finding a safe place to land was what mattered.

When she thought she was out of the range of the Miles for the moment, she gazed off into space to see if there were any planets other than Skaia nearby. If it was even safe to carry her unconscious brother through the vacuum of space, that was. 

Skaia was definitely the closest, and though it was the most dangerous, as long as she avoided whoever was creating those red things, she would probably be okay. She set off for it, down and away from Prospit, Hiccup slung over her shoulder in a fireman’s carry.

She was so focused on going in the opposite direction at top speed she didn’t even realize that the person releasing the Miles had found her, and was sending one her way with pinpoint accuracy. Well, that was unfair--she did notice, but just a little too late. 

“Whoa!” she shouted as she swerved, her body and Hiccup’s flailing in space at the sudden movement. She heard a noise, the sound of something cutting through flesh, and when she looked toward Skaia she could see something small and golden falling toward it, and blood trailing out of Hiccup’s left knee into space. “Shit,” she said.

\---

Rapunzel woke with a jolt back on the meteor in the Vale where she and Jack had inadvertently created eight babies. A cursory glance of the scene let her know that Jack was still there, still sleeping peacefully, and the babies were gone. Good riddance. Now she had one less thing to worry about.

She decided the first thing to do would be to figure out what she should do now that her other body was dead and her planet was a little destroyed. Which reminded her, what had happened to Pascal?

“Oh, Pascal…” she murmured to herself. She hoped he hadn’t got caught up in her accidental burst of power.

“Yes?” Pascal popped into existence right in front of her, pink and person-sized with a wispy tail and with a knife in his chest, but he was Pascal, and she had never been more relieved to see him.

“You’re all right!” she cried delightedly. “Oh, I was so worried, Pascal, I thought maybe you had been disintegrated too, and I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you had!”

“It takes a little more than some accidental temporal disruption to kill a sprite.” Pascal looked around. “Where are we?”

“In the Veil, somewhere.”

“Yes…” Pascal nodded. “And there’s Jack.”

“Yes, how did you--”

“Unimportant. What is important now is my second prototyping.” Pascal looked serious. Pascal always looked kind of serious, considering he was a chameleon, but he looked even more serious at this moment, staring Rapunzel in the eyes with his large pink ones.

“What?”

“I am not finished yet. You need to prototype me again.”

“Oh! How do I do that?”

“Just toss something into me, and I’ll absorb it, and then we’ll be done,” Pascal said.

“Something…” There was not much aside from technical equipment and ectobiology apparatuses on this meteor. Machines, herself, Pascal, and Jack. Jack! “Can it be a person?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said sprites don’t die so easy, right? What if there was someone who I prototyped you with, they would have more protection, right? I could keep them safe?”

“Yes, of course, but what do you--”

“Then here you go!” Rapunzel pulled Jack’s unconscious body into her arms and heaved him at Pascal. At the exact moment the pair of them touched, there was a bright flash of light, blinding to Rapunzel, and when it was gone, Jack, looking a little scaly and pink, with a knife in his belly, was floating unconscious before her.

\---

Hiccup and Astrid rode away from the volcano until they noticed the change in the air. It was subtle. The desert climate went from unbearably hot and stuffy to unbearably hot but crisp. They paused for a moment to look back. On the edge of the horizon, presumably where the volcano was, clouds were gathering. They grew by the minute until Toothless was essentially racing the strange clouds that looked as though they would cover the whole planet.

It was at this point they decided to land and try to find shelter. They were unsuccessful, considering the state of where they were, so they ended up huddling under Toothless’ wings once it started raining, waiting for the storm to pass.

Astrid seemed to fall asleep at one point, but Hiccup couldn’t. The rain was hard, and he felt bad for his best friend to be sheltering the two of them. He watched as the rain washed all the sand away to some faraway place. The three of them actually gradually sunk as this happened until they were suddenly on solid ground surrounded by...frogs?

The frogs were eagerly soaking up the rainwater, but by the time Hiccup was able to see them the storm was already abating, the sand markedly decreased from its previous state. He woke Astrid when the rain slowed to a drizzle to show her. 

“But this is impossible!” she protested. 

“Apparently not,” Hiccup replied with a shrug. “What should we do now? MC--one of the elves--says I’m supposed to start breeding frogs. I have no idea what that actually means. Do you think we should…”

“If you don’t want to go back to your house we don’t have to,” Astrid said quickly.

Hiccup considered this, then nodded slowly. “I think...I want to wait on that. How about we just explore this place?”

“Sounds like a plan.” By this point the rain had stopped so Astrid crawled out from under Toothless’ wing. Hiccup quickly came after her. They both stretched and surveyed the drastically changed landscape.

“Which way do you want to go first?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the last two sections much later than the first three


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: description of suicide in this chapter (skip the first section) and drowning (skip the first section and the third section)

Before he could do the deed, Jack needed to take care of Rapunzel’s body. So spent some time gathering driftwood that he died together with his shoelaces, then sent her off on the small, makeshift raft into the middle of a nearby lake. Then it was time to face his own death.

He took off his pants, then his sweatshirt, this more sadly. It had been a gift, after all. But he would not need it when he was dead. His T-shirt came off next, then his socks, and then he was shivering in the middle of a windstorm on the shore of the lake where he would end his life.

“Right at the bottom of that lake, right?” he asked Bunny, who had been watching silently the whole time.

“Yep. Currents should take you where you need to go, and I can help you along if they don’t.”

“Thanks.” Jack turned back to face the water. “Well, here goes.”

He waded into the waiting water, walking until it was up to his chest before diving in and swimming down as far as he could go with his breath held. And then he let his breath go.

As the water filled his lungs, he came to the sudden realization that he did not want to die. But it was far too late to try and save himself now. He could barely see the glow of Bunny’s form above the water as he struggled. His vision went blurry, and then black.

And he woke up on the meteor with Rapunzel.

\---

Merida, having no other concrete direction to go in, decided to follow Hiccup’s foot in its descent to Skaia. As she did, no more of the Red Miles attempted to follow her, something she was extremely grateful for. Unfortunately, by the time the two of them made it through to the planet itself, the foot had burned out entering the atmosphere.

Merida found she had landed at the bottom of a huge hill, and that the land was all covered in black and white checks, like a chess board. There was some scrubby foliage nearby, and a stream that came out from behind the enormous hill. There also seemed to be a castle in the distance. Perhaps there would be medical supplies for Hiccup’s leg there.

She adjusted her grip on him from fireman’s carry to piggyback and brought herself into a hover a few feet above the ground before flying off toward the castle.

The meager defenses the stronghold had to offer were nothing against her flight. A moat? Her house had better than that. Granted, her house had been standing for the past 300 years and had survived at least 6 sieges, if what her father told in his slightly tipsy stories after dinner were true. 

She flew through one of the many windows and landed softly on the stone floor, trying not to jostle her bleeding brother. She listened for any signs of life, and thought she heard a rustling to the right of her, so she sped off that way.

The hall ended in a dead end, or so she thought for a second, until she noticed a very obvious protruding brick. She pushed it, and the wall slid open to reveal a hidden room full of Prospitians, who looked momentarily fearful and then with a sudden reverence.

“Do any of you have a first aid kit?” she asked. “It’s just I don’t want him to bleed to death.” She nodded to Hiccup’s dripping leg.

The Prospitians scrambled and within a few minutes Hiccup’s leg was being patched up by a woman wearing bunny ears taller than all of the other Prospitians’ bunny ears. Was that a way of signifying she was higher in rank, perhaps? Merida could only guess.

“Thank you all so much,” she said to the group. “Could you watch him for a bit? I’d like to go and explore if you wouldn’t mind.”

The woman in the tallest ears waved her off. “All right, thanks.”

She could see there was a tunnel at the back of the room she had found and decided to start there. She glided over the group, no small feat in the cramped space, and down the hallway. She was met with several staircases, up a certain ways, down a certain ways, and a few bends in the tunnel. She finally came to a wide atrium with velvet orange curtains that blocked off the rest of the room at the front. She opened these, walked a bit, then came to another set of curtains, which she opened, a little more annoyed. There was a transportalizer at the end of the room that took her to another room full of curtains. She went through two blue sets, a white set, and then a green set. She had no clue what these colors were supposed to symbolize, if anything.

She found herself in another hallway after this, not the same one she had landed with Hiccup in. This was on a different side of the castle, she knew, because the hill where she had landed was nowhere in sight. Instead, in the distance, she could see something black, flickering with green, with red lines coming off of it, getting closer. She was tempted to go out and confront it, but she was also tempted to look around some more.

She flitted off down the hallway to another set of rooms, putting what she had seen out of her mind.

\---

Rapunzel, now that she had done what she needed to, decided that it was high time she get off the meteor and back to Derse. She made her way back to the transportalizer she had come in on, pulling the unconscious Jacksprite along with her. And then she considered. Would it be safe back on Derse? It had been a little on fire when she left. But then she reasoned, Jack would want to go back there anyway, because that’s where his uncle was, and he had wanted to go rescue him. 

She decided to wait until he woke up.

She did not have long to wait.

She sat against the wall, playing with her suddenly longer and blonder hair, holding Jack’s hand, when his eyes suddenly snapped open and he took in a huge breath of air. “Hhhhha!”

“You’re awake!”

But not okay, it seemed. His pink face was quickly going lavender, and he was having trouble breathing. “Jack? Jack what’s wrong?” She stood up and tried to steady him. “Jack!”

“Drowning…” he managed to choke out.

“You’re drowning? We’re in space, Jack, you can’t be drowning.”

“God tier...lake...drowning,” he said. And then he suddenly disappeared.

\---

Bunny was momentarily worried that Jack would not make it to his Quest Bed at the bottom of the lake, but after a few minutes a pillar of light stretched out from the lake into the sky, past the glowing Breath Symbol hovering just below the clouds that were starting to converge upon the lake.

His work was done there. He disappeared.

\---

The Land of Deserts and Frogs was actually a pretty nice place without all the sand. Of course, without all the sand, it was easy to see why Frogs was also included in the name of the place--they were everywhere. They came in all sizes and colors, even ones that didn’t make sense for the desert climate. Toothless would sometimes wander off for a few minutes at a time to chase an especially big one he saw.

And with all the sand gone Hiccup and Astrid found many little villages full of blue lizards, the exact species these lizards were Hiccup did not know. They were very welcoming, though, giving them some food and water they had stored up. They had been waiting a long time for the rain, that much was certain. There were stone slabs scattered throughout the towns about their hero in the shortest of shorts who could be everywhere at once. Their hero, who, with the help of his friends, brought rain and freed them from their sandy underground prisons. He would be the one to talk to Echidna and get her to make the volcano erupt to create fertile soil for their crops again.

“Don’t get a big head just ‘cause some lizards think you’re a god,” Astrid said, elbowing Hiccup’s arm.

“Me? A big head? It’s like you’ve never even met me.”

Hiccup’s phone started going off by the third village they found themselves in, but at that point they were eating some kind of fried cactus root and he ignored it. It was only when they had excused themselves to walk aimlessly through the landscape some more that he remembered to check it.

SM: SB??????  
SM: D:  
SM: ??????  
SM: ?????????  
SM: ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  
SM: !!!!!!!!!!!  
SM: >:(  
SM: >:((((((((  
DB: what’s up  
SM: !!  
SM: SB  
SM: ?????  
DB: you mean jack?  
SM: :)  
DB: he’s not here anymore  
SM: :(  
DB: he went back to his own planet with rapunzel  
SM: ?  
DB: who was dead  
SM: D:  
DB: same  
DB: did you try messaging him?  
SM: :)  
DB: weird he didn’t answer you  
DB: what, do you think something happened?  
SM: !!!  
DB: here i’ll message him too and so will astrid

DB: hey are you there your uncle’s getting really worried about you

There was no answer, no matter how long Hiccup waited, and this was frightening. Sometimes Jack didn’t answer for long stretches of time, yes, but they had just seen each other. Maybe his phone had just fallen out of his pocket. Yeah, that was probably it. And his computer. And everything else he had on him…

Hiccup’s heart pounded. What if something had happened to Jack? His best (human) friend? And he had inadvertently caused it somehow? Had he said something when Jack was leaving that made him want to never want to talk to Hiccup or anyone again? But he said he’d never…

“You okay, Hiccup?” asked Astrid, putting a hand on his shaking shoulder.

“Fine, um. Can we go back.” He flinched a little, waiting for an angry answer about how he had wanted to come out here in the first place, why did he want to go back all of a sudden!

“Sure, yeah. You think you’re ready?”

Hiccup looked to Toothless, who was acting surprisingly alert and ready to jump at Hiccup’s word. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 39 is already written and it's so fucking long i can't even believe it i'm going to word count it right now  
> it's 4300 words fantastic  
> i think i'll put it up on my birthday, so you'll have a little over a month to wait for that
> 
> i can't believe i've been writing this for over two years  
> and i'm still trucking! today i figured out how the epilogue is going to go. and by epilogue i mean the very very very end of the story. i'm thinking of ending this one around the scratch and then writing a continuation under another story name. man, now i have to think of a name for the continuation, because Friends Forever 2 is NOT going to work. (guardianstuck? oh man throwback. does anyone else remember that godawful filler title? 2013 was a weird time, guys)  
> Friends Forever 2: Electric Boogaloo
> 
> actual story notes: oooooh what do those curtains mean? spooopy...... do they have something to do with the mystery kid from the intermission? who knoooooows? *wiggles fingers like some kind of magician jackass*


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, Jack references an excellent song by Beyonce, the Holy Trinity returns, and there is at least one criticism of the author by the characters.
> 
> (my birthday is when I was originally going to post this but then I got bored so here it is now)

Merida soon found herself in another corridor with windows. She could see the hill she and Hiccup had landed by through them, which meant she had probably gone in a full circle. She wondered if the passage she had found and left him in was at the end of the hallway. If that was the case whoever had designed the secret passages was not very creative. Carapace people. She shook her head.

The windows had no panes to protect the inside from the elements outside, so when the wind picked up suddenly she was well aware. She was even more aware when the top of the hill suddenly exploded with light, sparkles flying all through the air. Spirographs spun above the ball of light, and she covered her eyes so as not to hurt them.

Hiccup, too, could see the light from his planet. Astrid raised her arm in the air and tried to run her fingers through the sparkles while the three of them flew back to the volcano. They always were just a bit out of reach.

Hiccup looked toward Skaia. It was glowing, and there was a strange blue squiggle on the surface. Normally he wouldn’t be able to see Skaia, but with whatever was happening now going on, he was suddenly able to.

Rapunzel, being on Derse, having transportalized back in a panic after Jack disappeared, did not see, but would soon hear of it from agents coming back from the checkered planet. who had come to report to their regent all that had happened.

And there was one other player who saw what was going on as well, though not a player of the Game, but of a game nonetheless. He, having finished with what he had come to do, was still on the prowl for the one he had lost, although there were now three monarchs following him to whisper in his ear. But with a ring and two staves they could do nothing to him, especially now that he had those interesting First Guardian powers and the ability to blend in with his surroundings.

He felt the blue coming in waves at him, and he hastened his pace to the source. There was someone there he had been wanting to see for a long time.

\---

When Jack awoke, he was floating in a place he did not recognize, wearing clothes he did not recognize, and he could feel the wind whipping around him joyfully, as if to welcome him home. His hair was completely covered by a hood, which extended to a cape that went down to his shoes, which were orange, where the rest of his outfit was all in shades of blue.

Was the wind...speaking to him?

The Knight has ascended! was all he could hear in breathy whispers when the gusts would get a little too close to his covered ears. The Knight has ascended!

So this was what it was to be a god tier. He could fly, and hear the wind. So far excellent.

He decided to fly around and figure out where he was. As he soared, the wind blew happily at his side, welcoming him home to the air.

There was a castle in the distance. He figured that would be as good a place as any to ask about where he had found himself.

He flew through a paneless window and landed lightly in a corridor. And Merida was standing two feet from him, he realized.

They stared at each other for a moment. “Jack?” she asked.

“Merida?”

They stared at each other for another moment, and then they were hugging like it was no tomorrow. “I thought I was never gonna see you again!” Jack said.

“You either!” She pulled out of the hug. “Jack, was that you on the hill just now? In that huge ball of light?”

He shrugged. “No idea. I woke up like this.” He gestured to his new threads. “I’m a god tier now,” he announced proudly.

“You too?” Merida asked. She pointed at the symbol on her chest. “You’re looking at the fully ascended Maid of Rage.”

“Nice to meet you, Maid of Rage, I am the Knight of Breath. It is a pleasure to meet you.” He bowed dramatically. She did as best a curtsy she could considering she had no skirt, and it was surprisingly effective.

She then told him all that had happened since she had woken up on Prospit, from meeting the Queen to Hiccup’s leg to exploring the castle. “But how did you end up on Skaia?”

“Skaia, huh?” He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “This is Skaia, isn’t it? And this is a Prospitian castle, pretty new, I’d say, from the architecture. See the sloping of the ceiling? That’s a rather recent movement meant to inspire new ways of thinking to defeat the Black Army. Of course, they won’t, they’re destined not to, and _we’re_ meant to kill the King, only we--”

“What?” Merida looked confused and a little annoyed. “What are you talking about?”

Jack thought for a second. “I...don’t know. Suddenly all this information about the Game just, just showed up in my head. Did Rapunzel do something to my dream self?” He vaguely remembered waking up on the meteor where he had fallen asleep with Rapunzel, something wrong with his vision, because he had seen his hands and they had looked pink…

“You are looking a little green around the gills. And by green, I mean pink.” She smirked. The grin suddenly fell, though, when she took a closer look at his face. “And by gills, I mean scales…”

“What?”

Her eyes were wide. “You, uh, your face...you’re all scaly in parts.”

“What?!” He flushed. This, apparently, was the wrong unconscious reaction, because Merida jumped.

“What the hell, Jack!”

“What did I do?”

“Where did you go?”

“Go? I’m right…” He looked down at himself.

He had become invisible.

\---

Jack slid back into vision slowly, as though it took him a great deal of effort. Now that he was back, Merida could get a proper look at him. He did indeed look a little pink around the edges, and there were small patches of scales on the sides of his face and the curve of his neck and the backs of his hands. She wondered what exactly had happened to him.

“Did something go wrong with you when you went god tier?” she asked him.

“I don’t know! I think Rapunzel must have done something. Do you have any way of messaging her?”

She shook her head. Her ascension had not given her anything but the clothes on her back, and presumably powers she had not discovered yet.

“I did meet some Prospitians in the castle here, though. They’re taking care of Hiccup. Maybe they’ve got something.”

“Lead the way.”

The hallway they were in did indeed lead to the same dead end she had found before, and she opened the secret passage to find Hiccup still unconscious but looking a little better, his stump all wrapped up, and the Prospitians playing some strange card game with eight suits.

“Do any of you have a phone, or a computer?” asked Jack. “One I can just keep. Forever.” They all immediately scrambled to hand him any electronic devices they had on hand. He took two phones, handed one to her, and started logging into Pesterchum.

He had a lot of missed messages, many from his uncle, a few from Hiccup, and several from MC, which didn’t look urgent. First things first, he was going to message Rapunzel.

SB: hey  
SB: so did you do something to me  
SB: i have scales now  
SB: lemme know soon this is weird

Merida decided now would probably be a good time to send a message to her mother, considering she hadn’t seen her in hours and was in fact dead back on LOFAJ. She sent one text and her mother immediately called her.

 _“Where have you_ been?”

“Mum!”

She jerked the phone away from her ear so as not to completely ruin it with the volume of her mother’s shouting. Jack was snickering behind his new phone as he typed out responses to Hiccup and his uncle’s frantic messages.

DB: hey are you there your uncle’s getting really worried about you

SB: hey hiccup  
SB: yeah i know he sent me like a hundred messages  
SB: but i am fine in fact you could say i am better than fine ;)  
SB: oh uh no homo on the wink dude  
DB: i will punch you in the face.  
SB: it was a joke   
SB: relax  
SB: yeah im on skaia right now  
DB: how did you get to skaia????  
SB: dunno  
SB: guess thats what happens when youre a  
SB: GOD TIER  
DB: a what  
SB: wait you dont know what a god tier is  
DB: no??? should i??????  
SB: yes  
SB: you should  
SB: it just means you get new powers and clothes and also youre IMMORTAL  
SB: youll have really really cool powers too mr page of space  
DB: mr what  
SB: page of space  
SB: its your title  
SB: how do you not know this stuff  
DB: how do /you/ know this stuff  
SB: uh im a sprite now duh  
SB: wait  
SB: im a what now  
DB: like toothless????  
SB: i have to go i   
SB: didnt know i knew that   
SB: im confused ill see you later

SB: hey rapunzel  
SB: did you somehow prototype me with pascal  
SB: because i have scales and can turn invisible and also I AM A SPRITE NOW  
SB: the more i think about this the more i know about it and its really starting to weird me out  
SB: theres supposed to be a knife in my chest isnt there why isnt  
SB: oh wait thinking about it made it appear nice

“Merida before you freak out, the knife is _supposed_ to be there,” Jack said proactively.

“What?” Merida turned. “Knife? You--JACK THERE’S A KNIFE IN YOUR CHEST.”

“It’s supposed to be there…” he mumbled in reply. Knowing this was going to go exactly nowhere, he willed it to go away.

In doing so he made himself invisible again.

“Jack, you’re invisible again.”

“I know,” he sighed. Okay, so back to being visible, minus the knife. He looked down. It worked. That was going to take some work to get right. But hey, on the bright side, he could turn invisible. That was bound to come in handy, right?

 _“Did I just hear something about Jack having a knife in his chest? Is he with you? He just_ flew off _earlier, very rude--”_

“Yes, Mum, Jack’s with me. We’re both fine. Please stop yelling. I’ll come find you as soon as I can but I’m just a bit far away right now so it may be a while.”

_“You have 30 minutes to get back home before I do something very unpleasant.”_

“But Muuuuuum.”

Her mother sighed on the end of the line. Merida briefly wondered how these phones were working if there were no cell towers left in the universe. _“I’m just glad you’re safe. Get home soon. I love you, Merida.”_

“Love you, Mum.”

She hung up. Jack was looking at his phone contemplatively. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve heard a lot from my uncle since we got into this game, but I haven’t seen my dad since before we started. My uncle said something happened to him, and so my dad put him in prison, so maybe that has something to do with it, but…” He frowned. “It’s just really weird. Usually he keeps tabs on me all the time. Why wouldn’t he even _try_ to contact me?”

“Maybe whatever change happened made him not worry about you so much. Or maybe he thinks something happened to you. He could have just lost his phone?”

“That could be it.” Jack stared at the phone a little while longer before stashing it away in his pocket. He had replied to all the messages he could. Now it was time to figure out what to do next. “Where to, Merida? You know this castle better than me.”

“If you keep going down that way you’ll go through a good portion of the castle. I’m going to stay here with Hiccup, though. Looks like he might wake up soon, and I’ve already seen it anyway.” Merida took a seat next to the table they had Hiccup laid out on.

“Suit yourself. See you soon.” Jack gave a jaunty salute and floated off down the hallway.

Merida pulled out her phone. She also had a backlog of messages to get to, and there were a few from someone she didn’t recognize that she wanted to get to first because they were a little creepy.

Who was NS?

\---

After Jack’s disappearance, Rapunzel transportalized back to Derse in a panic. Maybe he had accidentally just gone back there? Though he had been several feet from the transportalizer pad when he had disappeared…

She was relieved to see the Miles had largely dispersed. Flying through the streets of Derse was much safer this way, she noted on her way to the castle, carefully shutting the sounds of the horrorterrors out of her ears as she went. She didn’t want another mind invasion, after all.

The outermost guards of the palace had all been killed by the Miles earlier, making her entrance relatively painless. As she got further in, though, there were more and more black carapace people and she had to be more careful. But getting to the throne room was a must, she _had_ to find out what had happened with Jack’s dad and uncle.

She burst into the throne room completely on accident, assuming it was another hallway, considering the confusing layout of the palace. Had the one on the throne not been who he was, it is almost certain she would have died of this accidental entrance.

But the one on the throne, instead of being the Black Queen as Rapunzel had expected, was a small man with spiky blond hair dressed entirely in yellow, messing around on a computer with his tongue sticking out. He looked up when she came in, because the door opened with a bang. Everyone in the room looked to her, actually, including several stabby looking guys who made her nervous. The one in the yellow clothes raised a hand, and the stabby looking ones grudgingly stood down. He then gestured to Rapunzel to come in and introduce herself.

She floated in, casting nervous glances at the stabby guys, but nevertheless coming forward. “I’m Rapunzel Gothel. I’m looking for my brother, Jack, and his uncle Sandy.”

The man on the throne looked absolutely delighted at this. He beckoned for her to come up to him, then typed something on his computer. He turned the screen to face her.

It was a chat log with Jack! An old one, it looked like, and the person Jack was talking to never actually used words, mostly just emojis and question marks, but they were definitely someone Jack was friends with. As she scrolled through, Jack mentioned his dad, asked where the yellow text was, and said he was coming to get whoever the yellow text was. She looked back at the guy on the throne in confusion. He pointed to himself, then to the computer, then to himself.

Finally it clicked. “You’re Jack’s Uncle Sandy!”

He nodded, pleased with her deduction.

“But you’re supposed to be in prison!”

Sandy shrugged. It was a shrug that did not bother to hide the fact that a lot had happened since Jack had promised to come and help him, but he wasn’t going to talk about it. Or anything, judging from his lack of speech in the past few minutes in favor of other symbols.

“Okaaaay. Anyway, about Jack. Have you seen him recently? He was just with me on this meteor until he just disappeared! He must have teleported or something. I know he wanted to come here and get you. Did you see him?”

Sandy shook his head, frowning. He looked worried now, rather than bemused as he had before.

One of the stabby guys, the biggest one with the hearts on his lapel, coughed. Rapunzel and Sandy looked at him. He said that if they wanted to see what was going on on Skaia at that moment, it was really quite a doozy of a lightshow, and he thought maybe the new boss and the lady would like to take a look at it. Sandy made a gesture for him to go right ahead.

He and the little one with the clubs suit on his lapel pulled a metal grid in front of the throne. It had a screen, which flickered, and then showed a hill in Skaia exploding with light. There was a squiggly symbol floating above it all, but what Rapunzel focused on was the body rising above the hill slowly as the lights grew brighter. “Is that Jack?” She pointed for Sandy’s benefit.

Sandy looked contemplative and, unsurprisingly, did not respond.

The lights eventually dissipated and all that was left was the whistling wind and someone in blue. The screen zoomed in. It was Jack!

“How did he get to Skaia?” wondered Rapunzel. Was it some kind of god tier thing? “Can you message him? Oh, but he probably won’t have his phone.”

Sandy shrugged and quickly typed out a series of faces and symbols into his chat with Jack.

“Would you be able to get your minions here to bring me a computer too? I want to be able to tell everyone I’m okay. Last they saw me I wasn’t in too good of shape!”

Sandy nodded, made a complicated gesture at the shortest one, and then sat back in his chair to go back to whatever he was doing before Rapunzel came in.

It looked like he was doing the server player job for Hiccup, though Hiccup’s house was drastically different than what Rapunzel remembered. The volcano had erupted quite a bit, and the house was actually completely gone. Most of the sand was also gone, though Rapunzel did not know where, and there were some strange new machines at the foot of the volcano where the lava was already starting to cool. A very fast-acting volcano, then.

Hiccup was nowhere in sight. He had probably flown off after she had died and the volcano had started to erupt, for his own safety.

She hoped his dad was okay.

Well, she would ask him when she next saw him! Because they still hadn’t met in person, not really. Everyone else had. Well, except Merida and Hiccup, and herself and Merida…

Jack was the only one who had seen all of them. She suddenly felt very jealous. Well, she’d just have to get off Derse to see them. Maybe she could even find a transportalizer to Skaia, meet up with Jack, and then he could take her to see everyone else.

The short one returned with a computer for Rapunzel. She thanked him and took a seat on the floor, leaning against the side of the throne. She logged into Pesterchum and was just about to message Merida to find out what was going on with her--they hadn’t spoken in forever!--when a message from someone she didn’t recognize popped up.

WS: hello rapu9zel  
WS: soo9 you will be embarki9g o9 a wild adve9ture to skaia  
WS: a place where you will fi9d your desti9y whether it is the desti9y you were hopi9g for or 9ot  
WS: but before you do this  
WS: there is somethi9g you must do first  
OA: Who are you??????

\---

The strange lights from Skaia and Jack’s messages helped Hiccup substantially on the flight back to his home, but the thought of finding his father dead kept him from fully calming down. Astrid seemed to sense this and tried to find encouraging things to say about it, but nothing was really working.

MC: There are a few things you’re going to need to do once you get back.  
DB: oh here we go  
MC: What?  
DB: you just keep telling me to do stuff  
DB: what if i don’t want to do stuff???  
DB: what if i want to do stuff that you don’t tell me to do  
DB: i’m my own man, whatever-your-name-is  
MC: My name is Yeshua.  
MC: And you’re thirteen, so not much of a man.  
DB: you know what  
MC: Just let me tell you what you need to do so everything in your future can go over smoothly.  
DB: because everything you’ve told us to do so far has gone over so well  
MC: At some point before you go god tier, you need to talk to your denizen, Echidna.  
MC: She will give you something in exchange for something else.  
MC: I don’t know what that something is because future you refuses to tell me.  
DB: wonder why that is  
DB: and what’s this god tier stuff anyway  
DB: jack told me i’m gonna have cool powers  
DB: because i’m the “page of space”  
MC: You are.  
MC: I myself am the Heir of Space, so we’ll have similar powers.  
MC: Although you will have much more raw power than I.  
MC: That is what being a Page is all about.  
DB: okay so i don’t care  
MC: You should start training now.  
MC: Or it’s possible it won’t be enough.  
DB: what won’t be enough?  
DB: oh now you ignore me  
DB: when i actually want to know things  
DB: nice

“Hiccup, we’re here.”

Toothless landed, much more easily than he had the first time considering there was much less sand than there had been before. Hiccup and Astrid got off and spent a few moments just taking in the drastic changes to what once had been Hiccup’s house.

The volcano had finished erupting, it seemed, although the lava was obviously still hot, though the rain had cooled it down significantly. It had completely overrun Hiccup’s house and quite a bit of the land surrounding the house. There were some strange, futuristic machines several yards from the edge of the lava. Hiccup had no idea where those had come from. Maybe his server player had put them there.

In any case, the one thing he was looking for was not there. He wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. His dad could have escaped, but it was also possible he had been buried under the lava with his house.

MC: They’re frog breeding machines.  
MC: You need to breed frogs to win the game.  
MC: It’s going to take a while.  
MC: Have fun.

Great, so he had made the elf girl mad. Everything was going so well for him.

DS: JEGU5 CHRI5T  
DS: WHAT DID YOU 5AY TO YE5HUA  
DS: 5H3’5 5UPER UP5ET  
DB: who are you  
DS: 5ORRY THI5 I5 MY FIR5T TIME TALKING TO ANY OF YOU HUMAN5  
DS: I FIGURED I WOULD JU5T GO AHEAD AND 5AY WHAT I NEEDED TO  
DS: POPE 5AY5 I NEED TO GET BETTER AT CONVER5ATION  
DB: so you thought not introducing yourself and just yelling at me out of nowhere would be a good way to do that  
DS: THI5 I5 JU5T HOW I TALK  
DS: I’M NOT 5HOUTING I PROMI5E  
DB: uh huh  
DS: ANYWAY  
DS: YE5HUA I5 5AD  
DS: WHAT DID YOU 5AY TO HER  
DB: she keeps telling me all this weird vague stuff  
DB: about stuff i need to do  
DS: WELL YEAH CAU5E YOU NEED TO DO THEM  
DB: she’s just being really demanding  
DS: IT’5 JU5T BECAU5E YOU DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT BEFORE THE 5CRATCH  
DS: AND A LOT NEED5 TO GET DONE THAT ONLY YOU CAN DO  
DS: LIKE BREEDING THE NEXT UNIVER5E AND GETTING THE QUILL5 OF ECHIDNA TO ACTUALLY DO THE 5CRATCH  
DS: I MEAN IT WON’T BE YOU THAT DOE5 IT BUT YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN GET THE QUILL5  
DB: what is the scratch???  
DS: OH WOW YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW ANYTHING DO YOU  
DS: IT’5 A UNIVER5E 5OFT RE5ET BA5ICALLY  
DS: ONLY TO BE DONE WHEN IT’5 IMPO55IBLE TO WIN  
DB: are you saying it’s impossible for us to win?  
DS: DO YOU 5ERIOU5LY NOT KNOW ANY OF WHAT I5 GOING ON IN YOUR OWN UNIVER5E  
DS: I 5HOULDN’T EVEN BE TELLING YOU ALL OF THI5  
DS: I’M THE TIME PLAYER AND THI5 COULD 5ERIOU5LY ME55 UP TIME  
DB: i’m confused  
DS: JU5T DON’T BE MEAN TO YE5HUA ANYMORE OKAY  
DS: 5HE HA5 ENOUGH ON HER PLATE A5 IT I5

DB: some guy just messaged me about you and now i’m more confused than before  
DB: what’s a scratch?  
MC: Who messaged you.  
DB: some guy  
DB: DS  
MC: Pope.  
MC: I see.

“Do you have any idea what this stuff does?” asked Astrid, poking at the ectobiology apparatuses.

Hiccup shrugged helplessly. “I’m trying to ask but I’m not getting any straight answers. Apparently they’re frog breeding machines. I don’t know how that’s supposed to work.”

“Maybe you put one frog in one side, and another frog in another side, and you just wait?”

Who thought it was a good idea to put a thirteen-year-old boy in charge of breeding frogs, anyway?

Hiccup was having a very long day. What time even was it? God, he was so tired. All the excitement had given him enough adrenaline to keep himself going, but now he was all out, and he was suddenly so very sleepy.

Astrid had bags under her eyes.

Well, that settled it. “You feeling kind of tired?” he asked her.

“Yes,” she sighed loudly. Toothless appeared at their backs in a flash. Hiccup took this as an invitation to sit and slump back against his best friend.

“Come on down,” he mumbled to Astrid before snuggling up to one of Toothless’s legs and falling asleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everybody  
> you may notice that there is now a work listed under "related works" by the lovely GemmaRose  
> everyone go read it! it's really good and inspired by this, and jack being a sprite now
> 
> (it's not like that wasn't a very long and elaborate joke about how the fandom refers to him as "a winter sprite" all the fucking time GOD this fandom)
> 
> anyway yes, everyone go read it because it's excellent and maybe even relevant to the plot later on??? i haven't decided yet. certain aspects of it might be. hahahahaha! i can't wait for Friends Forever 2: Electric Boogaloo. 10-15 chapters? I'd like to have this wrapped up in 50 but GOD knows that isn't going to happen.
> 
> jack's got some cool (HA because winter get it) new powers now, powers that may be familiar??????! invisibility is a cool ability to have even if he can't quite control it yet  
> what does a maid of rage even do?? would she be....................made of rage?  
> rapunzel and sandy are good friends. i'm liking this friendship.  
> toothless still needs to be prototyped again. uhhhhhhhhhhh well that'll happen at some point i guess
> 
> spoiler for the next chapter: while he's doin' his thing flying around, jack's humming Flawless because he woke up like this  
> that's enough of that joke
> 
> ALSO and this is actually important: back in chapter 28, i changed the poem eugene reads from saying "Thief" to "Rogue"  
> "why is that important lydia" you say  
> "figure it out" i reply


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:  
> A reunion  
> What's up with Merida?  
> One of the elves might have a crush on Jack, it seems  
> Hiccup catches a glance at his future and refuses to look at it out of common decency

Jack, humming a Beyonce song as he glided along, found himself in the same strange passage Merida had been in earlier. He, too, found the curtains that spanned various rooms and had no idea what they were there for. He, too, found himself in a hallway on the other side of the castle with windows that faced the outside where he could see the black, sparking thing Merida had seen, only it was much closer now. So close, in fact, he could tell what it was, although at first he could not believe his eyes.

The black thing spotted him almost exactly at the same time as he spotted it. Their eyes met. The black thing was suddenly hovering just outside the castle window, supported by two huge, leathery wings that vaguely reminded Jack of Toothless’s wings.

“Jack,” the black thing said.

“Dad?”

\---

Merida had no idea how long she had been staring at her phone. One minute, she’d been opening up a message from the mysterious NS, the next, Hiccup was waking up. She checked the time on her phone. There was no _way_ 20 minutes had passed. Right?

She stowed her phone away in a convenient pocket on her pantaloons without looking at it just as Hiccup opened his eyes. He sat up slowly and awkwardly. “Where am I?” he mumbled to himself. He looked at his hands. “Am I older?” Realization dawned on him. “I’m dreaming.”

Merida hummed, impressed at the quick deduction. The noise caught Hiccup’s attention and he looked straight at her. “Merida?”

“Welcome to the world of the living.”

“We’re both dreaming, aren’t we? And…” He examined his body. “What’s wrong with my leg?”

She made a face. “About that…”

“Is it?” He slowly pulled the sheet off of it, revealing his red stained yellow pants and the wrapped up stump. He went very, very pale.

“It was your leg or all of you.” Well, sort of. “I tried to get you out of the way in time, but it nicked you without me realizing until your leg was gone.”

“Nicked me?” Hiccup replied. “Yeah, looks like it’s just a flesh wound. I’ll just walk it off, huh?”

“I was trying to save you!” she protested loudly. “Those...red things came out of nowhere. They were tryin’ to kill us, I wasn’t fast enough. I’m _sorry_ , Hiccup.”

“It’s…” He considered. “It’s fine,” he said resignedly. “My real self still has a leg, so, hey, no harm no foul.”

“And, you can probably still fly and everything, too,” she added in an attempt to cheer him up some.

“It’ll just be a pain to get off the ground.” He looked back at where the lower half of his leg used to be.

“Here, I’ll help you.” She glided toward him, arms outstretched. He swung his leg and a half over the side of the slab he’d been on, extending his arms to meet hers. She helped him to his feet, sort of. They hobbled to the secret entrance they had come through to the spacious hallway where Merida had seen Jack so recently.

She led him to the window. “All right. Go on.”

He looked at her blankly. “What?”

“You said it’d be hard to get off the ground, right?”

“I’m not just going to jump out a window! I can’t even get _up_ to the window.”

She sighed, a little irritated. “How do you expect to fly if you won’t even try falling first?” She used her newfound god tier strength to hoist him up to the ledge. “You can do it. You’ve flown before, haven’t you?”

Hiccup was trembling, clutching the sides of the window so tight his knuckles were going white. “I have,” he said unsteadily.

“Then do it again!” She patted his back. “If you don’t want to, ‘s fine, but do ya really think you’ll get another chance?”

“There’ll be plenty of other chances!” he said, his voice getting high in his panic. Merida rolled her eyes. Honestly. They both knew it was going to work, Hiccup was just being a chicken.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out. Another message from NS. Her eyes briefly caught the message he had sent her just before, the one that had her staring blankly at her phone for 20 minutes. Yes, right. She needed to do some alchemizing. But first, she needed to push Hiccup out the window, just like the new message said.

So she did.

\---

WS: 9h my ap9l9gies is this  
WS: is this 9ur first c9nversati9n?  
OA: Yes?  
WS: then i believe intr9ducti9ns are in 9rder  
WS: hell9 rapunzel  
WS: my name is padre  
WS: i am an elf  
WS: in my sessi9n i am the seer 9f v9id  
WS: and s99n we will be very g99d friends  
WS: at least, i c9nsider y9u a very g99d friend  
WS: i h9nestly have n9 idea regarding y9ur feelings  
WS: i assume y9u like me  
WS: i assume pe9ple like me generally  
WS: alth9ugh, in the case 9f my recent ex-partner, that was n9t the case  
WS: his feelings ran a bit deeper than simple liking  
WS: i am getting 9ff track  
OA: Recent ex?  
OA: Actually, this is something I would like to hear about.  
WS: really?  
WS: actually i think we have discussed this  
WS: 9r will  
WS: c9nversati9ns with future y9u have included this subject  
WS: Fr9st, that is  
WS: my ex  
OA: What happened?  
WS: sigh  
WS: l9ng st9ry sh9rt  
WS: he questi9ned my “c9mmitment” t9 9ur relati9nship  
WS: because i was pre9ccupied with the Game at the time  
WS: because we were playing it  
WS: which we n9 l9nger are but the damage is d9ne  
OA: Go on.  
WS: it became apparent that his feelings f9r me were much str9nger than mine were f9r him  
WS: resentful, he ended 9ur relati9nship  
WS: it was regrettable but i f9resaw it t9 be quite h9nest  
WS: n9t in the v9id just in general  
WS: the v9id is a much different place t9 l99k int9  
WS: it is dark and terrible and part 9f me hates it s9, s9 much  
WS: well back to Fr9st  
WS: he was a nice elf but  
WS: it was n9t meant t9 be  
OA: Who was it?  
OA: I mean, who is he, in case he messages me or something.  
WS: Fr9st uses the handle “happyDjinn”  
WS: he is actually the patr9n elf f9r hiccup  
WS: y9u c9uld ask him about him  
WS: hiccup and Fr9st respectively, i mean  
OA: Right.  
WS: this wasn’t even the first time he’d d9ne that  
WS: a very similar thing happened with 9ur fearless leader yeshua  
WS: her handle is “mournfulChild”  
WS: she is m9re perceptive 9f matters 9f the heart  
WS: th9ugh Gift is 9ur actual heart player  
WS: and yeshua is the Heir 9f Space  
OA: Similar, but not the same?  
WS: she br9ke it 9ff as s99n as she realized he was m9ving unusually quickly  
WS: she warned me ab9ut him and everything  
WS: she t9ld me ab9ut fr9st  
WS: she warned me  
WS: i did n9t heed her warnings  
WS: and i paid the price  
WS: 9f a very awkward mete9r t9 live 9n  
WS: v9id and life, just n9t meant t9 be  
OA: Wait, do you still like this guy, though?  
WS: a little  
WS: t9 be h9nest he was kind 9f 9verbearing  
WS: and clingy  
WS: he insisted we spend all 9ur time t9gether  
WS: he said things al9ng the lines 9f “y9u’re mine”  
WS: creepy, in my 9pini9n  
OA: Yeah, that is really creepy.  
WS: and as s99n as i t9ld him t9 back 9ff, we f9ught, and he ended it  
OA: He sounds kind of immature.  
WS: right?  
WS: try telling him that  
WS: he insists that i am the immature 9ne because i wasn’t able t9 face my feelings  
WS: 9r a “real, adult” relati9nship  
WS: we’re still bi9l9gically ad9lescents  
WS: i have n9 idea what he was talking ab9ut  
OA: Me neither.  
OA: Sounds like you dodged a bullet.  
OA: And it sounds like /he/ needs to take a step back and look at his life, look at his choices.  
OA: You know what I mean?  
WS: yes but try telling him that  
WS: anyway  
WS: thank y9u f9r listening t9 all 9f that  
WS: 9r rather, reading all 9f it  
WS: i kn9w white text can be ann9ying  
OA: No problem!  
OA: I like helping people with this kind of problem.  
OA: Like, with Merida.  
WS: what ab9ut her?  
OA: She had this huge crush on Jack!  
OA: So I found out for her how Jack felt about her.  
OA: It turns out Jack is an aromantic asexual person.  
OA: So he doesn’t really do liking people, at all.  
OA: Romantically. Or sexually.  
OA: He still loves us platonically!  
WS: yes i kn9w what ar9 ace means  
OA: Cool cool so yeah basically I helped Merida get through that.  
WS: that is news f9r me th9ugh  
WS: ab9ut jack  
WS: i kn9w 9f at least 9ne pers9n wh9 will be disapp9inted by that news  
OA: What really?  
OA: Who?  
WS: i cann9t say  
WS: i have been sw9rn t9 secrecy  
WS: als9 we are very 9ff t9pic  
OA: Oh yeah, you wanted to tell me something?  
OA: Something I needed to do before I visited Skaia.  
WS: what y9u need t9 d9 will actually make y9ur trip there much quicker  
WS: it’s g9ing t9 s9und awful, th9ugh  
OA: Great.  
WS: y9u need t9 g9 t9 the center 9f y9ur m99n  
WS: the derse m99n  
WS: inside there is a slab with the time symb9l on it, it sh9uld be red with a c9g  
WS: y9u need t9 kill y9urself 9n that slab  
OA: What the fuck?

\---

The sheer face of the castle wall was so close it nearly scraped Hiccup’s nose as he fell face first down the side of the place. He was not, however, focused on the wall itself, but rather the ground which he was about to meet very intimately with his face. As it sped closer, he closed his eyes and hoped fervently to be literally anywhere else in the universe at that moment.

The impact did not come. He gave it another twenty seconds. It still did not come. He opened one eye hesitantly to see where he was.

A dusty place, with some sand, and a warm wind blowing. Twenty or so feet away was a white dragon sleeping on the ground…

Toothess? But that was impossible! He’d been on Skaia just a second ago, hadn’t he?

He blinked in surprise. In that blink, he was somewhere else.

First a planet where it was raining. He was floating by the side of a lake. He blinked again, and was in the middle of a sunny forest of birch trees. There was a strange sound like laughter that came from a place just out of his sight. Then, a field of flowers, next to a sundial as tall as he was. Then, floating in space, surrounded by golden rubble that must have been Prospit. Then, a throne room much like the White Queen’s, but all in purple. He saw a short man in yellow and a girl with long, blonde hair--Rapunzel? But he blinked again and he was gone.

He found himself in a dark room, facing a wall of computers. There was a person at each computer, and each person was wearing a pointy hat. Most of the hats were red and green, but there were a few that were not. A girl in a black hat turned around when he popped into the room and smiled at him. She was wearing a black T-shirt and pants with a white spiral on the chest, and a black hood like a windsock that was not on her head. She had short, black hair, pointy ears, and when she smiled it gave her adorable dimples. “Hello, Hiccup.”

“Who are you? How do you know my name?”

She disappeared from her seat and was suddenly next to him, holding onto his arm. “Here. You’re about to teleport again. Concentrate on my arm holding onto yours.”

“I…” Her eyes were boring into his and he couldn’t help but do what she said. He could feel something inside him settle and when he blinked again he was still there, with the elf girl holding onto his arm. By now all the other elves had all turned around and were looking at him.

“Where am I?” he asked the girl.

“You’re on a meteor, all the way outside your universe. I’m amazed you were able to get here, but I suppose you are a Page, after all.” She shrugged. “As for your earlier questions, who I am, how I know your name, it’s simple. I am Yeshua. You may know me as MC. And that’s how I know your name. We have talked many times by now, at least for me.”

“You’re MC?” So they hadn’t been lying about being elves. And that meant all the others he had talked to were here as well.

“Yes. It’s very nice to meet you in person.”

“Yeah...you too.”

“Would you like me to introduce you to everyone?” She gestured to the group of elves that were forming a semicircle around the two of them. 

“Sure.”

“I’m not sure if you’ve talked with everyone over chat yet, but I’ll introduce you to all of them anyway.” She gestured to a girl in a dark green hat with matching eyes and hair pulled back into a ponytail. “This is Ivy, you may know her as celebratorySprite.” A girl with a too-bright smile on her face and hair so dark a green it was almost black was “Holly, jubilantNymph, I know she talks more with Merida than with you.” A boy, a bit shorter than the others, with a dark red hat and a sneer was “Yule, joyousMano,” followed by “you know Pope, of course, despairingSpirit,” about a kid in a gray hat and red clothes who couldn’t take his eyes off of Yeshua. Then, “Gift, or praisingPixie, who you probably haven’t spoken with,” followed by “Solst, happyFae,” about a boy whose hat was dark green but whose outfit was all teal with a strange triangle-like swirl on the shirt. He was also wearing very short shorts and Hiccup pointedly did not look at them. Then “Evergreen, merrySilm,” about a girl with a bright red hat and long red hair. “Padre, wretchedSire, he talks mostly with Rapunzel but he’s worth meeting,” about a boy in a white hat and dark blue clothes. “Latke and Shamash, gratefulBrownie and reverentHob respectively, otherwise known as the most adorable couple known to elf.” The tall girl in yellow blushed while her shorter girlfriend all in blue laughed. 

“And this is Frost!” she finished, pointing to the last person, a boy with bright green hair and...stubble? He was dressed in a tan shirt and pantaloons with a drown, and there was a green symbol that looked like a plant on his chest. “Who I’m sure you’ve talked with by now.”

Frost smiled at him. Hiccup felt vaguely uncomfortable and he didn’t know why.

“Yeah, we’ve talked a few times now, I think.”

Frost took this as permission to come over and hug Hiccup. “Nice to meet you in person, man!” he said, easily dwarfing Hiccup in a crushing hug.

Hiccup froze and squeezed his eyes shut. The sensation of Frost’s embrace disappeared. When he opened his eyes, he saw that he had teleported again.

Back on the meteor, Yeshua was glaring at Frost, and Yule smacked him upside the head. “Way to go!!!! First time we get some fresh blood in here and you scare him away!!!! Idiot!!!!”

“Look, I’m sure he didn’t mean it--” Solst began, before Yule was yelling at him too.

“Doesn’t matter if he meant it or not! We’ve been stuck here for weeks, we finally had someone new to talk to and Claus knows we needed someone new to talk to, because you assholes are the worst to be around ever, and then Frost goes and does exactly what we all knew would freak him out the most! Dumbass!” He smacked Frost upside the head again.

“Ow! Stop doing that! It was an accident, okay? I thought Yeshua had his powers under control.”

“I’m an _Heir_ , not a Witch. I don’t have the raw power to control even an underdeveloped Page.” She crossed her arms. “In the end it’s up to him what he does with his power. Although he still doesn’t really know how to use it.” She fixed her gaze directly on Frost’s face. “It isn’t _my_ fault he was frightened into unconsciously using them in response to you.”

Frost flinched. “Sorry! Okay? I didn’t mean it.” He looked at his feet. “You think he’ll ever come back?”

“I’m not sure how he even got here in the first place,” Yeshua replied. “And you did freak him out. So chances are, probably not.”

There was a collective groan from the group. There was only so much of each other they could take. They all shuffled back to their computers, except for Yeshua, who looked thoughtfully at her hand, where there were still a few green flickers from when she had touched Hiccup.

“Shamash, could I ask you a small favor?” she called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notes: what do you mean flawless didn’t come out until after 2012 when this fic is taking place  
> i mean it doesn’t matter  
> beyonce transcends time
> 
> hiccup’s like a clickbait ad: Santas everywhere HATE him! See this one quick trick that has one young boy at every house on Christmas Eve in HALF the time it takes jolly old Saint Nicholas.  
> (lmao now i can’t stop thinking of stupid clickbaits for all of them)


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reunion that does not go well  
> WHAT is going on with Merida?  
> Padre gets acquainted with THE LAW  
> Hiccup makes a friend

“You look...different.”

“I am not the only one, it seems.”

“Yeah, but you’re…” Jack trailed off. “I mean, I just got a change of clothes and some scales on my face. You got, you got all kinds of stuff!”

“Very observant, son,” his father drawled sarcastically. “Yes, I appear to have gained a pair of rabbit ears, chameleon scales, a paper shirt, and of course, these wings.” He flapped exaggeratedly, propelling himself up a bit further. “I believe it to be a side effect of this ring.” He showed Jack the ring he had stolen from the Black Queen when he killed her.

“Huh.” Jack nodded. “So.”

“So?” Jack’s father raised an eyebrow.

“I was talking to Uncle Sandy earlier,” Jack began, pausing a bit when he saw his father’s face harden.

“What did Sanderson have to tell you?” he spat at his son.

“Just that something had happened to you. He said you changed! And, he was right, obviously,” he added, gesturing to his father’s new appearance. “And that you threw him in jail or something?”

“That was to keep him out of harm’s way,” his father explained. “Did he say anything else about me?”

“Uh, don’t think so. I’ve spent what seems like forever trying to get back to Derse to see if he’s okay! He’s been messaging me, though, wondering where I am and stuff. I think he’s fine. Probably not in prison anymore, though,” he mentioned as an afterthought.

Jack’s father muttered something to himself about ungratefulness and terrible staffing decisions but Jack didn’t catch most of it.

“How did you get here?” he asked his father.

“I transportalized, of course,” he replied, as if transportalizers were totally a normal thing he had used many times through his life. Jack rolled his eyes at his father’s snobbiness. “How did you?”

“I guess when I died, I came back to life here? And I got this cool stuff out of it!” He flapped his cape.

“What do you mean, you died?” his father asked slowly. “What happened?”

There was a very menacing aura coming off of his dad and Jack took a step back as he explained, “Someone told me that was how to go god tier. So I did.”

“You killed yourself?”

“Yeah, so what?”

Jack’s dad looked positively furious now. If Jack could understand what he was feeling, he would say there was a great killer intent coming from his father. “You’ve been out of my sight for less than a day and the first thing you do is this.” He shook his head disdainfully. “I knew letting you talk with those strangers was a bad idea. You’ll be staying with me from now on, no phone or computer.” He reached out for Jack to take his hand. “Come, son.”

Jack stared at his father, straight into his deep, black eyes. They stayed like this for a moment, before Jack finally told his father, “No.”

“No?”

“I’m not coming with you.” Jack hopped back. “I’m staying by myself, or with Merida or Rapunzel or Hiccup...but not with you. I don’t need to be controlled.” Wind started to swirl at Jack’s feet.

Jack’s father sneered. “You’re 18. You don’t know what you need. I’ll give you one more chance to cooperate, Jack. Come with me now and I will forgive this...insolence.”

Something about what his father said sounded familiar, and he realized it was almost identical to something Rapunzel’s mother had said when she had locked her away in her room before they had started playing the game. The similarity froze Jack for a second, but he quickly got over it.

“My answer is still no.” The wind picked up, whipping his cape around his knees. 

His father sighed. “Then I’m sorry, but I have no choice but to--”

The wind suddenly grew into a gale and knocked Jack’s father back, making him spin out into the air a good distance from the castle. When he regained stability he angrily went back, but Jack was gone.

Well, not gone. Mostly invisible and gliding as silently as he could down the hall to the next secret passage. He turned back just in time to see his father inhale deeply through his nose and stare directly at his son.

“Not so fast,” he said menacingly, shooting off toward Jack.

\---

Merida watched Hiccup fall and, just as he was about to hit the ground, disappear altogether. There! He was fine. Shouldn’t have doubted her in the first place.

She checked her phone again, just in case she got another new message from NS. But no, just the one telling her to push Hiccup out the window, and the one telling her to alchemize the code for the picture she had stared at for far too long earlier.

But where could she find the supplies to alchemize with? She hadn’t seen anything in any of the rooms she’d been in, aside from curtains on curtains. What was up with those, anyway?

She made her way back to where the Prospitians were still hiding out. Ugh, grow a backbone already! Who was actually out there actively trying to kill them? The Dersites were probably just as scared of them as they were of the Dersites. Some new Black King was flying around, probably just some idiot who picked up a scepter by mistake. Whatever.

They asked her where Hiccup went. How was she supposed to know where Hiccup went? He just disappeared! Good for him, though, getting cool powers. She hoped he wouldn’t waste them cooped up somewhere because the world was too scary for him.

She asked them if they could help her alchemize something that she already had the code for. They let her know that of course they could, and they could even do it now if that was what she wanted.

Yes, that was definitely what she wanted. Boss’s orders, and all that.

She was taken down another secret passage that she hadn’t noticed before by the Prospitan woman with the tallest bunny ears, who asked her for the code . Merida gave it, and after some very purposeful messing around at several unfamiliar machines, the thing Merida wanted appeared before her eyes on the alchimeter in the room.

Merida grinned. NS and whoever was giving NS his orders would certainly be pleased.

As she stared into the puppet’s eyes, she felt something grow within her. What was that feeling? Devotion toward her Lord? A bit. But there was something else. Something Lil’ Cal had given to several others before her as a gift.

Oh yes. Rage.

\---

WS: was i n9t clear en9ugh in my explanati9n?  
OA: Um, no, that’s not the problem.  
OA: The problem is that you told me to go kill myself!  
WS: well t9 be fair  
WS: that is the way t9 d9 it  
OA: But you can’t just tell a person to go kill themselves!  
OA: Where I’m from you can even get arrested for it!  
OA: I think.  
OA: Maybe it’s only if they do it?  
OA: That’s not the point!  
WS: h9w sh9uld i have put it then  
WS: g9 t9 the center 9f the m99n  
WS: sit d9wn 9n the red slab  
WS: and d9n’t n9t kill y9urself  
WS: ?  
OA: Admittedly there isn’t really a better way to say it.  
OA: But you could have maybe padded it more?  
OA: For example: “n9w what i’m ab9ut t9 ask y9u may be a little sh9cking”  
OA: “but i’m sure i have a g99d reas9n f9r telling y9u t9 d9 it”  
OA: You do, right?  
WS: the 9nly way t9 t9 g9d tier is t9 die 9n such a slab  
WS: y9u 9nly have y9ur dreamself left s9 this is the 9nly way f9r y9u t9 d9 it  
OA: That’s dumb.  
WS: d9 i l99k like i make the rules  
OA: You look like highlighted text on my screen, so…  
WS: exactly  
WS: wh9ever it is 9ut there wh9 makes the rules is s9me sadistic g9d, pr9bably  
WS: i’m n9t sadistic  
WS: i am a g9d tier th9ugh  
WS: because i died 9nce 9n my quest bed  
WS: basically the same as the sacrificial slab in the center 9f derse’s m99n  
WS: s9 i w9uld kn9w h9w it w9rks  
OA: :(  
OA: But I don’t want to die.  
OA: I already died once trying to kill Jack.  
OA: And I have seen enough death, with Eugene and Mother…  
OA: I don’t want to go through all that a third time.  
WS: if y9u make it quick it w9n’t be as bad  
WS: and y9u’ll c9me back t9 life right then  
WS: y9u c9uld even get s9me9ne t9 c9me with y9u and kill y9u f9r y9u?  
OA: Who is going to go with me to the center of the Derse moon just to kill me.  
WS: l99k ar9und y9u

Rapunzel looked around her. The men with the card suits on their lapels were not looking any less stabby.

She sighed.

OA: You have a point.  
OA: How am I supposed to get to the center of the moon, though?  
WS: d9 i have t9 figure 9ut everything f9r y9u  
WS: sheesh  
OA: Sorry!  
OA: You gave me all sorts of instructions before.  
OA: Thought maybe you’d have an actual plan, Mr. Seer.  
OA: Or is your vision not as perfect as you thought?  
WS: tw9 things  
WS: first y9u try being a seer  
WS: especially a seer 9f v9id  
WS: d9 y9u kn9w what’s in the v9id?  
WS: wait actually yeah y9u d9  
WS: cause y9u let the things in there int9 y9ur 9wn b9dy  
OA: ...Can we not talk about that?  
WS: s9rry  
WS: sec9nd  
WS: 9f c9urse there’s a way int9 the center 9f the m99n  
WS: the dersites g9 d9wn there s9metimes   
WS: f9r vari9us reas9ns  
WS: they already have tunnels built  
WS: all y9u have t9 d9 is find the entrance  
OA: Why didn’t you just say so in the first place?  
WS: i have had a l9ng day  
OA: That...isn’t an answer?  
WS: y9u try dealing with fr9st after what happened with hiccup  
OA: What?  
WS: that is a c9mpletely different st9ry  
WS: what y9u sh9uld f9cus 9n n9w is g9ing g9d tier, 9kay, rapunzel?  
OA: Fine.  
OA: But I’m still not happy with this.  
WS: didn’t think y9u would be

\---

Hiccup found himself back on Skaia, though where specifically he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t see any familiar landmarks from where he had landed, which was by a stream, with some mountains in the distance. He wondered if he would be able to take himself back to somewhere he knew.

But just as he considered this, he realized the extensive use of his newfound powers had severely tired him out. He could barely move from the fatigue. He fell to his knees next to the stream and…

...woke up back by Toothless.

He flailed around a little bit thanks to the confusion, but Astrid did not stir, and Toothless just flicked at Hiccup with his tail to tell him to go back to sleep or something. But how could Hiccup go back to sleep now? He wasn’t tired. How could he be, when he had just seen so many amazing things, met the elves?

Speak of the devil. His phone went off.

HD: hey so…………  
HD: about what just happened…………  
DB: oh  
DB: it’s you  
HD: rude  
HD: l12ten i’m really sorry  
HD: and don’t l12ten to yeshua she’s just mad  
HD: i didn’t mean to make you freak out and teleport away  
HD: she’s probably figuring out a way to bring you back as we speak anyway  
DB: oh um  
DB: well then  
DB: apology accepted?  
DB: i just, for future reference, don’t really like being touched  
HD: you let yeshua touch you though  
DB: that was different  
DB: she was stabilizing the teleport thing  
DB: you just came and grabbed me no warning  
DB: you’re lucky i got out or i might’ve hit you or something  
HD: i think i can take a punch from you  
HD: i am a god after all ;)  
DB: oooookaaaay  
DB: what do you mean yeshua is figuring out a way to bring me back  
HD: she’s a smart cookie  
HD: and right after you left she went to another room with shamash after saying stuff about how she’s not a witch   
HD: which shamash 12  
HD: lol  
HD: WITCH shamash 12  
DB: haha  
HD: so she probably has something planned  
HD: shamash 12 the witch of...blood?  
HD: so that’s like, bonds  
HD: wonder what her powers are   
DB: i’ve been playing this game for a day  
DB: your guess is as good as mine  
HD: yeah you’re right  
HD: anyway  
HD: like i said  
HD: sorry i freaked you out  
HD: still friends?  
DB: ...okay  
DB: not that we were in the first place  
HD: hey!  
DB: haha it was a joke  
HD: oh  
HD: haha  
HD: :)  
DB: :)

\---

“I mean, I was touching him directly. That should sort of increase the bond, right?” Yeshua asked as Shamash looked her over, a very focused look on her face.

“The bonds usually aren’t physical in nature…” Shamash said, “but you said you might be able to track his powers?”

Yeshua nodded. “We’re both Space players, after all. And he had a very distinct signal. It probably is thanks to being a Page.”

“Is there a way you could grab what’s left of his power and amplify it for me? That might help.”

“Yes, he should have left some residue in the room.” Yeshua popped out of the room, and then back in, cradling a green spark in her hands. “Will this do?”

Shamash concentrated on the spark. “I am getting something from this,” she confirmed. “But it’s weak. We’ll have to move fast.”

Yeshua smiled beatifically. “I can take you wherever you think it goes in the universe.”

“Good thing, too. He feels far. We may have to make a few stops, I think he jumped around a bit before he got to us.” Shamash closed her eyes. “Let’s see...Derse? Could you get us to the Derse throne room in their universe?”

“That’s actually probably the easiest spot,” Yeshua replied. “Now, take my hand when you’re ready to go. Or any part of me. Must make sure we’re touching.”

Shamash grabbed Yeshua’s wrist, and in a flash, they were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll try to update by this time next month, but finals are coming up (sweats)
> 
> wow that bit with merida is even spookier considering the most recent update haha  
> that wasn't even PLANNED omg


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day early!
> 
> Warning: lot of death in this chapter! first a stabbing, then a beheading in section 3, then another stabbing...just watch out okay
> 
> Also in this chapter:  
> A platonic bro-five  
> Jack's dad is an enormous hypocrite  
> Yeshua is good enough with a sword to cut through an entire neck but no hair  
> Astrid and Toothless are friends

Jack’s father was fast, what with his enormous wings and new powers, but Jack had the power of the wind itself at his back, and the invisibility he had accidentally turned on again. He also knew a little of what to expect of the castle, as he had explored part of it just before his conversation with his father.

The tunnel they were in led directly into the interior of the castle, but a few feet before it, Jack spotted an indentation in the wall, and a brick next to it that jutted out suspiciously. He sent a gust of wind at the brick, and the indentation became a door that he managed to slip through, temporarily escaping his father.

This hallway seemed more abandoned than the rest of the secret passages, so he figured his father would have a difficult time finding him there. He had only seen the door open and close, after all, not how to open it or even if Jack went in or not. Although, apparently he could smell where Jack was now, so…

He decided to make his way down the hall before his father forced his way in.

At the end of the tunnel was a single transportalizer. No wonder no one came here, if there was nothing to see. He shrugged, and got on.

He found himself in a place he had been very recently, though he did not know it, as it had changed quite a bit since he was there. For one, all the sand was gone. Also, there were frogs everywhere. 

He realized he was still invisible, and quickly switched himself back. There, that was better. It was very disconcerting to look down and not see yourself there.

His new phone went off, so he pulled it out of his pocket to look through his messages.

JN: h3llo!!!  
SB: jeez how many of you are there  
JN: rud3!  
JN: but i will ignor3 it b3caus3 apppar3ntly this is how you talk to 3v3ryon3 wh3n you first m33t them  
SB: …  
SB: youre not wrong  
JN: :)  
JN: anyway! i’m holly  
JN: knight of rag3 at your s3rvic3  
JN: i’v3 b33n talking to m3rida a lot r3c3ntly but sinc3 it looks lik3 you’r3 finally in position to do some br33ding with hiccup (ooh la la) i figur3d i should giv3 you som3 tips  
SB: some what  
JN: frog br33ding  
JN: what did you think i m3ant? ;)))  
SB: i mean i wouldnt do any kind of sex stuff with hiccup  
SB: heres three reasons why  
SB: astrid  
SB: hes straight  
SB: im ace  
SB: bam  
JN: oh y3ah i forgot about th3 as3xual thing  
JN: damn it!!! was hoping you’d b3 ov3r that so i could win a b3t  
SB: what  
JN: how would you f33l about  
JN: just kissing som3on3?  
JN: or som3thing  
SB: no can do  
SB: shits gross  
SB: i dont even like people romantically at all yknow  
JN: that’s fair!!!  
SB: so wait you said you were the knight of rage  
SB: im a knight too but for breath i guess  
SB: what do you do  
JN: basically i prot3ct rag3!  
JN: and s3rv3 my Lord, of cours3 :)  
SB: o...kay  
JN: its r3al fuzzy caus3 rag3 its3lf can b3 such a fuzzy asp3ct!  
JN: not cl3ar cut lik3 tim3 or br3ath  
JN: luckily NS has h3lp3d m3 a lot ov3r th3 cours3 of th3 3lf s3ssion and now  
JN: and w3’v3 both b33n h3lping m3rida too  
JN: as you may notic3 wh3n you s33 h3r again  
JN: which will b3 soon!  
JN: but th3 fast3r you g3t this frog br33ding ov3rwith th3 soon3r you will s33 h3r, of cours3  
SB: okay i have a lot of questions  
SB: but i guess i will save them for later because   
SB: frog breeding  
SB: seriously  
JN: s3riously  
JN: th3s3 frogs ar3 gonna h3lp you and hiccup build a n3w univ3rse!  
JN: and boy ar3 you gonna n33d it consid3ring what you 3nd up doing lat3r  
JN: sorry in advanc3 for that!  
JN: anyway, st3p 1, go wak3 up hiccup  
JN: his r3al s3lf that is  
JN: and start up that 3ctobiology crap  
JN: paradox clon3s ain’t gonna mak3 th3ms3lv3s

Jack put his phone away after that, because that girl was going a mile a minute and was not stopping to let him ask what the hell she was talking about. She was helping Merida? Sorry in advance? For what? After step 1 of her instructions he would figure out what to do himself, jeez.

She did say Hiccup was around here somewhere, so Jack endeavored to go look for him. He found he had transportalized to a spot halfway up the mountain that had miraculously been shielded from its earlier eruption. It was easy work to fly around the mountain until he found where Hiccup was. It was even easier work to try to sneak up behind him, only to find he was already awake. And texting.

Well, he still had the element of surprise. He creeped up behind Toothless, who obviously smelled him but made no indication to Hicccup that he was there, and then grabbed Hiccup’s shoulders. “Boo!”

Hiccup screamed something in Norwegian, flailed around, and dropped his phone right onto the still-dozing Astrid’s head. It slid off her blonde hair and by the time it hit the ground she was awake.

“What the hell?’ she complained, sitting up far too fast, in Jack’s opinion. A person who just woke up should not be that alert. But this was all overshadowed by Hiccup finally realizing what had just happened.

“Jack!” he yelled. “Come on!”

Jack laughed.”Sorry, man. Constant vigilance, y’know? You should try it.”

Hiccup frowned, but Jack could tell he wasn’t really mad. This was only their second meeting, and it was already infinitely better than the first.

“Come on, elf girl says we got frogs to breed.”

Something clicked in Hiccup after he said that. “Oh yeah, Yeshua mentioned something about that…”

“You talked to Yeshua?” That was an interesting surprise. She’d seemed to really like Jack, and Jack liked her, despite how cold she came across sometimes. 

“Yeah, even met her in person.”

“What? How Okay, you know what, tell me all about it while we do this frog thing so elf girl Holly will stop blowing up my phone already.”

He glared up at the sky, as though there was an invisible camera there or something.

On a meteor in between universes, an elf girl in a dark green hat that matched her hair and eyes giggled and closed her chat window with the human Knight. She would just talk to NS some more! She wanted his take on how Merida was progressing. And he was the one with a direct line to the Lord, so his opinion was the highest valued.

After some more coaxing, Jack got Hiccup to take him to the ectobiology apparatuses. They both messaged Yeshua to see how they worked, but she was not answering at all, oddly enough. That didn’t seem like her.

But thanks to some helpful (yet scathing, as she was not happy about being woken up so rudely) pointers from Astrid, they figured out exactly what they were to do.

Hiccup would zap in the frogs while Jack flew around the planet grabbing them, sometimes just by using the wind to pick them up. It improved his control over his powers and made sure everything went smoothly!

They worked for hours, deciding not to wait for the frogs they bred to grow up before making paradox clones of them as well to work toward “the perfect frog.” Holly had messaged Hiccup, since Jack wouldn’t answer her, and she said that was what they were aiming for.

JN: but w3 didn’t r3ally g3t it until y3shua r3m3mb3r3d som3thing from wh3n w3 w3r3 kids and summon3d this w3ird whit3 frog  
JN: aft3r that 3v3rything w3nt a LOT fast3r

“You remember seeing a white frog anywhere, Hiccup?” asked Jack. Hiccup shook his head.

“Don’t think so.”

Astrid, who had been playing some game on her phone, looked up then. “Wait, don’t you remember that time I walked you home from school two years ago, and we saw that weird white frog on the other side of the street, and then it just vanished.”

Hiccup blinked. “Right! Of course!” He punched some numbers into the ectobiology apparatus, faster than Jack could tell what they were, and the image of Berk, two years previous, came on the screen.

There was also a white frog on the screen. Hiccup and Jack high fived, and zapped it.

\---

Merida captchalogued Lil’ Cal after he transferred some of his master’s Rage to her. She would have preferred to carry him around, to show everyone her allegiance, but it was safer this way. She might freak out some of the Prospitians, or accidentally give them some of the power that was not for them, and then NS and her Lord would be disappointed in her.

And she could not disappoint them.

She went back through the series of rooms with the curtains she had seen the first time, and came to where she had seen the strange black shape in the distance. It was gone, but there was someone she had never seen before, and he appeared to be searching for someone or something.

“Who are you?” she asked. The man, who had wings and rabbit ears, turned around and snarled at her.

“I should be asking you the same thing,” he sneered.

Merida was unimpressed by his bravado, but she could feel the Rage coming off him in waves. He would be a powerful ally.

“Merida DunBroch,” she said, pointing to herself. “Now, who are you?” she repeated.

“My name is of no importance. I am both monarchs of the planet of Derse, and I have slain the king of Prospit. I am looking for my son, Jack. Have you seen him?” This last part came through gritted teeth.

“Oh, you’re Jack’s dad! Saw him, oh, not half an hour ago. He didn’t go down there, then?” She pointed down the tunnel that she knew would loop around back to where she had first arrived.

“His scent stops out of nowhere, so I presume no. Unless he has suddenly learned to teleport…”

She waved a hand. “Nah, he’s a Breath player. If it’s teleportation you want, that’s Hiccup. Pushed him out a window, and he was gone in a poof! No idea where he is now.”

“You pushed someone out a window?” Jack’s dad looked a little impressed.

“He wouldn’t jump himself,” she said with a shrug.

Jack’s dad looked thoughtful. “You wouldn’t happen to make a habit of killing your friends, would you?”

“Whatever’s necessary,” she said. Besides, it wasn’t as if Hiccup didn’t have a body to spare, and Jack was a god tier, and well, she had no idea what was going on with Rapunzel. Maybe she was--

Merida’s thought process was rudely interrupted by a knife in her gut. She coughed, and blood spattered on the arm of the man who had just stabbed her.

“I can’t let someone like you near my son before I find him,” Jack’s father said. “And though I admire your tenacity, someone who goes around killing their friends does not deserve to live.” He pulled his blade out of Merida’s tummy and flicked the blood off, before carefully putting it back in his own chest.

Merida fell to the floor, closed her eyes, and died.

A few minutes later, she woke up in a blaze of colors and light. Jack’s father was gone, and Merida didn’t remember anything from after Jack left to explore. She had pulled out her phone, and then...she woke up, freshly resurrected, here.

She wondered if Hiccup had woken up yet.

In the back of her mind, where not even she could find it, the essence of what had been in Lil’ Cal that had very nearly vanished in her death waited for the opportune moment to come back and wrestle control away from the Maid.

It would have to be a time when emotions were running high, and she would be the most vulnerable. Then, it would strike, and the body of the redhead would be back under its...care, ready to go back to doing whatever their Lord commanded of them.

But for now, it would watch and wait.

\---

Thirty minutes later, Rapunzel found herself sitting on a red sacrificial slab. There was a clockwork cog in the middle, in a lighter shade of red than the rest of the slab. When she explained what she wanted to do to Sandy, he got the tiny minion with the club on his lapel to lead her down here. When she was settled, he left.

Rapunzel felt queasy. She really didn’t want to do this…

WS: i k9ow this must be hard for you  
WS: but you 9eed to do it if you wa9t to have a cha9ce at wi99i9g this game  
OA: :(

There were voices from the tunnel the Courtyard Droll had left through. “Hello?” called Rapunzel.

The voices cut off abruptly, and footsteps approached the entrance to the core of the moon. A very short person in an outfit that was almost entirely black slowly floated in.

“Hello?” they said. “Who’s in there?” The voice sounded female.

“It’s Rapunzel!” Rapunzel replied.

“Oh! Shamash, it’s Rapunzel! Come here.”

“I can’t fly. Not a god tier, remember?”

“Isn’t that your dreamself, though? It should be able to fly.”

The other person--Shamash, Rapunzel presumed--made some vague grumbles, then flew in slowly behind the person in all black. They were dressed all in yellow, and were dressed all in yellow. Together, they approached Rapunzel.

It was dark in the core of the moon, so Rapunzel couldn’t really get a good look at them until they were just a few feet away. “Who are you two?”

The one in black smiled. “I’m Yeshua, and this is Shamash. We’re two of the elves you and your friends have been talking to, but I believe we have yet to be acquainted.”

“I’ve been talking to WS until just now, actually!” 

“Is that why you’re here?”

Rapunzel frowned. “Yes. He said I had to…”

Yeshua raised a hand. “Say no more.”

“Huh?”

Before Rapunzel could even register what was happening, Yeshua drew a sword from nowhere and lopped off Rapunzel’s head.

The head fell back onto the slab, and her body fell to follow it. A soft glow grew around the body, but nothing else happened.

Shamash snorted. “Did you really have to do it like that? Shit’s gross.”

“It was the fastest way.” Yeshua sheathed her sword, and it all disappeared. “Come on. Let’s see if we can track where Hiccup went before here.” They flew out of the core of the moon and back onto Derse, then disappeared a few minutes later to what was left of Prospit.

It took another 30 minutes for Rapunzel to ascend, considering the healing magic of the god tier ascension had to repair her neck. But ascend she did. The power of her rise to godhood was so powerful it blew a hole in the side of the moon of Derse, the side facing Skaia, though it was far. She burst through it, rainbow sparks trailing after her in her new red Sylph gear. Her hood, with its twin tails down her front, could not contain her six feet of bright blond hair, and it fell, allowing her hair to billow behind her as she flew.

She had friends to see!

\---

JN: aft3r you br33d your p3rf3ct frog you n33d to talk to 3chidna  
JN: sh3’s your d3niz3n  
JN: sh3 will t3ll you what to do n3xt

“This all sounds like so much work,” complained Jack. “I thought we were done when we made the white baby frog.”

“Tadpole?”

“Whatever.”

They had successfully created a fusion of the mysterious white rog and the frog that came closest to being right, in their opinions. It was all based on feeling, as the frogs were all still baby frogs (tadpoles, if you will), and so they didn’t really know what was right and what wasn’t. But this one felt the rightest. So it was the one they were going with.

“How about, before you talk to Echidna, you just go ahead and go god tier so maybe she’ll take you seriously when you talk?”

“I don’t know…” Going god tier sounded really painful. Like, he would literally be killing himself. Plus, he wasn’t sure where the heck his dreamself even was. Also, what would Astrid do with herself? Probably, succeed at a whole bunch of cool things, actually. She had been lazily fighting off imps that got too close to their frog breeding operation, working with Toothless, but never touching him. Huh.

“Cool new powers?” Jack demonstrated his cool new powers by letting a breeze push all of Hiccup’s hair into his face.

“Stop it!” He batted at his hair. “I don’t even know where my god tier bed thing or whatever is anyway.”

“Quest Bed. And I do! I passed by it while I was hunting down frogs. It’s actually not too far from here, c’mon.” Jack grabbed Hiccup’s hand and flew up.

“LET ME GO OH MY--”

“Be right back!” Jack shouted to Astrid, who was back to playing her phone game, as all the imps were too afraid of her to approach anymore. 

“Seeya,” she called.

“ASTRID PLEASE--”

But they were already far away from her.

Ten minutes of the scariest fly of Hiccup’s life later, they were at the top of a hill that still retained quite a bit of sand. There was a four-poster stone bed waiting for them, black with a white spiral. “Here ya go!” said Jack.

“Jack, I don’t want to kill myself.”

“I didn’t want to either, you know?” Jack smiled sadly. “But sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And if you’re too scared, I can do it for you.”

“You’d just...kill me, just like that?”

“No, not just like--Hiccup, you don’t get it. What I’m saying is--”

“Oh, I think I get what you’re saying. You’re saying you’re ready to just go ahead and kill me, at the drop of a hat! Well guess what, that makes me kind of uncomfortable! So why don’t you just--”

A sword slid through his chest at that very moment. Hiccup registered Jack screaming, “What the hell?!” before everything went dark.

The owner of the sword, a girl in an outfit that matched Hiccup’s Quest Bed with pointy ears, sighed to herself. “That’s twice in one day I’ve had to do that. But I had to, to give you guys a fighting chance.” She sheathed her sword, and it disappeared into nothingness. She then turned to Jack and extended a hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you in person. I’m Yeshua.”

Jack stared at the hand, at her, and at her companion in yellow who was brooding a few feet away.

“What the hell?!” he yelled again.

\---

Skaia was ablaze with lights in the sky again. Merida, who was there, had to shield her eyes against them, they were so bright. Rapunzel, who was halfway through the incinisphere by then, could just make out a swirl on the surface of Skaia that was the symbol of Space. Jack, Yeshua, and Shamash, along with Toothless and Astrid and one other person, could see them from the Land of Deserts and Frogs as well.

The lights originated from one place, the top of a sudden hill that plateaued several hundred feet in the air, the earth itself black and white checked. There, a boy who was now permanently going to be a man--no, a god--rose into the air, buoyed by the magic of the planet where he was ascending.

His eyes opened. He looked to his right hand. It crackled green with the energy of the universe, with Space. He willed himself to the place in his mind that he referred to as home, and was there in an instant with a crackle of green lightning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> other people: stop headcanoning everyone as aro/ace or poly  
> me: never  
> other people: at least stop ignoring how sprites work  
> me: NEVER
> 
> hey does anyone...wanna be my beta...this generally means shouting at me to remember quirks and also to remember to update (because i forgot i was supposed to update until 24 hours ago and i wrote this quickly and tiredly)  
> and you get to know what i'm planning, if you want. hahaha


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's a day late, this chapter was a BITCH

“Okay, I will admit, this does look kind of bad,” Yeshua conceded.

Jack stared. Everything was happening very fast, and while normally he liked things to go fast, he did not like what was happening here. What was happening here had just gotten his best friend killed (he ignored the voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like his father’s that was reminding him that he had volunteered to do just that before all this had happened) and now apparently an elf girl he thought was in another universe or something was here in front of him.

“I take full responsibility for my actions,” she continued. “I have to admit, this is unfortunately something I am used to.”

Neither she nor her friend, another person Jack didn’t recognize, seemed particularly hung up about Hiccup’s death. What the hell? How do you have to grow up to normalize that kind of thing?

“This is actually the second time today I’ve had to do this, and I did it all the time back in our session. Though, not for everyone.” She glanced over at her companion. “Some people didn’t want to, others had loved ones protecting them from me.”

Her companion huffed and crossed her arms. “How was I supposed to react when you literally popped up out of the blue on Latke’s planet demanding to kill her--’but don’t worry, it will only be temporary!’” she concluded in a bad impression of Yeshua’s voice.

“Second time?” Jack heard himself asking, though most of him still wasn’t done gawking at the two elves in front of him.

“Well, yes. Rapunzel didn’t look like she was going to do it herself, so--”

“You did _what_ to _who?_ ” Jack shouted. The knife that was meant to be in his abdomen materialized in his hand. The part of him that was Pascal was not happy about this news, and neither was the part of him that was Jack.

Yeshua, sensing the rage coming from Jack, took a few steps back. “Relax, Jack. By the time we left she was already starting to ascend, which means she’s fine--”

Jack relaxed marginally, but Pascal was not any happier. The scales on Jack’s skin, particularly those on his face, grew more prominent, and his eyes seemed to bulge from his head. Yeshua took all this in with a calculating eye. Shamash just looked bored.

“Rapunzel is presumably on her way to Skaia as we speak. We can go there now if you want, so you can meet her and see that she’s safe. We just have to pick someone up before we do, but that shouldn’t take more than a second.”

“Ah, what? Yeshua, I want to go home,” complained Shamash. “Latke will not stop texting me cute kissy faces and stuff. I want to see _her_ cute kissy face _in person_. Don’t tell her I said that.”

Yeshua smiled. “We’ll head back to our meteor right after we drop off Jack. What do you say?” This was directed at Jack himself.

Pascal was willing to trust Yeshua and Shamash for now. Jack decided to go along with it too. The scales on his skin faded back into the color of Jack’s skin, and his eyes went back to normal. The knife took its place back in his gut. “What the hell. Let’s go to Skaia.”

Yeshua held up a hand. “Skaia second, Land of Forests and Jubilee first.” She then held out said hand for Jack to take, which he did, hesitantly. The other hand was taken by Shamash.

“What’s on Forests and Jubilee?” he asked.

“Merida’s mother. You’ll need her for the final battle against your father.” Then she took them away in a crackle of green.

They reappeared in Merida’s castle, which was now no longer on fire, so that was a positive. Yeshua released Jack and Shamash’s hands. “Now, the quickest way to find Elinor is to use her bond with you, Jack.”

“Okay? What does that even mean?”

“Shamash here is the Witch of Blood. She can track your bond and lead us to where Elinor is. So just concentrate on Merida’s mother, and let Shamash do her thing.”

That sounded dumb, but Jack wasn’t about to argue with someone who could teleport. He did as she said. Shamash closed her eyes, and made some wiggly motions with her fingers. Yeshua touched her back, grabbed Jack’s hand, and they teleported again.

They were in the middle of the forest this time, and Elinor was just a few feet away. They had, in fact, appeared right in front of her, and as soon as they did she jumped back and immediately assumed some kind of martial arts stance.

“We’re here to take you to your daughter,” said Yeshua.

Elinor narrowed her eyes. “Who are you?” She looked them over. “Jack, who are these women?”

“They’re friends,” he said, though he had been reconsidering that since he met them in person. “And they really can take you to where Merida is. I was with her not too long ago, actually.”

Elinor contemplated this for a few seconds, then dropped her stance. “Fine. Take me to her.”

Yeshua nodded. “Take my hand.” Her other hand was grabbed by Jack, and Shamash held onto her arm. Seconds later, they were on Skaia.

“You can take it from here. The castle is just over that hill. Beware your father,” Yeshua told Jack.

“Um, yeah, I will.”

She smiled. “It was very nice to meet you in person, and I expect we will be seeing each other again sooner than you think.” Then she kissed him on the cheek, and teleported away with Shamash.

Jack cringed and wiped off his cheek. “Ugh.”

Elinor, to her credit, was not freaking out at all about being teleported to another planet. Instead, she stood up straight, threw her shoulders back, and demanded Jack take her to where her daughter was.

“You got it,” he replied, when he was done pawing at his face, then swirled his arms around some to call the wind to carry Merida’s mom. He flew with her to the castle where he knew Merida would be.

\---

Merida went back to check on Hiccup, and learned that he had disappeared at some point during her missing memories. Talking with the Prospitians confirmed that they went out together, and she came back without him, and then she had them alchemize something for her that was now supposedly in her sylladex. She checked, and saw there was something new in there, but she decided not to remove it for the time being. After all, something mysterious had been in control of her body. She didn’t want to know just yet what they had made, in case it was dangerous. Better to keep it in the sylladex where it was safe.

Hiccup was nowhere to be found where she had supposedly left him. So, dead end. She decided to maybe take a short flight around the castle to see if he was anywhere nearby. Unless that had been him Ascending a few minutes ago. In which case, he was pretty far away, but she didn’t want to leave her new unofficial base. What if Jack came back? She’d have to hold down the fort, as much as she loathed the idea of sitting still with nothing to do.

To her enormous relief, he _did_ come back. She met him midair during her short flight around the castle. What was more surprising was who was with him: her mother.

Her mother, who was currently being held aloft by literally just the wind, controlled by Jack, who was already terrible at concentrating and would be even more so upon seeing her.

So Merida swooped in, grabbed her mom, and set her on the ground. Then, she promptly hugged her.

“Merida!” Her mother hugged her back just as tightly. “I’ve been searching all over for you! Where have you been?”

“It’s a long story, Mum.”

“Well, you were hardly forthcoming in that sorry excuse for a phone call earlier! ‘We’re both fine, I’m just a wee bit far away right now,’ that’s an understatement! Where are we? Where were we?”

So Merida and Jack got to explain everything that had happened over the past few days (had it really been days? Merida had barely eaten or slept, working mostly off adrenaline, hopefully she didn’t pass out or something) to her mother.

“And now Yeshua, who was the girl who brought us here, says we need your help in the final battle against my dad. Which, I don’t want to fight my dad, but he did something weird to himself and now he’s evil, I think? So maybe we should take him down. To be safe. Not, like, kill him, just take away his powers, or something? I don’t know.” Jack seemed upset at the idea of fighting his father, which made sense to Merida, considering all she had been complained to about their relationship.

“It sounds like he just needs some sense knocked into him. You can leave that to me,” said Merida’s mom.

“What happened to ‘fighting is not ladylike,’ huh Mum?” Merida said.

“Normally I would say that, but it sounds to me like circumstances have changed. I got a nice warm up on those imps earlier, I’m prepared to do what it takes to protect my daughter and her friends.”

Merida had never thought her mom was so cool before in her life.

There was something red in the sky.

\---

There were such things as safe landings, but Rapunzel didn’t know about them.

As excited as she was to get to Skaia, she flew far too dangerously fast through the Veil and the space between it and her destination. By the time she entered Skaian orbit, there was no way for her to land safely.

So she didn’t.

The massive crater and large amounts of debris that ensued, combined with the sheer stupidity of the crash, made the universe seriously consider giving her a Just death, because, like, really? The clock in Santa’s workshop with the Time symbol ticked a few times, but ultimately settled in the middle.

Rapunzel, whose body had already begun healing itself with her Time powers, sat up. She coughed up some dirt, shook herself off, and stood on shaky legs. She looked around.

Skaia, she thought, was oddly picturesque, considering the ground was all black and white checkered, aside from where she had crashed, which was just dirt. It was like the dirt was painted, as a few inches under the chessboard top, regular dirt began. The sky was a cheerful blue, and there were clouds breezing past. In one of them she thought she saw herself, walking down the street, laughing with Eugene. It wasn’t a street she recognized, but anyway, there was no way it could be real…

The group of people nearby definitely noticed Rapunzel’s crash landing, and were cautiously approaching just as she started to climb out of the crater she had created. When they saw who it was, however, they lost their apprehension to excitement.

“Rapunzel!” Jack called when he saw it was her, and ran to the crater at top speed.

She whirled around, her legs still shaky. “Jack?!” She pushed off the ground and into the air, and when they met, barreled him over in a hug.

Merida quickly joined in, pulling Rapunzel off of Jack just so she could hug her tightly. This was the first time they had met in real life, after all! Jack stood and Merida’s mother watched in amusement as Rapunzel excitedly chattered to Merida, saying they hadn’t talked in forever, what’s happened, oh what’s your god tier, and where’s Hiccup?

“We’re headed to the castle over there now,” Merida said instead of properly answering her friend’s questions, while pointing to the castle in the distance. “We can tell you everything that’s happened on the way. It’s going to be our fort in our battle against Jack’s dad.”

“Battle? Jack, I knew your dad was kind of a jerk, but what?”

“Like she said, we’ll explain on the way,” replied Jack.

The group of four walked back to the castle, while Jack and Merida gave a quick explanation for everything that was happening. “But I still don’t understand why we have to _battle your dad_ , Jack.”

“It’s the point of the game, isn’t it? To kill the Black King and claim the Ultimate Reward.” Jack shrugged. “He’s the new Black King. And the Black Queen. And the White King, too, I think?” He shook his head. “He has three rings, is the point. We have to beat him to win. I don’t want to kill him, though.”

“We shouldn’t have to if we can just soundly defeat him!” Merida said. “And Mum says she’ll help, and so that way we’ll definitely win.” Merida’s mother smiled at her. “Oh, speaking of mums, what happened to yours? And what about your boyfriend?” she asked Rapunzel.

Jack, who was standing on the other side of Rapunzel from Merida, desperately signalled at Merida to change the topic, but it was no use. “Eugene….Mother killed Eugene, and then I, um, freaked out, and then...well, Mother is gone now. She won’t be able to help us in this battle like yours will.” Her hands balled into fists at her sides.

Merida flushed and her eyes widened. “Oh, uh, I’m sorry to hear about that. Really, I am. I didn’t know that had all...I wouldn’t have asked had I known, you know?”

“It’s fine,” Rapunzel replied, though the crack in her voice betrayed her. “Let’s just talk about something else.”

There was a beat of awkward silence.

“Anyone seen Hiccup’s dreamself? He should’ve gone god tier by now.”

\---

_Home._

It’s where the heart is, and while Hiccup’s heart was in a lot of things, the person he had loved the longest--despite their differences--was the person he thought of as home.

After teleporting, he found himself in the passenger seat of his father’s Range Rover. In the driver’s seat was his father, driving angrily through the desert into the sunset. He did not appear to have noticed his son teleporting into the seat next to him.

Hiccup was too excited for tact. “Dad!” he shouted happily. His father swore at the noise and swerved, jolting to a stop on the dirt.

His father turned on him, eyes blazing defensively, until he saw who was with him in the car. “Hiccup? What--but how did you--you’re older! And where did you--”

Hiccup grinned. “All good questions, Dad. But I have a more important one: how are you alive? I thought when the volcano erupted…”

“I always knew that was a possibility. So I built a hatch to a safe room under the house with a tunnel to an underground garage where I kept this.” He patted the dashboard.

Hiccup stared at him blankly. “Safe room? Underground garage?”

“I built them before you were born. Well, Gobber and your mother and I did. It was a great weekend project!” He chuckled to himself. 

Hiccup wanted to ask more, but his phone went off.

MC: Sorry about earlier.   
DB: what do you mean   
DB: oh yeah!   
DB: right   
DB: fuck off

Yeshua, who was back to her meteor with her friends by this point, rolled her eyes. “You talk to him,” she told Frost.

“Don’t mind if I do!”

HD: l12ten   
HD: take your dad to skaia   
DB: what   
DB: why   
HD: he’s supposed to help you in the battle   
DB: battle?   
HD: yeah jack’s dad’s gotta go down   
HD: and your dad being there 12 the only way you guys will win   
HD: everyone else 12 already on skaia even merida’s mom!   
HD: it’s just the two of you and your sprite   
HD: what’s her name astroothlessprite or something   
DB: ...my sprite is just toothless   
HD: haha well not for long dude   
HD: anyway get your ass to skaia   
HD: the battle 12 happening soon and if you’re not there all your friends are gonna die   
HD: trust me the same thing almost happened to us   
HD: my powers didn’t come in handy at all :(   
HD: Prince of Life 12 a title that means something a lot different that what you would think   
HD: it doesn’t mean insta-death because nooo that would be too easy   
HD: it’s a lot weirder lmao   
HD: anyway    
HD: like i said   
HD: get moving!!!

“Dad, do you trust me?”

His fathernarrowed his eyes at him. “Son…”

“Just…” He put a hand on his dad’s arm. “Just don’t freak out, okay?” Before his dad could form a response, Hiccup teleported them away to the castle on Skaia.

\---

“Something’s going on on that other planet, isn’t it.”

It was not a question, so Toothlessprite did not answer.

“Probably something dangerous. And you know Hiccup is there. He and Jack have been gone for way too long. He would’ve texted me. Something’s probably happened to him.”

Toothlessprite, despite his lack of a face, looked nervous.

“We need to get there, so we can help. Hiccup is still really bad at taking care of himself, even if he thinks he has new powers and stuff now. And we’ll be better at it if we do it together.”

Toothlessprite looked contemplative.

“What do you say?” Astrid held out her hand to Toothlessprite. He did not move for a moment, but then, quick as green lightning, shot forward and fused with her.

A girl, her body all dark green, with pointy ears on the top of her head and a ghostly tail, emerged from a flash of light, then teleported to Skaia, as sprite instinct told her she was to do.

But also girlfriend instinct.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coherent timeline????? why would i need one of those????????  
> if Prince of Life doesn't mean insta-death what does it mean? hmmmmmmm ;)  
> i'm sorry this chapter is awful i rewrote the rapunzel bit alone like five times until i went "fuck it" and that happened  
> also sorry it's a little late i work in fast food now so i just sleep all the time i'm not at work


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter:
> 
> Bad jokes from Jack  
> Gratuitous, overdrawn Lord of the Rings references  
> Rapunzel channeling Aradia a little  
> Hiccup's weirdest dreams come true

They were nearly at the castle when Jack asked, “Anyone seen Hiccup’s dreamself? He should’ve gone god tier by now.”

Merida and Rapunzel both shrugged. Merida’s mother, not understanding half the terminology in Jack’s question, ignored it. 

“I think I was with him a little while ago, but he’s gone now.”

“What do you mean you think you were with him?” asked Rapunzel.

Merida scowled and kicked a rock that had the unfortunate luck of being in her path. “I have some gaps in my memory. There are some Prospitians in the castle who said we talked and such but I don’t remember any of it. I remember looking at my phone and then waking up from dying somewhere else and nothing in between.”

Merida’s mother looked extremely concerned. “Do you have any idea what could have happened? And what do you mean, dying?”

“Long story, Mum.”

“That is no explanation, young lady! This is serious--”

“Hey what’s that,” Jack said, pointing straight ahead at a random battlement on the chessboard castle in an apathetic attempt to stop the argument. Merida and Elinor both looked up at the exact second Hiccup teleported in with his father.

“Hey guys!” he called from above. He and his father briefly flashed out of vision, and then were suddenly a few feet in front of the small group.

“Hiccup!” three voices cried at once.

“Stoick?”

“Elinor?” 

“Dad?”

“Mum?”

And then, a voice from right behind Jack, cool and slimy, sending a shiver down his neck. “Son.”

Jack, on instinct, went completely invisible (ignoring the shout of surprise from Merida and Rapunzel’s gasp) before whirling around, his knife in one hand, his staff in another. But there was no one there. 

“We’ll meet again soon.” There it was again, his father’s voice in his ear! But his father was nowhere to be seen. Unless...he had figured out that he had the same invisibility powers as Jack? That was just going to make this fight that much harder.

He made himself visible again, forcing himself to grin at the shocked faces of his friends and their parents. “Nothing to see here,” he joked. Merida groaned. “Um, should we get inside to plan? Not that I’m not super excited to see you, dude,” he added to Hiccup, “and your dad, who is alive, wahoo, but. Yeah.”

“Yeah man, just tell us what that was all about.”

“It’s about the battle. I’ll just let you all know when we’re inside.”

Hiccup shrugged. “I can teleport us in if everyone holds hands.” The six of them formed a circle, Jack to Merida to Elinor to Stoick to Hiccup to Rapunzel to Jack again. In a blinding flash of green light, they were in what appeared to be a dining room, given the fancy light fixtures and multiple circular tables, where they all sat.

It was time to figure out how to beat the shit out of Jack’s father.

\---

Merida fidgeted in her seat at the table they had chosen. They were in the same arrangement they had been when Hiccup brought them in. Jack stood abruptly.

“Here’s the powers I know he has,” he began. “We know he can fly, and I think he can also turn invisible and maybe even teleport, given how sprites and rings work and stuff. He also has suped-up senses and, of course, he can talk to ghosts.”

Of course? That wasn’t exactly a normal thing! thought Merida to herself. By the looks on everyone else’s faces, they were thinking the same thing. But nobody wanted to interrupt Jack, as he was very obviously struggling with just thinking about what they had to do, so it was dropped. 

“I’m thinking we break off into groups. Mrs. Merida’s mom and Mr. Hiccup’s dad will be support with Merida, ‘cause we don’t really know what your powers do yet.”

“You’re not putting me on support!” she shouted indignantly. “I wanna--”

“Your only power is you can’t die unless it’s Heroic or Just right now--” What the hell did that mean? “--and if you throw yourself into this fight you’re going to die like that right off the bat. If you can figure out what you’re supposed to be able to do before this all happens, fine, you can fight at the front with me and Hiccup and Rapunzel. But until then, stick with your--technically, biological--parents and be maneuverability.”

“You think you can just order me around?” Anger built up in Merida’s chest, threatening to burst out. “I deserve to fight your father with the rest of you, even if I don’t have any clue what I’m supposed to be able to do yet! Why am I on support rather than, I dunno, you? All you can do is blow wind in people’s faces! And you hate fighting, you turn invisible every time you’re spooked!”

“I think that’s more Pascal’s influence than anything else…” Rapunzel muttered to herself.

“And for that matter, what can you do? You’re the, what, Sylph of Time, but what does that mean?”

Rapunzel flushed. “I-I can heal people! And…” She looked away, clearly remembering something unpleasant. Merida ignored that part.

“I know! Why don’t we put the healer on support? Since that’s what healing is?”

“I can fight!” Rapunzel protested. “I don’t just heal--”

“Prove it.”

Rapunzel’s lower lip wobbled. “I don’t--”

“Rapunzel destroyed a huge chunk of the Scratch device once when she got upset, before she even went god tier. I was there, and I think we both know what triggered that, Merida,” Jack said.

Merida sniffed and crossed her arms. “Well, what about Hiccup? If it’s maneuverability you’re looking for, clearly you should talk to the person who can teleport.”

“She has a point…” Hiccup murmured. “And I’m not a fighter. My weapon is a shield, Jack. A shield.”

Jack sighed. “Fine. Merida, switch with Hiccup. So Hiccup and his dad and Merida’s mom will be support, moving us around in case something happens, beating on my dad when he can’t fight back. Me and Merida are gonna focus on getting Rapunzel close enough to take out the ring and the scepters he has, because those are what’s giving him all his powers. When he doesn’t have those, he doesn’t have anything, and he might even go back to being the normal kind of jerk he usually is.” He paused for a moment. “Oh my god, my dad is Sauron.”

“I’m not disintegrating your dad’s finger, Jack,” Rapunzel told him. “I’ve read those books. I know what happens to people who get the ring.”

“Listen, bad stuff happens to pretty much anyone who isn’t an elf, look what happened to Frodo and he’s the main character--” started Jack.

“I mean most of the other groups’ misfortunes were based on stereotyping--dwarves, anyone?--but I’m pretty sure as long as Rapunzel doesn’t, you know, put the ring on, nothing will really happen to her--” interrupted Hiccup.

“--wait, if my dad is Sauron what does that make me? Am I a Nazgul? Ugh, that sucks--”

“I mean, you can turn invisible, are almost immortal, and strike fear into everyone you meet.”

“Real funny, thanks.”

Rapunzel rolled her eyes. “Hiccup, they don’t turn invisible, they just are.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s--”

“Could we maybe get back to the plan?” asked Merida, slamming her hands on the table. “Save the nerd talk for after we beat Jack’s dad. God knows you do it enough in group chats!”

Hiccup, Jack, and Rapunzel looked guilty for a moment before Rapunzel said, “I think you mean, Eru knows we do it enough in group chats.” Hiccup snorted while Merida just glared.

“That’s pretty much all of the plan, Merida. Hit him till he’s stunned so Rapunzel can do her thing. Like a game boss. Except we won’t be killing him, not that you kill all bosses, because he’s my dad and those rings are controlling his mind, I think? Whatever happened to him must have been because of them, though I’m still wondering how he got ‘em.” Jack frowned. “He would have had to kill the Black Queen, which means he would have had to have been angry enough to do that. What did she do?” His frown deepened.

“You can ask him after we win,” Rapunzel reminded him.

“Assuming you do,” said a new voice, in what sounded like a staticky growl. The kids (Elinor and Stoick, knowing their kids were going to banter with each other for at least the next 15 minutes with absolutely zero productivity, had stopped paying attention to catch up) looked up.

Floating toward them was a girl with a pair of pointy ears on the top of her head, wings on her back, and crossed arms across a torso that faded into a ghostly tail. Her whole body seemed to be tinted green. Jack, seeing the ghostly tail, realized his legs had gone incorporeal again, and quickly shook them out to being legs again.

“And who’re you?” challenged Merida.

The girl floated to an empty space next to Hiccup’s chair. “I guess we’ve never met before in real life. But we have talked online.” She flipped her messy braid over her shoulder. “I’m Astrid. Well, actually, it’s Astroothlessprite now. But that’s a mouthful, so you can just call me Astrid.”

Stoick, whose eyes had wandered over to her, gaped. “What happened to you?”

“Ha! I just got an upgrade, old man.” She bore her teeth at him. They were not her normal human teeth, but rather, there were no teeth there at all. Suddenly, though, a full set of sharp dragon teeth unsheathed from her gums.

“What are you doing on Skaia?” asked Hiccup.

“I’m a Sprite, I’m supposed to be here! And besides, I couldn’t leave you to fight without me. We’re a team, remember? I’ve been your only friend your whole life!” she reminded him. “Except for those ‘internet friends’ and me from before we became the same person. Obviously.”

Hiccup stared. “Okay, I’m confused,” he began, but she shook her head.

“There’s no time. Jack’s dad is waiting outside the room invisible for the most dramatic time for him to enter. Like, a pivotal piece of dialogue, or something.”

“What?” said Rapunzel, going pale. “He’s been here the whole time and he heard all our--”

“Plans, yeah. Listen, two things. First thing: I like your hair. Blonde’s a good color, if I do say so myself. Even though hair and humans are stupid, obviously.” She shrugged. “Second, if I know Jack’s dad, and I sort of do because that ring he has gives him part of me, he’s still going to wait even if he knows we know he’s there. So, keep talking, just don’t create a dramatic entrance. It’s a foolproof plan.”

“Well, you know what they say about foolproof plans,” said yet another new voice from behind Astroothlessprite. “They demand to be broken.”

Jack’s dad made himself visible so everyone could see him holding a knife over Astrid, but thanks to Toothless’s quick reflexes, she managed to teleport away before he could deliver the killing blow. The four players and their parents immediately scattered to various points around the room, Hiccup carrying his (biological) parents to safety in a flash of green light.

Jack’s father lowered his knife and sighed. “It’s true, I was outside the whole time and I heard your plan. And I have this to say: do you really think your poorly-conceived, half-baked procrastination child of a plan is really going to defeat me?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” replied Merida, and pulled out the first thing in her sylladex to chuck at him.

A creepy marionette in a too-big shirt came flying at Jack’s father, who dodged it with ease.

“Merida, what is that?” asked Jack. “Where the hell did you get it?”

“I don’t…”

Jack’s father turned toward Merida. He looked surprised. “I thought I killed you.” 

“You what?” yelled Jack, but this was nothing compared to Elinor’s response.

She tore out of Hiccup’s loose hold on her arm and rushed, screaming, at Jack’s father. He batted her aside with a wing nonchalantly. She got up again to charge him, but he teleported behind her.

“You don’t even have a weapon. How could you hope to defeat me?” he asked, smacking her toward her daughter with his wing again.

“What do you see in these people? They do not think, and they certainly can’t protect you. Come home,” Jack’s father told him.

“They’re my friends. So, no. I won’t,” Jack replied defiantly.

\---

Rapunzel watched the exchange between her friend and his father (technically, her father too, now that she thought about it) with increasing apprehension. She knew what it was like to stand up to a strict parent, how to do it in a way that left them thinking they had won whether they had or not, and Jack was not doing it right.

His father rolled his eyes. “Must you be so difficult?”

“I’ve always been ‘difficult!’ You’re the one who’s changed, Dad. It’s those stupid rings you have. Just get rid of them.”

Jack’s father scowled. “Even if I do, she will not leave me alone. And after all I went through to get them--”

“You mean killing people? Dad, you can’t just kill people.”

“She killed you. Or apparently not, considering you are here before me.” 

Jack’s eyebrows came together in confusion. “Killed me? What the heck are you talking about?”

“It’s a rather long story, and now is not the proper time to--”

It was now or never. She wasn’t all that close, but that was okay. She knew her power could work on faraway objects. The only problem was destroying everything and everyone in her path. But her friends would just come back, right? Because of the whole god tier thing?

But Hiccup’s dad and Merida’s mom were there too, and they wouldn’t come back if she completely disintegrated them. She could heal minor wounds, sure, but she couldn’t resurrect something from nothing. Probably. She had only tried once, and that was before she was god tier.

She glanced at Hiccup, who was looking panicked. She jerked her head at his parents, then looked up. His eyes widened, then he nodded. Silently, he teleported to them, and then out of the room.

Now was her chance!

“--so you see a burned out room, and your first thought is, better kill this lady! What is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? I admit, it might have been a little rash, but--”

He froze.

That wasn’t what she meant to happen.

There was a red array coming from her hands, equidistant to her and to him. He was frozen in his rebuttal, not even his eyes were moving. Had she...frozen him in time?

\---

“Listen. Running’s not going to solve any of your problems,” Astrid told Hiccup once she found him on the top of the castle.

“I’m just trying to protect them!” he protested.

“So go on the offensive. The best defense is a good offense, right? Your mom used to say that. Except, it was about love, or something? I wasn’t really paying attention. I think she must have been scratching my tummy…”

“That’s such a weird mental image, please stop.”

“Whatever.” She crossed her arms again. “Look, all I’m saying is, you’re not getting out of this without fighting a little. That’s how winning this game works. And I bet Jack’s dad is going to find you in a few minutes, and you can’t run forever. You should just go back and face him.”

“I don’t have to run forever. I just have to keep them out of the way so Jack and Merida and Rapunzel can beat him.”

“You know you’re the most powerful person on the team, right? Jack’s got his windy stuff, sure, and time powers are nothing to sniff at, and Merida has...whatever she has, but you’re a Page. The whole point of you is to reach your full potential and be a total ass kicker. Just like I always knew you could.”

“Is that Astrid or Toothless talking?”

“Both. We’re the same now, remember?” She smiled.

“I just--”

Jack and Merida suddenly burst through a door on the roof. “OKAY SO WE GOT GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS,” Jack began, and Hiccup knew then this headache of a battle wasn’t over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i'd give jack's dad's entrance a 6/10. sloppy. he was obviously getting bored of waiting and wanted to beat up some teenagers already. very unprofessional.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been a while

Jack shut the door firmly behind him and Merida. “Good news or bad news first?” he asked people on the roof.

“Where’s Rapunzel?” asked Astrid, looking over his head. “She was with you downstairs, wasn’t she?”

“That’s the bad news! So, the good news is, Rapunzel has my dad frozen in time, and he can’t do anything while he’s like that. The bad news is, she’s stuck down there with him, and she doesn’t know how long it’s gonna last, and if anyone tries to do anything to him while he’s frozen they’ll get stuck too.”

“We know this from experience,” Merida explained, gesturing to Jack.

“Yeeeah. That was bad for a second there.” He rubbed the back of his head. “But, obviously, I got out. So, we need a new plan, I think. Any ideas?”

Hiccup looked like he was about to say something but his father declared, “Surround him, release him, and deliver the final blow! A surprise attack.”

“That’s a good plan, the only thing is he can hear and see and register what’s going on around him while he’s frozen like that. So as soon as we let him go he’d be able to fight. It wouldn’t really be a surprise attack.”

“Have you tried getting Rapunzel out and leaving him frozen?” asked Merida’s mom.

“They didn’t want to risk it,” explained Merida with an eye roll. 

“I mean, any Time stuff she sets on him should work until the end of the universe, probably. She doesn’t have to be in the room with him for it to hold. Come on, Jack. It’s god tier powers 101,” said Astrid.

Jack looked surprised. “Oh. Right! Hold on.” He fished out his phone.

SB: its safe for you to come up your stuff should hold even if youre not there  
OA: Are you sure? D:  
SB: sprite remember ‘,:)  
OA: What is that  
SB: its eyebrows raised up  
SB: get with the program rapunzel  
SB: yeesh  
OA: Okay, I’m going to try coming upstairs if you’re so sure.  
OA: If I’m not there in five minutes come down and see what’s happened, okay?  
SB: yeah

“She’s on her way,” he told the group.

A few minutes later, Rapunzel appeared, her hair now tucked sloppily into her hood. “It worked!” she informed them all.

“I told you,” said Astrid.

“Would you just--now you listen here, just because you also have a nose doesn’t mean--”

“Do you guys hear that?”

“Listen mate, if either of us is a tracker here, it’s me, all right? I’m the one who--”

“It sounds like...the Discovery channel?” Astrid’s ears pricked up.

“Just because I’m half paper doesn’t mean I can’t find one person! I still have--"

“I’m getting a bad feeling,” Merida said.

“We both know I have more to offer in this area not only biologically but also experience-wise! I’m half a fierce weapon used by--”

“There it is! That’s where the noise is coming from!” Rapunzel pointed up at the sky, where a navy blue blur was arguing with a red blur.

“I don’t care what you say, Bunny, I know where they are! I can sense her. We have a connection, something you wouldn’t understand.”

“You think if we go south we’ll find them faster than if we keep on the track we’re on.”

“Yes!”

The blue blur pointed down at them. “Five big ones you’re wrong.”

“Well.” The red blur sounded very embarrassed.

“What did I tell ya?” The blue blur descended toward the group on the castle roof. 

“Bunny!” Jack exclaimed happily. “How’ve you been, man?”

“Oh god, not that guy again,” muttered Merida.

“What happened to you?” asked Bunny. “Wait. Don’t tell me. You didn’t.”

“I didn’t. Rapunzel did.” Jack pointed to his sister.

She giggled nervously at the six foot Australian rabbit sprite. “Guilty as charged. He’s part chameleon now thanks to me.”

“Part chame…” Bunny covered his face with a giant paw. “Ridiculous.”

“It’s super useful, though! I can turn invisible whenever I want, see?” He flickered out of vision.

“No. I don’t,” Bunny replied dryly.

Jack laughed and became visible again.

“Did you ever find your dad?” 

Jack grimaced. Bunny’s heart sank. “Well, sort of. But he’s a little...different than he was before we entered the Medium.”

“What do you mean, different?”

“He kind of...has the Black Queen’s ring? And is using it?”

Bunny frowned. “That shouldn’t be possible. A human can’t use that.”

Jack shrugged helplessly. “He always was a little weird. There was the ghost thing…”

“Right.” Bunny nodded. “So what all happened?”

“Well, I guess he killed the Black Queen and took her ring, and then he put Uncle Sandy in prison. I don’t think he’s in prison anymore? So much has happened these past...few days? that it’s hard to keep track. And then he came here, to Skaia, and killed the Black and White Kings and took their staves, and now he’s frozen in time down in there because he was trying to kill us. And kidnap me, or something.”

“What do you mean, he killed the Black King? You know that’s the only way to win the Game, Jackie.”

“Wait, what?” interrupted Merida. The two sprites, who had been engrossed in their conversation, had not noticed the rest of the group listening in. “The only way to win is to do something Jack’s father has done already?”

“Um…” Jack froze up. “Yes? But I already told you all that, like, five minutes ago!”

“This is news to me,” replied Hiccup, crossing his arms, though his face was pale.

“Well, I told Merida and Rapunzel and Merida’s mom! You have to beat the Black King to win, and my dad’s the new Black King. The Game substituted when he did it because it knows how to cover some of its own glitches.”

“No, Jack. You don’t just beat the Black King in a fight. You have to kill him to claim the Ultimate Reward,” said Astrid. “What kind of a sprite even are you, that you don’t know that?”

“Shut up.”

“Or, you did know! And you just didn’t say because you didn’t want your dad to die. Wooow.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting my dad to stay alive!”

“Even if he’s evil?” asked Merida, raising an eyebrow.

“Even if he’s evil, he’s still my dad, and technically he’s Rapunzel’s too! And I don’t care what happens, I still love him even after all the crap we’ve been through, and I won’t let you guys do anything to him!”

The ensuing wind shoved everyone back a few feet until Jack calmed down and they were able to come near him again. “So you’d rather everyone here--your three friends, me and Merida’s parents, Astrid, your Bunny--you’d rather we all get stuck in this game forever than sacrifice your dad, who is already evil?” asked Hiccup. “Just for clarification.”

Jack swallowed. “That’s not what I’m saying, I’m just--”

“You want to stay here like this for the rest of eternity? Because you’re a god tier now, Jack. You can’t die. It will be eternity,” Astrid reminded him.

“Not if we Scratch!” Jack defended. “All we need are the Quills, I can do everything else.”

“So you’d rather trap everyone in this universe while you kill it than kill that guy.”

“Hiccup is the Page of Space, he can figure out how to get us all out. I’m sure it’s not impossible. We could go through the Veil, or, or through some other way--”

“What are you talking about?” asked Rapunzel. “What’s the Scratch? You mentioned something about it earlier, you said I destroyed part of the device?”

“How in her name did you do that?” asked Paperbearsprite, aghast.

“Um, I’m not really--”

“There’s still enough that I could make a good, clean Scratch on it if I just had the Quills. All Hiccup has to do is get in there, get them, and give them to me, and I can take care of it,” Jack said.

“The Scratch is the responsibility of the Hero of Time, not Breath,” Paperbearsprite reminded Jack. “If you really want to do that it’s up to your Time player.”

“What’s up to me, exactly? Jack, explain what you’re talking about!” cried Rapunzel.

Jack sighed. “The Scratch is a built-in game device in case something goes wrong. We can reset the universe--start it from scratch. The only thing is, if we do that, we’ll all cease to exist, unless we can get out of this universe before it finishes resetting. You need to scratch the Scratch device with the Quills of Echidna. The thing you broke.” She nodded. “Hiccup would have to get the Quills since Echidna is his denizen and he’s the only one who can understand her.”

“My denizen? Didn’t Merida’s denizen kill her? Why do you want me to talk to that kind of thing?” asked Hiccup, stepping back.

“Oh, Echidna won’t kill you. She’s too...motherly for that. She’ll just ask you for something in return, and if you don’t do it, she’ll be pissed. So whatever she wants, you have to agree,” Astrid informed him. “It’ll probably have something to do with getting out before the Scratch like Jack said, so all we really have to worry about is that, as long as everything else goes through.”

“It’s our best option at this point, if we want to proceed,” said Bunny. Jack nodded. The others still looked a little apprehensive. “Look, if you don’t want to, we can just stay here on Skaia forever, and watch your parents die.”

Hiccup and Merida looked at each other. “If Astrid goes with me to talk to Echidna, I’ll do it,” Hiccup decided.

Merida nodded her assent. “And I’ll go with Rapunzel to do the thing. Two heads are better than one, right?”

“Then I’ll stay here with my dad, in case anything goes wrong,” Jack said. “Rapunzel? You okay with all this?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

“The two of us will stay here with you to guard your father,” Stoick told Jack, clapping Elinor on the shoulder. She did not seem affected by his powerful hand.

“Likewise,” said Bunny, grabbing Paperbearsprite’s arm.

“But I wanted to--!”

“Can it,” Bunny growled.

“So here’s what we’ll do,” Jack said, drawing attention back to himself. “Hiccup and Astrid teleport to Echidna’s lair and get the Quills. In the meantime, Rapunzel and Merida will be getting into position at the Scratch device. As soon as Hiccup does his deal with her, he and Astrid will take the Quills there and then meet me back in the room with my dad, your parents, and the sprites. The ones that aren’t Astrid. We’ll figure something out while you guys are Scratching, and then you guys will fly back as fast as you can so we can leave together as a group. Good?”

“That does sound better than your last plan,” Elinor remarked. “But it does hinge upon everyone finding a way out together. Your father and I can’t breathe in empty space, you know,” she said to Hiccup.

“Jack can take care of Breath stuff,” Hiccup joked. “But seriously, don’t worry about it. We’ll get it.”

Jack grinned. “Then let’s go!”

\---

There was something niggling at the back of Merida’s mind through Jack’s entire speech, but it didn’t manage to completely take her over until she and Rapunzel were off flying to the Land of Meadows and Sundials.

“So how did you destroy this thing again?” it asked through Merida’s mouth. It had to shout, as they were flying through the vacuum of space. Somehow, Rapunzel still heard.

“Um, I thought I mentioned that I didn’t want to talk about it!”

“Yeah, but I have to know what I’m dealing with here! Did you really obliterate the whole thing?”

“Just...Just part of it!”

“How’d you do that? And why?”

“Look, I really don’t want to talk about it! Please leave it alone!”

“Oh, is that what happened to Eugene? Was he some kind of casualty of what happened? Or, the other way around?”

Something wet hit Merida’s face. The thing used her hand to wipe it off. The thing realized it was salty water, and that it was coming from Rapunzel.

Oh! Rapunzel was crying! Must have really hit a nerve.

“Mother followed Jack to where Eugene and I were, then she stabbed him, then I killed her, okay? And then I lost control of my power and ended up annihilating everything in its...sphere of influence or whatever. That’s what happened. So please stop asking about it!”

The thing used Merida’s body to nod. “So everything bad that’s happened this whole time, it’s all been Jack’s fault, then?”

“Wh, What?” The tears had stopped, thankfully. That had started to become irritating.

“Well, let’s see. He’s the one who brought his dad here. He’s the one who got your boyfriend killed. He’s the one who wanted us to play this stupid game in the first place! Remember?”

“...Still, all that stuff was just accidents…”

“He’s the reason you went all dark, or whatever, and he threw you into a volcano, Rapunzel. Hiccup told me. Don’t you remember that?”

“I don’t...really remember what happened while I was grimdark…”

“Well, he killed you. After making you like that in the first place. Some brother, huh? And if he hadn’t gotten us to play this game with him, my brothers would still be alive! And so would your mom and Eugene, and everyone else we know.”

“Merida, just...please stop talking.”

“You know I’m right,” the thing in Merida’s body muttered gleefully. “And it kills you because now you can’t stop thinking about it!”

“Shut up, Merida!”

“And I mean, I know this whole Scratch thing was his idea, but do you think we really need him in the new universe? He’s just going to screw that one up too. I think we should just leave him here with his father.”

“Stop it, Merida!!” Rapunzel stopped all of a sudden and grabbed Merida as she flew past her. “We’re not talking about this anymore, okay? And we’re definitely not leaving Jack here to die! Even if he has caused some problems. He’s our friend! What is wrong with you?”

“I’m not the one insisting we keep a murderer on our team,” the thing in Merida’s body said with a sly grin. “But you’re right, we should focus on this Scratch thing, so I’ll shut up. Just, think about it, okay?”

Rapunzel released Merida and resumed her flight. They were almost to LOMAS now. She just had to put everything Merida was saying out of her mind.

Easier said than done.

\---

Hiccup and Astrid popped back into the desert where they’d first appeared, however long ago it was. Not much had changed,aside from the positions of some of the frogs. The little tadpole had and Jack had created was growing nicely, it now had legs. It croaked feebly at him, but it was still a resounding, solid sound, and Hiccup was glad he had chosen this frog to be the new universe. It was going to do a great job.

“There should be a portal to Echidna’s place around here somewhere,” Astrid said. “It’s one of the gates, so yours should be light green, right?”

“I guess?”

“Well, don’t just stand there! Start searching!”

The pair of them started popping around the planet willy nilly, looking for a green spirograph. 

Ten minutes later, Astrid found him. “This is taking too long!” she seethed. “Let’s just go straight to her lair without the portal. Take us,” she demanded, shaking her wings irritatedly.

“Is that really a good idea? I mean, what if I miss and we end up in a wall or something…”

“Toothless has a hard time focusing on anything, much less something with no end in sight. We’re bored. Take us to Echidna.”

He sighed. “If you say so.” He thought of the concept of Echidna, some huge female monster that would give him her quills in exchange for his soul or something, and moved there.

They found themselves in what appeared to be an enormous subterranean cave network. A white tube-like thing slithered along the wall. They followed it. It was the most like Harry Potter that Hiccup had ever felt.

They emerged into an enormous, hot cavern, filled with strange lights and a giant snake-like beast.

“That’s her,” Astrid whispered unnecessarily.

“I got it,” he murmured back. He stepped forward. “Echidna?”

The snake creature turned. “Page.”

“Um, yeah. I’m the Page. Listen, I’m just gonna cut straight to the point. I wanted to ask you for something.”

“My quills.” It was not a question. Hiccup gulped.

“Uh, yeah, actually! That is what I came for! So can I, you know, have those?”

Echidna hummed. “For a price. But you knew that already, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, something like that was mentioned. It’s not, like, my soul or something, is it?”

“Of course not,” she snapped. The stalactites shook. “If I give you my quills, you owe me a favor.”

“Oh, of course, anything you need!” What could this enormous monster want from Hiccup?

“Later on, events will transpire, opinions will be aired that you will disagree with. I must ask you simply not to interfere with what happens. You will want to, more than anything, but you must soldier on and stay out of it. Do you understand?”

“...Yes?”

“If you do not now, you will when the time comes. When this all comes to pass, you will know exactly what I mean in this moment, and you will not be able to refuse my request. Now, take my quills.” Something clattered to the ground next to Hiccup. It was a pair of gigantic, white needles. He grabbed them.

“Thank you, Echidna.”

“There is no need to thank me, only to follow my instructions.” 

“Right.” He bowed, for good measure, and backed out of the cavern back to where Astrid was.

“You got them! Man, that was weird to listen to, her screaming at you in that weird alien language and you giving as good as you got. But you got the quills. Let’s head to where Rapunzel and Merida are.”

Hiccup took Astrid’s hand with the one he had free and whisked them away to LOMAS.

\---

Ten minutes after the group broke, and Jack went back downstairs with the adults, they had officially run out of things to talk about.

With him, that was. It seemed Stoick and Elinor were friends, or something, so they had plenty to discuss.

But that left Jack floating aimlessly around the ceiling, waiting for something to happen.

He did not have long to wait.

Jack, being the Knight of Breath, was becoming rather attuned to the air around him. He was more in touch with his own breathing, more aware of the continuous expansion and contraction of his lungs than he ever had been before. He was also in touch with the breathing of the other people in the room.

So, he noticed immediately when the number of people breathing suddenly went from two to three.

Not for the first time, Jack wished he had Rapunzel or Hiccup’s powers. Breath was nice, and it did suit him, but he just felt that maybe he could be a little more useful if he could do more than just The Windy Thing.

Cold winds blew from his palms toward his father, meant to freeze him in his tracks, but apparently murderous rabbit-paper-chameleon-dragon monsters couldn’t be stopped with a simple gust of air. Jack moved in between his father and the others, staff extended. “Don’t touch them.”

“I thought they said he’d be held until...something about another universe!” Stoick loudly whispered to Elinor.

Jack’s father sneered. “The Time child’s powers have never worked as expected before. Why should they start now?” He pulled the knife from his chest--but in his hands it extended into a sword. Jack gulped. “Now, step aside, son.”

\---

Rapunzel fidgeted nervously while she and Merida waited for Hiccup’s delivery on top of Tap Valley. There was something off about Merida, and that made her nervous, and being at the scene of her mother and Eugene’s deaths was not helping.

“Oh, lighten up, Punz! Soon as Hiccup and Astrid get here it’s just a few minutes until we’re out of this sucky universe.”

“All right Merida, what is going on with you?” Rapunzel turned to face her friend, who had a Cheshire cat grin on her face. Rapunzel doubted it was a look Merida had often. “You’ve been acting strange since we left Skaia.”

“Strange? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Merida retorted defensively.

“You said all that stuff about wanting to… kill Jack, and now you’re, you’re talking like Merida doesn’t!” She gripped her friend’s shoulders. “You’re my friend. You can talk to me about stuff like this.”

Merida’s face flashed to an unknown emotion for a second--annoyance?--before she sighed sadly. “I guess I’m… just upset about my family dying, and everything that’s happened in the game. I wish we’d never played.”

“Oh, Merida.” She pulled her friend in for a full hug. Merida carefully placed her own arms on Rapunzel’s back. “It’s like you said. Soon we’ll be in the new universe, and your whole family will be alive again, and none of this will have ever happened.” I’ll be able to see Eugene again, she thought, tears forming in her eyes.

Merida pulled out of the hug. “...Yes. It’s quite a relief.”

There was a green flash and matching crackle, and Hiccup and Astrid appeared a few yards away from them. Hiccup pulled something out of his sylladex and handed it to Rapunzel. “Quills, fresh from the denizen’s back, just as ordered.”

“They’re bigger than I thought they would be!” Rapunzel exclaimed. “Oh man, how do I even do this?”

Astrid sighed. “Do I seriously have to explain everything?” She told Rapunzel how to begin the Scratch, and then pulled Hiccup and Merida a liberal distance back away from Tap Valley. “So we don’t burn our eyes out looking at the fireworks,” she explained.

So they watched.

\---

On a meteor far away, an elf dressed in rust red smacked his computer screen as it began to go fuzzy on the battle he was watching. What, the first time he wanted to see what was happening to these losers in real time and this happened? What a fucking joke. “What is this?” he grumbled.

Yeshua (aka, that fucking mutie bitch, as he called her in his mind) looked over. She’d just come back from fucking around in these assholes’ Medium with Shamash (mutie bitch number 3) and she was already trying to get in his business? Jegus!!!!

“Oh. They’ve started the Scratch,” she remarked.

“The what now????” asked Yule. 

“It’s...complicated. I’m afraid you just might not understand it,” she told him, completely blank-faced.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean????!!!!” he shouted, standing up.

“Oh, nothing, I just…” She glanced back at her own screen. “Shit. Shamash, I’m really sorry to do this again.”

“What is it now?” Shamash asked dryly, from the corner she had secluded herself in with Latke (mutie bitch number 2).

“Specifically? We have someone to pick up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're so close to done. one, maybe 2, maybe 3 chapters left. hopefully it will be done by the time i get to japan in a few months :) i found the notebook i originally outlined this in, like 4 years ago. i'll hopefully use that to outline the sequel, which will have all your favorite characters from this, plus some new people! some familiar, some not?


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really bad at writing fight scenes i'm sorry  
> and i'm sorry for......everything else too  
> i've been waiting to write this chapter for a long time :3c

Jack was able to hold his father off, to an extent. His dad had clearly been practicing with their shared powers much more than Jack had, so while Jack had the upper hand in terms of also having his god tier powers, it didn’t help much. He’d managed to create a wind barrier around Stoick and Elinor, but that left him with less power to concentrate on his dad.

His dad, who had a sword and wasn’t afraid to use it. Jack parried each of his father’s slashes with his shepherd’s crook, but it wasn’t enough. The crook was metal now, thanks to in-game upgrades, but he couldn’t attack back with it.

Not that he wanted to.

Which his father picked up on.

“Afraid to hit me?” he sneered at his son. “To hurt dear old Dad? You couldn’t if you tried, son. I’m the Black King now! And you’re a Knight without a sword, or the conviction to use one even if you had.” He thrust at his son, who narrowly dodged again.

Jack grit his teeth and pushed back against his father’s blade. Everything he said was true. The best thing he had was a knife, but he needed an opening to get it, an opening he wasn’t going to get without some sort of huge distraction.

Fortunately for Jack, that distraction came in the form of two of his friends being dropped almost in his lap.

\---

 

The thing in Merida’s head didn’t care to see how the Scratch would go. Honestly, it didn’t really care either way, and there wasn’t anything it could do in this particular body to fix anything that went wrong. So it asked the girl dragon sprite to take it back to Skaia, to meet back up with Jack to expedite their leaving process.

The sprite looked at Merida’s body with some confusion. “I thought we were all supposed to go together when Rapunzel was finished. Wasn’t that the plan?”

“Aye, but wouldn’t it be faster if the two of us went now, and then Hiccup teleported himself and Rapunzel back when she’s done? Rather than trying to coordinate four people. It’ll save us some time to get away from this thing,” it said, gesturing to Tap Valley, which was starting to glow as it broke apart under the quills, “don’t ya think?”

The sprite nodded reluctantly. “I guess so.”

“And I’d like to make sure my mother is all right, if it’s all the same to you.”

“I just, don’t really want to leave Hiccup?” the sprite said, phrasing it as a question, though the thing in Merida didn’t know to whom. 

“He’ll be fine. He’s a Page! One of the most powerful god tiers there is.” Though not powerful to take over a child’s mind without ever meeting her in person, the thing thought smugly.

“Lemme just tell him where we’re going.” She poofed away to the other side of Tap Valley, where Hiccup was monitoring what Rapunzel was doing above. 

The thing in Merida’s body decided to take a look at the anomaly itself. Rapunzel was the only one it hadn’t been able to influence when this universe was created. The other three, they had various ties, bases in the children the Lord had grown to hate over the years. The Time player _should_ have been easiest for him to influence, thanks to his own affiliation, and so he hadn’t worried about her and instead focused all his efforts on creating the Rage player as a container for some of his own, on ensuring the Knight had all the insecurities the other had, on building another useless Page to match the one who had Hope-sploded on him once. The Time player _should_ have been easiest, but the Frog had other plans.

No matter. The thing in Merida’s body had influenced her enough in the right direction to get what it wanted, hopefully. The Breath player had been necessary, but the Lord hated them thanks to the one who stole his powers and became impossible to catch after. He certainly didn’t want another one around in the perfected version of the universe he had planning.

The sprite poofed back. “Hiccup says he’ll see us soon on Skaia. Shall we?” It extended an arm to Merida. The thing in her body touched the sprite’s forearm, and in a burst of green lightning, they found themselves back in the room with Jack’s father.

Only, he was free. That wasn’t according to plan at all. 

Jack’s father had been another wild card. He didn’t think he had to care about the guardians, but he’d overlooked them before, given his lack of one growing up. Hopefully all that nonsense would be fixed with the Scratch, where the universe would be the ideal: so close to the ones he had observed, but with none of the characters he’d used before. No yellow men dressed up as his sister. He’d kept the stories similar, similar twists and turns. He could appreciate the strange, twisted mind behind the original. In some respects. But with his own creations, he could make the story perfect.

He was no Muse. He couldn’t create with less than a thought. But he shared a body with one, and he did love to draw, and create art. And he did have all the time and power in the world. Temporal manipulation, borrowing bits and pieces of characters from around the multiverse, and he’d hammered together his masterpiece.

Or, at least, he’d hammered together the universe that would lead to his masterpiece. All first drafts were supposed to have flaws.

“I have to go get something. Be right back,” said the sprite, before disappearing.

Jack’s father was startled when they appeared. His son grinned at the momentary distraction and drew a small knife from within his own chest. What an interesting power. Similar to...ugh. Again.

“That’s better,” Jack said, and then he slashed at his father’s arm. His father was able to dodge, but he clearly wasn’t pleased with the way the fight was unfolding.

“That little thing? You think you can take me down with that?”

“This, and maybe a little help from my friends.” Jack smirked and turned his eyes to Merida. “Merida? You wanna help?”

“Oh, I dunno, looks like you’ve got it covered,” it replied just as Jack’s father started slashing at his son with renewed fury.

“Come on!”

The conversation, the fight, and having to learn to use another weapon in tandem with his main one was clearly too much for Jack. A gale raging in a corner of the room started to lessen. The thing in Merida’s body saw the body’s biological parents inside it.

It had an idea.

\---

The quills had just reached the halfway point on Tap Valley when Hiccup decided to intrude and break Rapunzel’s concentration. “It’s time to go,” he said.

“But I’m not done!” she protested. “Look, they’re barely half there.”

“I know. But they’ll make it the rest of the way themselves, and if we stay to see what happens we’ll get caught and erased from existence. It’s time to go see the others.” He extended a hand. She took it, and they returned to the castle they had left Jack and the parents at.

It was chaos. Jack was dueling his father, a knife in one hand and a shepherd’s crook in the other. Astrid was nowhere to be seen. Merida was leading her mother and Hiccup’s father in a strange pattern around the room. They didn’t seem to be headed toward any particular exit. Hiccup squeezed her hand. 

Jack noticed them. “What, you’re finished already?” he called across the room.

“It’s time to go, Jack!” Rapunzel yelled. Get over here! Merida, you too!” How had Jack’s dad gotten out of her trap? It was supposed to last! She left because she was confident her powers were finally going to work the right way! But apparently she had just screwed up again.

“I’m trying!” Jack replied, parrying his father’s strikes in midair. “But I’m a little busy!”

“This is going nowhere,” his father growled. The man abruptly turned invisible, spooking Jack, who leaped back a few feet just in case. He reappeared behind Merida, and ran her through with the sword.

“MERIDA!” Rapunzel cried, shooting forward to try to help her friend. Hiccup held her back.

Merida choked and crumpled to the ground, blood leaking out of her chest and mouth. Jack’s father turned his attention to Elinor and Stoick, preparing to do the same to them.

“No!” Jack raised the knife in his hand, ready to throw. “Don’t do it, Dad. I control the wind, there’s no way I can miss.”

“Then throw it, Jack. End this. Kill me, or these two innocent people die, and it will be all your fault.”

“Why are you doing this, Dad? Why can’t you just walk away? You’ve killed all these people, and I’m...I’m your son! Are you gonna kill all my friends and lock me up like you did Uncle Sandy?” The arm holding the knife started to shake minutely.

“Thank you for reminding me of Sanderson. I’ll take care of that when I’m done here.”

“Dad!”

Rapunzel saw tears streak down Jack’s face. He wouldn’t actually let Stoick and Elinor die like this, would he? Didn’t he have enough blood on his hands? Her own, her mother’s, Eugene’s? And soon his own uncle’s. “Do it, Jack!” she shouted.

“I…” He looked up at the knife in his hand. “I can’t.” He let it go.

“Coward,” sneered his father, just before using the sword in his hand to take off the heads of both Elinor and Stoick in one sweep.

“NO!!!”

Rapunzel heard screaming. She wasn’t sure where it was coming from, until she felt hot tears sliding down her own face and realized it was her.

The sword that had just killed three people dissolved in Jack’s father’s hand. “I’ll be back to take care of you three in a few minutes. I have a brother to visit first.” He disappeared.

It was then that Astrid returned, something small and gold in her hands. “Sorry that took so long, I just--what the hell happened here?”

“Hiccup, I’m so sorry,” Jack whispered. “I didn’t think...your dad, and...I’m so sorry,” he repeated.

“This couldn’t have been what Echidna was talking about,” Hiccup muttered to himself. “So why didn’t I…”

“Oh, shit.” Astrid had apparently seen the bodies on the floor. “Merida will be fine, looks like, but...Jesus, Hiccup. I’m sorry.” She pursed her lips. “On the bright side I have this!” She brandished the gold thing in her hand. “A toy battleship! You can enlarge it and fly us out of this universe on it! Second meteor to the right and straight on ‘til morning.”

“I...thanks, Astrid. Let’s. Why don’t we go outside to do that. I’ll, uh, get Merida.” Hiccup finally let go of Rapunzel’s hand, which had lost its circulation while in his tight grip, and popped over to Merida’s body, which was still bleeding sluggishly. He picked it up and glided to the door.

Jack followed after silently, and Rapunzel after him. They ascended to the roof of the castle, where Astrid met them. She handed Hiccup the toy and with what barely seemed like any effort at all, he grew it into a full sized ship fit for the five of them.

Four of them, thought Rapunzel.

\---

Hiccup handed Merida’s body to Astrid, who assured him she’d find her a safe place to resurrect onboard. The model was, she assured him, designed to be exactly like a real Prospitian Imperial Battleship, with real rooms and everything. 

He turned back to Rapunzel and Jack, who were standing awkwardly before the ship. “Get on. We gotta go.” 

Jack sighed and tried to fly up to meet him so they could board together, but he suddenly froze in midair, a red array holding him still. Rapunzel had flown ahead to intercept him, and she had now frozen him in time.

His eyes were wide with fear, but he could not move his mouth to speak. “What are you doing?” Hiccup cried. “We can’t just leave Jack here!”

“But wouldn’t it be better if we did?” Rapunzel said. She whirled around to face him, her eyes full of tears. “He’s the reason my mother and Eugene are dead, and he’s the reason your dad is dead! None of this horrible stuff would have happened if he wasn’t here, and, and Merida agrees with me!”

“How do you know Merida agrees with you? She’s dead!”

“Before you showed up on my planet, she and I talked about this. I thought she was crazy at first, but...in there with his dad and your dad and Merida’s mom was the last straw. I’m not going to take this bad luck into another universe with me.” She turned back to Jack. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, “but Eugene is in this new universe, alive, and…” She let out a sob and fled to somewhere inside the ship.

“Rapunzel!” Hiccup called, but suddenly he remembered Echidna’s words. Don’t interfere, no matter how much you want to. Stay out of it. Let it happen.

Hiccup cast one last sad look at his best friend, frozen in time, trying to reach him. “I’m sorry, Jack. I don’t want this, but…” He couldn’t think of anything more to say. He glided up onto the ship, summoned his power, and left Skaia behind.

\---

“We don’t have much time,” Yeshua told Shamash and Frost. “They’re Scratching, and it’s almost complete. You have to do exactly as I say, or we could get trapped there and then we’d all die. Understand?”

Shamash and Frost nodded. “Good. Shamash, take us to Jack.” Shamash closed her eyes, and tugged on the bond between Jack and Yeshua. Yeshua followed it and found herself floating in front of her friend, frozen in the Skaian air. There were fresh tears on his face, and she could feel herself beginning to weep for his betrayal.

“Frost, you’re the Prince of Life. If you destroy his life, we may be able to free him from this.”

“Or, we could kill him?”

“Just do it, Frost!” she screamed. Shamash and Frost both looked startled. “I’m sorry. We just, we don’t have any time left. Do what you can.”

“Whatever you say, boss.” Frost approached Jack’s frozen body. “This shouldn’t hurt a bit,” he reassured him. He reached forward slowly, took something invisible into his hands, and snapped.

Jack gasped in agonizing pain, but found that he could move. Yeshua had never been more relieved in her life. “Shamash, back to the meteor,” she commanded, grabbing Jack and Frost’s hands. Shamash held Yeshua’s arm. Jack was still doubled over in midair when she took them back to their meteor, safe outside Jack’s universe. He collapsed onto the lab floor when they arrived.

“Sorry about that, buddy,” said Frost. “Didn’t know what would happen. At least you’re not dead, though, right? Although. Might as well be, since you’re sort of stuck in that stasis like that. You’ll never age, but also you’ll never die. Probably.”

“Thanks,” Jack choked out, clutching his chest. “I...It hurts,” he whimpered.

“Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable.” Within seconds, Jack was safe under the sheets on Yeshua’s bed.

“What’s...going to happen now?”

Yeshua gazed down at her pained friend. “Your friends have left for the new universe. It should take them several years to arrive. They’re going the long way, you could say, even though technically such a thing doesn’t exist.” She paused. “It’s a little hard to explain. Fortunately for us, we have Padre, who can map out the fastest route to that universe. It should take us much less time than them, so you’ll be able to see the new players and everything first…” She trailed off, noticing something strange was happening to Jack. He was fading away slowly. “Jack? What’s wrong? What are you doing?”

“Don’t know,” he replied. Even as his body disappeared, his voice stayed strong. And the blankets didn’t shift at all when he disappeared completely, leading Yeshua to believe he had just gone invisible.

“Did you have previous invisibility abilities?” she asked him. “Jack, you’re gone. I can’t see you.”

“I’ll turn it off,” he replied. Nothing happened.

“Jack, whatever you did, it didn’t work. Try again. Please, Jack.”

“I’m trying!” The blankets shifted. She thought maybe he had turned in bed. “But…”

“Okay. We can work with this. You’re just permanently invisible now. That’s fine. Lucky for you, I’m the Heir of Space, and I’m connected to all the nonliving matter on this meteor. So I can still feel you wherever you are on this meteor.”

Jack groaned. “Great.”

She blanched. “I didn’t mean…”

He laughed weakly. “It’s fine, Yeshua. It’s Yeshua, right? God, there are too many of you to keep track. This is gonna be a fun road trip.” 

She grimaced. “Listen, Jack...I know this isn’t what you expected, or what you wanted. I’m so sorry about what happened to you. But I think we can give this our best shot, and, you’ll see them again! In the new universe. So you don’t have to worry about that.”

“I don’t want to see them again,” Jack replied after a moment. “They wanted me _dead_. I mean, you think you know people, right?” He laughed again, but there was something wrong with his voice. Yeshua realized he was crying. “I didn’t mean to do anything they blamed me for. I didn’t want any of those people to die. But now I’ve lost all three of my friends, all in five minutes. I just…”

“You don’t need them. I get it,” Yeshua said. “It’s okay. I’m your friend. Frost is your friend. Latke and Shamash are your friends. Isn’t that enough?” She reached forward to pat the Jack lump on where she thought the shoulder was.

The lump moved. “Can you...I want to be alone, Yeshua. Thanks for all you’ve done.”

She hesitated before answering, “Of course. If you need anything, just...text me? Do you still have your phone?”

“Hmm...yeah. Okay. See you later.” The lump moved again, presumably turning over so he wouldn’t have to see her.

“L-Likewise.” She left the room.

She’d make this work. She was a friend, and a leader. A Friendleader. She’d made their horrible, messed up session work.

So she’d make this trip with Jack and the twelve of them to the new universe work. 

She had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this so fast because i was watching once upon a time season 5 and i got so mad at the way merida was written this was sort of a retaliation? idk
> 
> epilogue should be all that's left! and then the sequel, which i'm still trying to think of a title for. i want it to be alliterative, and tie into a theme? i'll figure it out.


	47. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last one Merida's cloud visions comes true in this chapter! ctrl+f "clouds" on the full work and I think it's the second result.

Merida awoke with a cough in a very unfamiliar place. She didn’t even remember falling asleep in the first place! Or, dying? There was blood on her chin. Had she died _again?_

Okay, something was going on in her mind. Things kept happening that she couldn’t remember, despite apparently being there. Chunks were missing from her memory, including the past few hours. She followed the thread of her memories for the day and saw them suddenly taper off with a strange feeling. Something evil was in her head, but she didn’t know how to get rid of it.

She took stock of her surroundings. She was in a yellow room, with yellow furnishings, and there was a single porthole style window. When she looked through it, there was nothing but darkness. She thought she saw some color in the distance that looked like a hairline crack, but couldn’t be sure. Where the hell was she?

She swung her legs over the side of the bed she’d been placed on and found herself immediately get dizzy. Did she have motion sickness? It sure felt like motion sickness. Was she on a plane or something? She carefully floated up into the air, figuring that would help. She left the room and went out into the hall, which she followed to a set of stairs, which led her up onto the deck of a ship.

A flying ship! 

Rapunzel was at the back end of the deck--the stern, if she remembered correctly. Hiccup stood at the bow, Astrid floating next to him. She looked like she might be trying to convince him to do the Titanic thing with her.

“Where’s Jack?” she called.

Rapunzel spun around. Even from so far, Merida could see clear tear tracks on her face. She heard Hiccup pop over to where she was and felt him put a hand on her shoulder. All right, what the heck.

“Merida, you...you were dead so you don’t remember, but…” Hiccup swallowed. “We left Jack.”

She whirled around. “What do you _mean_ , we left him?” 

“Rapunzel froze him in time and left him in that universe. We got out in time, but since he didn’t, he’s gone.”

“You _what?_ ” She flew to Rapunzel, who had started crying again, and grabbed her collar. “You left him in that universe to die? Rapunzel, he’s our friend!”

“It was your idea!” Rapunzel shouted. “You’re the one who said we were better off without him in the first place!”

“I would never say something like that! And besides, I was dead! This is all on _you_!” She jabbed a finger at Rapunzel’s chest. Rapunzel sobbed and covered her face with her hands.

“Rapunzel said while the two of you were flying to Meadows and Sundials you--”

“And _you!_ Why didn’t you try to stop her? At all?” She didn’t even bother with flying, just stomped up to Hiccup and shoved his shoulder. “Do you not care at all about your best friend?”

“Merida, he let our parents die!”

All her anger in her suddenly fizzled out. The thing trying to take hold of her fell back. “What?”

“He had the chance to stop his dad killing my dad and your mom, and he couldn’t do it. He let his dad k-kill them. It was right after he killed you, which is why you d-don’t remember.” Hiccup was shivering. 

Merida trembled, but managed to hold her ground. “So?” she choked out. “That’s still no reason to leave him to die like a dog! What is wrong with the two of you?”

Rapunzel sniffled and wiped at her tears. Merida had not noticed her approach. “It’s too late to do anything now. He’s dead. We’ll never see him again.”

“So what, I should just drop it? I can’t believe the two of you! I can’t stand to look at either of you.” She flew off down back into the ship.

\---

Jack slept, and he dreamed.

He was on Meadows and Sundials, and Rapunzel was there. Eugene and her mother were both gone, though. Her eyes were all whited out, which might have been why she couldn’t see him.

But no, there was...another him? His clone, apparently, though not in god tier clothes, was there, too, and when she saw him she smiled widely. “Jack! I’ve been waiting for hours!”

“Sorry about that,” Other Jack replied. His eyes were all whited out too. “But I’m here now.”

Jack could not watch this. He ran off through the meadow until he reached the edge of the dream world. It almost looked like a bubble. He put his hand through and felt a weird popping sensation. Just like a bubble! There were other bubbles in the distance. He flew out of this one and into another.

In this bubble was Meadows and Sundials again, but Rapunzel was not there. Instead there was a girl who looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t place where he knew her from. She had black hair that curled up at the ends down to her shoulders, and white eyes, just like everyone else he’d encountered here so far. She wasn’t in god tier clothes, but rather a black dress and striped stockings.

“When will Elinor get here? She was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago.” She kicked a rock, then cursed and held her foot.

Weird.

He moved to another bubble. This held two teenagers who looked like Elinor and Stoick, in god tier clothes he did not recognize, having a tea party? He got the hell out of there.

In the last bubble he visited was a boy with hair that stood straight up on his head. He was wearing Breath clothes, just like Jack, but his had a different design. Like all the other people Jack had encountered here, he had white eyes. Unlike all the others, he could see Jack.

“You! Where h-have you been? I haven’t seen you in d-days! What happened to the plan, huh?”

“You can see me?” Jack was in shock. “You can see me!”

He definitely wasn’t going to get used to being permanently invisible for a while.

“Of c-course I can see you, I’m the Seer of Breath, we’ve been over this. _You’re_ the one who told me all that in the first place! Did you forget?”

“Uh…”

“You didn’t show up f-for the plan, and I think...I think thanks to that I d-died. Shit. Hope that was a doomed t-t-timeline..” The boy frowned. “Oh, you’re waking up.”

“What? Wait, who are you? What is all this?”

“We’ll m-meet again soon, I’m sure. W-Well, maybe not the same me, but, I c-can answer your questions if I s-see you again. Anyway, later.”

Jack woke up.

\---

Yeshua went to talk to Padre while Jack slept. “Can you give me an ETA for the other universe?” Luckily, they had her there to move the meteor with her Space powers, or she wasn’t sure how they would ever get there.

With her Heir powers, she could make herself part of the Space around her, in this case the meteor. As long as she was touching the meteor, she could guide it, make it move in whatever direction she desired. It took some time to build up its momentum, but now it was hurtling through the Void straight to their destination.

“I estimate at this speed it will take about a year.”

“And the others? Jack’s...friends?”

Padre looked thoughtful, and then his eyes glazed over. “Five years,” he replied when he snapped out of it. “They’re going the long way, since they have no idea where they’re going.”

“I see. So we’ll have an extra four years in that universe without them. What will we do?”

Padre shrugged. “Hide out in space and wait?”

“I guess we’ll just have to see.”

\---

**One Year Later**

It had been three years since his dad died.

When it happened, he was only seven, and didn’t really understand what was happening, just that suddenly a nice black lady was moving him into a house full of other kids, other kids who tried to steal his stuff and called him a freak because he made the room cold when they did. His Uncle Sandy didn’t visit, and the nice lady said they couldn’t get ahold of him or his wife.

Every night when the man at the house tucked him in, he asked for his dad, until one night, the man at the house told him his dad wasn’t coming back.

He didn’t sleep at all that night.

Eventually he was placed in a home with only one other kid, who snidely told him she was the new parents’ _real_ kid, which made her the boss of him. His dad told him no one was the boss of him. So obviously this girl was wrong. 

He didn’t tell her that to her face, though. She had nails that looked sharp and he didn’t want to make her mad on his first day.

He was ten now, and knew what the adults had been hesitant to tell him three years ago. His father was actually out of the country when it happened--”taking a quick business trip, squirt! And I might bring a few people back for you to meet, wouldn’t that be fun?”--and the house he was in burned to the ground. Both people inside, his father and a woman he’d never heard of, died and burned up.

The grave on the other side of town was empty, but that didn’t stop him from visiting it whenever he felt down.

His foster mom let him have the day off from school, considering the date. He made himself a few peanut butter sandwiches, grabbed a water bottle, some comics, and took the bus across town to the graveyard.

“Hey Dad,” he told the grave. He plopped down on the ground in front of it. “It’s been three years today. How are you doing?”

The grave did not answer. The text on it did not change. Not that he was expecting it to. It would be quite the shock if the letters rearranged to answer him!

Would the letters on the grave rearranged even spell out anything coherent?

_Jackson O. Babcock_   
_Beloved Father and Brother_   
_12.21.1980 - 4.5.2009_

Probably not, thought Norman.

“I brought some comics today,” he told the gravestone. “Uh, mostly Iron Man, ‘cause he reminds me of you the most. But a couple Thor ones too. I’m just gonna read ‘em, and then maybe I’ll talk to you some more. Is that okay?” He figured it was okay.

He picked up the first comic on his stack and opened it. He’d saved up his allowance for weeks to buy a stack big enough to spend the day with his dad, and he wasn’t going to waste any time.

There was a loud crash from about fifty feet away.

Maybe he would waste a little time investigating what that was.

“I’ll be right back,” he told the grave. “I’m gonna go check out that noise. But then, comics.”

He got up, dusted off his jeans, and crept toward the sound.

In an empty section of graveyard, there was now a small crater, and in that crater was a teenage boy dressed all in blue.

“Are you all right?” he called down.

The boy groaned. Norman took that as a “maybe.”

“Do you want me to get help?”

“Nooo,” moaned the teenager. “I’ll be okay in just a second.” He slowly pushed himself up and popped his joints, then stood up all the way. “Ah, good as new.”

“Where did you come from?” Norman asked, a little awed.

The teenager, when he had finished climbing out of his hole, looked down at Norman and said, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Norman screamed a little and scampered off back to his dad’s grave.

“Oh jeez, no, it was a joke, Norman come back!” 

“How do you know my name!!!” Norman held up his comics as a shield.

“It’s... a really long story.” The teenager had a shifty look in his eyes. Norman did not trust him.

“Well then, what’s _your_ name?”

“That’s...a secret.” The teenager winced. Even _he_ knew that sounded dumb.

“That’s dumb!” Norman said. “Go away!”

“What are you doing in a cemetery, anyway?” the teenager asked.

“None of your business,” Norman sniffed.

The teenager glanced over at the grave Norman was standing by. Something about it clearly shocked him, because he froze. “Oh shit,” he said.

“Language!” That was what his foster mom said any time his foster dad swore, so that’s what Norman would say to this profane teenager.

“I’ll just. Um. Sorry for scaring you. See you later?” 

And then the teenager _flew_ away.

What the heck.

After about a minute, Norman sat back down. “That was weird. Did you see that, Dad? What the heck, right?” He sighed. “Anyway. Iron Man.”

END OF ACT 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're gonna wanna watch paranorman and hotel transylvania at some time before the sequel comes out :)
> 
> IT'S OVER! I'M FREE!  
> (i still have to write the sequel)  
> SO FREE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IT'S BEEN YEARS  
> (the sequel will be. i don't know when. by christmas? if i get on it? but i'm in japan right now. study abroad! so it might be awhile. gotta outline it a little)


	48. note

hey everyone! just a heads up that i made a series for this so please subscribe to that if you'd like to read the sequel when it's posted! whenever that may be.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Problem With Sprites](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3388790) by [GemmaRose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GemmaRose/pseuds/GemmaRose)




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